Monday, May 11, 2009

"I Could Peel You Like A Pear and God Himself Would Call It Justice!"

"Resources" or "race horses", you decide...

Greetings, one and all! Huzzah! Huzzah!

OK, maybe not "one and all"... there's a couple people I'd leave off the list, such as the people responsible for the creation of the Steaming Pile of Fecal Matter that was the film Eagle Eye. I do not include them in my hearty greetings; they are unworthy. In fact, divide all those responsible for that film into two groups by gender. The males will receive a swift kick to the nether regions, and be sent to bed early, without supper. The females will be forced to shave their legs with dull razors, and will be prevented from shaving their armpits for a full month. In fact, go ahead and withhold my greetings to every one of them until November first... saving the director. His greetings will be withheld until the beginning of fiscal year 2011.

I haven't been forced to endure such a film since I watched Forbidden Kingdom a few months back. I'm of the opinion that the people responsible for such visual mayonnaise should be forced to get together once a year, forever, as a group, and watch the film - AND the special features. There can be no greater punishment, in my humble estimation...

What... a... turd.

Yay! The shopping cart section of Rug Care Central is live and kicking! Go take a look and tell me what you think!

Or not. I certainly can't force you to click THIS LINK and go take a peek. Especially since clicking THIS LINK will direct you away from my blog and who knows... you may never return. It may be so fascinating, you'll get lost in the wonder of it all and miss cool video clips, like this one...

And wouldn't that be a shame.

Is it just me, or do you feel a strong compulsion to slap that kid's glasses off of his face?

Well, I made a big mistake about an hour ago. It was around 10 pm, and I was frustrated and hungry - a bad combination. I had a few VERY bad rounds of Battlefields 2 in a row, and so I was grumpy. I quit in disgust, decided I was hungry, stomped into the kitchen, looked around at a whole bunch of nothing to eat, and decided to make some eggs. And dangit, I didn't want apple juice to drink, cuz that's sick! And water is too common for someone of my level of unfulfilled greatness! That left only one thing to drink with my eggs... that's right... my second Guava Rockstar energy drink of the day!

Let's take a look at the stats, shall we?

Two 16oz cans of Rockstar:
360 calories
80g sugars
84g total carbohydrates
120mg sodium
4000mg taurine
320mg caffeine
600mg ginko biloba leaf extract
100mg guarana seed extract
and a bunch of other B vitamins, to make it seem like I'm being a smidgen healthy at the same time!

Let's see... someone in my home office right now is a complete idiot. Hmm, let's consider who that might be... I believe he's a male (hold on, lemme check... yep, male), I think he's sitting in my office chair... I think he's updating his blog right now... and I think he's going to be up all night thinking about it, while his pulse plays a several-hour-long drum solo...

Funny Picture Time:

Wish I had a helmet like that... kind of ties into the Eagle Eye movie, now that I think about it. And now that I'm thinking about it, I'm getting angry again. People that make bad films should be forced to eat something really disgusting once a day for a year. Like a bug or something dairy-based that is right about to spoil. The list could rotate, so every day it would be a mystery. Or there could be a website where people could sign up to suggest something disgusting for the next day, and people could vote on it and stuff. I'd vote for raw hot dogs myself... dipped in mayonnaise...

Mayonnaise is of the devil.

I told you yesterday how I broke one of my New Year's resolutions - I wasn't going to purchase any new PC games for a year, in an effort to force myself to play the games I already have on my shelf, many of which I still have never tried. I broke the resolution yesterday, with my purchase of a $9.99 copy of Rainbow Six Vegas 2. And today, I bought another game...

They FINALLY dropped the price on Call of Duty 4 down to $29.99. I have been waiting for 18+ months for the price to drop from $49.99. I have never seen a game stay at full retail price for so long - it's ridiculous. In fact, it was up in the $50-$60 range this past Christmas! It actually increased beyond the initial full retail price! Insane! So even though I really wanted the game, I wasn't going to buy it, on principle. I would out-wait them, and purchase it only when the price dropped.

$29.99 - couldn't pass that up. Yay! I have next-to-no discipline and self-control! YAY!


Todayve In History: May 12
Some noteworthy birthdays today!

Katharine Hepburn was born May 12, 1907. Man, was she a knockout when she was younger. And make no mistake, the woman could act.

George Carlin was born May 12, 1937. I love Carlin, primarily because of his obvious love of the English language. Man, the things he could do with words, I loved it. Of course, he was also frequently filthy, which is a bummer, and I certainly didn't agree with him on politics and religion, but I loved him nonetheless. The 7 part interview with Carlin that the Archive of American Television did with him shortly before he died is a terrific watch, if you ever have the time.

Tony Hawk was born May 12, 1968. Here's a link to his first 900.

I think that will be it for me today. Until tomorrow, remember, never do card tricks for the group you play poker with...


marky said...

You're in the same boat as me! I have plenty of games that I've not completed, and I won't be buying anymore until I've finished all of them.
I'm playing Dracula Origin for the PC at the moment. It's a really hard game. The puzzles in it are really cryptic....either that or I'm really stupid! I actually thought about using a walkthrough, but then I had someone slap me really hard and I changed my mind.

I took a look at your rug website. I feel sorry for rugs. Everybody just walks right over them! Ok, that was a lame rug joke. Here’s a worse one:

A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident, and hopes a sales person does not pop up at that moment. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap in your pants when you hear what the price is."

I’ll get ma coat….

The Bobster said...

haahaha.. that kind kinda reminded me a little of you :D

btw, check your PMs on TQ IGN ;)

don't you just love talking in codes??? :D

The Bobster said...

that kid* :D

Vye said...

Can't down the kid for enjoying his music :)

If you think you'd like to put your energy drinks down for a bit, I'd like to recommend these bars. Eat one for lunch and you'll be good on energy till it is time for bed. I like them because you feel good the rest of the day instead of a burst of choppy energy followed by a feeling somewhat similar to falling on your face. At least for me :) I'll bring you one Sunday if you want to try it.

*Dave's heart*: Do it Dave... Do it...

Rebekah said...

For my grad Joe bought me the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I don't know if you had heard of it but I began it and seems pretty entertaining.

This guy pretty much took the classic/wonderful/amazing story and put zombies in it. What could be better?

David Wagner said...

Marky, that joke was great.

Vye, I'll have to try those. Thanks for the recommendation. I don't want my heart to explode, you're right.

Bob, checked and responded.

Rebekah, that book sounds awesome, I'll have to check it out... thx.

Abbie said...

nice reference to katherine Hepburn in your title... I like that line, it sounds cool, lol :D

David Wagner said...

5 points for Abbie!

Abbie said...

Yes! I'm on the board!! thanks dave! :D

The Bobster said...

still no scoreboard, though :P