Thursday, July 23, 2009

Call the Vatican. See If Something is Missing...

"Shoes and socks" or "Susan shocks", which one?

Dave looped the apron over his head, tied the waist strings around himself, and then rubbed his hands together, smiling. He grabbed the Easy Blog Recipes cookbook down from the shelf, where it sat next to other titles like, Angst for Dummies, The Beginner's Guide to Bad Puns (7th printing!), and the yet-to-be-cracked-open Making A Marriage Work. He opened the recipe book up to a random page, laid it down on the counter and started to read...

"OK, let's see... this looks good... Haphazard Blog Stew. Serves a dozen. Yummy! OK..."

In a standard-sized blank blog window, start with something shocking to get the readers attention...

Dave stepped up to his laptop, thought for a second, and began to type...


You're NOT going to believe this... are you sitting down? Remember all the hoopla yesterday about the unexpected car repairs? Remember I nearly plummeted to my doom? Well, driving into work this morning on the freeway, guess who took a rock off the windshield? Yup, the rock left a nice star, which, by noon, had spread in the glorious San Diego heat about 18 inches across my sight line. Yes, your memory is correct... it was only 3 months ago that I replaced my previous windshield, for the same reason! Oh, goodie! More repairs needed!

Not only that, but ever since I got my car back, the gears grind when I shift into second gear, about 20% of the time. One of the things I got done yesterday was changing the transmission fluid. It never did that before... it's disconcerting, to say the least. Plus, a couple other small details that didn't get addressed. These guys have been servicing my cars since the dawn of time! They're supposed to know what they're about, yes? Well, I'll call them Friday and see what they have to say.

Dave stepped back to the cookbook and picked up where he left off...

Be sure your opening was actually shocking, not merely whiny.

"Oops." Dave put a hand on his hip, and with the other hand rubbed the top of his head. He glanced over at the laptop screen again, and said aloud, "Shoot... should I erase it and try again? Nah. OK, what's next?

Stir in a quick observational anecdote that no one but you will find interesting.

"That will be easy..."


You know what I discovered today? As tedious and boring as printing and folding brochures all day can be, there is a way to make it more tedious and boring still... and that is print/fold brochures while simultaneously watching 2001: A Space Odyssey streamed from Netflix Watch Instantly. I don't know what the big deal is about that film. The Netflix user reviews are loaded with people going on and on about how it's one of the greatest films of all time. If by "greatest" they mean "excruciatingly boring and unintentionally funny", then sure, I could go for that. If there was ever a movie badly in need of a competent editor, it's that film. It's about an hour too long. Actually, it could have used a decent script-writer as well, all due respect to Arthur C Clark.

It won 2 Oscars in 1969 (for Visual Effects and Original Screenplay, believe it or not), and was nominated for two more (Director and Art Direction) and is featured on several prominent "Best Film" lists. Maybe it's just my utter lack of enthusiasm for all things Sci-Fi, but I thought the movie was an interminable turd. I can't decide if its the "worst Best Movie" or the "best Worst Movie" I've ever seen. Maybe I'm just a product of the "explosions and non-stop action" generation, I don't know.

I watched a couple other really lame movies lately as well. New Jack City (inane) and Legend of 1900 (super-schmaltzy... dare I say... treacle!), both turds. I'm jonesing for a good movie. Next in line from Netflix, as far as what I'm getting in the mail, are "Confessions of a Shopaholic" - that's for the Wagner Women, obviously - and "Music Box" with Jessica Lange. That one's for me. I've seen it before - a terrific movie. Lange plays a lawyer who defends her immigrant father in a trial against accusations that he was a Nazi war criminal in WW2 - an accusation which she finds to be utterly preposterous. Of course, over the course of the investigation and trial, she discovers the extremely ugly truth about her father, which culminates in an incredibly strong scene at the end.

I remember the second time I watched Music Box... during the trial scenes, I kept waiting for the incredibly vivid flashback scenes, which detailed eye-witness accounts of certain things her father was being accused of. I remembered how strong the scenes were. Imagine my shock when those scenes never played, but instead it was simply the witnesses on the stand recounting the tales verbally... the stories were so strong, told just with words, that I added the strong visuals myself in my mind... so strong, I would have sworn that they were literally scenes in the movie.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing it yet again. Lange was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal. I'm glad she was... the saddest thing in life is wasted talent.

"There, that should qualify," Dave said, stepping back over to the book...

Before you lose all of your readers, throw in a funny picture, and a video clip. Mix thoroughly.


Funny Picture Time!
Umm... oh, crap!

Paula was talking in her latest blog post about zoo animals, and how sad it is, in a way, for these animals to be on display in captivity instead of out in the wild, where they belong. I do agree, to a point... however, I'm apt to believe that in many cases, they certainly are a measure safer in zoos. They don't have to deal with hunters/poachers in a zoo, that's for sure. Not too often the tables are reversed, as in the picture above.

I was going to complain tonight about the lack of updated blogs for me to read, and then Paula had to go and update her blog! You ever heard the expression, "be careful what you wish for?" I know you guys all have lives and whatnot, I appreciate that. In my perfect world, I'd always have fun new blog posts to read from Paula, Havah, Dave-O, Shannon, Marky and Claudette, all the time! It isn't about dedication and loyalty... it's about belief in what we do! I may have to add a few more links to my blog collection, to satisfy my hunger for fresh posts! Later, I'll Google "best blogs" again, and see what I can find...

