Thursday, June 4, 2009

Your Vote of Confidence is Overwhelming...

"Waimea Bay" or "Why I may obey," which one?

Thursday slides glacially toward it's traditional end, as Friday swings three bats in the on-deck circle, studying the pitcher. Yay! Mixed metaphors! I never metaphor I didn't like...

It was actually a very interesting day today. For starters, I got two points for a movie quote that snuck through! "For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman.'" is a line from Office Space (In reference to Michael Bolton, not Bruce). So there's that about it. Plus, 30 comments yesterday! Nice! That's actually 53 over 2 days! Man, I must be, like, really cool or something! (I'd vote for "or something" lol) I know, I know.. if it wasn't for the Movie Quote contest, it would just be me and my mom hanging out here, going 'so whatcha wanna do? I dunno... whatcha wanna do?' Well, at least she'd be commenting again!

Nice to see Grace again! Just about everyone has checked in lately, except for Joseph! Say it ain't so, Joe! I was talking to my mommy today about the fact that my wife and kids simply will not read this blog, period, no matter how much I ask them. I've been pondering it at length, and I think I have a theory.

The Short Version: They know the real, day-to-day me, and they instinctively think that I hide most of that... if I presented the real me, you'd see someone a lot more angry, frustrated, bitter and inconsiderate. Whether they would acknowledge it or not, I'm sure they assume I'm presenting a sanitized version of myself here, not the occasionally grumpy, ugly, depressed person they get the thrill of seeing more often than they'd like... This blog is a lie to them, I think. I mean, if I were "the real me" on here, no one would want to read it.

That's my theory. Perhaps it has no substance and is a figment of my own paranoia + low self-image. Perhaps it's some other reason entirely. Perhaps it is 100% accurate. I can't help but take it personally that my own wife/kids shows zero interest in what goes on here, even when I ask them to check it out. I try to make it fun, entertaining, amusing and occasionally thought-provoking. I'm sure some of my bitterness and cynicism leaks though quite regularly. I am just a regular dude, never claimed to be otherwise. I am not an animal! I am a human being!

Ah, well, there's worse problems to have. The good part about wifey never reading this is that now I can start a new regular segment called "Embarrassing Personal Things About My Wife That She'd Kill Me If She Knew I Was Sharing." Why not? She'll never know, unless one of you tattles on me! Me? Go G? On you? Never!

By the way, that weightlifter in the clip two days ago? I didn't mention that he was lifting 1,100 pounds. Lest you think he was just lifting a couple hundred pounds worth of Goodyear tires... On a related note, I embedded the I Have A Dream clip in a permanent place on the sidebar - even though the song has been stuck in my head for a record-smashing 4 consecutive days. Any longer, and you'll have to visit me in the loony bin... Did you lose you mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process? Plus I added links to Paula's and Dave-O's blogs in the links bar. I'll add one to Shannons also...

Paula's post today is hilarious. I highly recommend reading it.

Speaking of blogs, I was nosing around on Warmonger Smurf's blog, and checked out some of his links, and found a site called This Is Why You're Fat. O... M... G... People post pictures of the most artery-clogging, heart attack-inducing culinary howitzer-blasts you ever seen. Check some of this out... (Sorry about the formatting... this stretch theme is crazy with the picture placement...)
























That first one is called Hawaiian Meatloaf Sandwich: Meatloaf with Macaroni Salad, Gravy and Pineapple on a bun.

The second one is a Deep-Fried Cheeseburger on a Stick.

The third is (I kid you not) a Bacon Chocolate Cake. Foreign contaminant! Things have taken a turn for the surreal...

I dare you to go to that site and scroll down, looking at the pictures. They are STUNNING. I would paste more in here, but I have other stuff to get to... besides, just looking at the pics could induce acid indigestion...

There's also a very amusing (to me) site caled Domo Nom Nom, that shows Domo Kun eating random things. Go there and click the "Random Nom Nom" button several times, and chuckle with me! It went straight for the warhead, and they think it's cute.

Got something interesting in the mail today.

Check this out:

I wrote a Christmas Play many years ago called The Beginning, and it was one of many scripts I made available for free on a Christian drama website called Dramatix.org. Anyway, every year I get dozens of emails from people letting me know they are using one of my scripts at their holiday church service, which never ceases to humble and amaze me. I've had scripts translated into several different languages, and have been performed all over the world. It's really cool, actually.

