Monday, June 8, 2009

Danny Told Me Not To Trust You. He Said You Killed Motzart.


Wandering in the semi-darkness of the old forest, wearing almost enough layers of clothing to stop shivering, hands plunged as deeply into his pockets as possible, Dave searched for literary shelter. He began this journey as he did every other blog post, with no real plan other than setting one word in front of the other, and seeing where it took him, but this time was different... this time, he was lost. His deepest fear - that he would be at a loss for words - tormented him, like the aftertaste of a bad dream that lingers when mental evaporation should have long-since removed all traces. Dave stopped and looked around, listening to the sounds of the linguistic forest, the usual, familiar sounds seeming oddly threatening tonight.

Looking up, he studied the clouds overhead, seeing nothing, longing for a break in the clouds, something to let the light of the moon peek through, or a star - something to give him direction. He had faced writer's block before, in small measures, but had always overcome it with a laugh and bad pun or weak spoonerism. For some reason, at this moment, his confidence was shaken. He needed help. Never had he felt so alone...

Somewhere on his person, his cell phone began to ring, startling him. Dave began to pat his pockets, looking for the place the phone was hiding, and found it.

"Hello," he rasped, his voice having gone unused for many hours.

"Hi, Dave, it's Mom. Hey, doesn't Daughter #2 graduate from 8th grade tomorrow?"

"Thanks, Mom!"

-------------------

So Daughter #2 finishes 8th grade Tuesday morning. I'm still kind of stunned. I'm proud of her, don't get me wrong. It's just that whole, "Where has the time gone?" type of thing. I feel like any moment now, I'll break into a Barbara Streisand song or something. Bleh. I know, I know, "38 isn't old, Dave, get a grip". And you're right. OK, this is me getting a grip, ready?

/me gets a grip

There!

So, the promotion ceremony is at 9 am (or Oh-Nine Hundred Hours - that's for Dave-O). So many social engagements, so little time... I remember my 8th grade promotion. My dad bought me a set of golf clubs (irons, I mean). Man, I played with those clubs for years. He's about 455 yards away... he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think...

Those irons accompanied me on many a trek through the farthest reaches of the wilderness as I searched for my golf balls in hazards and out of bounds. I was never very good at golf, but hey, we can't all be good at everything, now, can we? What? You can? You can be good at everything? Fine, rub it in! I can't! I'm only good at two things: complaining and eating beef jerky! And I'm all out of jerky!

Complaint: Why are sci-fi movies so predictable! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Man... I'm not good at complaining either! A rude awakening, indeed. Well, that leaves passing wind near my wife. That's always good for a few laughs. What's she going to do, make me sleep on the couch? I sleep there already! MUAHAHAHA!!! Dutch oven, comin' right up! There's two kinds of people in this world: those who stand up and face the music, and those who run for cover. Or for the covers, rather...

I was talking to my dear mommy today, and the topic came up of something I wrote in the blog a day or two ago, comparing my wife to chocolate, and saying that her cooking gave me the Hersheys. Personally, I haven't laughed that hard at something I wrote in eons. I mean, it struck me as really funny, I'm sorry. Anyway, mom said it wasn't funny, but rather disrespectful and rude. I was not trying to be either of those. So if anyone was offended by me saying my wife is special, dark and nutty, and that her cooking gives me the Hersheys, I apologize. For the rest of you, I'm glad others found it funny...

To those that were offended, let me offer you a teddy bear or two...



Every year, the Calgary Hitmen hockey team has a "teddy bear toss" night, where everyone brings teddy bears and after the first Calgary goal, they throw them on the ice. The bears are gathered up and taken to local Children's Hospitals. Pretty cool, actually. In the 2007 game, the two teams were tied at zero and in overtime... the Calgary guy scored the winning goal in OT and that triggered the toss. Here's that video - it's a long clip, you don't have to watch it all to get the gist...



Anyway, That's that. Believe me, you are the last person I would ever want to disappoint, but everything I did was for love... I promise I'll never write or post anything offensive ever again.

<--- Except this. But that's it. Beyond that, I promise, I'll be good.

