Sunday, October 19, 2014

Don't Waste Your Precious Time Reading This Drivel....


OK, fine, the above photo makes no real sense, granted. But, hey, it is a shot from Frankfurt, Germany, so there's that about it. I hope to go to Germany someday. I always told myself I'd learn to speak German. Because, hey, why not, right? Just think! If I learned German, I could understand what Rammstein was saying! And that would look good on my acting resume!

So, yeah, I updated my bloggy about three days ago, which was not long ago, considering my update schedule for the past year or so. Usually, if I update within two weeks, I'm doing good. Well, I was sitting here, eating blue corn chips and my wife's hummus (won't she be pleased to see it half-gone tomorrow! Muahahahaha!!!), and I thought, "why the heck not"?

See, that "heck" is important. For those of you that pay attention, the blunt insertion of a "heck" into a "why not?" statement like that should be a clear indicator of the type of mood I'm steeping in as I sit here, writing this... it can only mean one thing... fun things are about to happen here!

MUAHAHAHA!!!!

Or are they? Dun dun duunnnnn!

I am, as they say, "making this up as I go".....


An esoteric comic with obscure comedic elements? Yes, please!

So, I'm reading a book called "Thief's Magic" by Trudi Canavan, which has a very interesting -- dare I say "delicious" -- premise, involving a book that is "alive" that one can interact with. But it's a little ham-fisted. Gosh ding dangit, I want to believe there are female fantasy authors out there that can hang with the best of the men, and I *really* want Miss Canavan to be one of them... but there are missteps all over the place, and weak choices aplenty... but I'm persevering, since it is well-written enough to warrant it... but I want to like it so very badly.

As of this point, Robin Hobb is the only female authoress I can comfortably include in the Best of the Best... Her "Mad Ships Trilogy" is incredibly good, and I highly recommend it. I know comparably-good female authors are out there, somewhere. I will keep looking. I will find them.

And now, Jimmy Stewart on Carson...



Yeah, most of you won't truly appreciate that interview... but those few of you who do appreciate it? You're my favorite.

Although I tried watching Mr. Smith Goes To Washington recently... *shudder*... man, it's supposed to be a classic. The script is a mess. The acting subpar. The editing so slipshod, I was borderline amazed. "You're in a deuce of a pickle, aren't ya pop!?" Man, what a pantload. 1939, sure... but, man, I expected better.... "Prattle? You're all wet, pop!"

Seriously... when was the last time you watched that film? Never, you say? Well, good on ya.


So, I don't know....

Yeah, I could ramble about random nonsense, subjecting you to a raft of skim-worthy hot air about barley-interesting tidbits, or I could call this weak attempt at an update finished and spare you the incessant tedium.

Gee, flip a coin...

Yeah, let me find one more Funny Photo and call this one finished....


Yeah, that's fitting... a fizzle to end on... no one will get it, which is fine...

Adios for now,

Dave the Bleh

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Fine! Be That Way! See If I Care! [Dave Cares]


"OK, here's how it usually goes," Dave said, as he addressed the crowd that had spontaneously gathered in his Blog Lobby. "I usually wait until I'm working on something that absolutely needs to get done. Then I think to myself, 'Hey, I should stop and update my blog!' That is the reason you are all here tonight."

Dave paced the stage -- yes, he had a stage installed in the Blog Lobby. Because, hey, you never know, right? There may come a night, Dave supposed, where a spontaneous group assembled in the lobby that may need to be addressed. Call him paranoid, if you must, but Dave fancied himself a man of thoroughness and preparedness. Both!

He adjusted his neck tie, straightened his sharp-looking sport coat, and continued.

"In case you were wondering, yes, this is an Armani suit. And the mustache, while fake, is made from the finest camel hair. Imported from, like France or something."

Dave quickly consulted with one of his assistants (the cute one), and found out that there are no camels in France. He shrugged his shoulders and moved on, since, knowing the caliber of the people that frequented his blog, he doubted any of them would catch on to the France/camel thing.

"So, without further ado, allow me to wallow in my procrastination for a bit, and present you with a quick trip through My Little Corner of the World, as it exists tonight... in this very moment!"

