Imitation Is the Sincerest Form of Flatulence.

I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request... it means "no".

Greetings, fellow space monkeys! Dave the Goof here, with another installment of "This Is My Life, Such As It Is." Which isn't much, really. That's why the episodes are only 90 seconds long, including commercials...

Four months of daily posting... a third of a year! Still going strong! Well, you know how it is when you're born in the back of a truck...

Rug Shop Day today, and a productive one at that. My appointment at the doctor's isn't until tomorrow afternoon, so I still don't know if I'm as good as gone or not. I'm not overly concerned. I still have too many unplayed games on my shelf, so I need to stick around. Plus, I need to finish my goal of a year solid of daily blogging. I might be out of material long before then, so I might end up devolving into posting recipes, bad poetry, transcripts of Dr. Laura phonecalls, knock-knock jokes and old grocery lists.

Or I could get guest bloggers! Or I could be my own guest blogger! I'll just wear a disguise! You'll never know! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I went shopping with my mommy today, for a gift for wifey's birthday. I passed loud wind inside Williams Sonoma. As I laughed and my mom walked away, embarrassed, I thought, "Why, I suppose I should mention this in my blog tonight!"

Hey, I knocked out a quick and lazy new comic for you, while I work on my next long one (which I have the script for, just ironing out details). This one is based on the idea of changing one letter in the title of popular TV shows and playing with the results. Here's the first. Click it to enlarge!



Yeah, I know, pretty lame. But it took me all of an hour from concept to finish, which is a far cry from the 20+ hours the last few have been taking. And who knows, maybe one of you thought it was amusing enough to have been worth the 30 seconds it took you to read it!

My work-related "to-do list" is code red as of now. Lots to do. The timing isn't all that red hot - as of tomorrow afternoon, it will be hard to find time to work on stuff before Sunday. Well, good thing I'm a night owl...

The next big events are as follows: Wifey's birthday today (May 1st, that is), her party Saturday. Johnny Boy's birthday on the 8th. Mother's Day on the 10th. We leave for our Albuquerque trip the 15th, returning the 22nd. Then wifey's marathon on June 1.

I guess that means my personal "to-do list" is pretty crammed as well!

It's all good.

I'll have my laptop with me on the trip, so I'll (hopefully) still be able to update the blog, eh.

Here's another video clip of an amazing dude that has likely spent a good portion of his life practicing one thing...



OK, that's insane.

Todayve In History: May 1
-------------------------------
- May 1, 1707: England, Wales & Scotland form the UK of Great Britain. (What about zee Germans?)

- May 1, 1776: Adam Weishaupt founds the secret society of Illuminati. (How do they know?)

- May 1, 1844: Samuel Morse sends the 1st telegraphic message. (He ordered a pizza.)

- May 1, 1931: The Empire State Building opens in NYC. (I wonder who the first person to spit off the top was...)

- May 1, 1941: Citizen Kane premieres in NYC. ("Rosebud" was his sled. Owned!)

Lots of other items worthy of inclusion, but I better restrain myself...

Well, my day tomorrow is packed like a Japanese subway car, so I shall turn in for now. I hope your weekend is a great one. (5 points if you name the movie the very first line comes from. Should be easy to recognize, even without Google...Bob!)

Until tomorrow, remember, waste knot, want knot.

BRB, Gotta Go Drop Deuce Off at the Pool.

"Take a shower" or "Shake a tower", you decide...

Good day to you, wherever you are! "Good day to you"... man, it sounds so formal. I should have a polo shirt on when I say that. And a sweater draped "just so" over my shoulders. Plaid knickers on, $300 designer sunglasses, a cocktail in one hand, a putter in the other. I've just tipped the cabana boy $40 cash for bringing me my drink. I've taken a sip, paused for a moment to check the blend, taken a deep breath, let it out, spotted you walking across the outdoor cafe, nodded and said "good day to you!"

You walk by, smack the drink out of my hand, fart on my club sandwich and walk away wearing my shades, which you snatched off my face, leaving a scratch mark on my cheek.

Gee, thanks. That's what I get for being nice. I don't know why they let your type in here in the first place.

Now I need a lozenge.

Where was I?

Rug Shop Day today, got a lot done. Nuff said. Website and other marketing-related projects. More tomorrow.

I may go in to see a doctor tomorrow. I'm concerned I may have a blood clot in my leg. Most likely not, but better safe than sorry. I do sit on my rump in front of a computer all day, every day, into the wee hours, and I'm almost 40, so I'm tempting fate as it is. I'm in a fairly sedentary rut. I don't walk with wifey as much as I used to.

Besides, if I kicked the bucket from a blood clot, what would you all do without me? You need me! So for your sakes, I'll try and stick around a while longer...

Watched a funny clip yesterday on boing boing that led to another clip, that led to another, you know how it goes... anyway, the final result is a clip worth posting here, for your enjoyment! It has a cat in it, so that will have to be your Carl fix until the next comic comes out...

Come on, you gotta admit that's pretty funneh. Even if you don't like cats.

Watched a movie tonight on NetFlix watch instantly called JCVD that was pretty good. Check out this Rotten Tomatoes page for info on the flick. I liked it, even though it was dubbed English instead of subtitles, like I prefer. I like to hear the actors in their own voice and their own original language. You pick up on emotions and tension and other verbal nuances that way too, instead of the lame overdubs normally devoid of such things.

I tried to watch my "other" Netflix disc tonight as well, Dark City. Made it about 20 minutes in (or so) before pulling the plug. Not only was the story lame, but it had an amazingly miscast Keifer Sutherland in a role he was born not to play. I laughed. It was not a comedy. Nuff said.

Finishing up the Piranha newsletters tonight - in fact, I took a break to write this post. Gotta get some invoices in the mail Thursday if possible. I need some $$$! The first is here!

Wifey's birthday approaches. Can you feel a disturbance in the force, or is it just me?

