My Left Buttcheek Just Twitched... This Means Something...

"Take me at my word" or "Wake me at my turd", which one?

Weekend is nearly spent - hope it's been good for you so far... beautiful, sunny SoCal day today. Lazy day. Uneventful. I've found that life is so much more peaceful when you lock yourself away in your little house, zone out in front of the computer/TV and ignore the fact that life is complex and difficult for most of the world. Reminds me of that scene in The Matrix, where that Judas guy was making a deal with Agent Smith over dinner, in exchange for betraying Morpheus. He's like, "I don't want to remember nothing... NOTHING! And I want to be someone important, like a politician. Or an actor!"

Or a rock star...

Was watching some Henry Rollins Uncut episodes just now, which seem to have a certain amount of substance mixed in with his empty anecdotes. He tries hard to carry weight and discuss deep issues, but you can kinda tell he's struggling to maintain the illusion. Points for trying, though. The two episodes I watched focused on South Africa and on Northern Ireland. It's strange to have the show bounce back and forth between his live story telling of his days in Black Flag, and his nonobjective history lessons (history lite, really) about struggles and conflicts in the world. You know, he doesn't do a bad job, really, I mean, I see him working, I think he's trying. He tries to present balancing opinions from both sides, but it is obvious where his sympathies lie.

And it's obvious what his position is on the US military in Iraq, but I won't go there, lol.

Anyway, it's cool to watch him tooling around North Ireland - I recognized some of the places from my own trip to Belfast in 2001. Still not sure I have a firm enough grasp on the issues behind "the Troubles" over there to form an opinion on it one way or the other, so I will spinelessly stay neutral. I liked Ireland when I was there; met some really good people. I hope they are well.

Hey, check this out - I hope you can read it ok... not sure how long ago it was, but it made me laugh...



I guess when you reach a certain level of fame, you shift into thinking you can change the world. Hey, I say go for it, you know? Every little bit helps, I guess. Sometimes I look at the news from around the world, and the closet whiny liberal in me says "Gee, why can't people just get along?" You ever do that? Find yourself thinking, "You know, if everybody was more like me, there'd be no murder, there's be no rape or theft, everyone would just chill, play games, fart a lot, and get along famously." Of course, that's ridiculously naive, I know. I mean, take me, as I am, and drop me into the situations that many people live in today, and watch me crumble from the pressure and angst, and likely respond violently. My chillness is the result of my very fortunate, relatively sheltered lifestyle. I don't feel guilty for it - I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts. You know, that whole "who knows what tomorrow holds," that sort of thing.

Well, I know what tomorrow holds for me: Teaching Sunday School tomorrow, for starters. Yup, I'm getting my class back, at least for the next few weeks. I think tomorrow I'll discuss the difference between pull-pin grenades and rocket-propelled grenades, that's a classic lesson of mine. Yeah, my class is different like that, Joseph could tell you, I'm sure. Abbie too. We'll use the Bible as a springboard for all manner of fun tangents. History lessons, the dynamics of tidal wave formation, medievil siege tactics, and heavily-modified "Davist" versions of classic Old Testament tales. I figure the kids know the stories by heart already by the time they hit my class, I might as well have fun with it, you know?

Anyway, Sunday's church day. Mother's Day, too. O_O Man, Mother's Day drives me nuts. I plan on calling up my mom and belching the phrase "I love you, mom!" and then tell her, "hey, ma, if you could see me now, you'd see I'm doing the Happy Mother Dance!" That dance involves a lot of wiggling, squatting, some flatulence and primal screaming, all while clutching a long-stemmed rose in my teeth. Oddly enough, it's very similar to my "Spring Equinox Jig" and my "Hanukkah Shuffle".

The Happy Poop Stomp is what I have to do when taking my 3 year old to the potty to "drop the kids off at the pool", if you'll pardon the colorful colloquialism. It's sort of a 'sumo/smokey the bear/charging rhino' type expression of dance that is triggered by a "successful negotiation of the release of the chocolate hostage", if you will.

"Dad, I'm done! Do the Happy Poop Stomp!"

Sometimes she'll join me for a duet, and we'll stomp around the bathroom. You won't see THAT on Dancing with the Stars, that's for sure!

No, I won't post a video of it...

I will post a clip of a cat that apparently swallowed a slinky, though...

Cats are so cool. If I wanted to, I'd post another half-dozen cat clips that are just as weird - or weirder. But it's not good for you to watch too many cat clips in a row, unless you've trained heavily for it, like I have. Otherwise it could lead to drowsiness, catnip addiction, uncontrollable flatulence, manic dementia and ticklish acne. So I'm doing you a favor by rationing the cat clips. You'll thank me eventually.

By the way, I should issue an unnecessary disclaimer at this point: when I post a clip here, usually, when it finishes playing, it shows thumbnails of more clips you can watch, or even links directly to the site I got the clip from. Further clip watching and browsing is at your own risk! I cannot be held responsible for the content of any other "suggested" videos, some of which are stupid and/or offensive.

Well, you know how the internet is... But where else will you find cool stuff like this:



I mean, the record holder for the tallest Lego tower in the world? You can't find THAT on your local news! See how much more enriched your life is right now, since seeing that Lego tower? I had to wade through a lot of useless crap to find that little gem! OK, not really, but still!

Todayve In History: May 10
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- May 10, 1869: The first Transcontinental Railroad is completed, linking the east and west coast of the US together. (Coast to coast in a blisteringly fast 7 days! O_o)

- May 10, 1801: The Barbary pirates of Tripoli declare war on the USA. (Pretty cheeky, for a minor league baseball team...)

- May 10, 1893: The Supreme Court of the US rules that a tomato is a vegetable, not a fruit. (However, they ruled that Liberace was a fruit, but everyone knew that already...)

- May 10, 1940: Winston Churchill becomes Prime Minister of the UK. (Not bad for a guy in a top hat.)

Finished the Chronicles of the Black Company trilogy last night - was up until 4 am! Ouch! I wish they made books that zapped you with 20K volts of electricity when it turns 2 am... anyway, very satisfying ending. I'm glad I read it. The cool thing is, it was written in such a way that I could stop and be fine, or continue to the next trilogy, which continues the tale through the smallest of open story loops at the end of the book. Well done, I'd say.

I may take a break from reading for a few days, and try to get my body clock back in order.

Oh, and I broke one of my resolutions for the year. I bought a game at the mall today. Rainbow Six Vegas 2. Hey, it was only $9.99, and it was on my "I Wanna Buy This Game and Let It Sit Unopened On My Shelf for Months" list! So I had to get it... you understand, I'm sure...

I think I'll hit the bricks now (a clever Lego reference there, for consistency's sake). Gonna go play a round or three of Battlefield 2 before turning in for the night.

Until tomorrow, remember, don't eat the play-doh.