Why Do All My Generals Want to Destroy My Bridges?

"Roller coaster" or "Colon roaster", which one?

There. That oughta give you insight into my mood. Lol... "colon roaster"... sheesh...

The end of a roller coaster week. Another weekend is upon me. Or maybe a weak end is upon me, who knows... I can't see it without a mirror. I know a loud end is upon me, cuz I can hear it. Anyway, today is over. Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!

There were exactly zero comments about Havah's short story... whatsamatter with you people? Don't you like really awesome writing? I guess not, since you all hang out here BUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, man, I'm so funny. Where was I? Oh, yeah. What the heck, didn't anyone read the thing? Don't you trust me? Was I that far off in my assessment? Man, if I ever thought there was a sure thing, it was that at least a couple of you would be blown away like I was... Reading it was like getting punched in the stomach with a something you love. In a good way.

Fine. Your loss. Wish I could write that well. Oh, and next time you lie about an injury, Heinrich, you're off the team.

Fourth of July! Yay! Grilled hot dogs and fireworks! Don't get them mixed up. I mean, you don't want to accidentally eat fireworks. That would be yucky. Unless they were these fireworks...

Going to go up to my mommy's house Saturday afternoon and hang out. Unless I stay inside the whole time, in which case I will be hanging in. Why do they call it "hanging out" anyway. I mean, I certainly hope no one has anything hanging out. I mean, show some modesty, you know? And if I see a rope tied into a noose, I'm outta there. I want to live, thank you very much. And I certainly hope I won't be expected to hang drapes or a tapestry or anything like that. Although if mom needed some drapes hung, I'd do it for her. She is my mom, after all. But they would be hanging up, not hanging out, so that won't work.

Anyway, we'll do the "hot dog/hamburger" thing and relax and probably watch TV all day. Hey, maybe there will be a America's Next Top Model marathon! That's patriotic! It has "America" in the name of the show! Sic Semper Tyra! Ah, nothing like mindless TV to occupy the mindless. As in me... come on, I'm not insulting anyone but myself here... don't jump to conclusions.

Why do they call it "jumping to conclusions"..?

Now don't start THAT again!

Todayve in History: July 4
---------------------------------
- July 4, 1776: The US Declaration of Independence was adopted by the Second Continetal Congress. (The First Continental Congress had to be replaced... they wanted a Declaration of Codependence...)

- July 4, 1802: The US Military Academy opens at West Point, New York. (Yay, Lloyd!)

- July 4, 1817: Work begins on the Erie Canal. (Shouldn't work have begun on Halloween? Nyuk nyuk nyuk!)

- July 4, 1826: The 2nd and 3rd Presidents of the USA (John Adams and Thomas Jefferson) both die on the same day - the 50th Anniversary of the signing of the Dec. of Ind. (That's what you call ironic.)

- July 4, 1827: Slavery is abolished in New York State. (Now if they could just do something about the Yankees...)

- July 4, 1865: Alice In Wonderland is published. (Lewis Carroll was a crackhead.)

- July 4, 1886: The people of France present the Statue of Liberty to the US. (We couldn't give it back; they didn't keep the receipt.)

- July 4, 1939: Lou Gherig gives his famous "Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth" speech to Yankee Stadium. (Today *today... today... today...*)

- July 4, 1997: NASA's Pathfinder space probe lands on Mars. (First message sent back was, "Lol, there's no one here! WTF!")

Whew! That's a lot of history bits for todayve! I think that's a record. It's alright... I don't think a person can overdose on useless trivia. In honor of Rube Goldberg's birthday today in 1883, I'm posting a wicked-cool Rube Golberg/Honda mashup commercial you may have seen before.



Wish it was in higher-resolution. I'll try and track down a better copy.

Guess I better toss in a Funny Picture, for those that enjoy such things...


Bungee Biking. I would not do that for a million dollars. Well, actually, maybe I would for a million bucks. But definitely not for half a million. Actually, I think I'd do it for half a million bucks too. Hold on, lemme think... Hmm... well, I suppose I'd do it for like fifty grand, maybe... It would have to be like fifty or sixty grand, after taxes... then maybe I'd do it... Of course, I would most likely violently soil myself in the process, so maybe I should bump it up to around seventy-five grand, you know, for pain and humiliation. Then there's the lawyer's fees, which are always much higher than you plan for. Better double it. One hundred fifty grand, minimum.

I'm dangerously close to my next rank promotion in Battlefield 2. I think I'll try for it tonight, after I wrap up here. Once I get that promotion, my life will be complete, and I can die a happy man. Then I'll be able to stand before God at the Great White Throne Judgment and say, "Lord, it took me about 640 hours, but I finally achieved the rank of Master Sergeant in Battlefield 2." And He'll say, "Get this slacker out of my sight!" And I will weep and gnash my teeth.

Hmm... I guess that plan kinda sucks. Wish I'd thought that one through more thoroughly before I sank the 640 hours in...

Well, I am, as they say, "out." I'm going to go now, and silently wonder why Joseph never leaves comments anymore. I figure he either hates me, or he has a life. Hmm... Well, we can't all be lion tamers. Until tomorrow, remember, when you have to shoot, shoot! Don't talk!