I think I'm going to call it a night. Until tomorrow, remember, if it isn't Scottish, it's crap!

I Stink, Therefore I Am.

You know why? Because! That's why! >:O BUUURP!

Muahahaha!! The Angry Burper strikes again!

Tuesday, April 28 has come and gone. It was a strange, mellow mix of Newsletter content editing, notecard design, running errands, guava Rockstar, pizza, Battlefield 2 and shopping for wifey. A splash of Daily Show/Colbert Report and gas as well. Toss it all into a blender, hit frappe, and there you go. My day in a nutshell.

Hey! I have 6 "followers" now! How/When did that happen? More importantly, Why? I mean, I'm just a lumbering goof who wings it every day in this blog. 95% of the time, I literally have no clue what I'm going to write about as I hit "New Post" every day. Stream of consciousness blogging by the Man with the Rumbling Ring!

Was up later than normal last night. My nights keep getting later and later... I read somewhere once that the body is basically on a 25 hour clock - meaning left to your own devices, without reference to a clock anywhere, you'd stay up an hour later every night until your days were all squacked. I think they did studies on it, actually, involving volunteers in a cave that had no access to outside and no clock, and were monitored as far as sleeping patterns and such.

Anyway, I was up reading way past 3 am last night... not sure how late it was when I finally crashed - when it gets that late, I don't like to look at the clock. Then my mind starts calculating how much sleep I'll get if I fall asleep in X number of minutes and wake up at X o'clock, and my brain won't settle down. I fall asleep faster if I don't know.

It's been 2 weeks since my iMac has been on. I wonder how I would go about selling it? Ever since I got iMovie 06 for my MacBook Pro, I have had no real use for the iMac. Anyone wanna buy a mac? Preferably someone local so I won't have to ship it, lol....

I got my Veteran's Knife Badge last night in Battlefield 2! Woot woot! I needed 4 more knife kills, so I decided to go for it. Ended up getting 6 in one round. It was awesome. Got a screenshot. If I ever get my Expert Knife Badge, I'll finally be allowed to shave every morning with my Kabar! Then I'll be a real man!

Gonna hit the Rug Shop Wednesday. Taking care of website stuff, no doubt.

Todayve In History: April 29

--------------------------------

- April 29, 1813: Rubber is patented. (However, the patent bounced off of it and stuck to glue.)

- April 29, 1852: The first edition of Roget's Thesaurus was published. (What's another word for "who gives a crap?")

- April 29, 1856: The end of the Crimean War. (Ah, Crimea River, why don't you!)

- April 29, 1892: Charlie Reilly is baseball's first "pinch hitter". (Must have been St. Patrick's Day! BUAHAHAHAH!!!!)

- April 29, 1910: Theodore Roosevelt visits Amsterdam. (Shortly thereafter, he was on penicillin...)

(You see, on St. Patrick's Day, if you don't wear green, you get pinched... see... and, uh... see... ok, fine, it wasn't funny! Sheesh, sorry!)

Here's a crazy video of a crowd at a soccer game in South Korea. It looks like an LCD screen, but it's really several hundred extremely well-rehearsed dudes. Can't imagine the rehearsal hours that went into this... or why!

The note on the clip on YouTube says they do this with multicolored jackets that are one color on back, another color on front and a third color on the shirt underneath, and that it's all lifting, lowering or opening their jackets.

Anyway, I need to be up extra early tomorrow morning to take Daughter #2 to school - she has a field trip, so they are leaving the school earlier than usual. I'm going to go and try to fall asleep early tonight. It will still be well after midnight, no doubt, but that's early compared to 4, for sure.

Until tomorrow, remember, don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Uh, Could You Please Use Your "Inside Voice" Now? kthxbye!

"Batter up" or "Batten down", you decide.

Good day to you all, fellow beef jerky afficianados! Ah, the wonder meat! 

Wait... I'm the only beef jerky fan here? Man, did I get my lines crossed!

Actually, my wife bought me some specialty gourmet beef jerky for Christmas a few years back. Different types made from different cuts of beef. The prime rib jerky was heaven, every bite. Like chewing on love. 

I read a story the other day about a company that will make you custom business cards out of beef jerky, and laser-inscribe your contact info on them. How cool is that? 

People with think of you every time they floss!

Worked on the June newsletter files for Piranha today. In case you track that sort of thing. You never know... perhaps you gather data on my working habits and chart it out, pie charts, line graphs, that sort of thing. I'd hate for you to have incomplete data from which to prove your hypothoses...

Also worked on the greeting card art for the website. Tedious, true, but it needs to be done. When that part of the site is "live", I'll link it for you, so you can buy all kinds of stuff. 

Ran some errands with the family as well today. WHEEE!!!!! Wifey had a craving for ice cream, and a Cold Stone coupon, so we initiated the Ice Cream Subquest and set out as a party. The quest was a total failure, however. The two Cold Stone Creameries in Escondido both are closed down! Victims of the recession, I suppose. 

Plan C was to stop by a RiteAid Pharmacy for some cheap and ugly "discount" ice cream - a far cry from the lofty heights of Cold Stone Mountain, but it still (barely) qualifies as ice cream. Of course, they didn't have any of the flavors that wifey liked, so she returned empty handed from the failed Plan C Variation SubQuest. 

The three-year-old pitched a gargantuan fit because she didn't get ice cream. She'd already had a sucker, but she wanted ice cream also. The fit was near-Biblical in scope and duration and power - I was amazed, and extremely grateful that we were in our car and not in a restaurant or some such. I'd never seen her do that before. I hope it's an isolated occurance.

She came home and napped hard. I guess all that fit-pitching can wear a girl out!

Got my People's Medallion tonight in Battlefield 2, w00t w00t. I did so by finally logging my hundredth full hour playing on the Chinese side. The funny thing about playing as the Chinese - an hour later, you want to play again!

4 more knife kills to go until I get my Veteran Knife Badge! It's only taken me almost 4 years to get 46 knife kills! That's all! Can you believe it!

