"Repercussions" or "free percussions", which one?
:O AAA!!!!!! I took my car in to get the tires rotated and the oil changed, and it turned into $700 worth of repairs! Help! I'm passing out! And I'm typing this on my laptop while perched precariously on the end of a crane arm 40+ stories over downtown San Diego traffic! I crawled up here to rescue a cat, while also taking photos of the sunset over the Pacific, and daydreaming about the stories of the people in the planes passing overhead, when I suddenly realized I needed to update my blog, and then remembered that I spent money I didn't have on car repairs I didn't realize I needed... and now I'm going to pass out!
OK, I better write out my Last Will and Testament. Let's see... to Joseph, I leave my laptop. You can delete all of the funny photos I've collected to use here in the blog. Except this one... don't delete this...
The rest of them you can delete though. OK, let's see... to Abbie, I leave my collection of cool cat videos. I'll trust her to share some of them with Grace. And to Grace, I leave my collection of browser bookmarks in my Firefox browser. That way she can waste the time I would have wasted by sifting through dozens of weird websites I've collected over the years. OK, to Havah, I leave my blog, with the assumption that she will update it every day. To Dave-O, I leave my BF2 stats, since he's the only one that will appreciate them for what they are - a testament to utter mediocrity. To Bob, I leave my collection of religious cynicism, to add to his own impressive collection. To Marky, I leave my Celtic neck tie and my favorite chamberpot.
To Vye, I leave all the wind I would have passed on Laythe in the coming years, for him to "pass on" to Laythe as he sees fit. I trust him. To Shannon, I leave the final lingering shreds of teen angst I have hoarded for a rainy day... I never got to use it, so it's yours to squander as you wish. To Rebekah, I leave my undying appreciation for her ability to combine beauty and nerdiness so awesomely, and my unmatched socks collection. To John, I leave my copy of Scrabble Online, along with the memory of my greatest single word play in my history of Scrabble games: BLOOMIER, across 2 triple-word score spots, for a staggering 198 points (I achieved nerdvana after that play). To Paula, I leave my penchant for misplaced self-deprecating humor... wait, she has that already... hmm... my wrestling DVD's? No, those go to Josh... my stack of "books I didn't like enough to ever read again"? No, she probably has enough of those too... my booger collection? No, that's disgusting... could sell it on ebay, I suppose, but that would be a hassle... hmm... man, Paula, you're hard to shop for! I know! My collection of Ohio Jokes! That's the one right there...
And to my Mom, you get everything else! Anyone I didn't name, talk to my mom. She'll hook you up with some Dave Memorobilia.
OK, I'm ready to pass out and plummet to my doom now... wait, why was I upset again? Oh yeah! The unexpected car bill! :O AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! OK, I'm ready! Goodbye, cruel world!
Meh, I survived. Sorry. You all get nothing! Nothing, I say! MUAHAHAHAH!!!! The power! The power!!!!1!!!! Relax, Sparky, I was on the bomb squad for 10 years.
Oh, well... it's just money, right? No big deal, right? And now, my car is all better, right? Right? Come on, convince me it was a good thing already! What kind of friend are you? Assuage my angst already! You're not here to kill me; I figured out that for myself...
Forget it... let's see... how about The Gutbuster of the Day, from This Is Why You're Fat:
The Mork from Ork: A half-pound duck+pork patty, cheddar cheese, 7 strips of maple bacon, sauteed onions and Zillion Island sauce on a Kaiser Roll. Not sure what "zillion island sauce" is, but it looks like thousand island and ranch mixed together. Lemme go Google it and find out, brb... ok, I couldn't find out what it was, but I did find out that this burger is all OVER the place! Man, blogs and forums everywhere... sheesh! I feel like a copycat now...
Better move on...
Todayve In History: July 23
- July 23, 2009: Dave's mild depression, induced by car repair bills, finally subsides, after his blog readers convince him to "let it go, man... let it go." (At first, Dave thought they said to "let one go", which caused confusion.)
- July 23, 2009: Dave drank a personal-record 3 Venti Caramel Macchiatos from Starbucks, and his heart exploded. (Good thing it was made out of legos... it was easily reassembled.)
- July 23, 2009: Dave is arrested for indecent exposure and disturbing the peace after streaking through the nearby mall, while shouting "today is the first Dave of the rest of your life!" (They caught him while he was waiting in line at Starbucks, to buy his 4th macchiato.)
As you can tell, not much of interest happened on July 23rd in history. But I'd already typed out the header, so I was committed. I mean, I was committed to finish the segment, not like I was committed to an institution or something... o you know what I mean, sheesh! What about the guy you lobotomized? Did he get a refund?
I'm at the tail end of Red Seas Under Red Skies... I should finish it tonight. I would elaborate at length about why I didn't like it, but that would bore you to bitter tears, and I'd never live it down... I'm ready to start a new book and series; the series is The Sword of Shadows, the book is called A Cavern of Black Ice, and the author is J.V. Jones. There, more useless information for you to file under "Barely Registered & Quickly Forgotten." Glad I could help!
By the way, I was so bummed by the fact that someone as cool as Rebekah was languishing in last place in the Quote Contest with 3 points that I awarded her 25 bonus points, for no reason. Boom! Tied with Grace for 6th, just like that.
I guess I'm done. That's enough philosophy for now. No self-respecting wiseguy would ever be caught dead in a joint like this. Until tomorrow, remember, you'd be amazed what you'll agree to when you're on fire.