Hmm? Did I play any BF2 today, you ask? Why yes, I did! In fact, I played the longest round of BF2 I've ever played. I didn't time it exactly, but it was close to 3 hours long, and I scored 172 points, with 55 kills and 61 deaths. What map? Man, you are hungry for info today, aren'tcha! It was the 64-player version of Sharqi Peninsula, but it was basically just 4 on 4 the whole time, which is why it took so long. It was very kicked-back and mellow and a terrific amount of fun. Oh, come on, don't roll your eyes at me... there are worse ways to spend three hours, you know... I got a couple game suggestions in my comments yesterday, namely Infamous and Mass Effect. I really should be playing Mass Effect - I know it's a great game. Yet it continues to age on my shelf, unloved and unplayed, next to another couple dozen in the same state. I did install Call of Duty 4 the other day and played it a bit - good stuff so far. Those who are about to fight and die, I am grateful.

Funny T-Shirt of the Day:


Yeah, sometimes I get political around here. It's just one of those things you have to put up with to keep your membership to this blog active. Sorry.

Todayve In History: June 9
--------------------------------
- Check this out... June 9, 53AD, Emperor Nero marries Claudia Octavia. To celebrate their 9th wedding anniversary, on June 9, 62 AD, Claudia Octavia commits suicide. And to celebrate the anniversary of her death and their wedding, on June 9th, 68AD Emperor Nero commits suicide...

What, may I ask, is THAT!?

In honor of Johnny Depp's 46th birthday, I'm reposting the episode of These Are A Few of My Favorite Scenes, featuring the swordfight in the blacksmith's shop scene from the first Pirates flick. Sorry about my rambling - you can skip to the 1 minute mark to watch the fight. Is this going to be a stand-up fight, sir, or another bughunt?



Well, I'm going to go finish watching a mediocre Sci-Fi movie (Sunrise) and then read Point of Impact into the wee hours. Until tomorrow, remember, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough... but there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed.

17 comments:

Avari said...

Danny Told Me Not To Trust You. He Said You Killed Motzart. = Last action hero

Avari said...

but there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed.= Pirates of the Caribbean

Avari said...

Those who are about to fight and die, I am grateful. = We were Soldiers

Avari said...

the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough ... Sorry I forgot the first half of that movie quote.

I didn't find that chocolate wife comparison offensive at all. But I am used to those kind of boarder line crude comments because I live with Vye! Anyway, we talk very harsh sometimes. I personally thought your comment was funny.

I love Pirates! I have have that whole movie memorized. And I love the scene where he sneaks on the boat with those two soldiers trying to keep him off lol.
what a waste of teddy bears. They could be giving them to poor kids in mexico.

Avari said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bobinho said...

"So many social engagements, so little time" is from Raising Arizona

Bobinho said...

"He's about 455 yards away... he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think" = Caddyshack!

Bobinho said...

"There's two kinds of people in this world: those who stand up and face the music, and those who run for cover." = Scent of a Woman

David Wagner said...

15 for Shannon... 15 for Bob... and the dance continues...

Bobinho said...

you just made me think of the Dance of Spears... by the Aiel??? in The Wheel of Time??? anyone??? :/

marky said...

Best opening to a blog ever. Brilliant stuff, sir.

Paula Titus said...

Loved the opening! That teddy-bear toss is awesome, must've been thousands of them. "Free Tibet" t-shirt, very funny. :)

Dave-O said...

well sir, score one more for another GREAT blog, lol, thx for the time refference, LOL. and the butt comic VERY NICE haha i was LOL. OH and me and a couple of the guys are very impressed, 3 HOURS, very nice envy oh the envy ahhhahahaha.

Abbie said...

Is this going to be a stand-up fight, sir, or another bughunt? = Aliens

interesting facts about june 9th!! how very sad....
and i think your mom just doesn't want people who don't personally know your wife to get any wrong impression of her... idk.
glad to hear about katies grad! lame that it was in the morning... so that means you guys have to go up to school twice if you plan on being at the sr grad ceremony tonight... :P

David Wagner said...

Glad the opening got some love... I literally pulled that straight out of... uh.. oh, nevermind, I promised not to be offensive anymore, lol...

Guess I should wing it more often. What am I saying? My life is one big wing! You know what I mean...

I've been thinking again about designing my own T-shirts... once I get Wagnervana.com up and running, I may make some designs available. Yet another realm of dabble...

Dave-O! You won't believe it! That mammoth round of BF2... the results weren't posted to my stats! There must have been a glitch at the server I played on! BUMMER. I would have been almost 200 points closer to my next rank! Good thing I didn't win any ribbons/badges, or I woulda been doubly pissed.

5 points for Abbie!

Avari said...

Believe me, you are the last person I would ever want to disappoint, but everything I did was for love = The whole nine yards

David Wagner said...

Shannon scoops up what I believe is the last quote. Honestly, I'm kind of losing track...

Good work Shannon, w00t!