Tuesday, August 25, 2009

You're Young, You Got Your Health... What Do You Want with a Job?

The sun was relentless; Dave sighed audibly.

"Pass the sunscreen again, eh?" he asked Logan, who obliged. As he slathered on more sunscreen, Dave looked around the life raft, slowly bobbing on the calm, open sea. John and Joseph had rigged a tarpaulin to shade the sun, and they sat under it, playing Mario Cart head-to-head on their DS's, with Abbie watching. Havah sat on the edge of the raft, feet dangling in the water, making small talk with Paula, who had her big floppy straw hat on, with her knees pulled up close to her chest. Paula said something, and they both laughed.

At least they were laughing now.

It had been almost 24 hours since yesterday's blog post sank with all hands on board. Fortunately, there was no loss of life. It took a long, long time for that bloated post to sink. Dave thanked God again for his inability to write short, concise, powerful posts... if that post had been better-written, it would have sank like a stone, and people might have drowned. As it was, all of his readers were able to get into the two lifeboats, along with supplies, and plenty of time to send out distress signals.

They'd been separated from the other lifeboat sometime during the night. At first, Dave was worried, but he relaxed when he realized Vye was in charge of that boat, so the rest of the readers would likely be fine. They better be... Dave's mom was on that boat... he assured himself that they simply got divided in the confusion, but still, Dave's abandonment issues threatened to trigger.

Thankfully, Logan broke the silence and spoke.

"Hey, Dave, what do you have in that bag for us today? Anything interesting?"

Dave pulled the duffel bag over, opened it up, and began to root around in it. "Well, I have this link Vye sent me..."


Good evening all! How was your Tuesday? Rug Shop Day today. Working on some FAQs for the website, which will be text/photos on the FAQ page, and also be used as the narration for the FAQ videos we'll be blasting out to the whole web, to try and get people to go to the site.

There was an email from Vye in my inbox this morning, with a link it in that I thought I'd pass on to y'all. It's for a diner in Chandler AZ called the Heart Attack Grill... you have got to see this...

I cannot imagine eating a mess like that... pure lard? Are you kidding me? You see it dripping off the burgers in that clip? *shudder* Why would anyone do that to him/herself? You gotta give it to the guy for coming up with a unique gimmick. Dressing his staff up as nurses? Calling the customers "patients"? Giving you a wrist tag when you order, like at the ER? They wheel you out in a wheelchair if you finish a triple or quad?

Check out their website... greasy burgers and all-you-can-eat lard-cooked fries... they also sell Jolt cola and unfiltered cigarettes... and if you weigh over 350 pounds, you eat for free!


The Quadruple Bypass Burger is 8,000 calories. That's before you get to the fries... Here's another video, if you want to marvel. I can't decide if I'm thoroughly amazed or disgusted or both.

Funny Picture of the Day:

Well, we seem to have a food theme going today... That... is a big mushroom. Those other shrooms on the table are beefy as well, but that one he's holding... holy mackerel. You could use it as a beach umbrella. Well, in my push to make sure this blog continues to be educational, I give you... Fun Mushroom Facts!
  • There are an estimated 2 million species of fungi on the planet, of which only about 80,000 have been properly identified.
  • Mushrooms grow from spores (not seeds), and a single mushroom will drop as many as 16 billion spores.
  • In some ways, mushrooms are more closely related to animals than plants. They take in oxygen and "exhale" carbon dioxide, and their proteins are similar in may ways to animal proteins.
  • Ancient Egyptians believed the mushroom to be "the plant of immortality." The mushroom's distinct flavor so intrigued them that they decreed mushrooms to be food for royalty only, prohibiting commoners from even handling them.
  • France was the first country to cultivate mushrooms on a commercial basis in the late 19th century.
  • There are 2,000+ different species of mushrooms eaten throughout the world, but the most common is the white button.

There. Don't say I never taught you anything!

OK, and for the engineers among us, Today's Big Thing posted this robotics video today which I thought was crazy awesome. Your level of fascination for this video will be directly proportional to your overall Nerd Ranking. If you are not nerdy, then you'll likely not find the video very interesting, so you should pass. For the rest of us, dig this!

