Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I Don't Want to be One of Those Things... Walking Around Without a Soul...


"Depressed" or "deep rest," which one?

OK, so I saw a license plate frame on a Beemer today that was very funny. In fact, yes, I did laugh -- yea, heartily. Of course, it will likely only really be funny to you if you are familiar with golf at all... otherwise it will just sound crude. Now that I have over-hyped it, I will relay it here, to your mild disappointment.

It said: "It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do."

Oh, come on, that's funny, admit it. What? You don't get it? OMG... ok, see, if you're really bad at golf, you lose a lot of golf balls. Now do you get it? Dang, I have to explain everything around here!

And here's the capper... as I was driving away, I was listening to a random (interchangeable, dime-a-dozen) conservative talk show host on the radio. He stumbled over a phrase; I don't recall what phrase, that part doesn't matter. But as he kind of made fun of himself, he tried to say the phrase several times in a row, fast. I'm getting to the amusing part, calm down! Sheesh, you're so impatient tonight! Anyway, he then said, "It's similar to trying to say another classic phrase really fast... how does it go again (insert assistant's name)? Oh, right... One man felt smart, two men felt smart, three men felt smart. Try saying that really fast, you'll be amused."

So try I did. And amused I was. And amused you will be when you try to say that fast aloud right now...

Ah, it's the little amusing things in life that matter, eh? Eh? Like this Funny Picture:


True, some things are only amusing when they happen to others... that is kinda cruel. Here, let me try another one...


Ah, much better... or is it? MUAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Oddly enough, I saw the license plate frame and heard the talk show host while returning from taking Josh to the airport this morning. He had a brutally long return flight to the east coast ahead of him today, but he seemed ready to face it with head held high. Josh, did you have to sit in the middle seat again? I hope not... he's probably home by now, sleeping soundly.

If by "sleeping soundly" you mean "snoring", then yes, I also sleep soundly. In that I generate a lot of sound when I sleep. Man, I can't believe I had to explain another one to you!

So, if you're of a "sound mind," does that mean I can hear what you're thinking? As for a "sound body"... well, I'm sure you can figure that one out yourself. If not, refer to the "felt smart" joke above...

OK, here's a video clip for you, to take the edge off of your bad mood... Horse vs Car... and the winner is...



The horse! You don't see that very often, eh? Score one for nature.

What? Didn't do much for you, eh? You need another clip? Well, you are nothing if not demanding... fine, here...



There, happy now? Yes? Sweet.

Well, it's time for me to reverse your mood again with some macabre and depressing history trivia...

Todayve in History: August 6
-----------------------------------
- August 6, 1890: Convicted murderer William Kemmler becomes the first person to be executed by electric chair, at Auburn Prison in New York. (Don't forgot about Mouseville.)

- August 6, 1909: Alice Ramsey and three friends become the first women to complete a transcontinental auto trip. (You can build a driver like you build a car, Harry.)

- August 6, 1945: 70,000 people are incinerated as "Little Boy" is dropped on Hiroshima by the B-29 bomber Enola Gay. (You gotta stop playing God, 'cause you're no good at it, and the position's taken.)

- August 6, 1964: The world's oldest tree - named Promethus - is inadvertently cut down by US Forest Service personnel. (There is no curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of men for this treachery.)

Of course, it's pretty obvious which entry is the most depressing. Yup, that's right. The first women cross-country drivers. They probably stopped at every outlet mall on the way, too... that... is depressing...

Well, on the plus side, among those celebrating birthdays today are: Lucille Ball (1911), Andy Warhol (1928), and Piers Anthony (1934)...

I saw the Enola Gay at the Smithsonian in DC when I went there a few years back. It's at the same facility that I was going to break into to steal the Space Shuttle Enterprise a couple months back. I'm glad I chickened out of stealing it. I'm not cut out for life behind bars. I hear they don't even have wi-fi. How would I update my blog? And life without my daily updates would, I'm sure, be like a prison for you all as well... great, now I'm depressed again...

Well, I suppose that's enough hot air for the day. Perhaps tomorrow I'll have something of substance to share. Ooh, I can't wait to find out!!! Until tomorrow, remember, I wouldn't trade 10 Ryan's for one Vecchio or one Caparzo.

10 comments:

Bobinho said...

title = Resident Evil

last sentence = Saving Private Ryan

havah said...

1) I'll take deep rest, thank you. I tried the other, and I don't like it.

2) The golf bumper sticker is funny. Or maybe I've just read too many really crude ones for this to seem bad. :-/

3) I'd rather not say that fast, thanks. :p

4) I wish the horse clip was longer...I keep wondering if he really made it out the other side okay. I really (bad me) don't care about the damaged car at all.

5) How do you accidentally cut down the world's oldest tree? Wasn't there like a sign or something there? Seriously...

6) Quotes: I was going to bow out of quotes this month, but it seems a shame to waste so many...

"Don't forgot about Mouseville" -- The Green Mile

"You gotta stop playing God, 'cause you're no good at it, and the position's taken." -- Fat Man and Little Boy

"There is no curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of men for this treachery." -- Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Krista said...

"Depressed" for me, but after reading your post my day has gotten a little better due to all the laughs..LOL! Later though I'm going for the "deep rest"!

Heh, it's not our fault we don't get your jokes, maybe you just need to find better ones...LOL! Love the Golf ball one, and the videos and pictures are too cool!

Love the Bible verse of the day, by the way!

David Wagner said...

10 points for Bob! 15 points for Havah! And 5 points for Krista, for liking my jokes!

Bobinho said...

"prevaja in srka energy drink" =

"is translating and sipping an energy drink" ;)))

David Wagner said...

Mystery solved!

Paula Titus said...

Opening photo is great, I wonder where that is.

Avari said...

Ok so, they must have had some pretty smart mathematicians to figure that one out. One thing goes wrong though and that guys dead. I would never take that sort of risk. Geez, that pool isn't even very big, not a high allowance for error.

That horse did an awesome car climb

kingphatcow said...

aisle seats all the way home, Dave! Thanks!

cmartin8 said...

Michelle Rodriguez's character from Resident Evil