Anyway, this lady from a big church up in Oregon asked me last fall if she could modify my script of The Beginning so she could make a bigger production out of it. I said, "sure". She was grateful. I thought that was as far as it would go. But she sent me this package today, including the modified script, the program and a DVD of the performance, along with a nice card. She wants feedback, and wants to know if she can try to get her version published.

I need your advice, y'all. Her version sucks. I mean, it's really bad. At first, I thought it was just because I despise musicals in general. Then I thought it was because she added a whole new major storyline, and butchered the dialog of mine that she did use. She must go to an enormous church - the cast alone was over 60 people, then there was the crew of set builders, seamstresses, greeters, musicians, singers, etc. A massive cast and crew, great costumes and sets, terrific sound (everyone was miked!), a truly huge production that I can tell she is immensely proud of. It was so hard for me to watch, I had to leave the room repeatedly during the 75 minute run time.

When we did it, it was very low budget, tight, funny, awesome. It included many of the people that frequent this blog, including Joseph, Abbie, Vye... maybe I'm just so familiar with the way I did it that it's hard to see past it and appreciate what someone can do with something I've written. Should I give her feedback? How honest should I be? If I tactfully avoid my honest opinion, will that be transparent, or will she just hear what she wants to hear, you think? She went to a lot of trouble to send me this stuff... how should I respond?

I should rip some of the scenes and post them here, so you can see/judge for yourselves... whatever happens, I must not cry. You cannot make me cry...

You did so well advising me about the camp thing, I thought I'd hit you up again... by the way, I decided it was a good idea to just ask Lloyd straight up. Why not? You have not because you ask not...

Todayve In History: June 5
-------------------------------
- June 5, 70AD: Titus and his Roman legions breach the middle wall of Jerusalem during the seige that ends with the destruction of Herod's Temple. (Destroy this temple and I will raise it again in three days!)

- June 5, 1944: More than 1,000 British bombers drop 5,000 tons of bombs on the Normandy beaches in preparation for the D-Day invasion. (Keep those actions clear. I'll see you on the beach.)

- June 5, 1956: Elvis Presley introduces his single Hound Dog on the Milton Berle Show.

- June 5, 1967: The Six Day War begins, as the Israeli Air Force launches pre-emptive attacks on Egypt, Jordan and Syria. (It's been more than 30 years since the wolf and the winter cold...)

- June 5, 1989: The Unknown Rebel halts the progress of advancing tanks for over 30 minutes near Tiananmen Square. (Your commie has no regard for human life, not even his own.)


In honor of Mark Wahlberg's 38th birthday, here is a scene from Shooter (since I'm reading the book...):



Well, I got more stuff for you, but I think I'll save it for tomorrow. No sense making an already-long post longer still. Here... I cannot self-terminate. You must lower me into the steel...

Until tomorrow, remember, a girl can't get married in flannel!

33 comments:

Rebekah said...

I feel like such a nerdo checking your blog before I go to bed. Benefit: Getting first comment.

Anyhow, that food is crazy! The first just looked nasty, but bacon cake actually might be worth a try. On the Foodnet they are not dipping bacon in chocolate so if they are doing it well...

What a bummer about your script. Is it that you don't want your name on it if she sells it? Be interesting to see. Maybe if you pray about it you'll have a better idea of how to handle her.

An I love 'a girl in flannel' movie! Watched only about a million times. I'll leave the points to someone who actually has a chance though.

David Wagner said...

You can guess, Reb, if you know it! Don't worry about everyone else... I crammed almost 20 quotes into this one, and had to stop myself... otherwise I would have crammed in more.

Meh, I don't care if she sells it and if my name's on it, really.... there are so many David Wagners in the world, I'll just pretend it was one of them instead! lol

Avari said...

I am not an animal! I am a human being!=The Elephant man

Avari said...

whatever happens, I must not cry. You cannot make me cry=Shrek

Avari said...

You have not because you ask not=James 4:2? I'm guessing that because there are a lot of bible verses that say something similar to that.

Avari said...

