Thursday, May 21, 2009

When I Was A Kid, I Used To Think There Was A Baker Under My Bed


"Chapped lips" or "Lapped chips", which one? Or how about "Slapped hips"?

Nice moon, eh? Unfortunately for Dimitri, that is the only moon I'll post in this blog... sorry, Dimitri. Well, and this moon --> (__|__), but that's it. No mas. I'm not sure that picture is a legit pic - I think it's a photoshop. I can't imagine a moon bright enough to take a pic like that.. still, me likey. So long, Earth. Catch you on the flip side...

It's been a good day today, so far. It's still early afternoon as I write this, but I like to post while I can. Things are in such flux here, there's no way to guess where I'll be from one hour to the next. 

Wifey took Mother-In-Law to get her eye lasered this morning. While they were gone, the rest of us did something very familiar... we hit the nearby mall to grab grub at the food court. Although without wifey there, it felt just... wrong. Like Disneyland without Mickey Mouse. We did the "happy mall wanderer" routine for a while until one of the kids felt sick, which was our cue to bail. 

Came home, dumped the kids off, got back in the car and got the heck out! I went to get a haircut. There's a strip mall nearby, so I went into a generic hair salon place and got me a $10 snip. I feel 10 pounds lighter! Then I hit up a nearby Starbucks (hello, Mr. Macchiato!) and was pleased to see a book store nearby. Ah, is there anything better than the feeling you get walking into a cavernous book store? Ah, so many books, so little time!

Yes, Laythe, I know... I have the Terry Brooks book with me, I'm getting to it soon. But I can't resist a liesurely browse at a book store. I ended up buying a couple books by someone named Scott Lynch: The Lies of Locke Lamora and Red Seas Under Red Skies. I've seen them recommended online before, and so I bought them for future reading. They need to age on my shelf at home for a while, next to the others.

The Borders bookstore I went to had some great quotes painted up on the wall. The two best ones I saw were: "When I get near the end of a great book, I have to sleep in the same room with it," which was said by some lady whose name I swore I would remember. Guess I better try to google it, hold on... found it. Jane Didion

The other quote was by Groucho Marx, which is hilarious: "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read."

Loved it. 

I checked the release date on the upcoming Joe Abercrombie book, Best Served Cold. It comes out July 14. I asked about ordering it from overseas (since it comes out in June in the UK) and they said it's a hassle and the shipping costs are more than the book itself. So it looks like I wait. Better get on that Brooks book soon... "OK... what if I did have a book down my trousers. What then?"

I've been so paranoid about driving my Dad's car. I mean, "lock it in a vault and don't touch it" type of paranoid. And yet, it seems, God is set on turning my paranoia on it's head, and it is a giant distress to me. First, wifey was driving through Payson AZ, and the speed limit suddenly plunged, followed quickly by a flashing light at a speed limit sign. We think she got a ticket. After the angst of that wore off, and we arrived in ABQ, I was paranoid about parking it anywhere where it was at risk of getting a door ding. If it was my car, I couldn't care less - which is obvious by the amount of dings in the door of my own car. But I REALLY didn't want one in Dad's car. 

Alas, I had to park in a full lot one night on base, and I came down the next morning to a ding in the door. My heart dropped into my stomach, and I practically crumbled. DANGIT! I kept checking, hoping it was my imagination. Nope, there it is. I *sincerely* hope it can come out.

So my paranoia about the car re-doubled and I became impossible. I bet you know what I'm going to say next... 

Yep, I was driving yesterday, and I was waiting to turn right, to enter cross traffic at a major street. Three lanes, each direction. The closest lane was clear, but cars were approaching in lane two and three. Normally, I would, like a pansy, wait until all three lanes were clear before pulling into traffic, but someone pulled up behind me and I got nervous. The first lane was clear, so in I went. Again, remember the paranoia... so I wanted to avoid pulling out too far and getting hit, so I ended up cutting the turn a bit too close and kissed the curb. I didn't think anything of it until later, when I saw the underside of the edge of the bumper, by the front passenger side wheel. Sure enough, a scrape. And I can't even blame wifey. It was all me.

So, what can I do? I considered flinging myself off of a downtown roof, but I decided that might be an over-reaction. Instead, I will photograph the ding and the scrape, email them to my dad so he isn't surprised upon our return, and hope for the best. I will, of course, cover whatever costs to repiar the damage.

:O "You scratched my car!"

