Saturday, July 11, 2009

No, Your Majesty, Scotmen Do Not Wear Skirts. They Wear Kilts.


Dave checked the oxygen gauge on his space suit, mild panic tickling his throat. Plenty of air remained, so he closed his eyes, focused his brain, and tried to calm down. This wasn't his first space walk. In fact, he'd done this many, many times. You'd think it would get easier, but it never ceased to take his breath away. When the view of the earth fills your vision from one edge of your periphery to the other, you are in a very peculiar place, experiencing something that can never be described with words.

He reopened his eyes and set about his mission. He checked the tether to make sure (yet again) that he was secured to the exterior rail system on the space station, grabbed the crossbars that curved ladder-like up the wall, and began to pull himself along. As he neared the bend in the roofline, his head peeked up and over, his eyesight was filled with the deep, inky blackness of space itself. Again, his breath caught in his throat, staggered once more by the idea that anywhere he looked, any spot his eyes settled on, one could travel forever in that direction. Again, Dave closed his eyes, took a deep breath, willing himself to settle down and focus on the task at hand.

His brow now furrowed, Dave began again to pull himself along the rooftop, toward a small dish protruding from an even smaller box before him. 10 minutes later, he retraced his steps, careful not to let his eyes wander again, and reentered the airlock. Another 10 minutes and he was stripped out of his spacesuit, and strolling back into the space station's game room.

"Did that fix it?"

Vye looked up from his computer, smile on his face, nodding. "Yup, we're back online. Connection clean. Raid time." Laythe came in from the kitchen with a big bowl of popcorn and Red Bulls for everyone.

Dave settled back into his chair, put his headphones on, and fired up World of Warcraft again. Raid time indeed.

----------------------

Greetings to just about every one of you! There are two of you to whom I extend no greetings. You know who you are. To you I extend not greetings, but the far superior salutations. What you did to earn the salutations of Dave the Bloviator I cannot divulge, lest you think that a simple repetition of it shall result in further salutations tomorrow, and the day after, etc., on into perpetuity. Suffice it to say that I shall not participate in your little danse macabre - I shall not be party to such efforts at manipulation and emotional chicanery. Malfeasance of that order shall not be tolerated or even indirectly encouraged.

Poop.

I figured after all of those 50 cent words I'd throw the word "poop" in there, which, last I checked, was only worth 1.17 cents. You know, to balance things out.

As you can tell, I'm winging it big-time tonight. I hope you don't mind. Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncin' around in my head... but with a brush in my hand, the world just gets kinda quiet...

Today was awesome! :D (Do you believe me? I added the smiley face after it, in an effort to try and convince you of my sincerity... was it too much? Would it have rang more true if I had withheld the smiley? Man, it's so hard to know how well I can fake it with text only...)

So what's worse: People who apologize for no reason, or people who should be apologizing for something, but they don't?

I watched a cool show on Ancient Egypt tonight called Egypt: Engineering an Empire. As fascinated as I am with natural disasters, I think I'm more fascinated still with certain classic ancient civilizations. Ancient Egypt is high on my list, as far as subjects that cause my mouth to hang open in childlike wonder as I watch them. The thing is, I'm not sure I'd actually want to go there, but I'll watch just about anything on the TV or online about it. I do that thing we all do (I'm sure) where you imagine what it would have been like to live in that era and culture, so many thousands of years ago. The vast scope of human history opens up before me... billions of lives and stories that all unfolded, complete with all the human drama, born lived and died, centuries before I was even born. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel.

It staggers me, really, which was where the inspiration for tonight's thread intro came from. Every now and then, I lift my eyes up off of my own navel and I contemplate the vastness of the history of the world, and it takes my breath away. It always segues into an eternal view, as I then contemplate the God that could create such a world and so many untold billions of people, and keep track of their every moment, from the lowliest peasant to the most noble of dignitaries... then, for sanity's sake I suppose, I dive back into my navel. Like the LAN party in the space station, unbelievable sights that baffle the imagination are within view, just outside the wall or window, but we're much more comfortable in our limited, itty-bitty little realm that we are the center of, that we feel we have some semblance of control over. Well, we do dream on a budget here, don't we?

Anyway, that's that, I suppose. I better shift gears before I get too pseudo-psychological and you all (rightfully) tune me out... Now I know I said and done a lotta things, that I hurt you, but I promise, I'll never do that again. Otherwise I'll just curl up into a larval position and weep. Well, one cannot be betrayed if one has no people...

Todayve in History: July 12
-------------------------------
- July 12, 1862: The Medal of Honor is authorized by the US Congress. (I brought all the warriors of Greece to your shores.)

- July 12, 1962: The Rolling Stones perform their first-ever concert, in London. (We defend this city, not to protect these Stones, but the people living within these walls.)

- Celebrating birthdays today are: George Washington Carver (1864), Milton Berle (1908), Bill Cosby (1937), and Brock Lesner (1977).