I missed mentioning the 23rd anniversary of Chernobyl yesterday. Certainly, no laughing matter, of course. Crazy times. The Wash Manager at our rug shop is Russian, and knew people who were directly affected by that event. 

I have a PC game that I have yet to play that takes place in the ruins of Chernobyl. It was made by a Russian developer. It's called STALKER. Supposed to be a good game; I'll play it someday for sure.

Anyway, here's a video clip of the US military testing a nuclear artillery unit in Nevada in 1953. I'm kinda glad these things were never used in battle.

Tomorrow will be more of the same - newsletters and website, until both are done, I hope. Wifey's birthday party is this weekend. Have some shopping to do. Don't have the funds, but I can't let that stop me. A 40th birthday is a big deal - I need to make sure it is adequately celebrated, or I will regret it for a looooong time... My 40th will be next Summer. I gotta think of something wild and out of the ordinary to do. Open to suggestions.

I should do a comic strip: Things I Want To Do Before I Die. My Bucket List, I guess. Could be funny, methinks... I'd hate to have to realize I was dying to finally try to do stuff like that, you know? Reminds me of a lyric from a Christian song a couple years back that said, "And now I ask, O why did I wait to live until it was time to die?"

Oops, getting morose, sorry. Here's another clip from Big Bang Theory to bring things back up again...

A friendship algorithm. Awesome.

Well, I think that does it for me today. Until tomorrow, remember, consistency is the final refuge of the unimaginative.

O, Give Me A Boat, Where the Water Buffalo Roam...

"Limburger" or "limber girl", which one?

Sunday, well spent. Church, chinese food, Battlefield 2, church again, a movie, blogging, and (likely) more Battlefield 2 after this, and capping it off with reading into the wee hours.

Today was officially Eldest Daughter's birthday, although we have been celebrating it for several days now - which you know if you've been reading the last few posts. Her new fish tank is filled and heating and filtering, in preparation for her new arrivals on Tuesday (if things go according to plan). I keep testing the temperature of the water by dipping my head completely into the tank. I hope my hair gel and cologne don't taint the water too badly. Also, it does get her carpet and desktop wet as I shake my head dry in her room, like a sheepdog. Plus, I do end up drinking a good amount of the water each time - I can't help it; my mouth is usually open when I dunk my head in. Sometimes, as my head is underwater, I scream "Fishies! Where are you!? Get into my belly!" 

Then I remember that they're not there yet. I am patient. I will feed soon... Soon.

Why, yes, I did have Starbucks tonight... why do you ask?

Had lunch with Dad and Linda today (the Chinese food I mentioned earlier, remember? Pay attention!) It was yummy. And it's fun watching the three-year-old use chopsticks. But I kept inadvertently touching the underside of the table where I was sitting... there was a sticky, disgusting substance there, which I'm sure would have given me some sort of communicable disease had I failed to wash my hands each time. I think I went three times to the water closet to wash my hands before I developed an iron will strong enough to help me monitor my hand movements for the remainder of the meal. Once I started slapping the kids, it was a lot easier.

I watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid tonight - just finished it minutes ago, actually. Not a bad flick. I don't feel bad about them getting killed at the end - they kind of deserved it, the greedy, foolish llamas. And now I have to listen to some music for a while, so I can get Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head out of my head. That's almost as bad as It's A Small World.

Crap! Now It's A Small World is in my head! NOOOO!!!!

Well, at least it's not the Backyardigan's theme song....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Somebody stop me before I mention something else! Duct tape! Where's the duct tape!

I've assembled a small list of video clips that I like to call: Video Clips That Aren't Appropriate To Post In My Blog, But That Make Me Laugh Every Time. If you'd like the link list, you'll have to email me. Because... wait for it... wait... the clips aren't appropriate to post here in the blog! They're too crude. Sorry, I realize your image of me is blown. Hey, not crude, like "adult" or some worthless nonsense like that. Crude as in, occasional language that I'd rather avoid hearing and/or something scatalogical in nature. I'm not a godless heathen, you know! 

Here's a funny pair of pictures. however:

   

It's a public toilet on a street corner in Switzerland that is made of one-way glass, so that no one can see in from outside, but if you're inside, you can see everyone milling about, as if you're in the open air. How freaky is that? Here's the link if you want to read about the where and why of it all. Not sure I could use that loo, even knowing I was unseen.

I bet Anthony wouldn't care - he'd spend a half-hour in there, no problem, I bet...

OK, unfortunately, while we're on the subject, I suppose I'll post a video clip after all. This one is right on the edge of belonging in the "Not Quite Appropriate" club, but it's from another Japanese prank show, so it's censored. Still don't quite know how they get away with stuff like this over there...

Todayve In History: April 27

----------------------------------

- April 27, 1870: Heinrich Schliemann discovers Troy. 

In honor of my only entry in today's daily trivia, here is the fight scene from the movie Troy between Hector and Achilles.

I think that's going to be all for me tonight. Thanks to everyone that commented on my latest comic. Now that I ponder it, it was kind of odd for me to put so much time and energy into a comic that only a small fraction of my already-small reader pool would "get". But, hey, what can I say... "write what you know" right? It's what I know. The next strip is already brewing deep with me.... or maybe that's the leftover lasagna I had a couple hours ago...

Dave-O! Happy St. Aaron's Day!

Until tomorrow, I ask: Why can't they make the whole plane out of the material it's little Black Box is made out of?

My Singing Voice Has Been Compared To Neil Diamond... Unfavorably...

"Filet Mignon" or "Flaming Yawn", which one?

Greetings, ya scurvy dogs! It is I, Captain Davebeard, coming to you live from on board the Good Ship Slackjaw. Actually, it's more of a sloop than a ship, per se...

