Thursday, June 18, 2009

I Was Wondering if You Could Belch Again For Me.... Just Like Old Times...


Greets, y'all! Every last one of you! I won't name you all, since then there really will be a "last one of you," and you'll feel badly for being listed last. And I never purposely offend anyone, if I can help it. Even wifey, though she is fun to annoy sometimes. But when it comes down to it, it's in my best interest that wifey is in the best possible mood at all times. Makes my life easier, and ever-so-slightly increases the near-nonexistent chances that we might-- oops, sorry. Family blog, nevermind.

Although listing you all by name might be beneficial... I mean, in yesterday's comments, I asked where Grace had gone (cuz Grace rocks!)... lo and behold! She resurfaces with a great lengthy comment! Perhaps if I ask where everyone that has ever left a comment on my blog has gone, by name, then the server will crash due to the volume of sudden comments I will get! I'll even ask where Joe Abercrombie has gone! Maybe he'll materialize and leave another comment!

That was so cool... back on my February 4th post, I was wondering out loud whether I should read Book Two in Abercrombie's First Law series or a book called The Briar King by some other author, and Joe Abercrombie left a comment with his opinion. That was back when it was just me, Havah, Joseph and my mom floating around here, with occasional appearances by a couple others... the big man himself, dropping a comment into my obscure blog! That comment made my day. Too cool.

Yeah, yeah, I know... my "brushes with greatness" leave a little to be desired. True, it wasn't the Pope, I get it. But Abercrombie is a great author with strong story-telling abilities, and I admire that. So you'll have to pardon me for thinking it was cool that a semi-famous published author left a comment for little ol' me!

Though I might as well bring up the issue of profanity in Fantasy Literature again. The First Law series is saturated with it, as is GRR Martin's work, and now Scott Lynch's book. I picked up Lynch's first book last night and started reading it... The Lies of Locke Lamora. It hooked me pretty good, and I'm quite into it so far (which is a nice change from my last couple attempts), but it has frequent F-words as well.

Now, I'm certainly not a prude - heck, Snatch is one of my favorite movies, and it is one long F-word-saturated script, so I can overlook it when it seems to fit. But these are FANTASY worlds, with crazy names, magic, wild creatures, fabricated languages, races and histories... all of this is created whole-cloth! Make up some new swear words already! It kind of kills immersion in a fantasy world for the language to be dragged into ours. Am I to believe that knights, magicians, dragon-slayers, nobles, villains, heroes and sailors of all these fabricated worlds would evolve the same profanity? Mix it up a bit, man! You create new versions of everything else!

OK, that's off my chest.

Here's a new combo for ya... BBQ sunflower seeds and a Red Bull Cola. The verdict? The Red Bull Cola kinda sucks. Always loves me some seeds. But it's been forever since I ate them! They're fun and annoying, all at the same time! A microcosm of real life!

Enough nonsense - time for a Funny Picture...

Well, that's one way to take a self portrait...

So I was looking online today for a new blog theme to download and try... I started a blog for our Rug Shop and wanted something unique, and eBlogger doesn't come with as many options as I like. Anyway, I came upon a site called Squarespace.com that looks amazing. This is not a commercial for them yet - I haven't tried it out yet. But with their tools, you can easily (so it seems) build a website, blog or online portfolio, and it looks incredibly robust and customizable. Perfect for the site I want to build for myself at Wagnervana.com. The feedback on it I see elsewhere is very supportive, and the examples of sites that use it is amazing.

Anyway, if it works out, I may use it to build sites for clients, if it ever comes to that. Granted, it's a template-based website builder, so there are bound to be some limitations as far as what you can build, versus what a traditional from-scratch site builder (like Josh Wood) can do. But it seems user-friendly and easy to tinker with, and that's right up my alley (as painful as that may sound). I want to get a professional's opinion of it, so I emailed Josh Wood about it today. We'll see what he has to say. But I'm excited about it. You can easily import pre-existing blogs into the template, so I can import this one into Wagnervana when the time comes. It also lets you embed shopping cart software, in case I want to ruin our friendships by making you buy funny T-shirts I design...

Like this one...


Come on, that's funny... I didn't design it, though. Mine will be funnier...

WARNING: This next video may not be appropriate for Dave-O, since it involves a cat making a full-grown Rottweiler look like a pansy. Viewer discretion is advised.



And now, Chess News: The other day, in the midst of my biannual funk, I lamented the fact that I lost - nay, got spanked - in a game of computer chess, with the computer set on the easiest possible difficulty level. I emerged feeling less than a man - in fact, I felt like that Rottweiler in the clip, right after he got mauled by that cat. Well, yesterday I was feeling good - too good, in fact. I needed to be humbled again, so I fired up the chess game, furrowed my brow, and went on the attack. Ladies and gentlemen, I emerged victorious! I beat that easiest level, though it cost me almost all of my pieces to do it! I managed not only to keep my queen this time, but I somehow managed to get a pawn across the board and get a second queen! At that point, I was only 2 cheat codes away from conquering! After my victory, I stood up on my desk, removed my shirt, and let out a battle cry! Of course, the neighbors called the cops and I had some explaining to do, but after they left, I rejoiced in my victory, and had a hearty meal of undercooked lamb's leg and several pints of dark ale. Then my wife kicked me in the groin. THE END.

