Friday, July 10, 2009

You Have Freed Me Traveler. Now Go Free Yourself.



Dave stifled a yawn as the first light of the day began to introduce the sun to the world yet again. "Why on earth am I up this early," he thought, sitting alone in a little rowboat, bundled against the chill, a thermos of coffee between his feet. The fishing pole felt ridiculously uncomfortable in his hand, laughably foreign. He hardly knew which end to hold, much less had any idea what he was doing. Well, he came out here to catch some fish, or get bored trying, so he looked in the tackle box, and picked a lure at random... "Hmm... birthday dinner... guess I should start there..." He tied it to the end of the line and dropped it in the water, hoping for the best...

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We had a terrific birthday meal tonight at a local Italian Restaurant here in San Diego. The chicken carbonara was especially good, but the lasagna and the baked, stuffed chicken breast was yummy, too. Also had spinach salad and tiramisu for dessert. Needless to say, I'm stuffed to the gills. That's two nights in a row eating terrific food. I haven't exactly mastered the art of taking pics of what I eat for use in the blog, like warmonger smurf does, but as good as it was, I'm not sure it was wacky or outrageous enough to be postworthy.

Smurf had a recent post where he showed pics of a party he held that focused on deep-frying anything they could get their hands on. Interesting results. I especially found the octodog to be amusing. In fact, I hope he won't mind, I'm going to go grab the pic, I'll be back...


He sliced a hot dog lengthwise, leaving an inch or so of one end intact, and deep-fried it (without batter). It looks like a little calamari or something. Anyway, I thought it was a fun pic. So the birthday dinner was a success, and now the birthday girl and her friends are watching a movie on route to their all-night slumber party thing. The night is young; I'm sure there's hours of giggling ahead...

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Dave sighed and reeled in his lure, which was apparently uninteresting to the local fish. Not even a nibble. He glanced around the lake, slowly, in every direction. Not another soul out here. As much as he liked being alone, he sure could have used some company right about now. He pulled out a pocket knife, awkwardly unfolding the blade - he was about as comfortable with a knife as he was with a fishing pole. He cut the lure off the line and tossed it back in the tackle box. After sifting through some of the other lures, he grabbed another and held it up for inspection. "Hmm... website ramble... who knows, it might yield something..." He tied it on and dropped it in the water...

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Got the website done for Piranha today. Here's the link if you're remotely interested in taking a peek. It was fun, and didn't take much time, all things considered. I'm not thrilled with the layout and color combo, but it will work, I think. I can always keep tinkering with it until it really sings. What remains now is to discover a fair price to charge for building a site like that...

I've got some ideas on how to parlay the two week free trial into working up some dummy sites for certain companies, showing them what I've done, and seeing if they want to pay for the redesign and the monthly hosting. It would be (I think) an effective cold-call type of marketing, either for local companies that have no site yet, or a redesign for businesses who's current sites are really bad. Man, nothing like a bad site... anyway, the latter would be ideal, since I could just use the content from the current (poor) site, whip up a really nice one that is live already, show them, and then they can pay for the redesign + revisions and provide a card number for the monthly plan of their choosing. If they say no, I'm not out much... just a couple hours time.

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Dave's quick snore startled himself back awake. He blinked and glanced around, taking a moment or two to realize that he was still in the boat, still fishing, and had drifted off to sleep. Man, if that topic put himself to sleep, he could imagine the effect it was having on someone else trying to read it... he reeled that lure back in, cut it off, threw it back in the box, and sat there, sipping tepid coffee and thinking. After a few moments, he smiled, carefully stood, setting down the fishing rod, and reached into the waterproof backpack under his seat. From the main compartment, he removed a stick of dynamite and a lighter, beginning to giggle like a schoolboy. "This oughta jump start things a bit," he said, as he lit the fuse and gave it a good chuck...



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So much for fishing... Mr. Josephsen I am not.

Hey, you know what I find amusing? Typing something here in this blog that I would NEVER actually post, just so I can see it on screen, then erase it with a little smirk on my face, knowing y'all are none-the-wiser... MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Ah, what goes on in the secret mind of Dave the Shambling Slaptard? You'll never know! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! If I ever start feeling especially daring, I actually post it and then edit it out right away, so the only chance you'd ever have of reading these outrageously embarrassing statements is if you just happen to check the blog the moment it goes live... then you could blackmail me for all the money in my account...

You know what else I find amusing? The Hannah Montana edition of Guitar Hero.

You know what else I find amusing? Early morning gas. I fire off my most epic blasts first thing in the morning. I should keep a digital audio recorder handy so I can save them as wav. files, drop them into an editor, create a "best of" recording and post it here, mislabeled. I'd say, "Hey, I wrote a new church song this week... it's not great, but I think it's pretty good at least... tell me if you like it too... it's called Blow a Trumpet in Zion..." Then you'll, like, hit "play" and you'll be embarrassed and shocked and disgusted and maybe laugh a little. Then you'll hate me.

You know what else I find amusing? I watched a prank clip of someone pulling the old "trash can full of water propped up against the door" prank on his now-furious neighbor. Prop the trash can full of H2O against the door, ring the doorbell, run. The dude opens the door, the can plops on the floor at his feet, dumping a few dozen gallons of water into his entryway. That's the kind of prank that is ONLY funny when it happens to someone else. If that happened to me, I'd be livid with a lividity that puts all previous exhibitions of lividity to shame. But it was someone else, so pardon me while I lol a bit...

