Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What is Steel Compared to the Hand that Wields It?


"Repercussions" or "free percussions", which one?

:O AAA!!!!!! I took my car in to get the tires rotated and the oil changed, and it turned into $700 worth of repairs! Help! I'm passing out! And I'm typing this on my laptop while perched precariously on the end of a crane arm 40+ stories over downtown San Diego traffic! I crawled up here to rescue a cat, while also taking photos of the sunset over the Pacific, and daydreaming about the stories of the people in the planes passing overhead, when I suddenly realized I needed to update my blog, and then remembered that I spent money I didn't have on car repairs I didn't realize I needed... and now I'm going to pass out!

OK, I better write out my Last Will and Testament. Let's see... to Joseph, I leave my laptop. You can delete all of the funny photos I've collected to use here in the blog. Except this one... don't delete this...

Funny Picture:

The rest of them you can delete though. OK, let's see... to Abbie, I leave my collection of cool cat videos. I'll trust her to share some of them with Grace. And to Grace, I leave my collection of browser bookmarks in my Firefox browser. That way she can waste the time I would have wasted by sifting through dozens of weird websites I've collected over the years. OK, to Havah, I leave my blog, with the assumption that she will update it every day. To Dave-O, I leave my BF2 stats, since he's the only one that will appreciate them for what they are - a testament to utter mediocrity. To Bob, I leave my collection of religious cynicism, to add to his own impressive collection. To Marky, I leave my Celtic neck tie and my favorite chamberpot.

To Vye, I leave all the wind I would have passed on Laythe in the coming years, for him to "pass on" to Laythe as he sees fit. I trust him. To Shannon, I leave the final lingering shreds of teen angst I have hoarded for a rainy day... I never got to use it, so it's yours to squander as you wish. To Rebekah, I leave my undying appreciation for her ability to combine beauty and nerdiness so awesomely, and my unmatched socks collection. To John, I leave my copy of Scrabble Online, along with the memory of my greatest single word play in my history of Scrabble games: BLOOMIER, across 2 triple-word score spots, for a staggering 198 points (I achieved nerdvana after that play). To Paula, I leave my penchant for misplaced self-deprecating humor... wait, she has that already... hmm... my wrestling DVD's? No, those go to Josh... my stack of "books I didn't like enough to ever read again"? No, she probably has enough of those too... my booger collection? No, that's disgusting... could sell it on ebay, I suppose, but that would be a hassle... hmm... man, Paula, you're hard to shop for! I know! My collection of Ohio Jokes! That's the one right there...

And to my Mom, you get everything else! Anyone I didn't name, talk to my mom. She'll hook you up with some Dave Memorobilia.

OK, I'm ready to pass out and plummet to my doom now... wait, why was I upset again? Oh yeah! The unexpected car bill! :O AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! OK, I'm ready! Goodbye, cruel world!



Meh, I survived. Sorry. You all get nothing! Nothing, I say! MUAHAHAHAH!!!! The power! The power!!!!1!!!! Relax, Sparky, I was on the bomb squad for 10 years.

Oh, well... it's just money, right? No big deal, right? And now, my car is all better, right? Right? Come on, convince me it was a good thing already! What kind of friend are you? Assuage my angst already! You're not here to kill me; I figured out that for myself...

Forget it... let's see... how about The Gutbuster of the Day, from This Is Why You're Fat:

The Mork from Ork: A half-pound duck+pork patty, cheddar cheese, 7 strips of maple bacon, sauteed onions and Zillion Island sauce on a Kaiser Roll. Not sure what "zillion island sauce" is, but it looks like thousand island and ranch mixed together. Lemme go Google it and find out, brb... ok, I couldn't find out what it was, but I did find out that this burger is all OVER the place! Man, blogs and forums everywhere... sheesh! I feel like a copycat now...

Better move on...

Todayve In History: July 23
-----------------------------------
- July 23, 2009: Dave's mild depression, induced by car repair bills, finally subsides, after his blog readers convince him to "let it go, man... let it go." (At first, Dave thought they said to "let one go", which caused confusion.)

- July 23, 2009: Dave drank a personal-record 3 Venti Caramel Macchiatos from Starbucks, and his heart exploded. (Good thing it was made out of legos... it was easily reassembled.)

- July 23, 2009: Dave is arrested for indecent exposure and disturbing the peace after streaking through the nearby mall, while shouting "today is the first Dave of the rest of your life!" (They caught him while he was waiting in line at Starbucks, to buy his 4th macchiato.)

As you can tell, not much of interest happened on July 23rd in history. But I'd already typed out the header, so I was committed. I mean, I was committed to finish the segment, not like I was committed to an institution or something... o you know what I mean, sheesh! What about the guy you lobotomized? Did he get a refund?