Celebrating birthdays today are, Charles Spurgeon, Moe Howard, Guy Lombardo, Lou Gherig and Paula Abdul. I'll let you figure out the connection... it is insidious, to say the least...

Family is going to hit the beach tomorrow. No, I don't mean they're going to fall off the pier near the shoreline, sheesh! Why would I want that to happen! They could get hurt! It will be the inaugural trip of Summer 2009. I will be home trying desperately to work, rather than play Battlefield 2 (just one more round!) or go out to the movies to finally see Star Trek. Tomorrow, I test my latest theory that, in spite of the admonitions against it in Proverbs, I am nothing but a lazy SOB. Strength, Dave! Strength! Stand tall, man!

And Church Camp is coming, as of Monday. Still undecided about trying to update the blog from the camp grounds. I'll talk to Lloyd about it Sunday. I could tell him that I will need my laptop to capture the video footage I take each day, in an effort to get a head-start on editing the camp video... That's partially true. The problem is I'd probably have to tote it around with me everywhere so it doesn't get pinched from my room while I'm out and about! I mean, how can I trust all those people, just cuz I've known them forever and they are Christians! Abbie, Vye, Shannon, Laythe.. I mean, any of them could be capable of all manner of nefarious crime! I just can't trust them! I can't!

O_o

OK, fine, I trust you all! Here, I'm gonna fall backwards now, out of my chair, and one of you catch me, ok? Ready?

I do believe this is the point where I give in to the realization that I have absolutely nothing worth saying left in me for today. Until tomorrow, remember, just because there are no movie quotes in today's post doesn't mean you shouldn't Google every sentence anyway... MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

10 comments:

Avari said...

WOW Dave that is so weird. I checked this at 12:02 last night (which was really this morning) and there was no post up. How in the world did you get a post in for the 18th if it was after midnight?

Dave, I think you can pretty safely scratch Abbie and me of the "might steal your laptop" list. We are girls. There is no way we are going to be going in the guys cabin. That would cause a freak.

I actually saw Star Trek. I didn't really want to but Vye did so I thought I would give it a shot. To my surprise I really liked it. But it took me a long time to get over the fact that Spock was Syler! hahaha

Anonymous said...

OK Dave, the title is from Grandma Mercy..you know I'm right..I need 5 points...I AM your mother!!MUAHAHAHAHA!!

Paula Titus said...

That's very cool about Abercrombie posting a comment, a clothing designer AND an author? Wow - must be very talented.

Why do you bold certain things, does it help the search engines?

David Wagner said...

Shannon: New threads are logged in from the moment you start writing them, not the moment they are posted. If I can at least start them before midnight, I consider that to count.

Mom: You got your 5 points!

Paula: For some reason, I think it makes a paragraph read easier if certain words are bold. I don't know if that's true or not, it's a gut thing. I'm all for easiness to read and understand. Does it distract you?

Paula Titus said...

No, just curious.

Abbie said...

hey dave!! haha, awesome video!! :D yeah, shannon has a point, we won't be getting your laptop... unless of course there is this big pillowfight and the guys are getting bombarded and two stealthy persons creep inside... lol, just kidding! btw, are we having a re-match pillow fight?? I think the guys should switch pillows with the girls... so that we know they aren't cheatin :D

grace said...

i understand your point about swearing in fantasy books. i hate unnecessary swearing. it doesn't bother me in war books, but it does bother me when it is completely out of place, such as fantasy, history (they didn't swear way back in the day like they do now, people), or quiet family dramas (please pass the f-ing peas. sure, f-ing thing, honey) I mean, what the heck?!!
i loved movies like the departed ( lots of swearing, but made sense to the story line)

havah said...

I agree about the swearing in fantasy. If you can make up a world, you can make up a word, right? And although I do think some swearing is contextual, I also think it can cut out an entire audience who might actually have enjoyed the movie (or book, I guess). I would NEVER suggest my mother watch Gran Torino for example...she wouldn't get through the first five minutes.

btw, if you want to play chess and win, play me. All I know is how the pieces are moved. I have zero think ahead strategy skills...I'm just blindly competitive. It'd be a walk in the park for you. :D

Avari said...

Yeah WE should get to put mango's in our pillows this time! Bunch of cheats.

David Wagner said...

Chess? Mangos? Pillows? Man, I'll never understand women...

Havah, I tried watching Snatch with my wifey once... made it about 3 minutes in before she stormed off.