Hey, don't July to me!
BUAHAHAHA!!!!! oh, man, I am a riot... whew, man, I crack me up... what? Oh, come on, you get it... "don't you lie to me"... see? It's like a play on words, see? Sort of a pun. And it's funny, cuz it's July, see, and it assumes that you never tell the truth, or at least that if you did lie, I'd be sly enough to spot it and call you on it... see? So, what makes it so funny is that you're a big fat liar! OK, well, you're not fat, per se, it's more a figure of speech... but you know what I mean...
O, nevermind. Jokes are never funny when you have to explain them... has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?
I think that wins the prize for the lamest intro this year. Props to me! I wonder what the prize will be? Actually, the thread title is pretty lame as well. So, it's like a double-portion of weak sauce tonight... so far! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
(Dave consults list: "OK, weak puns, check. Belly laugh, check. Evil laugh, check. OK, what's next? Ah, incessant complaining thinly veiled as manic humor!")
Ah, it's great to be alive! So much to do! So much to eat! So many naps to take! So much holiday pouting to do! So many blessings to overlook while one stews in rank self-pity that is three days past its expiration date, and smells accordingly! No one is more fun to visit with than a grumpy sourpuss who thinks he's brooding in a strangely fascinating melancholy but instead comes across as a whiny, ingrateful little pissant!
Man... I think someone should count to 10...
Well, at least the food was really good. And I had a triple-sized Monster energy drink as well. Still didn't prevent me from sleeping. Hey, I thought Slee Ping was a city in China? We had veggies and steak and the best-tasting chicken I think I've ever had. Wish I had brought some left-overs home. It was awesome; it tasted just like chicken. Hey, did you notice the proper semi-colon use in the last sentence? That's nothing... you should see how I use a colon. O_o
(Dave checks list again: "Hmm... how about Todayve in History for July 5?")
Todayve In History: July 5
These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world...
- July 5, 1865: The Salvation Army is founded in London, England. (I added the "England" at the end there, in case you didn't know where London was.)
- July 5, 1937: Spam, the wondermeat, is introduced by Hormel Foods. (Ah! I could go for a few cans of uncooked Spam myself right about now! In fact...)
Behold, the Spamsicle! Deep-fried Spam on a stick, courtesy of This Is Why You're Fat!
- July 5, 1943: The Battle of Kursk (WW2) starts, which is the largest full-scale battle of any kind in history, including the world's largest tank battle. (Oh, everyone who's anyone was there; it was quite the soire. I brought my little pearl-lined handbag and my silk gloves.)
- July 5, 1946: The Bikini is introduced in Paris, France. (I added "France" at the end there, in case-- hey, nice bikini!)
- July 5, 1996: Dolly the Sheep becomes the first cloned mammal. (Hey! You know what I think we should clone? Hot dogs! Think of the possibilities, Norm...)
In honor of P.T. Barnum's birthday today in 1810, I'm going to play the promo for the new Cirque du Solei show in Vegas called Ka, which is the most lavish, expensive circus-type show ever produced. Watch the trailer, and you'll see why! Click the "hi-res" button, eh!
HERE is another "behind the scenes" type vid, if you want to see more...
(Dave checks his list again: "OK, useless historical trivia, check. Video clip, check. Hmm... ah, here we go... a 'parenthesis butt'...")
Hey, Dave-O! ---> (__|__)
Man, where's Dave-O been? His last blog update was so awesome, I just about spilled my rootbeer all over my keyboard, but that was so long ago! In fact, just remembering that awesome post... I better move my rootb--- crap! I spilled it on my keyboard! Curses! I'll get you for this, Dave-O!
Oh! I almost forgot! I got my Sergeant Major Rank Promotion in BF2 about an hour ago! Are you proud of me? You are? Then why didn't you salute? That question sucks, your Honor. Answer the question, son, or you'll be standing tall before the man! What? Proof? OK, here's the screenie...
I celebrated by getting owned for the remainder of the round! I mean, I played so badly, they almost took the promotion back! But, you see, I tricked them. I only pretended to play badly... it was a test, and they FAILED! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! That's the test, aint it... test of true love...
(Dave checks list a final time: "OK, shameless self-promotion, check. Unwelcomed use of the evil laugh a second time, check. Total lack of substantial content... let me take a quick review scan of today's post.... and.... yep! Nothing worth reading or remembering! My work here is done. Better wrap it up...")
Well, I suppose that will do it for today. The Speed Round on yesterday's remaining movie quotes begins now, for whomsoever will. Until tomorrow, remember, Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness.