Sunday, May 24, 2009

Why, Yes, This Is a Pair of Briefs on My Head.


Oddly enough, I felt the urge to hop on early today and write a "Part One" for today. It's still before 9 am, and we haven't left Phoenix yet. Part Two will, I'm sure, be forthcoming in about 12 hours or so... I posted last night too, so if you want, you can scroll down further and read that...

Interesting night. More cactus dreams for the 3 year old again. I can't help but chuckle - she's so serious and afraid that there's a cactus in the room and that she's going to poke her fingers on the prickles... they never teach you how to handle stuff like that in Parenting Class! What the heck? Monsters, bad guy, dinosaurs, sure... cactus? An attack cactus? I suppose I could make an attack cactus a character in my comic, when I get back into it...

Also, Chris found a drug pipe in her bed when she went to turn in for the night, and the girls (understandably) freaked out. I'll be sure to make a loud point of it when we check out here shortly.

Wanted to express some thoughts on Terminator Salvation, which I see is cruising at about 34% on rotten tomatoes (while Star Trek is holding firm at 95% positive).

Guess I should start with the positives. The visuals are quite good. There are nice explosions. There are two action sequences that are almost worth the price of admission itself - IF you have successfully disconnected your brain during the opening credits. If you think about the movie at all, you're sunk.

Christian Bale is a gump in this film. His acting is phoned in, his dialog weak, he survives WAY too many ridiculous situations that should have killed him, including several helicopter crashes (that he strolls away from), hand-to-hand combat with terminators (including being hit so hard he's flung across the room and into walls/machinery), a metal pole being shoved through his chest, and best of all, a heart transplant at the end, in a field hospital that is basically a couple cots tarped off in a junk yard. I guess they picked the right guy to lead "the resistance"... he's friggin indestructable. PUKE.

The feel of the film is an odd mix of Fallout 3, Resident Evil: Extinction, Transformers, Matrix Revolutions and Escape From New York. But it's lifeless, ridiculous, and apparently all moot, since the ending narration says that "we may have won the battle, but the war is far from over". Ah, nice! More sequels are on the way!

But if you just like to watch explosions and giant robots, they hey, it'll make a good rental. They introduce several new terminators, including a towering, three-story tall goliath that somehow manages to sneak up unsuspectingly on a group of hardened veteran resistence fighters, even though through the rest of the scene, the ground shakes like a Dave-O fart whenever it moves. They should have known it was coming when it was miles away, rather than when it reaches through the roof to grab the old lady leader...

It also has motorcycle transformer robots that must have made Michael Bay a little miffed to see. And swimming snake-like terminators that cruised the rivers.

The storyline in a nutshell: John Connor must locate his dad (then a teenager) and make sure he survives so that he can send him back in time (a la the first movie), to boink his mom, thus ensuring John Connor's existance. Uhh... ok. There's also a dude that gets lethally injected on death row in the 90's who wakes up in the future (surprise!) only to find out he's a terminator/human hybrid secretly programmed to kill John Connor (insert eye-roll here). Of course, he decides to destroy some guidance chip in his head and fight along side Connor instead. Then he donates his heart to Connor at the end, since "we all deserve a second chance". And the surgeon performing the transplant? John Connor's very-pregnant wife, who apparently is a post-apocalyptic heart surgeon, among other things.

As lame as I'm making it sound, it is, in fact, lamer still.

I give it 4 farts out of 10, for the two action sequences that almost make it worth watching, and I recommend waiting to see it as a rental, if ever.

Gonna go help prepare for departure. Check later for Part Two, unless you actually have a life and are doing far more important and interesting things than reading my drivel. Until then, I ask you: What are you waiting for? You're faster than this! Don't think you are... know you are!

PART TWO:

"Food mart" or "Mood fart", which one?

We are home! Woohoo! Feels great to come home to a clean house. I can't wait to bounce on my own bed tonight wearing nothing but a kilt and a smile!

The trip home was pretty uneventful - aside from the end-of-the-journey angst that bubbles out from a family that has spent a bit too much time in close proximity. It was nice to have a great car to travel in. I'd actually consider going again this summer, if the travel was going to be that smooth. Of course, I'd never dream of asking my dad to borrow his car again... I'll consider that a one-time act of reckless kindness on his part, and forever be in his debt.

Got a call from mom on the ride, with news that "the rug" sold at auction yesterday for 70K euros. That's a pretty stinkin' nice payday; I'm stoked for her. She deserves it, every penny. Or every pfennig, or whatever.

The desert is nice, I guess. Too bad we didn't drive at night - I could have (maybe) seen something like this...


Man, o man, that is awesome. PLEASE click the "full screen" button and watch it full screen... if it takes a while to load, please be patient - it is worth the wait. Talk about making one feel very, very small...

Looks like Bob is pulling away on points, as far as movie quotes. Maybe I should limit how many one person can identify per post...

Got home too late tonight for a trip to evening service to make sense. So I stayed home. Gonna watch Yes Man with the family, shower and go to bed early tonight. I need to hit the ground running tomorrow. For once, I have plans for tomorrow's post, what with it being Memorial Day and all. Stay tuned...

I'm going to call it a night. It's good to be home. Congrats mom, you're awesome. Talk to you all soon.

Until tomorrow, remember, I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats.

8 comments:

Bob the Sinister said...

a lot of spoilers for the new Terminator.. thanx :/

btw... "we may have won the battle, but the war is far from over" is from the new Terminator... mwahahahahah!!!! :D

Bob the Sinister said...

and "What are you waiting for? You're faster than this! Don't think you are... know you are" is from the Matrix of course... no need for Google :D

Dave-O said...

BUHAHAHHAHA great stuff sir, i had absolutly no desire to watch the movie, so that helped out greatly, burned out on the whole termanator thing. Anyway, thats crazy bout the pipe in the bed, should be a full re-embursment for the stay, of course if they don't try the turn around sayin it's yours, but we all know better than that, complain from the rooftops sir, make your voice heard, and if that doesn't work a smack in their face always will :D

Grace said...

i've been meaning to tell you that you do need to read terry brooks, i am surprised you haven't already since you are a big fantasy buff. but in order of the chronilogical stories, not how he wrote them. sort of like c.s lewis, he wrote them all backwards.
you'll be fine though because if you can sort through the song of fire and ice series, then you can breeze through this
oh yeah, sorry we burned your house down

Joseph said...

Snatch. That's the second Snatch quote, didn't know you were such a big fan. Love that movie.

Glad to hear you're back safe and sound. That's awesome about the rug. Young Johnny was over yesterday and we were talking about it. I'm really happy for her.

I didn't know you owned a kilt. I must say though you jumping on the bed in one is an odd image.

Thanks for the heads up on Terminator, I'm going to miss it for now. Hope Yes Man is enjoyable for you. I found it amusing.

Rebekah said...

I was really excited to see Terminator and am bummed it turned out so horrible. So, I guess thanks for the heads up. Saved me 12 bucks.

And you should really see Star Trek. I would even see it again and I am fairly critical of movies.

B. said...

i've seen the Yes Man... pretty funny movie... although it can't compare to Jim Carrey's earlier comedies...

Grace said...

i have always loved christian bale and now i am so bummed he was in such a turd of a movie. omg, i used turd as a word. i'm turning into dave. not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing. as far as my opinion of terminators, they should have stopped with the first one.
sorry all, will NOT be seeing star trek. since i didn't see any of the last 200 of them, how can i justify suddenly becoming a new treckie?