I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Today was a nice, lazy day around Casa Wagner. Wifey stayed over at a friends house last night so they could wake up and run 20+ miles this morning, in preparation for an upcoming marathon. Crazy. I think recreation and eating should both be pain-free, myself. Why people insist on eating really spicy foods is beyond me. Face turns red, eyes water, sweating profusely, chugging liquids, breathing heavily... oh yeah, that sounds like fun to me!

Wifey had an uncle who carried a little container of chopped habanero peppers with him everywhere, so he could put it on everything he ate. He said food was too bland without it. My theory was that the peppers burned out his taste buds long ago, and that's why he couldn't taste anything anymore.

As for recreation, I'll take something mellow and relaxing any day... such as making comics! Here's the latest Wagnervana strip. I have to post it in two parts again, sorry... Your odds of liking it are much higher if you're familiar with the game Fallout 3...



And here's part 2:



If I charged myself my standard hourly rate for creating this comic, I'd owe myself a small fortune. I can't help it... the more I get into it, the more ideas I get, the more I want to add in there, etc. It kind of takes on a life of it's own.

Hopefully, it's amusing enough in places to where you could still enjoy it if you haven't played a ton of Fallout 3, like I have. I know it's odd having Rollo in there without Zack, but the panels were crowded enough as it is without adding more characters... and I liked the Rollo-Three Dog connection. Plus, I got to showcase Rollo's hot dog bun-shaped carrier, which I find amusing.

Let's just pretend I was dog-sitting.

We bought Eldest Daughter her 30 gallon fish tank today, along with all the stuff that goes in it. They're setting it up as I write this. We need to wait a day or two before putting fish in it, for some reason. Once it's set up, I'll post a picture or two of it, in case you are remotely interested in such thing. We had fun shopping for the stuff today.

I tried to convince her to get a catfish, but she wasn't keen on the idea...



Todayve In History: April 26
---------------------------------
- April 26, 1514: Copernicus makes his first observations of Saturn. (The exact quote: "It's a nice car, but a bit pricey.")

- April 26, 1564: William Shakespeare was baptized. (By sprinkling, of course. That's where he got the idea for his play "Julius Sneezer"...)

- April 26, 1865: President Lincoln's assassin, John Wilkes Booth, is cornered and killed in Virginia. (He tried telling them that the assassination was just a Method Acting exercise that got out of hand, but they didn't buy it.)

- April 26, 1933: The Gestapo is established. (I never liked cold soup...)

- April 26, 1990: My eldest daughter was born. (That event sure set the course of my life, make no mistake.)

I'm going to sign off now, but it is early. If I come across more stuff to add, I'll edit it in here. The odds are good that I'll do just that - I'm posting uncharacteristically early tonight.

Until then, I ask you: if a cow laughed, would milk come out of it's nose?

Calling All Carbs! Calling All Carbs!

"Carbonated" or "carbon dated", which one?

Hello all. I hope you are doing well, wherever you are. 

Today was Friday, and it was a good one at that. Spent some time bouncing back and forth between responsible and not-as-responsible today. Which means work and play - in this case, the "play" was working on the comic. It still needs some finishing touches - if I finish it tonight, I'll sneak it into this post. If not, tomorrow for sure.

Tonight we ate at a nice local restaurant for my eldest daughter's 19th birthday. It was nice. Great food (and lots of it), great company. Mom and Johnny Boy were there, as well as Zack, Rebekah and Anna J. 

A Quick Lesson: Our 3-year-old was so excited all day long about going out to eat to celebrate her older sister's birthday that she didn't take her afternoon nap. She made it into the restaurant, then snuggled up next to gramma and slept practically the whole dinner. O, the irony of it! All she talked about all day was going out, then she missed it. The moral of the stroy: Take Your Nap!

Boom! Lesson done, lickity split. I should do more fast lessons like that. I could call it "ASAP's Fables", lol.

Actually, that's pretty good....

Todayve In History: April 25

--------------------------------

- April 25, 1940: Al Pacino was born. (Dude... he killed Fredo. That was just... wrong.)

- April 25, 1684: A patent was granted for the thimble. (And the percuthion thection wath never the thame.)

- April 25, 1792: The guillotine was first used. (Now, that's losin' yer head!)

- April 25, 1915: The Battle of Gallipoli begins. (Well, no more Waltzing Mathilda for me, I guess...)

- April 25, 1990: The Hubble Telescope is deployed into space from the Space Shuttle Discovery. ("Hubble" is short for "Hubble-Long Cassidy")

That reminds me - Netflix sent me Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid instead of Eagle Eye... I wonder if someone's trying to tell me something... I'll still watch it - it was on my queue anyway!

Hey, check out the size of this human pyramid.

I don't have anything else for you today. I'm feeling pretty spent. I may turn in now, who knows. I live life by the seat of my pants, so there's no way to know what I'll do next after submitting this. (by the way, a more literal interpretation of "living by the seat of my pants" applies as well... I'm seated in my office chair for most of every day!)

Until tomorrow, I ask you, why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Honorary Member of the Lumbering Nerds of America.

"Amazon" or "Emma's on", which one?

Greetings, one and all! It is I, Dave... the "Alton Brown" of blogging! In other words, a goofy white guy that thinks he's funny, but is really a clueless gump. How I got my own show here, I'll never know...

What? It's free? Oh, that explains it then. Let us proceed.

More of the same today, as far as work goes - which is not necessarily a bad thing. Gettin' stuff done for the website. Including posting pictures of myself reclining on an old rug wearing nothing but Bermuda shorts and a pair of tighty-whities on my head, surrounded by empty Red Bull cans.

OK, I made that up.

Worked on the latest Wagnervana comic tonight, but it ain't ready yet. I'll try to get it finished for Friday. I keep telling myself the next comics will be simpler, but the opposite keeps happening. I'm getting a bit carried away again, but I hope the results will be worth it. It's a butt-load of fun, in any case. As soon as it becomes a dread to make them, I suppose I'll quit, like the spineless wiener that I am.