Ok, nasty food pics, can't decide if your family reading your blog is a blessing or a sad thing. I guess it just depends how you look at it. I know my family would be the exact opposite. I wouldn't want them to read my blog and they would do everything in their power to read it and find out everything. Guess no one really gets what they want.
That's really sad that she butched your script. I think you should use lots of double speak and euphemisms to tell her that she ruined it. ha ha. So that you are not being too mean.
Glad you decided to ask Lloyd, he's a cool dude, he'll understand. And if he doesn't, juuust remind him that he is going to be in the pool with a bunch of YOUR buds. aka Yanni, Vye, Laythe, Jonathan... Some pretty tough dudes who won't have mercy on him!

David Wagner said...

15 points for Shannon! ROOOAR!!!

Bobinho said...

title is from The Princess Bride :D

Bobinho said...

"Me? Go G? On you? Never" is from Grosse Pointe Blank

nailed it! :D

David Wagner said...

Nice! I thought that one would be tricky to Google... what will your #3 be?

Bobinho said...

and "Did you lose you mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process" is from The Fisher King...

there go my 15 points :P

Abbie said...

the 'i dunno, whatcha gonna do' part is from the Jungle book.
and 'Foreign contaminant' = Wall E
and 'It went straight for the warhead, and they think it's cute.' is from The Abyss
Mark Wahlberg is so cool!!! Glad he made your post :)
on the issue of your play..... you did in a sense give her license to "modify" your work. If you can't step back and see it as a different play, not your play that was ruined, then maybe you can just tell her that you would have a biased opinion and cannot adequately evaluate her work. Then tell her also that you aren't a good judge of musicals, lol :)
I'm sorry though that it was such a big disappointment for you.

grace said...

'so whatcha wanna do? I dunno... whatcha wanna do?' jungle book
Keep those actions clear. I'll see you on the beach. Saving private ryan (one of my all time favorite movies ever!!!!)
Destroy this temple and I will raise it again in three days! john 2:19

dave-i want to see parts of the botched up play. was it really that bad? i probably was just a mediocre play but because it had such a high standard to begin with, it fell so low.

grace said...

do you watch bizarre foods? we watched one where he went to texas. he visited a dallas state fair where they have contests of fried food. fried pb&j sandwhiches, fried coco cola (coke soaked dough), it was way beyond our fried snickers and twinkies. totally gross. anyway, your blog reminded me of it

kudos to mark walhberg, one of my all time favorite actors

oh and abbie just texted me that she got jungle book quote sooo... my next quote will be....
It's been more than 30 years since the wolf and the winter cold...
from 300

David Wagner said...

15 points for Abbie and for Grace, woot!

Still tons o' quotes in there, y'all!

Wahlberg is the man. 'Nuff said.

Grace, I'll bring the DVD of the play this Sunday, if you wanna borrow it. I think I'm just way too snooty when it comes to movies/books. Maybe it's just not that bad, only different. Still, it was hard to watch.

Bizarre Foods... is that the one with the tubby bald guy that travels the world finding/eating very strange things? I think I have that one in my Netflix queue waiting to be sent my way...

marky said...

Well, my view would be that if you do give her permission to use your play, then I might send a similar email to Joe Abercrombie. I’d like to do a musical about Glotka. It would be a kind of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, with loose bowels.

I’d tell her to sling it. Say that you’ve already excepted another offer for it. Honestly, if you do let her use it, I’ll borrow money from you, and never pay you back…..I mean it!

People should really try to come up with their own ideas. But on a lighter note, it is a kind of fan fic. That’s got to be a great compliment, and the packaging is lovely!

Big up to Tank Boy. The bravest young guy that ever lived. Now I’m going to get some food because you’ve made me hungry. Mmmmmm, Bacon Chocolate cake………BACON?

Avari said...

Dave, I think there should be some sort of rule that if it is a certain amount of time before your next post and everyone has had there 3 quotes but there are still some left... they go for a free for all or something. That way you don't get 2 points just because we all have already done our 3 quotes.

Vye said...

I'm sure you've already guessed which portion of your post I'll be commenting on.

Did they say why they won't visit your blog? Usually I try to get a straight answer from people, but it's hard if they're not honest with you or themselves for that matter. I think the worst part in those situations isn't so much their reasoning, or what they did, but when my mind tries to figure it out. Are you the same way?

I used to care about that stuff, in a way I still do but I'm learning to toss it out as garbage. Honestly, all the hurt feelings and grudges seem like child's play when you realize what we're facing now.

I'm not saying that to undermine what you're feeling in any way. I'm just saying that I think you're dragging yourself down by formulating your own explanation like that.