Hmm... let's see... of those four people, which one should I post a video clip of, in honor of his birthday... hmm... if I was Dave, who would I choose..?

Yep, you guessed it!

In honor of Brock Lesner's 32nd birthday, I give you the video clip where he superplexes The Big Show off the top rope and collapses the ring!



Yes, I know... it was staged, gotcha. Still, it was a pretty cool moment. Your life is a thread; it breaks or it doesn't break. Lesner is now the UFC Heavyweight Champion, beating Randy Couture last November for the belt. The dude is a beast. Love it. A lot of people despise him because he's so cocky, but I think he rocks. And I'm not just saying that to avoid being beaten up by him if we ever meet and he happens to remember reading this blog... I hate rude behavior in a man. I won't tolerate it.

Funny Comic Strip: White Ninja


I think I'm going to go now. Gonna get me some Champ Burgers. I hope your Sunday is/was a good one. Until tomorrow, remember, it's no joke, pal. People die in fairy tales all the time.

19 comments:

Avari said...

title is the last emperor

Avari said...

one cannot be betrayed if one has no people = the usual suspects

Avari said...

(I brought all the warriors of Greece to your shores= Troy

Awesome opening Dave. I was out in space with you and then quicker than ever you zoomed me back to Earth. A familiar scene at that.

David Wagner said...

15 points for Shannon BOOM! Like that.

Bobinho said...

last sentence is from Cinderella Man ;)

Bobinho said...

"Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncin' around in my head... but with a brush in my hand, the world just gets kinda quiet" is from The Notebook

Bobinho said...

"Some swim the English Channel" is from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ;) just like that ;)

David Wagner said...

Boom, just like that baybay! 15 points for Emperor Bob.

havah said...

"Well, we do dream on a budget here, don't we?" is from Finding Neverland

"Now I know I said and done a lotta things, that I hurt you, but I promise, I'll never do that again" is from Walk the Line

"We defend this city, not to protect these Stones, but the people living within these walls." is from Kingdom of Heaven

havah said...

Your intro reminded me of Spaceman Spiff, Dave! :D

Random Comments:
* Hmmm...I'm told I apologise for nothing sometimes, but I'm sorry...I disagree ;)

* The clip was cool. I feel better about my poundage now.

* I ever tell you I used to want to be a Social Anthropologist? Just saying...

grace said...

you know, bill cosby was a great comedian, even if you didn't honor him for his birthday. i watched one of his live performances the other night. i laughed so hard, haven't done that in a long time. and he wasn't raunchy like most of the new funny guys i like.

Otherwise I'll just curl up into a larval position and weep is from antz

and in answer to your question, People who apologize for no reason, or people who should be apologizing for something? it is way worse for to be people who should be apologizing for something

who says malfeasance in a sentence? good thing you threw poop in there, i was beginning to bring out my dictionary or in these days my dictionary.com or my dictionary app on my iphone

you must not be keeping track of the quotes we miss because you aren't even on your own scoreboard yet, or maybe we are just that good. ?

why did God bless some people with all the brains, and some people with not enough. i have enough, but you have extra, as proven in your blogs.

i love watching documentaries on ancient civalizations, archaeology, and old history. not into recent history so much, just the old old stuff. like ancient egypt, babylon, stuff like that. history channel is fun to watch for hours and hours

grace said...

I hate rude behavior in a man. I won't tolerate it- lonesome dove

Gonna get me some Champ Burgers. -ali

David Wagner said...

15 points for Havah and Grace both. BOOM! Like that.

Don't know if there are any quotes left... I'll have to double check. And yeah, I need to go over all the July posts and see how many missed quotes there were...

Yeah, Bill Cosby rocks. I may post something from him tonight... good stuff...

David Wagner said...

OK, I went through the July posts and tallied up my points for all the missed quotes. 27 points! ( missed quotes at 3 points each.

There's still 1 more in this post, for those that haven't got 15 points for today's post yet. And actually there's one left from the Speed Round from the You Have Freed Me post on the 10th, for whomsoever will. Otherwise, I'ma grabbit!

Claudette said...

I am clearly out of my league here. You folks know a lot more about movies and stuff than i do. wow.

Vye said...

LAN parties are so fun! ^_^

So are Animeathons. Man, I feel like breaking out in song just thinking about the next one. But, I'll save it for you till next Sunday. You may not appreciate Anime but I'll make you appreciate my J-pop wannabe singing.

Check your meru ;0

havah said...

In case you don't check 10 July....

Last quote:
"You know what else I find amusing?"
is from Reno 911

:D

David Wagner said...

Hmm... unintended quotes usually don't count... is it from the Reno 911 tc show, or the movie? I guess if it's a movie quote, I'll ring you up 5 points, but if its the TV show, then I think I'll have to drop the buzzer on that one, sorry...

Vye: Checking mail.... NOW

havah said...

Oh, Ack! It's the TV one...sorry.

Ugh...have to get those 2 points somewhere so I can back into the 5x table! :D