"Where?"

"Right there!"

"Oh. That was already there."

So that leaves several more days of potential disasters. I'm a wreck.

Better change subjects. Here's a Funny Picture:


Sorry, I know it's wrong, but it's also funny...

Hmm... I still feel bad about the car... I better put in a cat clip. See if that helps...



Hmm. That didn't work either. Perhaps if you told him I ran the second largest banking house in Amsterdam...

Well, I suppose I'll call it a day. I trust the rest of your week will proceed smoothly. 

Until then: How could I forget you? You're the only person I know!

11 comments:

Ghannah said...

Hi,
Well, maybe God is working on you needing to trust Him to take care of you and your dad's car. And maybe He is working on your dad too. It isn't like you are being careless.

I enjoy your blogs.
Casablanca, Notting Hill, a bunch of others I don't know yet, Abbie's on vacation so we might not hear from her regularly

Grace

David Wagner said...

10 points for Grace!

And now I know who Ghannah is... today's mystery: solved.

I'm glad you like the blogs... I'm just a goof with too much time on his hands...

Avari said...

I would definitely choose"Slapped Hips". Thank you Dave, for reserving yourself in the area of moons (unlike Dimitri) ahaha. I like that quote about sleeping in the same room as the book. I totally feel that way.

You know what it's cause you tried so hard not to scratch his car that you scratched it. Every time I try super hard not to do something I get all tense and end up doing the exact thing I didn't want to do.

Good job keepin up the blog!

Joseph said...

Liar Liar and Bourne Identity. Wish I could place the title, sounds really familiar.

I must say your blog had me on the edge of my seat. I'm glad to hear it was just a scratch on the bumper. You had me expecting a 3 car pile up or something. When do you come home? You've been out there forever.

You can always drown your sorrows in iced coffee. Have you tried their ice coffee + 2% + syrup of your choice? It's kicked my starbucks addiction back into full force :(

I must agree with Shannon. Especially at work if I know my boss is watching and I know I have to do everything right ... I mess up. It happens.

Hi Grace!

John. said...

dude, today was the perfect day for a mask quote, when he goes into the repair place. I felt it coming, but then the quote never came.

I too was expecting a car pile up, I was gonna give you a high five and be happy I wasn't the only crazy driver in the family. alas, not meant to be.

marky said...

Terry Brooks is an amazing writer. I finished The Gypsy Morph a few months back, and I really enjoyed it. His books are extremely easy to read. He keeps up the pace well with short chapters.

Best served cold is on my list too. It better be good after I’m being forced to actually buy a copy now. Ouch, you’ve opened an old wound, are you happy!?!

I’m in the middle of A Game of Thrones, and it’s brilliant. Memory, Sorrow and Thorn by Tad Williams, has the same epic feel to it.

Good luck with the car situation, I’m sure your Da will be fine. I mean, isn’t it every son’s duty to damage his father’s car? It’s traditional!

Bobinho said...

the title is from RocketMan! :P

good to be back, btw... was occupied these last few days! keep it up, dave..

have a great weekend everybody!

B.

Bobinho said...

"So long, Earth. Catch you on the flip side" is from Apollo 13!

David Wagner said...

10 points for Joe and 10 points for Bob. That's all the quotes. Good work.

I should have put a Mask quote in, you're right, John. I'll try to be more "on it!"

Marky: A word of warning about GRRMartin. He takes forever to produce books, and he plans 8 books to finish the series. The long-awaited book 5 is supposed to come out in the next 12 months or so... it is a terrific series, but it's many years between hits, be prepared...

Bobinho said...

i'm still at book 10 of the Wheel Of Time series.. next on my list is the Sword of Truth series...

thanx for the points ;)

Anonymous said...

HIL.
ARIOUS.

You're automobile mishaps were deliciously nerve-wracking to read. I'm sorry to get a chuckle out of your misery but very funny story.

...but now you have me wondering if your father is some sort of ogre-father. The kind who makes you pick out your own switch before he beats you with it. The kind who will mete such a punishment to you even though you are a grown man. I'm sure that's not true. Still, what punishment awaits you at home? Silent treatment? Endless nagging? Water boarding?

Thank you for saying "couldn't care less" and not "could care less" ...a small pet peeve of mine.

And the YMCA picture- really terrible, but funny. I felt guilty for laughing but what could I do? The laughter poured out before I could swallow it...

Best blog ever.... more! more!