Thinking about Earth Day yesterday made me think of volcanos again - one of my many natural-disaster-related interests. People complain about man-caused air pollution (and rightly so, in it's context), but I rarely hear mention of some of history's biggest volcanic eruptions, any of which blasted more junk into the atmosphere than mankind ever will. I mean, catastrophic eruptions that had long-lasting global impact. Earth recovered from those events just fine. It seems to have a built-in filtration system. Like a self-cleaning oven, I guess!

Of course, when I ponder volcanos, my mind inevitably goes in two places.

The first is Santorini Island, in the Mediterranean. There was an ungodly massive eruption there back in the time of Moses - in fact, many speculate that it was the natural event that God used to bring about the plagues that accompanied the Exodus of the Israelites from Egypt, but that's another story. Check this map out: 

And then check out this panorama shot of Santorini bay there, just to get the idea of the size...

That overhead view... that all used to be one big island, with a thriving, surprisingly advanced civilization on it (the Minoan's), and one gigantic eruption just about obliterated the entire island. The size of the tidal waves that it generated were unbelievable... over 600 feet high in some places. The impact it made on the Mediterranean was felt for years afterwards. 

I've read books on the excavations there - it is truly fascinating (to me, anyway...). Many believe that the violent end of the Minoan civilization on Santorini Island gave rise to the legend of the lost city of Atlantis. I imagine people 6,000 years ago (or so) may have wondered what happened to the island, and reached the conclusion that it sank into the sea, taking the people with it.

Of course, the other place my mind wanders to is the Super-Volcano at Yellowstone. All the geyser and hot springs activity in that whole region is because of the massive magma chamber underneath the area. It erupts every 600,000 years or so, with eruptions that make Mt. St. Helens and Pinitubo look like nothing but small farts. The last eruption (which was about 640,000 years ago, by the way), buried places over 1200 miles from Yellowstone in ash 30 feet deep. 

Supervolcanos are different from regular volcanos, and are thankfully rare. There's another supervolcano in a place called Toba in Indonesia. The eruption there was also massive beyond comprehension. 

I could elaborate on the difference between your average volcanic eruption and a "super" eruption, but I doubt it would hold your interest. If you're really curious, just Google "supervolcano" and set aside a few hours. 

You'll find a lot of corny nonsense, and even some religious whacks, but there's a lot of solid info out there, too. Here's a website that's a decent place to start. Many believe Yellowstone will erupt again in our lifetimes.

Anyway, my point is that these ridiculously catastrophic events have happened many times before, not to mention ice ages, etc., and the earth has rebooted just fine. So all this hysteria about man-caused global warming and the irreparable, end-of-the-world harm we are doing to our planet by driving to the store in an SUV is just a bunch of nonsense. There's a buttload of money to be made in it, so it's the latest uproar. Before that, it was overpopulation, air pollution, even man-caused global cooling.

I don't know why I've always been so fascinated by natural disasters. Maybe that's why I dream about them so often, I don't know. Volcanos, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes, any kind of crazy weather-related weirdness... 

Guess I better post a tornado video, just to complete today's "natural disaster" vibe. Here's that 1991 clip of the twister going over that freeway overpass with the people filming from underneath.

Well, I might as well segue into Todayve In History...

Todayve In History: April 24

-----------------------------------

- April 24, 1800: The US Library of Congress was established. (Thus began the practice of congressmen paying over-due fees with taxpayer money)

- April 24, 1872: Mt. Vesuvius erupts. (It was a relatively small eruption, but I had to throw it in here, considering the topic of the dayve)

- April 24, 1953: Winston Churchill is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. (They shared a cigar afterwards.)

- April 24, 1968: Leftist students take over Columbia University. (They're still in control of it, actually...)

- April 24, 1981: The IBM-PC Computer is introduced. (That's when Duke Nukem Forever began development. ZING! The most obscure bit of nerd humor in the history of this blog!)

Well, I suppose that's enough babbling for the day. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow! Yep. President Obama.

[insert eye-roll here]

Until tomorrow, remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't teach him to fish.

Pass Me Some Of That "Fizzy Lifting Drink"!

Happy Earth Day!

I only say that because saying "happy birthday" is overdone, and saying "happy mirth day" would be redundant...

Today, the hippie tree-huggers come out to prance about and scold everyone for being bad stewards of the Big Blue Marble that we all meander about on, as if we had good sense. Seriously, if we stopped to think about how SERIOUSLY INSANE it is that we are on this relatively infinitesimal speck of dust hurtling through the ungodly vast reaches of limitless space, we'd all drop a collective log right now, and make a bee-line for underneath our beds.

While I certainly am not in favor of pollution, I agree with the idea that it's pretty darn narcissistic of us "as a race" to think that we could have long-tern, lasting, negative impact on the earth. Nature seems to be able to take care of itself, thank you very much. How would you like to wake up one morning and see this from your second story window...

Whenever I remember the Boxing Day '04 Tsunami, that is the image that first pops into my brain. There used to be a neighborhood full of people there! Just minutes before that video was shot! It's kind of hard to grasp the enormity of the loss of life and destruction brought about by a hiccuping earth that day. That level of event tends to slap the narcissism right out of a person.

Here's another amazing video, of a landslide in Japan a few years back (no one died in this one):



Reminds me of the Ents marching on Isengard!

The prancing tree-huggers wouldn't bother me so much if they didn't wield such power now, as far as making laws and restrictions and fines and crazy nonsense that impacts everyone, without much science behind it. Global Warming? Bah! Color me unconvinced! As far as I am currently concerned, it is hokum of the highest order, fodder for the gullible masses that are swayed by emotion over facts.

In fact, I will now honor a person whose contribution to the discussion of Global Warming has most amused me. Yes, it's Mr. Methane...



Wow! That's three video clips in one post! I think that's a record for me. Well, I might as well set the bar high for next time. I apologize for those of you with slower connections.

