Laugh As Much As You Choose, but You Will Not Laugh Me Out of My Opinion

"Root Beer" or "Boot Rear", which one?

The week... is halfway over! Sing it with me! The week... is halfway over! Only 2 more days... until the WEEKEND!

By the way, it's sung to the tune of Beethoven's Symphony no. 3 - Allegro Con Brio, preferably the version recorded in 1981 by the London Philharmonic and Kazoo Club.

There... now sing it with me again! The week... is halfway over! Over! Now, only the soprano quartet! (That includes you, Dave-O)... the week...

O, nevermind. Man, don't you guys ever rehearse?

Wednesday draws to a close, the last shreds of light fading on the horizon like a fart in the wind. My best similes are scatological in nature. Speaking of things being scatological in nature, a bear and a rabbit are crapping in the woods, and...

What? O, man, the Queen of England is reading this? Right now? Ho... ly crap! How embarrassing! Why didn't you warn me!? Here I am, telling the bear/rabbit/crapping in woods joke and the queen is here... I bet she is not amused in the least. Ah, well... sorry, toots.

Well, I've decided to end the current round of Name the Movie Quotes, and proclaim Bob the winner, conqueror and Movie Quote Emperor. He basically has more points than the rest of y'all put together. He spanked you, plain and simple. Bob, take your shirt off and flex for the crowd! And now, your prize package...

First, you get an "Angry Burper" T-shirt!

You'll be the envy of all your friends as you show up to their parties in this elegant, tasteful T-shirt that is appropriate for all occasions, including weddings, pet neuterings, colon cleansings and tea with the Queen! You must provide your own accompanying sound effects, and in some countries (Turkey, Cameroon and Iceland) wearing it will get you arrested.

Next in the prize package is the ability to watch the Ultimate Zidane Headbutt Video as many times as you want for the next 7 days! Du.... Du Hast... Du Hast Mich...



And finally, you win a big can of Shut the Heck Up! It will come in handy when you brag and gloat and strut around this blog like you own the place! You don't own the place! Well, not all of it, anyway... the "secret" prize is 4% ownership of this blog, but there are international law concerns that might tie up ownership rights in court for years... it would be so much easier if you moved to the US.

But as 4% owner of this blog, you will be allowed to "guest blog" once every 38.6 days for the rest of '09, if you wish. Just email me the text, and I will post it up here and you'll be famous.

OK, so I'm going to reset the scoreboard and start over beginning June 1st. And, yes, I'll try and be more subtle about the quotes again. And yes, I'm going to possibly include Bible quotes this round as well. (NIV... KJV would be too obvious...) I'm pondering putting a per day limit on how many quotes one person can identify, to try and make it a bit more fair, but I'm not convinced yet...

Ah, yeah! Time for an EPIC FAIL. Gentlemen, prepare to wince...



Sorry about the grainy quality. Oh, and by the way... OMG!!!! OUCH! No kids for you, bro, sorry...

Stayed up to 2:30 am last night getting that blasted interview transcript done for Piranha. Man, that wrung me out, but it got done, w00t w00t. At about 2 am, Daughter #2 came downstairs, we had a brief conversation, she went back upstairs and went to sleep. This morning, when I was driving her up to school, I asked her about what we talked about and she had no clue what I was saying. She had no memory whatsoever of coming downstairs at 2am and chatting with me. Interesting. She was certainly awake and coherent when we talked - so she wasn't sleepwalking. Yet she has no memory of it whatsoever.

I went on a long walk tonight before sundown - are you proud of me? Man, I'm so healthy now! That's two pre-dusk walks in the last three days! I am now officially a paragon of health and fitness. Actually, I was considering getting in better shape and possibly getting my teeth straightened. If that doesn't make wifey attracted to me again, I'm giving up all hope. Can't do anything about my big nose, unfortunately. Except store spare change in it. And sell advertising space on the side of it. And use it as a bottle opener. Other than that...

The girls got Marley and Me from Netflix, but have yet to watch it. I'm not going to watch it, because apparently, it's sad. And I don't like to be sad! If I wanted to be sad, I'd look at my credit report! No, I like to be happy. That means blowing stuff up in Fallout 3.

OK, fine! I'll post one more video clip! But that's it! Man, you are so demanding today! Sheesh!




That's Parkour King Damien Walters. I twisted my ankle and landed on my head just watching that clip. By the way, if the video is not showing up for you for some reason, hit "refresh" on your browser. For some reason, it's only showing up for me about 50% of the time... weird...

I think that'll be it for me today. Congratulations again, Bob. Slovenia FTW!

Until tomorrow, remember, it's a zen thing... like how many babies fit in a tire.