Dave waited for the gasps of awe to come washing over him from the crowd, due to the obvious philosophical implications of such a statement, delivered with such verve and showmanship, but it didn't happen.  Instead, he stifled a small burp, smiled, and continued.

"There was this one time, long ago, when I would simply finish something I needed to get done -- like, for example, the script for this year's Christmas play -- without feeling the overwhelming need to write a diversionary new blog post... Alas, those heady days of my youth have long since passed, like the winds of Summer, and now, in these new and exciting days, I find myself taking opportunities like this to simply throw caution into the wind, and spend my creative energy here, in this very blog, instead of funneling it into what I need to be doing!"

Dave ended his vacuous monologue on a high emotional note, both arms uplifted, anticipating the thunderous applause and appreciation.  It didn't happen.

"Buncha friggin' Luddites."

Dave kicked his dress shoes off, dropped his slacks, and stood before the crowd in his boxers... you know... the red ones with the "baked potato" pattern on them.

The crowd applauded.

In sheer depression-inducing disgust, Dave collected his shoes and pants, looked down his nose at the crowd, and waved them on to explore his blog, while he retreated to his basement lair, to reevaluate life for a while. Plus, play Minecraft.


So, I found it. I finally found an author more pretentious and self-absorbed than "He Who Shall Not Be Named"... (you know... the one that wrote The Darkness That Comes Before)... his name is John Brunner, a British liberal SFF author who garnered some accolades during his career... and the book in question is the amusingly-misspelled "The Compleat Traveller in Black" collection... here is what I posted in my Goodreads feed...

This is, without question, the most pungent, steaming pile of dreck I've ever tried to read. I haven't seen self-impressed tripe like this since I waded through "The Darkness that Comes Before". I'm tempted to keep reading it, just to marvel at the sheer jarring spectacle of it all. This might be the worst thing I've read from a major author - and I've read Terry Goodkind! Normally I would suggest avoiding this like the plague... but I may simply recommend it if you're intrigued by literary shipwrecks... try to make it through the first chapter... I dare you...

That sums it up. It is a jaw-slackening pantload of near-Biblical proportions. I made it two chapters in before frantically jumping ship, giggling hysterically. I waited that long for a number of reasons... but mostly because I couldn't believe he was seriously presenting this as marketable fiction. But he was. As I scan the other comments, I am shocked to see many people posting comments indicating that they not only somehow managed to finish reading the collection, but also found some positive things to say about it.

Wow.

I won't post an excerpt here -- though I'm tempted -- in case he has an addled hoard of rabid fans out there somewhere who would try to say I posted excerpts without permission, and thus sue me into oblivion. Never risk the wrath of a demented hoard, I always say. In fact, it's on my t-shirt....


There. That's a leather-covered BMW, for your amusement.

In fact, I have a couple other car-related photos clogging up my blog fodder folder... here...


There's something insanely intriguing about that photo, for some reason... I'm not a car guy, but this one speaks to me. I don't speak "car", but I think it's saying, "Drive me swiftly and wrap me around a telephone pole, Dave, you twerp"....


Wow. That's all there is to say about that Lambo. Wow. I just got a speeding ticket and all I was doing was looking at the photo!

OK, cool, now I can delete those car pics, and make room for other nonsense...

Like this...


See? See what a service you provide me? I collect goofy photos and videos, and they would just gather dust and clutter up my hard drive if you weren't here demanding to be entertained!

Speaking of videos, here's a collection of video clips of Randy Orton dropping RKOs on a bunch of random folks...



OK, fine, I agree... the odds that you'll find that video as endlessly-amusing as I do are pretty slim... I wish I knew how to make video clips like that... I would, as they say, "go to town"...

So, yeah, there's that about it.

Going to end this here post with a video... but you have to promise me something first... you have to promise me that you'll watch it, full screen, high resolution. Plus, promise me that you'll leave a comment. Plus, promise me that you'll remember me kindly once I've kicked the friggin' bucket -- which, hopefully, won't be any time soon, but, hey, you never know, right?



