Empty What is Full. Fill What is Empty. Scratch What Itches.

"Chopsticks" or "Stop Chicks," which one?

I'm telling ya, the love is gone! I can't do it anymore! It's just... it's just dead to me! Blogging is dead to me! I ... I just can't do it anymore... I can't... write... another... post...

O_o

Whadaya think? That's my Method Acting Lesson for the day... it's a short monologue, true, but I tried to infuse it with emotion and the right amount of angst and pain and self-loathing. Well, did it ring true to you? How authentic was the self-loathing, really? I was trying for a sort of Sean Penn/Christopher Walken/end of "At Close Range" type of vibe, with like the tears and screaming and the blood dripping down one arm. Maybe if I added police sirens slowly getting louder in the background... "Is this the Family Gun, dad?"

Anyway, hey, whats up, eh? Eh? What's, like, up, eh? Eh?

For future reference, when someone asks "what's up," the correct response is "Dave's IQ, pal!" and then let out a really loud burp. The burp part is important; it projects authority and leaves no room for argument or backtalk.

OK, that's out of the way. Let us proceed...

Highlights of the Day
an emotion-drenched list by David Wagner

- Rug Shop Day today.
- Office Depot run for supplies.
- Thai Beef pita sandwich and a Macchiato for lunch.
- Bought Best Served Cold at book store after work.
- Chinese food for supper.
- Went to the Jo's house for mini-prayer meeting.
- Almost walked into a big, fat black spider walking to my car afterwards. Wet self a little.

That, my friend, is the type of hard-hitting, heart-wrenching, captivating information that you tune in each day to read! I know it's a sacrifice for you... once you read a list like that... it changes you forever... not always for the better, either...

The good thing is, now that it is over (cue the mixed feelings), I can move on to the truly important facet of this post... The Gutbuster of the Day, from This Is Why You're Fat...


This is very aptly named The Hurler. It is a burger patty topped with something dreadful called "Easy Cheese" and put on a jelly donut as a bun. I believe its creator named it after he/she took that bite you see there. All I can say is, that's so gross, it brings a tear to my eye.

Glad I could share it!

Watched another pair of short WW2 documentaries today. One on the Battle of Stalingrad, and the other on the Battle of Britain. Yes, they were awesome, each shedding light on facets of their subjects that I had never known before, but no, I will NOT elaborate on them here! You don't deserve it! You expect me to go into some of the fascinating details surrounding these events after you so mercilessly mocked and belittled me on live television like that! And then you posted the clips on the internet, so I could endure a thousand times the mockery ad nauseum, as well as having to endure the crude, stale wit of the lunkheads that leave comments on the clips... is this to be endured? It shall not be!

Actually, I just don't feel like wrenching my mind into a position to remember all the details and then present them in a way that was even remotely interesting... so I'm lazy today, sue me...

Hmm... well, I suppose I could track down a funny/cool video clip for your amusement/amazement... brb...

MARU!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Aw, yeah. Nothing completes an epic, "make it up as you go" blog post like a video of Maru. That cat... is way too cool...

Todayve in History: July 30
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- July 30, 1729: Baltimore, Maryland is founded. (I think that's when Cal Ripkin Jr.'s streak started too...)

- July 30, 1930: Uruguay wins the first World Cup. (It took two people to celebrate the goals... because they only had biplanes back then...)

- July 30, 1945: A Japanese sub sinks the USS Indianapolis. (If you've seen Jaws, you know what I'm talking about...)

- July 30, 1956: "In God We Trust" is officially authorized as the US national motto. (Too bad it didn't really take, eh?)

- July 30, 1975: Jimmy Hoffa disappeared. (Rule #1: Never change the deal...)

Among those celebrating birthdays today are: Henry Ford (1863), Casey Stengel (1890), Arnold Schwartzenegger (1947) and Lawrence Fishburn (1961). In honor of Lawrence Fishburn's birthday, I give you the Morpheus/Neo training fight scene from The Matrix.



Sorry about the little pop-up message during the first part... I don't know how to disable it...

By the way, my "biplane/soccer" one-liner was a bit out there, sorry... I pictured a person scoring a goal, ripping of his shirt and running around like an airplane today... then I pictured someone scoring a goal, and jumping up on a team-mate's shoulders, as they both take their shirts off and run around like a biplane back then... couldn't figure out how to get that out in a quick, funny way. FAIL.

Meh, I guess I'm done for the day. Not many movie quotes tonight. Havah has basically won July's contest. It's all over but the shoutin'. I need to decide if we do another round in August, or we try a new contest. I'm open to suggestions...

Until tomorrow, remember, fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.