Monday, July 20, 2009

OK, You're Allowed to Say One Mean Thing to Me a Year.


"Jack of all trades" or "track of all jades", which one?

Things I'm Conflicted About #312: Rotting Bananas

OK, every time I see bananas turning various shades of black on the kitchen counter somewhere, my first impulse is (sensibly, I feel) throw them away. I will always, without exception, move to grab them two-fingered, and toss them quickly into the trash like they were big, disgusting bugs or something. Then I catch myself and I remember that, for some reason, you make banana bread with moldering bananas. The Wagner women love to make banana bread. That's why we collect really old bananas. All I have to say to that is YUCK! Until I smell the banana bread coming out of the oven, then I'm first in line to get me a slice. Of course, for some reason, the "butt ends" of the loaves are the most prized pieces, like the eye of a goat head in some far eastern country or something... so even though I'm first in line for a piece, I have to take a slice from the middle somewhere, since I am apparently unworthy of either butt end. The spoils go to the chef(s) apparently.

Shouldn't the plural of chef be "cheves"? What's up with English, man? "Shelf; shelves", "elf; elves" and "chef; cheves", right? Nope, for some reason it's "chefs". Check it out: "Teach, Teaching, Taught".... "Preach, Preaching, Praught"... right? Nope, for some reason, it's "preached", not "praught". Check it out: "goose; geese", "foot, feet" and "boob, beeb".... right? Nope. For some reason, it's "boobs" not "beeb".

Great Words of the Day: Splurge and Treacle.

Those are awesome words. 2 extra points for everyone that uses "treacle" correctly in their comment today!

Funny Picture:


OK, it's more of a "cool" picture than a traditional "funny" picture. It's from this article I read tonight about Giant Jellyfish that are "attacking" Japan, causing havoc among the local fishing population. 6 feet in diameter, up to 450 pounds (that's over 200 kilos for those on the metric system), and freaky as all get out. Man, I know the Japanese will eat just about anything that comes from the sea, but this is ridiculous! How would you like that in your obituary... "Killed by a giant jellyfish while scuba diving. His mother warned him not to go out that day."

Josh is coming to San Diego! I get to meet my first Faithwriter buddy in real life! He designed the rug shop's website for us over at Rug Care Central, and so he's coming out so he can see the shop in person, and meet with us for a couple days to discuss the site and our plans for it for the future. I'm looking forward to meeting him in person... although I just know he's going to punch me for some reason... I know he enjoys a good cigar every now and then, and San Diego is a whiny liberal city that has "no smoking" rules just about everywhere, including the hotel he'll be staying in. So I'm sure not being able to enjoy a cigar at liesure will lead somehow to him punching me. And he'll be OK with it because he's a Calvinist, so he's assured of his salvation... punching me won't have any eternal ramifications, since he's saved by grace apart from any works which he has done, including punching his long-time eBuddy Dave the Lumbering Goof.

That's ok... whatever he punches me for, I'm sure I'll deserve it. Then I'll remind him that a temper's the one thing you can't get rid of by losing it. Then he'll punch me again.

Funny Video Time: Some of you may have seen this today on Today's Big Thing... made me laugh.


Classic. I'd like to shake the hand of the man that feels perfectly comfortable going on a national news show and slowly making a crazy face, then continuing as though nothing happened. Awesome.

OK, Fine, since I'm all over the place tonight, I might as well throw in a Funny T-Shirt or two...


Come on, that's hilarious, admit it. Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter? Of course, I'd likely not wear a red t-shirt, but if they had it in other colors, I'd buy/wear it. This one too...


That one's awesome. Of course, it screams "I'm a nerd with zero social life", but hey, why hide the truth? I've never lied to you! I have always told you some version of the truth. Then there's this one...


Strangely fitting, considering my snacking habits of late. Plus, it's a stale indirect reference to a "retired" show that many enjoyed, but not me. OK, yeah, Everybody Loves Raymond had a few laughs, but really, I couldn't watch much of it... it was mostly just bickering married people. I don't find that funny in real life, and I don't find it funny on TV.

That reminds me, the Wagner Women have a new reality show that they like to watch, called Bridezilla. If you don't know the premise, consider yourself blessed and blissful. I'm sure you can figure it out, though. They send a camera crew along with certain "brides-to-be" as they prepare for their upcoming weddings. These women are usually rampaging, monster-like children trapped in women's bodies, and treat everyone and everything like varying levels of garbage as they make demands and boss people around and generally make the lives of those around them a living hell. I have tried to sit down and watch it with them, but I always escape to the safety of my office within minutes. I cannot imagine that they are really like that when cameras are not around... if they really are, then what man in his right mind would want anything to do with these shrieking harpies? The show is like one big informercial against marriage.

That T-Shirt would apply, methinks... "all I was doing was welcoming someone into the family!" In all fairness to the Wagner Women, they also like a new show called Wipe-Out, which is impossible to describe. But that one I can sit through. It is pretty amusing, for the most part.