Hey! You promised!

That's all for now.

Dave the Lackadaisiac

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Remember How the Swivel War Kept Going Back and Forth....?


Greetings, one and all! Well, "one" is probably closer to reality. Hello one! Whomever you are!

How's things, eh? Good, good... hey, you have something in your teeth there... yeah, right there, caught in your braces... hey, you look familiar! Aw, nuts... it's a mirror...

Hello, none!

So, how much "more of the same" will you be able to endure tonight?

Reading, acting, taking classes up in LA, working on the web series, writing, browsing the web, listening to music, working, churching, sleeping...

Such is my life! Excitement! Verve! Vim and vinegar! And other 'V' words! like, victory and verisimilitude and... um....

My latest hobby seems to be finding monologues for my monologue folder... I have dozens. And, last time I numbered the Israelites, I was up to 16 monologues that I could perform at a moments' notice, without any prep time. Another half-dozen I could trot out if I had a few minutes to review.

I realize it's pointless... but hey, you know me by now... I'm a collector. Books, movies, games, music... I even have my old baseball card collection from my youth... and now, I collect monologues.

I may have talked about this here before - if so, I apologize. Humor me, will ya?

The latest facet of this strange hobby is collecting famous monologues. This is normally frowned upon, as far as picking monologues to perform at auditions, since they're usually so well known, it's hard to present something that isn't instinctively compared to the original. The reason I'm picking famous ones is twofold -- first, to mimic them as close as possible to the way the original monologue was done, sort of like an impressionist might... and second, to then perform it as wildly different as possible, while still trying to accomplish what the original text itself is trying to accomplish. So one half is for pure entertainment, impersonating the actor, followed by a wildly different (and hopefully successful) take. A study in contrasts, see? Plus, I find it fun as heck!

An example would be the "I drink your milkshake" monologue from the end of There Will Be Blood... or the "I know what healthy is" monologue from the Nutty Professor... though I have pulled many more...

Yeah, I know... I'm an oddball. Living isolated for so long has had weird effects on me. But my invisible audience loves it, so is there anything else that matters? MUAHAHAHA!!!

Plus, performing monologues gives me something to do while I drive. Plus, it's fun to explore different emotions.


Heck, many of the monologues in my collection I wrote myself, just for that purpose (exploring emotions, I mean).

OK, enough boring nonsense...

Here's some entertaining nonsense! With Ellen DeGeneres and Matthew McConaughey...



That... was really funny...

So, what else interesting has happened of late?

Absolutely nothing. No humorous anecdotes, no embarrassing moments, no new games, nothing fun and exciting to share...

Wow, everything feels so awesome lately, but I don't have anything specific to mention. I guess I'm just lovin' life, if you'll pardon how corny that sounds...

We're filming again this weekend. Jeff P. (the creator/director) has been on a creative tear the last couple weeks. The man is an idea machine, and it's a marvel not just to see him work, but to participate in bringing these ideas to life. Can't share any specifics with you, but soon enough, the world will see... MUAHAHAHA!!!

Man, that triggered about a dozen things I'd like to tell you, but can't (yet)... grrr...

I better find a last funny picture to post, and call it a night....


Hmm... how about a comic, too?


OK, that's gonna do it for tonight.

Talk to you again soon, eh!

Dave the Army of One

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Who's This "Phil Ming" I Keep Hearing About?


Wow... that is one huge mountain of shaving cream... Run, beards! RUNNN!

Wait... is that..? It is! Vanilla ice cream!

OK, fine, clouds, whatever... a guy tries to be silly around here and you get all wierd about it... and then when a guy spells "weird" incorrectly, you get all wierd about that, too... haven't you heard? Weird is good nowadays! All the rest of the bloggers in the local "Weird Male Bloggers in Their Mid-Forties" Meet-Up Group I go to on Friday nights are the same way! All of us! We're all odd... you should hear our Group Song...



OK, fine, those are semi-inebriated English football fans... but it's very similar... very... similar...

So, when last we spoke, I promised you I'd run a mile wearing your red stiletto heels... well, forget it... I can't even stand up in those things. So, instead, I will post a comic about space vampires...

