Thursday, May 28, 2009

I Was Wonderin' When El Capitan Was Gonna Get a Chance to Use His Popgun...

"Flying saucer" or "Sighing flosser", which one?

Gudentag y'all. Tis I, Dave the Unstable, broadcasting to you live from my air raid bunker deep beneath the streets of Southern California. Solid concrete walls 5 feet thick, unadorned. A lone bare lightbulb hangs spiderlike from a frayed cord in the center of the room. The soft static of a barely-working ham radio the only sound in the room. Cigarette butts on the floor by the dozen. Somewhere in the distance, the echo of slowly dripping water. It's quiet. Too quiet.

I sigh deeply and glance over at the nearly-empty 10 quart pot of baked beans sitting on the gas powered coleman stove. It has taken me most of the night to eat all those beans - there are but a few bites remaining. They mock me from the bottom of the pan, certain that I have no room left for them inside me. But they are wrong. It would take a lot more than 10 quarts of baked beans to fill the emptiness within me. The bent metal spoon trembles in my hand as I reach deep into the pot for another bite. Very soon now, the coleman stove will not be the only thing in this small room that is gas powered.

But it must be done. It is the price I must pay for the war effort.

And now, a word from one of our sponsors...

Rug shop day today! Got signed up for Traffic Geyser, and I'm now in the process of learning all there is to learn about driving traffic to websites using accurately-tagged and submitted videos. It's actually a lot more fascinating than it sounds. If it's done right, it's crazy effective. If I get good at it, I could offer website optimization as a service to my clients (not just the rug shop), so that's that.

Johnny boy is on his way to Vegas for a couple weeks, the lucky stiff. Golf, women and booze for several weeks! Only, you know, without the women and booze part... John would never let a woman get between him and his favorite sand wedge. And there's no high like consecutive birdies, so the alcohol is moot as well. And the ball travels so far off the tee way up there in those mile-high altitudes! No, wait, that's Denver, nevermind... Well, if he gets bored, he could always try for the record for consecutive viewings of the outdoor water fountain show at the Bellagio...

I have a confession to make (No, Paula, I'm not stealing your material!). I watched the Zohan movie last night on Netflix Watch Instantly. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough to confess, I also have to say, I haven't laughed that hard in a good long time. Granted, I don't necessarily recommend the film, unless you can stomach an inordinate amount of, shall we say, reproductive humor... but there were a bunch of really funny (silly) scenes. I am quite thoroughly not an Adam Sandler fan, but I thought he was funny in this one, in spite of the bad accent. It's a goofy comedy that served it's purpose... namely, a brief escape from certain cold, hard realities which shall remain unnamed at this time...

Funny Picture Time!

Yeah, I know, you've seen that one a hundred times before, sorry.

Todayve In History: May 29
- May 29, 1953: Sir Edmund Hillary and sherpa Tenzing Norgay become the first people ever to reach the summit of Mt. Everest. (They raced snowboards back down again. Totally gnarly!)

- May 29, 1999: The space shuttle Discovery completes the first docking with the International Space Station. (They stopped by to borrow some eggs and a few rolls of TP)

- May 29, 2004: The World War II Memorial is dedicated in Washington DC. (I was there shortly thereafter... it is awesome to see.)

- May 29, 1917: John F. Kennedy was born. (Back, and to the left... back, and to the left...)

Man, if JFK was still alive, he'd be 92 today! Man, would he be tired!

During our brief break from movie quoting, I thought I'd post this cool video clip I found called The 100 Best Movie Lines (in 200 Seconds)...

I thought that was well done... although I'm sure everyone would likely have a slightly modified list of the 100 best movie lines of all time... still, a fun watch, methinks.

If we were still assigning points for movie quotes, I would have got 4 points yesterday, for the two quotes I snuck by ya... the title was from Pride and Prejudice and the closing line was from Waiting for Guffman.

Well, I have to get moving on this month's newsletter files for my clients - supposed to get them done before the first - gives me two days to get them done - should be enough time. Gonna go get on it now, so that's that for today. Until tomorrow, great job, team... head back to base for debriefing and cocktails.


Dave-O said...

haha, love it, LOL. The shark/squid vid....interesting and in my unlimited bordem out here, I would probely watch it. The movie quotes vid...AWESOME!!!!

Bobinho said...

loved your intro! :D

which reminds me.. how is your novel coming along??

David Wagner said...

Did you just ask me about my novel? Did you... just ASK ME ABOUT MY NOVEL!!!?!?!?!

>:O AAAAAA!!!!!

(Dave drowns himself in a vat of liquid jello)

Interpretation: "Uh... not good..."

Bobinho said...

too bad :/

i'd love to read it some day :/ you could send it to me as a prize for winning the movie quote competition :P

Paula Titus said...

Have to agree with Bobinho about the intro - some fantastic writing! I'd say you should write a novel or something but fear it would take you away from entertaining us here, and everyone knows our entertainment comes first.

Grace said...

quotes: The Thing for the title, and Team America for your ending quote
I always knew you could write a book. new people are just now discovering what we people that have known you forever have already known. you're freaking brilliant.
you lose 5 points for liking zohan though. that movie was such a tool. So crass. All the funny parts were in the preview. Give me jack black any day over adam sandler.

Grace said...

ooh, i just noticed your rub about sodoku? are you sickening good like you are at boggle? i wasn't trying to insinuatate you were simply a 'fake fan' but trying to determine if you really played like i do, or if you were simply filling in space with something clever for your blog fans to do while reading your blog.
and you should hide in bible verses

David Wagner said...

I'm glad you guys enjoy my random nonsense. And Grace, if you keep flattering me like that, I'll give you bonus points when the scoreboard starts up again!

I play sudoku a lot, actually. I find the puzzles in this blog too easy, though... I can zip through them way quicker than the "average". I wonder if the puzzles will fit in the side margin now... I'll have to test it later...