Let's Get Started... I Got Until Noon to Look Like a Banker.

I am the law! Put down your weapons and prepare to be judged.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sunday is over. Stick a fork in it, and modify it's name... it is now, officially and lamely, called Doneday. I am nothing, if not a solid, reliable source for really weak puns. And methane. Yep, a walking alternative source of clean, renewable energy. Well, renewable anyway...

At the risk of sounding like a rerun, please remind me about the pot of water I just put on to boil. It is Ramen Time again. Noodles are beautiful. But they aren't worth burning down the house over. So please, if you love me - if you EVER loved me - you'll find my baby girl a husband! Err, I mean, you'll keep an eye on the water for me and tell me when it is a boilin'. Thx.

OK, I watched three episodes of Chuck, and my impression is: ok, it's worth watching. I shall proceed to episode 4, and then on to the second disc. The cast is solid, for the most part, though I'm not crazy about the actor playing Morgan, and Chuck's sister is annoying. But Casey is great - I enjoy when he puts his hand on Morgans face and shoves him to the floor. I hope they do a lot of that. It gives me flashbacks. Dave-O used to do that to me all the time...

The premise of the show is pretty silly, but then again, so is real life, so I'm cool with it. Now if only Big Bang Theory Season 2 would come out on DVD, I could seriously get my Geek on.

What? Oh, nuts, the noodles! BRB...

Ah... Ramen! Just what the doctor ordered. The best part of eating Ramen noodles is when I lean over the bowl to take a bite, and the steam fogs up my glasses. Hey, new thought: I should have dropped a blank CD in there as it cooked... then I could say I was having CD Ramen. BUAHAHAHAHA!!!!1! O, man, that was lame. Love it. Well, don't act like it caught you off guard... I warned you in the first paragraph what I was capable of...

Speaking of warnings, it's hot in here, even with the fan on and the window open... so I'm taking my shirt off. I don't want to be a stumbling block for anyone, so be sure to focus just on the words from this point on... no glancing up. My manliness might stagger you... then you'll be too addled to continue reading, and you'll miss all kinds of lame observations, boring banter, bad jokes and easy-to-spot movie quotes... so work with me here...

As for the movie quotes, I thought for sure I was going to scoop up some of the remaining quotes from the July 17th post, but Abbie went on a rampage and snarfled up all 5 of the lingering movie lines. Good work Abbie! That's why you make the big bucks.

I spilled a glass of water on my desk today. Fortunately, the only casualty was one mouse pad, which got thoroughly drenched, and is drying (I hope) right now. I know, that's quite a newbie maneuver for someone that is supposed to be computer-savvy, but it happened, what can I say? I won't tell you how it happened since it's embarrassing... ok, actually, it's more boring than embarrassing. OK, I'll tell you. I was having technical difficulties with my old iMac and I kind of banged on the desk with my powerful, manly fist and it frightened a glass of water so badly that it fainted and tipped right over. I embellished it a bit, to take the edge off of the embarrassment. It didn't work, did it... yes, a mild fit of frustration-fueled anger almost cost me dearly. I don't think pouring water on Crown Stealer is the right way to water-cool it... Vye would have been disappointed, and then he'd look at me with that same look he gives me when I waste a perfectly good fart while Laythe is in easy head-shot range. And I can't bear to see that look...

Hey, eyes over here, come on! I warned you about looking at me without my shirt on. I told you it could be debilitatingly breath-taking. Now, focus! Free your mind! I need you fully here so I can finish this post. Otherwise I'll just paste in a bunch of lorem ipsum gibberish and call it a day. Hey! You looked again! Alright, forget it, I'm going to put my shirt back on. I wish we could have all been a bit more professional about this, but no, you had to go and spoil it... I gave you a chance to be a cop and you blew it! I personally would have looked for a more subtle solution, but that's not your style...

Todayve in History: July 20
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- July 20, 1712: The Riot Act takes effect in Great Britain. (What did they read people before the Riot Act, I wonder..?)

- July 20, 1903: Ford Motor Company shipped its first car. (It was shipped to the Japanese, who reverse-engineered it and released their own for half the price.)

- July 20, 1944: Hitler survives the Operation Valkyrie assassination attempt, led by Claus von Stauffenberg. (I only mention it because I like saying "Claus von Stauffenberg"...)

- July 20, 1969: Apollo 11 lands the first men on the moon. (Is this the part where I'm supposed to be scared?)

Among those celebrating birthdays on July 20th are: Alexander the Great (356 BC), Sir Edmund Hillary (1919), and Carlos Santana (1947). Yes, THE Alexander the Great. I could torment you all by posting pictures of Colin Ferrell in his retarded Alexander costume, with Vye's hair added quickly in photoshop, but depending on the mood you're in when you're reading this, seeing that image might send you plunging into the depths of despair. Have you ever been in the depths of despair?

When pondering the 1969 Apollo 11 moon landing, the part of the story that always sticks out most to me is that Buzz Aldrin had communion on the moon, before he and Armstrong exited The Eagle. Can you believe that? He brought a communion kit and had communion on the flippin' moon! That is so cool, it's almost scary. Oh, and when I say "Armstrong", I mean Neil, not Lance. Although I can picture Lance Armstrong up there on his bike, riding around the moon. He could probably do it, actually. The man's a beast. I've never seen a fighter that concerned about his hair.

Dang, all this time and I haven't posted a video yet... unfortunately, the video I want to post has had embedding disabled on all the copies I've found, so I have to post a direct link... which means the odds of you actually watching it are now much slimmer... the video is of Mr. Methane appearing on Britain's Got Talent this year... It's worth watching it (to me) to see Simon Cowell's face and reaction. Classic. I mean, who am I kidding? I ain't even in the guy's league!

So instead of that one, I will embed another... it's been a while since I posted a cat video, so I think I'll go there tonight...

A quick note about Daily Trivia... I've noticed something as I've scanned the History of the Day each day... pick any day, and there's a Pope that either was born or died on that day. Man, how many friggin Popes have there been through the years? It's wild! I bet they have enough Pope's in heaven to form their own soccer league. Although, not to be offensive, but I *think* some of the popes haven't exactly been saints, if you know what I mean. Maybe a handful of them went to, shall we say, another slightly warmer location after death, I don't know. But that's fine, too... they could play intramural soccer games then.

Yes, Marky, by soccer I really meant "football"... I just get a "kick" out of tweaking you guys over there. My "goal" is not to offend, but merely to "pass" the time light-heartedly, and "strike" a balance between entertainment and humor. So let's "breakaway" from this "dribbling" attempt by me to "match" my unfamiliarity with the sport to some sort of "pitch" to...

Oh, forget it. Man, if there was ever a red card for the lamest of all possible pun string attempts, I would have earned it for sure there... I find this lack of stimulus to be truly disappointing, don't you think?

You know what? I think I'm done. Time to put some hustle behind this muscle. Until tomorrow, remember, you're the last of an elite group... don't let it end like this.