I got my Logitech G9 mouse in the mail today. I can't tell you how it is yet, since I don't want to open it. The package it comes in is so flippin cool, I don't want to ruin it by opening it. I am soooo tempted to take pictures of the packaging and post them here, but I do not think it would be possible to do anything more nerdy than that. In fact, there's probably an internet award out there somewhere that can be won by bloggers doing the absolute-nerdiest thing ever in their blogs... I'm not sure I want that honor. I'm pretty certain posting pics of a new mouse that is still in the box because I don't want to ruin the aesthetic would qualify me for such an award...

Anyway, I'm sure some time tonight, I'll relent and set that bad boy free... but I'll feel the same sadness one feels when they run into a field of freshly fallen snow... forever spoiled...

I still have some Amazon birthday dough sitting in my account over there, taunting me... I think I decided today that I'll use it to pre-order Borderlands for the PC. It's a co-op post-apocalyptic FPS-RPG hybrid, with vehicle combat thrown in to boot! Again, your Nerd Ranking has to be a certain level for you to understand what I'm talking about there, sorry... Maybe this video will help you understand...

Well, I think that's enough nonsense to tide you over. Until tomorrow, remember, there's right and there's right... and never the twain shall meet.


"Dangit, Dave," Joseph said, lifting his feet and holding his DS high. "Now the life raft has sprung a leak!"

Dum Dum DUUMMMMM!!!!! MUAHAHAHAH!!!!! To Be Continued... :D

Director's Cut link


havah said...

Yay!! I've been immortalised in a Dave-Tale. How cool is that? :D

Interesting restaurant! Am I allowed to mention fetishes here? :o
I do wonder what they'd do if someone keeled over for real in there though. Ack!

Ahh...I adore mushrooms. Give me a big garlicy portobello any day! Good thing I wasn't around in Ancient Egypt, huh? As for the photo...it looks like something out of a fairytale...fairytown or something. Anyway...

Wow. I know nothing about robotics, but that video is so cool! I think it's amazing that people can make stuff like that. And it's fun to watch too :D

*lmao* Your not opening your mouse because you don't want to ruin the packaging sounds way too much like me!! Too funny.

Alrighty...I think I should sleep now. After all, sun's coming up soon. :o

Oh, and please please tell me you know where you got that photo at the top. I want it! :)

logankstewart said...

Yet another fantastic post. And a very catchy intro, if I might add.

That mech-electronic video is pretty sweet!

Is it sad that I completely understand what you're talking about with the packaging being too nice? I collect Star Wars Mighty Muggs and they come in such awesome packaging that it always tears a little hole in me by opening it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dear Dave...I guess as your mother I get to take some credit for your wonderful strange writing skills...must have been something I ate..lets see..late 60s..that large mushroom looks familiar..well..I guess a bizarre childhood helps too...I do what I can...see you at work..mom

Abbie said...

oohhh dave, I'm liking this story!! :) and I think that robotic thingy was so cool! my favorite skill was the tweezer part, because it looked like a little human, lol.
mushrooms are icky. Nuff said :D

Krista said...

Cool intro. Way to go Dave!

I don't think that burger place is a place for me. LOL!

I absolutely Love mushrooms! Oh, they're so good! And that one is HUGE! Thanks for the info!

Cool Robo hand! I want one...

I don't play too many video games. I just read all day, or watch wicked cool movies.

Tomorrow it is then!

Paula Titus said...

Very creative opening, made my day. :)

That robotic stuff is so cool, but also kind of eerie. Have you seen those heads of robots they have now which look just like humans, they talk and make lifelike expressions? Crazy.

Mushrooms are okay, I can take 'em or leave 'em. Thanks for another great post!

Joseph said...

lol. Dave, you are classic.

My nerd ranking is high enough to know Borderlands look's pretty cool. Good choice!

havah said...

Oh, hey...I just realised the quote at the top could be directed at me too! Woot! I'll make it my new motto. :D