This Is No Democracy! This Is A Dictatorship! I Am The Law.

"Road trip" or "Toad rip", which one?

Greetings from the great outdoors! And by 'great outdoors,' I mean the world outside my home office. We're certainly not camping in the woods... as I mentioned yesterday, we're at the Hilton in Phoenix/Mesa, in a suite, no less. Man, my sister hooked us up well. The family is down at the pool at the moment (yes, I dropped the kids off at the pool, lol), and I have the room to myself. I dropped $10 on a weak wireless signal so I could post a quick update...

Man, the number of comments has exploded since the modified Movie Quote Contest was initiated. It makes me feel so important to get so many comments! Which means I shall now start charging you to read this blog. Sorry, once you get important enough, you have to cash it in... so everyone send me a bunch of money, and I will convert it to dollar bills, spread it out on the floor and roll around them, making snow angels, laughing maniacally, like Dr. Evil... I know, I know... greed isn't a virtue. I have other virtues... but none of my virtues were on your list! Even then it was as if you didn't want me for your son!

That reminds me... two movie quotes slipped through unidentified yesterday, so I get 4 more points! ROAR! The first was "you now have 16 minutes to reach minimum safe distance," which was the female computer voice from the end of Aliens, when the nuclear reactor was nearing destruction. The other was the line about "my mom's intestines exploding", which came from While You Were Sleeping. You guys nailed the rest, good work.

Todayve In History: May 16

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- May 16, 1866: Charles Elmer Hires invents Root Beer! (To celebrate, he got root drunk!)

- May 16, 1920: In Rome, the Pope cannonized Joan of Arc as a saint. (Wasn't she Noah's wife?)

- May 16, 1929: The first Academy Awards are handed out. (Man! Spielberg got snubbed again!)

- May 16, 1836: Edgar Allen Poe marries his 13 year old cousin Virginia. (Thus confirming his nick name, Edgar Allen Perv)

I love root beer! It's my favorite soda... ironic, since it has no caffeine in it. Gotta love those bubbles. Bubbles! My bubbles!

Funny Picture Time:

This guy tried to figure women out. FAIL.

We'll be taking advantage of my sister's generousity soon, and ordering room service. They have a Kobe burger... hmm... If I get that, I'll take a picture of it and do a "guest blog" post on warmonger smurf's blog...

Wifey wants to go to bed early tonight... I don't blame her. She was up until 2 am prepping for the trip, and then got up at 6 am. So she's zonked. That means she'll sleep soundly tonight... and that means she won't be waking up when I shave one of her eyebrows as she sleeps! MUAHAHAHAH!!!! Man, we seem to be short on brotherly love round here...

And now, in honor of Janet Jackson's 43rd birthday, I will now have a wardrobe malfunction. WHOOPS! Wow, I'm glad my webcam wasn't running just now! How embarassing would THAT have been! Whew! Glad that only happens once a year (or so)!

And now.... CAT OVERLOAD!

You're not much use to me alive, are you Turkish...

Had an interesting chat with wifey on the drive out here, which I'll try to gather my thoughts about and post some condensed words about here sometime this week. If I tried now, I would ramble like a moron and you would lose the few shreds of respect you have left for me. Then it's one small step to cannibalism - and trust me, I don't taste good... 

I suppose that's enough nonsense for tonight. Until tomorrow, remember, you could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earings he gives you.