I also edited together another episode of My Favorite Movie Scenes tonight. For some reason, Viddler isn't letting me upload it - I believe their site is having issues. I uploaded it to my YouTube account, but who knows how long it will be allowed to stay. They've instituted some stringent copyright protections as of late, and it has frustrated my efforts to put these Favorite Scene episodes up there. Viddler is not a problem, but YouTube is touchy.



Once I get it up to Viddler, I'll replace the embed.

Got some work done on the Rug Care Central site again - that's my primary project of late. Once the shopping cart is up and hoppin', I can move on to other areas of the site. I want it to rock.

I think I'll forego the daily trivia for the day - I've hit you with enough nonsense for the day. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my cynicism about environmental nuttism. Again, I'm all for a clean environment, and responsible living, I just think it's easy for the pendulum to swing too far the other way, and unnecessarily hamper lives.

Yes, I just used the word "hamper". Sorry.

Gonna bail. Until tomorrow, remember, Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.

Freedom of Peach, and the Right to Pear Arms.

"Peas and Carrots" or "Keys and Parrots", you decide...

Hey, remember that one time? Yeah, you know, that one time, where that thing... yeah, that time, remember?

Me too.

Another nice day wandered by today - it was such a sunny laid-back SoCal day that I almost said the word "dude". Yeah, the SoCal vibe is getting to me. Beautiful weather today. So, of course, I stayed inside, mostly. Except for a quick Target run with wifey, to buy house supplies we need with money we don't have. Hey, debt is as American as apple pie, whining, getting fat, and passing wind on one's children! Taking all that into account, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone more patriotic than I!

Watched the last two episodes of Season One of Big Bang Theory. It held up pretty well to the end. It started to show signs of self-awareness and smug self-satisfaction about two-thirds of the way through the season, losing some of it's charming naivete. But overall, I still recommend it. Although, honestly, for a group of such hard-core nerds, they sure seem to be sleeping around a lot. Kind of ruins some of the serious otherworldly Nerdvana vibe, but hey, I guess they're trying to broaden the audience. 

The RugCareCentral.com merchandise section is coming along terrifically, thanks to all of Josh's hard work. I'm in the process of adding all of the stuff for sale, and we should be running test purchases by the end of the week.

Got some more work-related odds and ends done as well. All in all, a very productive day. And I drank another Guava-flavored Rockstar! Once again, here's the pictorial proof!

Of course, one could protest and claim I simply used the same can in both shots, but if you look close enough, you'll see slight variations in the denting patterns of both cans. True, I could have manipulated the denting patterns in Photoshop, and being so proficient, I could have been very convincing about it - I mean, I am a pro. Nevertheless, I humbly request you take my word for it. It's legit.

I'm wearing my lucky Scrabble T-shirt, in case you couldn't notice in that pic. I've had it for years, since I received it as a birthday gift from my good pal, Joseph. Of course, the thing with lucky shirts is, they only retain their luck until they are washed. The shirt is still lucky - I'll let you draw your own conclusions...

Making great progress on the next comic. 

Here's today's Bizarre Recipe of the Day: Hot Dog-Enhanced Spaghetti!

Apparently, you take uncooked strands of spaghetti, push them through cut-up sections of hot dogs, then boil it all together in a pot of H2O, and ta-da! A creepy, yet fun, meal that kids are bound to enjoy! I better not show my kids this - I'm sure they'll want to try it...

No video clips for you today. And in fact, March 22 didn't have any "events" that sparked my interest, other than the fact that it's Jack Nicholson's birthday. No, not the golfer! That's Jack Nicklaus! Sheesh! No, not the CTU agent! That's Jack Bauer! Come on! Get your Jack's straight, will ya! No, no no! Not the beatnik hack poet! That was Jack Kerouac!

Good grief, you're impossible today! Never mind!

I was pondering the advantages and disadvantages of being a creature of habit and/or routine last night: Safe, predictable, boring, futile, comforting, depressing. I'll let you decide which category those go under. 

Current Book: Shadows Linger by Greg Cook (Black Company Chronicles, book 2)

Current Game: Freecell (Kind of getting sick of Fallout 3)

Current Music: Miley Cyrus (I kid, I kid, relax...)

Coming Next from Netflix: Dark City (Directors' Cut), and Eagle Eye (for wifey)

Current Sandwich: PB&J with the crusts cut off. (Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the basic food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rodgers?)

Until tomorrow, remember, radioactive cats have 18 lives.

P.S. 5 points if you can guess the movie quote after the PB&J reference... 25 points if you know it without looking it up!

Theeing Sings In Whack and Blight...

Yes, I know, I already put up a cherry blossom pic a week or so ago... sorry, I'm a sucker for a nice sky...

EDIT: Wow! I've been accused of "stealing" this photograph! I'm such a thief! As penance, I shall doctor the original photo, so that now it includes my shameful accusation! Plus a guy playing bagpipes! EDIT

Oh, um... "nice sky" or "nice guy", which one?

I know Monday's are supposed to suck, but for me, this was very solidly in the "great day" region. "Great day" or "Great Dane", which one? Got up way too early (thanks Maggie!), tried to focus on some work, had a headache, felt awful so I took a nap, ran some errands - that's when things started to improve... ate some Panda Express (w00t w00t), drank a Rockstar (guava flavored, of course), worked on more RugCareCentral stuff, watched a half-dozen episodes of Big Bang Theory, and here I am!

Well... um... it seemed more enjoyable actually experiencing it... I mean, yeah, it sounds dull as a butterknife reading about it... hmm... well, maybe if I posted a clip from Big Bang Theory, and then posted a picture of my empty Rockstar can, that would help...

OK, here's a clip...

And here's my empty Rockstar can...

You like my custom desktop pic, eh? That's in case you couldn't find the empty Rockstar can in the main pic... I had to point it out for you... Of course, it didn't quite work out like I had planned... you can see the Rockstar can on the monitor as well, ruining the effect. Meh, it's the thought that counts...

WARNING: I'm about to do the thing parents do when they relay something cute that their toddler said. Prepare thyself!