Here's a funny video clip for you... sorry it's so grainy. I'll look around for a better copy of it and replace the embed, if I can...

He got hit by a car horn, lol. Dang, dude must have been scared. Is this moron #1? Put moron #2 on the phone.

Dave checked the cookbook again...

Sprinkle in some movie quotes, and cook in oven at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes, proof-read and serve.

"Mmm... this is going to be yummy!"

Variation: Fold in 1/2 cup Daily Trivia to add spiciness and zip.

"Hmmm.... why not?" Dave browsed over to Wikipedia and scanned the day's trivia...

Todayve in History: July 24
- July 24, 1911: Hiram Bingham III discovers Machu Pichu, the Lost City of the Incas. (These high-rise gigs give me the creeps...)

- July 24, 1969: The returning Apollo 11 capsule splashes down safely in the Pacific Ocean. ("Houston, the Eagle has cannonballed.")

- July 24, 2005: Lance Armstrong wins his 7th consecutive Tour de France. (And when it gets hard - and it will - don't quit on me, ever!)

Among those celebrating birthdays today are: Oswald Chambers (1874), Amelia Earhart (1897), Barry Bonds (1964), and J-Lo (1969). Peter Sellers died this day in 1980... he knew the risks, he didn't have to be there. It rains... you get wet.

Well, I think that's it for me today. I'm gonna go upstairs and pay a visit to the shower fairy. Until tomorrow, remember, either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution... or you're just part of the landscape.


Bobinho said...

title is from Analyze This ;)

Bobinho said...

"either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution... or you're just part of the landscape" = Ronin

Bobinho said...

"It isn't about dedication and loyalty... it's about belief in what we do" = The Good Shepherd

David Wagner said...

Bob snatches 15 points from the air, as they fly by! The man... is a pro...

Bobinho said...

i am one with the movie quotes.. why??? because i choose to :P

Captain Joe said...

Heh - a car horn.

havah said...

"These high-rise gigs give me the creeps" is from Backdraft (I liked that one)

"And when it gets hard - and it will - don't quit on me, ever" is from Men of Honor

"he knew the risks, he didn't have to be there." is from Heat

havah said...

Gahhh!!! I had to do that post three times. I couldn't remember my own username. Darn!

Anyway... I am guilt-stricken, Dave! Way to go. I will attempt to update my blog more frequently.

I loved the recipe thing. All it was missing was coconut.

I also loved Music Box, although I saw it eons ago. As for 2001: A Space Odyssey...I could have used that time much more wisely. Of course, that was back when I actually did use time wisely.

Animals in zoos...Mixed feelings. I'm off to read Paula's blog now. Maybe I'll add my .01 cents too.

btw...interesting trivia for you...I use your blog as a portal to all others! You should be proud. :D

David Wagner said...

15 points for Havah, solid effort, as usual.

The elusive and illustrious Captain Joe makes an appearance! Sweet! Welcome, Cap'n!

Didn't mean to make you feel guilty, Havah... just my way of letting you all know how much I appreciate your blogging efforts... read 'em and weep, that's what I says....

havah said...



Anonymous said...

nice serving of blog Dave...the movie would be unimpressive would have to watch it in 1968 to be amazed by it..some things don't time travel well while others just step outside of that time thing and are great whenever....I think thats what we all shoot for......[talk to Dan at Unocal]

Paula Titus said...

Last time my windshield was cracked, insurance company paid 100% - but I don't remember why, maybe that was back when I was smart enough to carry full coverage.

Very nice theme with the cookbook and all. Your creativity is not only admirable but something I will sooner or later steal for my own blog. ;)

Captain Joe said...

David Wagner said: The elusive and illustrious Captain Joe makes an appearance! Sweet! Welcome, Cap'n!

Thank you kindly. Elusive and illustrious? Damn. I've been going for 'feared and infamous'.

All the best.

havah said...

Your wish is my command, Dave! Updated, but not exactly quality.

Abbie said...

you know... I actually like folding brochures... I don't know why. Maybe because I can just kinda zone out while my hands rhymthically keep working. Pretty neat, the brain is...
and speaking of which... I did the same thing with a book once!! It was Deker's Blink and there was one scene that I visualized so well that I would tell people about this scene in a movie that I saw, until I realized that I've never seen a movie with that scene, but rather only read it in a book. weird huh?

okay quotes!! :D
the saddest thing in life is wasted talent = A Bronx Tale (Dave... that parallels the bible parable ya know...)
Is this moron #1? Put moron #2 on the phone = Midnight Run (You found a quote about morons!?!?! haha, dave, you're awesome! :D)
I'm gonna go upstairs and pay a visit to the shower fairy = meet the Parents

Sorry for the long, yet late comment! have a good night!

David Wagner said...

15 points for Abbie, score!

Next time I have to make brochures, I'll give you a call, Abbie. We can tag-team it...

Note to self: Change "elusive and illustrious" to "feared and infamous" in Official Blog Records. Got it, Cap'n. Thanks for the update!

Paula, take what you can, give nuthin back! (Dave pounds his ale stein on the tabletop)

havah said...

Was scanning for more quotes, and realised I'd left off half the Heat quote: "It rains, you get wet." How'd I miss that? No, not looking for another point...just correcting myself.

Also, wanted to say sorry about the whole car thing. I understand your pain. Been there, still doing that. :-/