Monday, April 6, 2009

Man, There's Never A Horticulturist When You Need One...

Monday, whoop-de-whoop! Yee-haw!!!

Yeah, I know, Mondays are supposed to be lame - but I figure maybe I can convince myself otherwise. I kind of view life like it's one big "method acting" lesson anyway (in more ways than I am comfortable explaining here!) so why not try to be convincing about re-imagining Mondays as the best day of the week?

Mondays rock! Man, if it weren't for Mondays, my life would be miserable!

(Did it work?)

Nothing earth-shattering to report from today. The usual mix of work, surf and play. Web surf, that is... even though I was born and raised and lived my whole life (minus about 2.5 years) in San Diego, I have never surfed. Ever. I'm just not a strong (or confident) swimmer, ok? Cut me some slack! I more-than made up for it by donating my body to Skateboarding for a decade. AAAHHH! That just reminded me of shin eggs. Very few things more painful than a shin egg... well, unless you're a girl, I mean... you know, that whole birth thing, you got all guys beat with that. But shin eggs are in tier 2, I'd say.

Shin Egg: When you hit the front of your shin bone really hard, and it swells up, looking like an egg. (that's in case someone Googles it and there happens to be a weird offensive definition of the term that I am unaware of...)

Nope, never surfed. Don't really even like the beach, actually. Sand gets everywhere (and I mean, every crevice), I burn easily (regardless of how much lotion I use - I always miss places), and invariably a seagull will poop on me. And I fear the water - not just because I'm not a strong swimmer, but I dread the idea that sewage floating up the coast (from "you know where") might greet me as I'm splashing around. Of course, it doesn't help matters that my wife encourages our kids to pee in the ocean (she just doesn't want to interrupt her day by trotting them off to the bathrooms). She says it all ends up pumped out there anyway, so why add an extra trip?

*shudder* Man, I just creeped myself out... I better change the subject...

I watched Quantum of Solace tonight - a good, solid flick - lame ending notwithstanding. Excellent locations, as with the last one (Casino Royale), lavishly filmed, good action spots. Still not completely sold on Daniel Craig as Bond, but then again, why should that matter? It's just little ol' me!

I'd love to be in a film. Wifey asked me yesterday the classic question, "If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?" Well, after rejecting certain responses for diplomatic reasons, I said I'd love to have a speaking part in a major motion picture... not the lead, mind you, but just a small part in a decent film that I could take my friends to and wait for my scene(s), then we'd all hoot and cheer and get tossed out of the theater. That would be so cool, I'd likely lose bladder control.

Of course, I'd also love to finish my book and get it published - just so I could get interviewed on some obscure talk radio program and get to say to the 26 people tuning in that my mom is my favorite person! Hi mom!

And if the book got to be popular, I could hang out with R. Scott Bakker in coffeeshops, surrounded by yes-men, wearing a beret and drinking weird coffee-based drinks from custom half-gallon-sized cups with our portraits on them (It comes in pints!? I'm getting one!)

Obscure Reference Time: Remember that episode of Arrested Development, where that one brothers' desire was to get punched in the face? He'd never been punched in the face, and wondered what it was like, and kept trying to get his brothers to hit him...

Guess you had to be there... (which, ironically enough, is the official slogan of "Obscure Reference Time".)

By the way:

When will lego violence end? WHEN!?!?!?

Cue the harsh segue... and.... action!

Todayve In History: April 7th
- April 7, 1827: English chemist John Walker invents wooden matches. (Later, someone asked him for a match, and he was finally able to use the punchline "Yes, I have a match... my butt and your face")

- April 7, 1945: The Japanese Superbattleship Yamato (largest battleship ever built) was sunk on the way to Okinawa. (I don't have a joke here - I just like saying "Yamato"... "you say Yamayto, I say Yamahto....")

Nothing else to add - the rest were too obscure. I really should also put the most obscure item as well, just so we can all wonder together why certain things were recorded somewhere to begin with... like this one: "April 7th, 1645: Michael Cardozo becomes the first Jewish lawyer in Brazil."

Umm... ok.... noted! Thanks!

The family has this week off for Spring Break (AAAAA! Easter is this Sunday! RUNNN!!!), so I'll be going into the Rug Shop tomorrow... Wow! I don't know if I can handle such a radical shake-up of my weekly routine! I may faint!

Oh, I'll be sure to tell you all about it in my next post! Wow! Going into the shop on Tuesday! Think of it! The possibilities are endless! Oh, the potential for hijinx and hilarity! I might just faint right now! Why wait!


Anyway, until tomorrow, ask yourself this: Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?


Bobo the Hobbit said...

you used a quote and didn't mention it... "It comes in pints!? I'm getting one!"

at least i think that's from LOTRO - The Fellowship too...

no google this time :D

tell me what i've won :D

David Wagner said...

You've won a round-trip vacation to the closest restroom! Congratulations!

I thought the quote to be too recognizable, but I'll give you 1.75 points anyway... I think that gives you 13.75 points total so far, right?

marky said...

I was going to come up with some sort of funny quip for a first comment, but after reading your post, I know I'm way out of my depth! Anyway, greetings from Scotia.

And for the record, I’m right there with you on Daniel Craig. But I think that might be down to what they’re doing to Bond these days. I miss the old misogynistic, emotionally hard Bond. Surely, there’s a way for the writers to keep him the lovable swine we all know and love? I’ve not seen Quantum of Solace, so if he’s back to his lovable rogue self; I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the writers and their families. And, I won’t be leaving that burning bag of turds on the director’s doorstep.
O yeah, and sand…..Count yourself lucky. It’s mostly rocks here, and if you dip your pinkie-toe into any of our Lochs, your man-dangle will shoot into your throat!

David Wagner said...

Thanks for the compliment, Marky. I've always wanted to visit your part of the world... when I do, I'll be sure to keep my toes out of the Lochs... Thanks for the warning!

Abbie said...

hey dave, you'd be great in a movie. you and reb should audition together, 'cause she wants to do something like that too :)
and, i love that pippin quote. I can hear billy boyd in my head saying it, lol :D