There... happy now? Sheesh! You're impossible to please!

So we had a day of filming for the web series I've been bludgeoning you with for the past year... once again, I loved it... possibly too much. We drove out to the middle of wonderfully-picturesque "nowhere" and filmed a pair of scenes for the pilot episode. The following are photos that made it past the censor, being cleared for public consumption...

Cuff Him!: Chris and Lisa W. fixing Travis' shirt. Yes, that is the Famous Travis Osland: Future Oscar Winner...

Selfie Time #1: Travis and Me!

Our scene took place inside a big black SUV (a GMC Yukon), with cameras/lighting attached to the outside of the vehicle. Man, those lights are like the sun! Gave me a headache - the only partial-downer for the day. There was a generator attached to the back of the SUV, and inside the vehicle with us (as we drove along, doing our lines) were Jeff (director), Mario (our Direct of Photography) and Peter (the sound guy). It was so fun...

Selfie Time #2: Travis and Me Again!

Monitor Lizard: That's what Jeff and Mario were looking at, in the back seat. You can see Travis in the driver's seat at the top of the photo there...

Purple Heart: Here is Peter (and Leah) wiring me for sound. Peter is of a sound mind (BUAHAHAHA!!)

Can I Take Your Order, Please?: Me and Travis, with what looks like a miniature Peter the Sound Guy sitting on my lap, lol...

This was actually the second scene that was filmed. The first one was with Travis and Andrew Ian (also Future Oscar Winner), and was very well done (I thought). Sorry, no photos from that scene were cleared by the Powers That Be for publication yet, so you'll just have to take my word for it! We had planned on filming a third scene downtown that night, after ours, but the two scenes took longer than expected to shoot, and after having cooked under the sun out in the middle of nowhere all day, Jeff decided we were done, and called it a day. I don't blame him - it was a draining (but rewarding) day.

Plus, I got to punch Travis! OK, fine, I didn't get to punch him... or shoot him... I didn't even get to smile at him!

Needless to say, I can't wait for our next day of filming!


That, my friends, is an expertly-colorized photo of Joan Crawford from a movie set (Letty Lynton) in 1932. I'm not, exactly, a Joan Crawford fan, per se... but I am a big fan of great colorization... man, that's so well done it makes my eyes hurt! Click it and look at it big!

So Tuesday night I have my Scene Study class up in LA - I'm doing a scene from the play Lone Star (James McLure), which is amusing. Then on Wednesday, I get to be in another Police Training video - this time as a jogger, in a video series for policemen about dealing with homeless folks. I don't have any lines... I get to just jog around the park for a while... hey, I'm gettin' paid to jog! I'll take it!

A friend of mine called me out on Facebook last week, regarding the possible link between my increasing apathy towards most things religious, and my increasing interest in "all this acting BS". In case you saw that exchange and were curious, I certainly don't fault her observations or her intentions. It's not like I haven't pondered (and prayed about) the same issues, at length (in tedious detail, as is my custom). Whether she's right or not is rather moot, since I can't really seem to control it - at least the first part of the equation.

I can't even put it into words... I feel like I've clung to nebulous things and kept myself living under a rock for way too long... dreading the future and ignoring the past, as the present slides by... this "acting BS" makes me feel alive... I love doing it, and I think I'm good at it, and I'm more likely to end the day each day feeling like I've accomplished something -- like I'm living... that has to be a gift from God... "Every good and perfect gift is from above" (James 1:17)

I know that God exists - that's unshakable. But churchy stuff I have little patience for any more... so where does that leave me? Is this a phase, or a shift? I don't know. Is it a pendulum swinging? Or is it walking down a jungle path, slipping, sliding down a slope, plummeting off a cliff and into the river, finally reaching shore a few miles down river, trying to get my bearings and find the path again?

So her admonition didn't anger me, really. If she didn't care about me, she wouldn't have taken the time to blast me, knowing she would get some blowback. It's all good.

Hey, what better way to end the post than with a kid and his (her?) pet bear?

Adios for now,

Dave the Amblin' On...