I'm at the tail end of Red Seas Under Red Skies... I should finish it tonight. I would elaborate at length about why I didn't like it, but that would bore you to bitter tears, and I'd never live it down... I'm ready to start a new book and series; the series is The Sword of Shadows, the book is called A Cavern of Black Ice, and the author is J.V. Jones. There, more useless information for you to file under "Barely Registered & Quickly Forgotten." Glad I could help!

By the way, I was so bummed by the fact that someone as cool as Rebekah was languishing in last place in the Quote Contest with 3 points that I awarded her 25 bonus points, for no reason. Boom! Tied with Grace for 6th, just like that.

I guess I'm done. That's enough philosophy for now. No self-respecting wiseguy would ever be caught dead in a joint like this. Until tomorrow, remember, you'd be amazed what you'll agree to when you're on fire.

16 comments:

Avari said...

Title = Conan the Barbarian

Avari said...

Relax, Sparky, I was on the bomb squad for 10 years.= Jingle all the Way

Avari said...

What about the guy you lobotomized? Did he get a refund?= Total Recall

Avari said...

Are you sure they were repairs you needed? In this kind of economy you better make sure the auto place isn't just trying to get a little extra cash from you.
I would get your teen angst? ... Well I am on my last year of being a teen. :0 . That's scary.
I don't get the picture. Did the squirrel die from the kids horrible playing?
Hahah. Dude, why would some kid just run into a wall like that? Dunno but it is funny to watch.

David Wagner said...

15 Arnold Points for Shannon, Boom!

Some photos don't need an explanation... and still others cannot be explained... intensely trombone-serenading a dead squirrel... well, we'll leave that for the philosophers to discuss...

I know I used that video clip before, but it was the only quick "splat" video I could find on short notice. Besides, it makes me laugh every time...

The service station has been doing my car repairs since my first car in 1990... I trust them completely. They've practically raised me!

havah said...

Ahh..thanks for the blog, Dave. Well...potentially thanks for the potential gift of blog. Well, okay...thanks for the thought. It's the thought that counts, right?

Too tired and cranky to do the movie thing tonight. Night.

Anonymous said...

seeing your brain in action is always amazing...don't sweat the problems that can be solved by money..a flat on these freeways would cost far more so you saved..money is an irritating reality but give me a problem that can be solved by money any day over one that can't..see you at work..[mama needs a new set of tires]

Bobinho said...

"No self-respecting wiseguy would ever be caught dead in a joint like this" is from The Eraser

"you'd be amazed what you'll agree to when you're on fire" End of Days

guvernator-theme, eh? ;)

Bobinho said...

"That's enough philosophy for now" The 6th Day ;)

David Wagner said...

Bob snatches 15 points from Havah, w00t! The Emperor has spoken!

Thanks mom, you are the best.

Abbie said...

dave!! what an awesome post! i loved it!! and i'm glad you survived :D
thanks for the possibility of your cat vids, thats awesome :D
be back for quotes later... lol

Paula Titus said...

I was just wishing today that I had more Ohio jokes - how'd you know?

Sorry about the unexpected car thing - hate when that happens. Usually it happens just when you get a little ahead, and then BOOM! Oh well, easy come easy go.

That sandwich makes me gag.

Joseph said...

Wow, the laptop, I'm touched! Almost, since I didn't actually get it.

If only it was the same one you used on that fateful day you spelled bloomier. I was there, but even then it's a moment that I speak of only in hushed whispers.

havah said...

"You're not here to kill me; I figured out that for myself" is from Terminator 2

And "Goodbye Cruel World" is by Pink Floyd...and was part of The Wall which was part of the movie by the same name, so technically speaking... Yeah, yeah...I'm pushing it. :D

"what kind of friend are you?" is used in Smoke but I'm guessing it's unintentional, so...

Goodnight, etc. etc.

David Wagner said...

Man, you're diggin deep, Havah! You've already got July locked up... I guess you're trying to set the record for points in one month... I'll have to drop the buzzer on the Pink Floyd reference, but I'll give you the "what kind of friend" quote... though the only movie I can find on Google that uses it is the 1963 Pink Panther movie...

so 10 more points for Havah, woot! Showin' Bob how it's done!

Paula: Yeah, I'm torn about that sandwich myself... part of me would like to try it, and the other part is a bit repulsed...

Joseph: Ssh! Whisper softer when you speak of it! Softer!

havah said...

I'm a research fiend! :D Thanks for the points. I'm taking it as a bday gift.

Yes...the sandwich. I admit...I'd take a bite. I like messy food. Wonder what that says about me?! :o