"Shoes and socks" or "Susan shocks", which one?
Dave looped the apron over his head, tied the waist strings around himself, and then rubbed his hands together, smiling. He grabbed the Easy Blog Recipes cookbook down from the shelf, where it sat next to other titles like, Angst for Dummies, The Beginner's Guide to Bad Puns (7th printing!), and the yet-to-be-cracked-open Making A Marriage Work. He opened the recipe book up to a random page, laid it down on the counter and started to read...
"OK, let's see... this looks good... Haphazard Blog Stew. Serves a dozen. Yummy! OK..."
In a standard-sized blank blog window, start with something shocking to get the readers attention...
Dave stepped up to his laptop, thought for a second, and began to type...
You're NOT going to believe this... are you sitting down? Remember all the hoopla yesterday about the unexpected car repairs? Remember I nearly plummeted to my doom? Well, driving into work this morning on the freeway, guess who took a rock off the windshield? Yup, the rock left a nice star, which, by noon, had spread in the glorious San Diego heat about 18 inches across my sight line. Yes, your memory is correct... it was only 3 months ago that I replaced my previous windshield, for the same reason! Oh, goodie! More repairs needed!
Not only that, but ever since I got my car back, the gears grind when I shift into second gear, about 20% of the time. One of the things I got done yesterday was changing the transmission fluid. It never did that before... it's disconcerting, to say the least. Plus, a couple other small details that didn't get addressed. These guys have been servicing my cars since the dawn of time! They're supposed to know what they're about, yes? Well, I'll call them Friday and see what they have to say.
Dave stepped back to the cookbook and picked up where he left off...
Be sure your opening was actually shocking, not merely whiny.
"Oops." Dave put a hand on his hip, and with the other hand rubbed the top of his head. He glanced over at the laptop screen again, and said aloud, "Shoot... should I erase it and try again? Nah. OK, what's next?
Stir in a quick observational anecdote that no one but you will find interesting.
"That will be easy..."
You know what I discovered today? As tedious and boring as printing and folding brochures all day can be, there is a way to make it more tedious and boring still... and that is print/fold brochures while simultaneously watching 2001: A Space Odyssey streamed from Netflix Watch Instantly. I don't know what the big deal is about that film. The Netflix user reviews are loaded with people going on and on about how it's one of the greatest films of all time. If by "greatest" they mean "excruciatingly boring and unintentionally funny", then sure, I could go for that. If there was ever a movie badly in need of a competent editor, it's that film. It's about an hour too long. Actually, it could have used a decent script-writer as well, all due respect to Arthur C Clark.
It won 2 Oscars in 1969 (for Visual Effects and Original Screenplay, believe it or not), and was nominated for two more (Director and Art Direction) and is featured on several prominent "Best Film" lists. Maybe it's just my utter lack of enthusiasm for all things Sci-Fi, but I thought the movie was an interminable turd. I can't decide if its the "worst Best Movie" or the "best Worst Movie" I've ever seen. Maybe I'm just a product of the "explosions and non-stop action" generation, I don't know.
I watched a couple other really lame movies lately as well. New Jack City (inane) and Legend of 1900 (super-schmaltzy... dare I say... treacle!), both turds. I'm jonesing for a good movie. Next in line from Netflix, as far as what I'm getting in the mail, are "Confessions of a Shopaholic" - that's for the Wagner Women, obviously - and "Music Box" with Jessica Lange. That one's for me. I've seen it before - a terrific movie. Lange plays a lawyer who defends her immigrant father in a trial against accusations that he was a Nazi war criminal in WW2 - an accusation which she finds to be utterly preposterous. Of course, over the course of the investigation and trial, she discovers the extremely ugly truth about her father, which culminates in an incredibly strong scene at the end.
I remember the second time I watched Music Box... during the trial scenes, I kept waiting for the incredibly vivid flashback scenes, which detailed eye-witness accounts of certain things her father was being accused of. I remembered how strong the scenes were. Imagine my shock when those scenes never played, but instead it was simply the witnesses on the stand recounting the tales verbally... the stories were so strong, told just with words, that I added the strong visuals myself in my mind... so strong, I would have sworn that they were literally scenes in the movie.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing it yet again. Lange was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal. I'm glad she was... the saddest thing in life is wasted talent.
"There, that should qualify," Dave said, stepping back over to the book...
Before you lose all of your readers, throw in a funny picture, and a video clip. Mix thoroughly.
Funny Picture Time!
Paula was talking in her latest blog post about zoo animals, and how sad it is, in a way, for these animals to be on display in captivity instead of out in the wild, where they belong. I do agree, to a point... however, I'm apt to believe that in many cases, they certainly are a measure safer in zoos. They don't have to deal with hunters/poachers in a zoo, that's for sure. Not too often the tables are reversed, as in the picture above.
I was going to complain tonight about the lack of updated blogs for me to read, and then Paula had to go and update her blog! You ever heard the expression, "be careful what you wish for?" I know you guys all have lives and whatnot, I appreciate that. In my perfect world, I'd always have fun new blog posts to read from Paula, Havah, Dave-O, Shannon, Marky and Claudette, all the time! It isn't about dedication and loyalty... it's about belief in what we do! I may have to add a few more links to my blog collection, to satisfy my hunger for fresh posts! Later, I'll Google "best blogs" again, and see what I can find...
Here's a funny video clip for you... sorry it's so grainy. I'll look around for a better copy of it and replace the embed, if I can...
Dave checked the cookbook again...
Sprinkle in some movie quotes, and cook in oven at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes, proof-read and serve.
"Mmm... this is going to be yummy!"
Variation: Fold in 1/2 cup Daily Trivia to add spiciness and zip.
"Hmmm.... why not?" Dave browsed over to Wikipedia and scanned the day's trivia...
Todayve in History: July 24
- July 24, 1911: Hiram Bingham III discovers Machu Pichu, the Lost City of the Incas. (These high-rise gigs give me the creeps...)
- July 24, 1969: The returning Apollo 11 capsule splashes down safely in the Pacific Ocean. ("Houston, the Eagle has cannonballed.")
- July 24, 2005: Lance Armstrong wins his 7th consecutive Tour de France. (And when it gets hard - and it will - don't quit on me, ever!)
Among those celebrating birthdays today are: Oswald Chambers (1874), Amelia Earhart (1897), Barry Bonds (1964), and J-Lo (1969). Peter Sellers died this day in 1980... he knew the risks, he didn't have to be there. It rains... you get wet.
Well, I think that's it for me today. I'm gonna go upstairs and pay a visit to the shower fairy. Until tomorrow, remember, either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution... or you're just part of the landscape.