Thursday, July 2, 2009
What a Story! Everything but the Bloodhounds Snapping at Her Rear End!
Simmering, simmering, simmering.... man, I'm in a mood tonight...
You know what I hate? BF2's artillery and jets. They drive this man insane.
In fact, here's the list...
Things That Drive Dave Insane (in no particular order)
* Al Franken
* Most other liberals
* Fake religious people
* A certain unnamed woman
* Artillery and Jets in Battlefield 2
* Acid Reflux
* My own propensity for laziness
* Trying to find a parking space in a full lot
* A house in an uproar
* Most reality TV shows
* Nothing good in the house to eat
* Being broke
* Having an awesome fart and no one around to share it with
* Getting no mail
* A certain unnamed woman (she needs two slots)
* Lame movies
* Spam email
* Crashing to desktop
* Being condescended to
Man, that's just off the top of my head. Holy cow, I'm a negative person! Well, I could always counter it with another list...
Things That Dave Loves
* My kids
* A nice steak
* A good book
Uh oh, I'm in trouble...
Things have settled back to normal around the house. Lots of laughing and horsing around and hugginess again. Quite a contrast from 24 to 48 hours ago. I, however, am far from back to normal. In fact, I am really wrestling with bitterness about the whole thing. For the life of me, I will never understand the volcanic pattern. Not only is it unnecessary, it is flat-out destructive. And to hear laughter and goofing off again so soon after an eruption just plain ol' pisses me off, to the nth degree.
My conscience will not permit me to elaborate any further. I only state that to give an idea of where my head's at.
My usual frivolity and goofiness is still numbed from the procedure, so you have my apologies. I'm in post-op, so to speak. I'll be fine, don't fret. I just need a few days to regain my equilibrium and settle some things. In the mean while, I can't make any promises, as far as blog content and readability.
Man, speaking of readability, I read something Havah wrote today that full-on blew me away. It is so good, it's scary. I'm going to presume that it's ok to link to it here, for those interested, knowing that Havah will read this post not long after it goes live, and if she wants me to pull the link, I will gladly do so. Here it is. Read it only if you appreciate stunningly powerful, masterful writing.
Segueing down a few notches, I started the sequel to The Lies of Locke Lamora last night. Didn't make it too far, since it was well past three am when I started. I finished all of the Piranha newsletters for August, though, so that's a plus. I need to edit/format an interview transcript by tomorrow night for Piranha as well. Didn't do any additional jobs for Piranha or any other client this month, which doesn't bode well. Meager days, in many ways. Hey, that rhymed!
Meager Days by Dave Wagner
Meager days, in many ways
Like the hen that no egg lays
Like the sun that sends no rays
Like resolve that bends and sways
Hunt and peck and glide along
Spin the dial, find that song
Hum and tap, it won't be long
Turn the tide, write that wrong
Meager days can help you see
The path to lame, forced poetry
Overwrought and quite corny
"End it now" you'll scream and plead
"Before my eyes begin to bleed!"
And mercifully I'll have agreed
And I'll shut the heck up before you walk over here and kick me squarely in the gonads, which is unfun.
Meh, got a bit rough there at the end, but I still believe it is a piece worthy of my stature as a poet laureate. Of course, it wounds my heart with monotonous languor...
I better throw in a Funny Picture, before you start pelting me with rotten fruit...
Someone! Someone is! Someone is about to get! A face-full of dirt! Whooooo! Look out, bruthuh! This one's bound to bring the pain! Hope you have a good dental plan, my friend! Say cheese! Hope you don't soil yourself while you're out cold, big guy! Blammo! What is this red liquid coming from my paw?
There... did that work?
No? Hmm... guess I'll add a "funny" video into the mix... time for some Techno Toddler...
Hows that? Does that take the edge off that bad poem? It did? OK, good, we're cool again... whew. I almost had to break out my nice photographic series "Celebrities With Vye's Hair Photoshopped Onto Them" a few days early... Good, now I can wait until just the right time to launch that one. Timing is everything with comedy, you know that...
Shannon... I have a "prize" for you for winning the Quote Contest... but it's a secret. You have to be patient. Vye, if you tell her what it is, I'll do mean, rude and thoroughly ignoble things to you! Great, here it comes... the 'Victoria Cross' bit again...
Well, I think I'm going to call it a day. Kinda strung out a bit, like a barely-visible kite. This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid." Until tomorrow, remember, 227 Lears... and I can't remember the first line....