Sorry if I read into it too much, you can throw candy at me Sunday or delete this comment. (but you can't do both -_-)

Abbie said...

btw dave, the i have a dream video doesn't show up on the sidebar :(

Abbie said...

oh, and i was wondering about what shannon commented on, too... she has a point :D haha.

David Wagner said...

I think you guys are right... we need a speed round. So I think what I'll do is when I post a new post, that will trigger the free-for-all on the remaining quotes (if any) on the previous post. I'll let you know how many remain, and whoever grabs them grabs them...

I'll wait until after that to scoop up any lingering points... but if a quote makes it through that far unclaimed, it should be worth more than 2 points for me... in fact, I may make it worth 10 points - otherwise, I'll never have a chance of winning! It will make me work harder at masking the quotes...

I appreciate everyone's advice on both the play and the family/blog thing. You all rock. I'm going to wait a few days before I reply to the lady, and go easy. No sense discouraging the poor gal. And I'll let the family thing go.

Abbie, do the other two video show up there? I'll add a direct link below the vid, in case you want to go to the site (but be warned, not everything on that site is family friendly... just like real life!)

Avari said...

omg! great idea Dave! That will make it super hard because we will be grabbing what's left over from yesterdays blog while trying to get our 3 on this days quotes. WOW this is going to be insane. May the best woman win!

David Wagner said...

Marky: A musical about Glokta would be worth watching midnight show on opening night... that would rock. About the play, I guess I'll let her use it and loan you money... you want it in US $ or in Euros, eh?

Vye: I'm too phlegmatic to get a straight answer... where's the fun in that? I'll just mope around about it for weeks, then do passive-aggressive things like fart on wifey's pillow. Prepare to be pelted with candy this Sunday!

Shannon: I posted a link to your blog in the Links Box... is that OK?

Avari said...

ehhhh, I don't know. I mean its on the internet so.. But really, I don't have much for people to read about. It's mainly for me. And it's not at all entertaining. I guess it's your call

p.s. I would still read your blog if you didn't have movie quotes and were a less sanitized version. I myself get very bitter sometimes.

Paula Titus said...

I think you're being too hard on yourself concerning the "real me" comment. Everyone is all of those things from time to time, but who would want to read it everyday? I ask myself the same question about my family - daughter does read but is embarrassed by what I reveal, and I think hub just isn't that interested (not me, the writing). Like someone else said, I just have to throw it out and go on.

Thanks for the recommendation!

That food blog you posted was insane - some stuff made me gag but the deep-fried burger on a stick looks kinda tasty.

Tough call about that play, I'd probably okay her changes but have my name taken off.

Great post! Maybe I'll go see if I can scrounge up some quotes now...

Paula Titus said...

Saving Private Ryan- " Things have taken a turn for the surreal."

Terminator 2- "I cannot self-terminate. You must lower me into the steel."

Did anyone get these yet?

David Wagner said...

Nope, they're all yours, good work!

Vye said...

The pillow move is also a bit weak for my taste. At least hold her under the covers or something. You don't have a basement so your couch residence is safe.

For the record, I never said that so all you fembots can go chew on someone else. kthnxbainow

Avari said...

Your commie has no regard for human life, not even his own. =How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Say it ain't so, Joe = Wings

David Wagner said...

Hmm... 5 for the first one, about the commie... the second one is the right quote but the wrong source... no TV shows around here, lady! Granted, it's pretty obscure, not sure a direct Goggling will reveal the answer... you'll have to see what historic event the quote refers to, then find the movie about that event...

Good luck!

Avari said...

ok Dave, this is my last guess


Say it ain't so, Joe= Eight Men Out

Eastland Memorial Society - The Black Sox Scandal of 1919

David Wagner said...

You got it, 5 more points for ya. That's all the quotes, y'all.

Joseph said...

Oh Dave, the Grosse Point Blank quote made me laugh out loud. You sent me that sound clip years ago. Love it.

I am still here, lurking in the background. Work has been going really well but it's busy. Home life has a lot going on too. A lot of good stuff.

My theory is that your family is simply in denial about your internet fame. It makes them sad that soon you will become so popular you'll quit your day job and blog all day in Starbucks wearing a beret. I'd look good in a beret.

As for the play ... obviously that one holds a special place in my heart. However if it gets you some exposure, I say it can't hurt.

Gotta run, keep the good work up.