Hey, remember that one infuriating time when Dave forsook all effort to hide movie quotes in his post, and instead simply made a list of quotes? Remember? Man, talk about stripping away all the fun! What a tool.

Today's Unidentified Movie Quotes:
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1. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
2. Would you be shocked if I put on something more comfortable?
3. When two people love each other, they come together - WHAM - like two taxis on Broadway.
4. She can't act, she can't sing, she can't dance. A triple threat!
5. Today I settled all family business, so don't tell me that you're innocent. Admit what you did.

There, there's some scraps for y'all to fight over. Keep the change, you filthy animal! Movie quotes... man, that's the bait to use right there... I get tons more comments when I include movie quotes, that's for sure. And you know my mood is determined by the number of comments I get.

Watched Reclaiming the Blade the other night, and wrote a review of it for Netflix. It happened to be my 100th review for them! Now THAT is an accomplishment worthy of full inclusion in the Underachievers Hall of Fame (I was inducted in 1994). Here is the review I wrote for the documentary! You may recognize the tired and overused "soup analogy" being given a retread here!
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Reclaiming the Blade

From the start, let me say I enjoyed this documentary, though it did strike me as unorthodox in structure. There is no logical progression through the focus on swords and swordsmanship in this doc. As the end credits rolled, I thought to myself that you could dice the doc up into 5 minute segments and rearrange them randomly and watch it again, and have basically the same film. As a result, it could have ended at any point and it would have felt complete, if that makes sense. There was no build, no payoff, no final big point being made... it really is just a haphazard celebration of the sword and it's history, primarily European, but a nice dose of eastern-influence. It's like a big bowl of soup that is being stirred, with various ingredients surfacing and submerging in a random boil, certain facets making repeat appearances for no perceived reason. Movie swordsmanship is hit heavily and to good effect.

There were other hiccups though: the music for the most part was fine, but occasionally, odd music choices were made. Likewise, the visuals were good, and the computer graphics well done, but occasionally would stumble in each of those areas as well. Editing felt too abrupt in many places, and the fade-to-black was overused (IMHO). It had an interesting, wide array of talking heads, comprised of actors, historians, experts, modern swordsmen, reenactors, etc., that were all sufficiently enthusiastic about the topic. Again, all that having been said, I am glad I watched it, and would recommend it to just about any type of potential viewer. I'll mark it at 4 stars for sentimental reasons, really... it honestly warrants a 3 from me, but for some reason, that seems cruel.

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I also watched a 90 minute documentary focussing on character actors in Hollywood that was very fascinating. I'd post that review here as well (#101!), but I've pushed my luck way too far tonight already. In fact, I'm curious to know if anyone actually read this far. What can I say? I'm in a mood tonight...

OK, fine, I'll stop here. Until tomorrow, remember, when you spend enough time around the chemistry of desperation, you come to recognize the smell.

PS Is it just me, or are these posts getting longer and longer..?

13 comments:

havah said...

So I'll be perverse and not do those quotes :p

Title is from The Forbidden Kingdom.

"Keep the change, you filthy animal" is from Home Alone

"when you spend enough time around the chemistry of desperation, you come to recognize the smell" is from Zero Effect

And yes, I read to the end. :p

havah said...

And yes, they're getting longer! *lol* But it's good...don't stress :)

Avari said...

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.= Casablanca

Would you be shocked if I put on something more comfortable?= Hells Angels

When two people love each other, they come together - WHAM - like two taxis on Broadway. = rear window

:) I feel bad taking easy ones.

Avari said...

P.S. On the Today's Big thing. Did you see that video about United Breaks Guitars? Dude my dad thinks that song is so cool and he can't stop talking about it. HA HA.

Posts don't seem longer to me. But definitely getting a little more creative.

David Wagner said...

15 points for Havah and Shannon both... I'll have to go check out that vid, Shannon, thanks for the heads up...

Abbie said...

haha, i'm admittedly lazy dave, so thank you for posting a few easy ones for me :D
#4 = Singing in the rain
#5 = The Godfather
and...
Keep the change, you filthy animal! = Home alone :D
hahaha, oh dave, well, we can't all enjoy fishing, but TRUST me when i say that it is so much more enjoyable when you do it with someone!!!!! alone, yes, that could be horribly boring, but with someone that you have fun talking with, its definitely nice. Plus, if you had an awesome laptop that got service anywhere, fishing is cool cause you just bait up, toss it out there and wait, so you could be blogging or looking for awesome food pics while you fished :D

David Wagner said...

10 points for Abbie! Sorry, the Home Alone quote was already found...

Still one more in there somewhere, Bob...

Paula Titus said...

Nice tone and mood. Loved the fishing bit.

Anonymous said...

hey...the octodog looks like something from markys 'cooking with taser' cookbook...birthday dinner was nice..pictures please..

grace said...

zero effect- when you spend enough time around the chemistry of desperation, you come to recognize the smell.

you know what i find amusing? your blogs

David Wagner said...

Grace, you rock! But that Zero Effect quote was already identified, sorry. I will give you 3 bonus points for finding my bloggies amusing!

havah said...

Last quote:
"You know what else I find amusing?"
is from Reno 911

:D

David Wagner said...

The actual last quote was three little words from The Terminator (or any other Arnold movie)... "I'll be back"... 3 points for Dave! woot!