It was hot this afternoon, so, being a dude, secure in my self-worth being alone in my office, I plugged in a portable fan and took off my shirt. Maggie opened the door, came in, closed the door behind her, walked over. She giggled, which was not a good sign... she then rubbed my tummy, and said, "Wow, looks like somebody is full!"

I kid you not. Of course, this is what mommy does to her when she has eaten a lot of food - she rubs her tummy and says that. So she didn't make it up, she just recalled it and applied it under very amusing circumstances. What else could I do? I spanked her and sent her to her room. No, of course not. I laughed and hugged her.

END OF STORY. There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Now we can move on...

Todayve In History: April 21

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- April 21, 1828: Noah Webster publishes the 1st American dictionary. (They could finally settle Scrabble challenges!)

- April 21, 1963: The Beatles and the Rolling Stones meet for the first time. (They had a slap fight to determine musical supremacy.)

- April 21st, 1989: Thousands of Chinese crowd into Tiananmen Square demanding greater political freedoms. (Unfortunately, it quickly devolved into a heated discussion of the classic "chopsticks vs fork" debate.)

- April 21, 1926: Queen Elizabeth II was born! (God shave the queen!)

I stumbled across this clip of a guitar player the other day, and I thought his style was unique. His name is Andy McKee. Abbie, I'd be curious to know what your dad thought about this guy's  approach.

Well, I have some more episodes of Big Bang Theory to watch, a little wandering around the DC wasteland to do, and a little reading to do before beddy-by time. Until tomorrow, remember: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Criminently, Trigger, Put That Pea-Shooter Down!

"Sarcasm" or "Czar Chasm", you decide...

Another week begins... and the days are getting longer. Which means one thing in Southern California... beach season! Yay! Nothing makes my family happier than a day at the beach! And I get the house all to myself! I think they're torn about me not going with them - but they understand my rather strong dislike for the beach. I do make myself go with them at least once per Summer, and thanks to my 'method acting' training, I'm very convincing about the grand time I seem to be having!

There's never a shortage of other friends and family to go with them, so it's all good. I will say, there is a strange, calm enjoyment to be had building sand castles with my two youngest. The rest of the time I spend trying not to spontaneously combust (I'm a pasty white nerd, remember...) and wondering how I can yet again tactfully ask when we plan on leaving. "Are we there yet, mommy?" "Not yet!"

So I was driving home from church tonight, drinking an iced green tea from Starbucks... I take a big pull, and as I start to swallow it, it heads down the wrong pipe. I start coughng, all of the tea that was in my mouth ends up in my lap. Soaked crotch, uncontrolled coughing, trying not to wreck the car... my first thought? "Hey, I should mention this in my blog tonight!"

I am loopy.

Here is a picture of the Celtic necktie I bought on our trip to Ireland in March of 2001. I'm posting it for my newest "follower" Marky, who is a Celtic fan in the extreme.

It goes nicely with my Michael Savage T-shirt, eh? Man, I am so stylish! (Churlish is more like it...)

I bought the tie because I thought it was just so flippin cool looking. My wife's first response was "why did you buy a tie with a bunch of guys bending over on it?" My reply was something like, "Uh... um..."

How to answer that question, eh? I just thought it was cool!

I hesitate to confess that I know next to nothing about soccer/football. High school-level American soccer was all I ever saw growing up, and I saw very little of that. When over in Ireland, I watched a game with Manchester and another team I can't quite recall, and I was mesmerized by how precisely they controlled the ball. They passed it from foot to foot, like a laser, running full tilt... I'd never seen anything like it.

So I bought a tie.

Sorry, that's just the way my mind works.

Now, American football, there's a sport I know all about. But I won't bore you all with talk on that sport (it's out of season, you know!). Instead, here's a Terry Tate video... WARNING: If you are offended by the female-dog "b word", then don't watch it... but you'll be missing out on a really funny clip...

I have the script set for the next comic... it's going to be another long one... and it will be kind of obscure... but I'll try to make it funny anyway.....

Todayve In History: April 20

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- April 20, 1775: The British begin their siege of Boston. (Their primary demand? Red Sox tickets...)

- April 20, 1902: Marie & Pierre Curie successfully isolate Radium. (And then, being French, they used it to make a very tasty radioactive cheese.)

- April 20, 1862: The first completed pasteurization test by Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard. (Why didn't they call it "bernardization", I wonder...)

- April 20, 1918: The Red Baron shoots down his last two planes - he died the next day. (You know you're important in history when they name a frozen pizza after you...)

April 20th is also the birthday of the following people: George Takei, Carmen Electra, Tito Puente and Adolf Hitler. I'm trying to find the connection...

And actually, the Marie Curie joke isn't quite accurate... Pierre was French, Marie was Polish...

I finished reading the first book in Glen Cook's the Chronicles of the Black Company last night. My Concise Review: I liked it. It wasn't stellar, but it was a good read. I still think it's odd to have a story with no good guy in it - only characters of varying levels of evil. It's like a classic fantasy story told from the view of the bad guys. Interesting. I have two more books in the volume if I wish to continue the story. I think I will, actually.

Well, I'm not sure what else there is for me to add to this post. If I think of something to add between now and the time I turn in, I'll hop back on and edit it in.

Until tomorrow, I ask you: What if there were no hypothetical questions?

PS 5 points if you guess the movie I'm quoting in the Post Title...

And the Knobby Knees Are...

Saturdave! It was a beautiful day in San Diego... if you are elsewhere, you have my condolences.

The days... they blend into one after a while... I may have to do something drastic to shake things up a bit! Not that I'm complaining (much). I mean, my life is certainly comfortable, entertaining, safe, pleasant... I was laying on the couch last night at 2 am, staring at the ceiling, Chronicles of the Black Company open on my chest (waiting patiently), while I contemplated just this thing.