I have shtuff to do tonight before bedtime, so I'm going to bail. I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water! Until tomorrow, remember, 45 years go by fast... like smoke through a keyhole.

PS Happy Birthday to my sister Lisa.

22 comments:

Avari said...

I've never lied to you! I have always told you some version of the truth= Somethings gotta give

Avari said...

I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water! = As good as it gets

Avari said...

45 years go by fast... like smoke through a keyhole. = The bucket list

David Wagner said...

15 points for Shannon, BOOM! Just *exactly* like that!

havah said...

Jack Nicholson day, Dave? :)

Title is from Terms of Endearment

"a temper's the one thing you can't get rid of by losing it" is from Anger Management

"Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?" is from Batman

havah said...

I love sand dollars...they remind me of my dad. :)

Ahh...I love banana bread! I had some this weekend, in fact. Yummy.

That's some huge*** jelly fish! What's he doing to it? Looks like he's measuring voltage or something. Just saying...

I'm so out of it, I have no idea who that Andrew guy is...but that's quite something he did to his face. I've never been good at pulling faces. I guess I need to exercise my facial muscles more to build up flexibility. :0

I watched one episode of Bridezilla. I would kill those women. They could change all those wedding arrangements to funeral arrangements.

Off to bed now. As always, your blog's a delight. :)

David Wagner said...

...and 15 Nicholson points for Havah!

I have no idea who that Andrew guy is either, but that was pretty funny.

A "delight"? *sigh* I must not have enough fart jokes in it... must try harder tomorrow! :P A real man's blog would never be a delight... it would "rule"! It would own! It would kick butt!

Meh, now that I think on it, "delight" isn't as feminine-sounding as I first thought... I guess I'm ok with it... now that I have gotten in touch with my feminine side, anyone up for shoe shopping?

David Wagner said...

By the way, Havah! Don't pass up your chance to round your points up to the "5/0" level again... I gave everyone an easy way to get 2 extra points tonight! Thought for sure you'd pounce on the chance...

havah said...

Hmm...okay, no delight. How about "masculinely magnificent", or "dangerously dazzling", or even "powerfully punny"? Would that work?

PS Change it to boot shopping, and I'm all in. :D

havah said...

Oh, and by the way, do you know they used to use treacle as an anti-dote for poison? So perhaps if they made jellyfish dessert with treacle, it'd simply be another harmless sweet. Who knows...

David Wagner said...

2 points for proper use of treacle. Anyone else? The points are open to anyone that wants them!

havah said...

Works for me! Thank you muchly. :D

havah said...

btw...when are you going to do more cartoons? I like them...

Dave-O said...

HOLY coW that was a huge jelly!!! wouldn't like to tangle with that beast in the water, but on land i think i could take it LOL. Good stuff sir. I have a question for you. Have you read any reviews on the two games PROTOTYPE and ARMA II, ? well prototype is a mindless killer like painkiller but you actually have missions you can do bt you can also just run around manhatan island takin out infected. and ARMA II is like BF2 (our pride and joy) but A LOT more realastic and real life military orinted. anywho i'm off to install thy pirate version of arma will talk soon.

kingphatcow said...

No smoking in San Diego? Please cancel my flights immediately!!!

Ok, fine, don't cancel them. I'll come and smoke anyway. I'll bring a fake ID so they can't enforce the fine.

Why would anyone want to live in a smoke-free city? Nevermind the smoke, don't you ever wander when they're going to come after your legal forms of enjoyment?

Looking forward to meeting, but not punching, you.

Rebekah said...

Bananas are evil. I bit into one the other day and it was crunchy. Just thought I would share.

Loved the 'embarrassing' story about the water spill. You have a talent of writing. You must have gotten away with a lot when you were little.

Anyway, I was reading through some old files at work and found some comments about your devotional Convinced. Another Ministry had read it and said how great the writing was loved the book. So... can't wait until we can read your forthcoming books. :)

havah said...

btw...Andrew WK is Andrew Wilkes Krier... a US rock musician. :)

Abbie said...

all I was doing was welcoming someone into the family = About Schmidt
meh, i don't know if you wanted ppl to grab that quote since you italicized it, but... i did, just in case :P

oh, and i don't know what it is about flavored breads, but for some reason the end pieces just taste SO good! like the butt piece of sourdough, or Zuchini bread! oh man, that is amazing... sorry you never get it :P i mean, the innards are good too but sometimes that end piece just tastes better than the rest...

Paula Titus said...

Don't worry Dave, while your posts may be delightful, they could never be considered treacle.

Maybe Josh would be willing to swing by and pick me up on his way there? I need a vacation.

havah said...

I'll go in Paula's bag. If I fit.

David Wagner said...

5 points for Abbie and 2 points for Paula, woot!

I'll just send the Blog Bus around and pick everyone up... San Diego, here we come!

havah said...

*L* Can I pay my way with coconut cake?

I've actually always wanted to visit/stay in San Diego or surrounds. They have that great coastline.