I have tons to be thankful for - I certainly don't want to trade lives with anyone at this point. Yet, I have settled into a routine that has me looking up now and then to see that weeks have gone by, without much distinction between days. Part of me wants to break up the monotony by doing something ridiculously out of the ordinary.

Meh, this is probably just a facet of my "mid life crisis" or something. Nevermind.

Today slid by without much of note happening. We went to two pet stores today, looking at fishtanks. Eldest Daughter wants a 30 gallon tank for her upcoming birthday. Came home and played a dozen or so rounds of BF2, until it got to be too frustrating. I know when I start pounding the desk and roaring, it's time to stop.

It's so odd - sometimes I can play and just enjoy it, regardless of how well or poorly I play. I'm mellow and it's a buttload of fun. Other times, every little thing frustrates me to no end. I wonder what the dynamic is. Must be the mindset/mood I'm in when I start. Wish I could discern my mood/mindset before I began - save myself some angst.

Well, enough with the boring blather. Here's something awesome for you to watch:




If you ever get a chance to watch the movie that this clip is from - called First Descent - in high definition on a big TV, by all means, do so. It really is a great flick, and I can watch that section of the film over and over and over... (not everyone liked the movie, though...) HERE is another re-cut of that clip, edited more like a music video, and has some spectacular fly-by's at the very end. For some reason, YouTube disabled the embed feature on that clip, so I have to link directly to it instead.

I've been snowboarding several times, up in Tahoe, with Don, Joe and Johnny boy, but I'm pretty much a wuss. I don't go too fast - the fear of injury makes me board like a little old lady. Nowhere near Terje's nad level. I can't believe he had the minerals to tackle an insane run like that.

But that's what I was talking about earlier... doing something totally out of the ordinary to break up the routine, you know? Maybe a road trip, or go shooting, or go up to the high desert or something... I'm enjoying my life lately, yet at the same time, I feel like I'm not living. Does that make sense?

I wonder what it is in some people that makes them push things that far? Adrenaline junkies have always been around, I guess. Sometimes it's fatal - like with Dan Osman, the speed climber. Check out this clip:



I guess it's not enough of a thrill to rock climb, or to free climb without any safety gear whatsoever... this guy needed to see how fast he could free climb. Did you see those leaps he made at various points? Insanity. Needless to say, Mr. Osman is not alive anymore. He invented this extreme activity whereby he strung up safety ropes on crazy-high cliffs just so he could purposely fall - like bungee-jumping on steroids, I guess. That's the activity that eventually killed him. Here's a clip of his last successful jump, if you're interested...

Anyway...

Still wrestling with the script for the latest comic. I'm slated to get the next two discs of Big Bang Theory on Monday. Such are the extreme things that occupy my life. Guess I could really go wild and take up checkers or something...

Well, tomorrow is church day. Gonna go read and then get some sleep. Until tomorrow, live long and perspire.

Does It Smell Like Feet In Here To You?

"Your opinion" or "You're a pinion", which one?

Ah, the weekend! How was your week? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10...

Ah, the old standby! Bring back memories, Abbie? I used to ask my Sunday School class that every week. In fact, I think Abbie used to record everyone's answers in a notebook, and then track the stats. Cool.

Stats are fun for me, in spite of the fact that I'm not particularly a fan of math. I love occasionally pouring over my Battlefield 2 stats. In fact, a couple days ago (I forget which day), I assembled a list of badges, ribbons and other assorted achievements I could realistically attain before Summer started. Too bad the only one who might be remotely interested in such information has far-more-pressing, real-life Battlefield concerns over in [Unnamed Unstable Region]. Dave-O and I used to play BF2 together - some of my favorite memories of the past 5 years, actually. Fun time, fun times...

While on the topic of "game news of interest to me only", I might as well update you on my Fallout 3 status. Decided to finish the main quest before realizing that you die at the end, and therefore cannot continue the game. It ends! I was a bit miffed, to say the least! I had things to do still!

And my Quick Save and Autosave were both inside the final room, in which I am locked, with no way out except forward, to the end game. After so many hours! My anger was short-lived when I found out that the developers anticipated just such a situation, and had the game create a hard save file before entering the final scene. Usually, you have to create the hard saves manually - a habit which I stopped engaging in long ago, since the save game files usually are big, and the more you accumulate, the more space on your hard drive, yadda yadda.

Anyway, I was relieved, loaded up that game-created hard save and ducked out. I have hoarded all of the mini-nukes I've found, and I wanted to use them to wreak havoc! Plus, I still have two bobbleheads to locate...

Wow! If yesterday's post was so boring no one commented, I shudder to think about this post so far! I doubt anyone's still reading at this point!

I better do something fast... I know! The "Minjas" episode of Ask A Ninja!

There, much better...

Spent some quality time working on rug design greeting cards for the Rug Care Central site today. Plus, I came up with (what I hope turns out to be) a good idea of what to get wifey for her upcoming birthday. 

Hmm. Slipping back into terminally boring... I better put some words about dealing with quicksand:

Quicksand: Bad Idea - trusting the movies. Do this, and you'll end up thinking that quicksand is something that only happens in the jungle or the desert, and that the average patch has no discernable bottom. But quicksand, as it turns out, isn't some Lovecraftian entity come to devour human souls. It's really just your average run-of-the-mill sand and clay that's been saturated with water, usually from an underground spring. Technically, you don't even need sand - any old fine-grained soil will do. According to the US Geological Survey, quicksand can pop up just about anywhere. It could be waiting for you right now, out in the backyard. On the plus side, though, that stuff about it being bottomless is also bunk. Most patches of quicksand would barely reach up to your waist, let alone be deep enough to cover your head. So before you start screaming for help, it might be a good idea to just try standing up. Unless you like being made fun of by emergency response crews.

That's from the book Be Amazing.

There, now you know something new! See? I provide a service other than pure, brainless entertainment! You know about quicksand and about midget ninjas! Let's see... what else can I teach you today... I know! How to survive a zombie attack!

There. I think my work here is done for today. Until tomorrow, remember, if at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.