Monday, August 24, 2009

My Boy Says He Can Eat Fifty Eggs, He Can Eat Fifty Eggs.

OK, so I was agonizing again today over my usual conundrum - one that is common to all of us here at this blog, I'm sure. In fact, I really need feedback from all of you to help me (hopefully) come to a final resolution on this issue.

Which US President that has the same first and last initial is my favorite.

Again, I know this is a common philosophical wrestling partner for all of us - I'm no different. I'm human too. But, the standard arguments apply. I mean, Woodrow Wilson was the only Pres with a legitimate PhD, and he oversaw the passing of the Federal Trade Commission Act, the Clayton Antitrust Act and the Federal Farm Loan Act, and gave women the right to vote. But he also began the federal income tax, formed the Federal Reserve and got us into World War 1. And, perhaps worst of all... he was born in New Jersey.

Calvin Coolidge was lauded for reducing the size of the federal government, he lowered taxes, he presided over the economic growth of the Roaring Twenties, and he was literally born on the fourth of July. But he was a lawyer! And we all know that all lawyers can go pack sand. Plus he vetoed the WW1 Veteran's Bonus Bill. What a butthole.

Herbert Hoover got elected President without having any previous elected office experience! And 8 months later, the stock market crashed and the Great Depression began. He had bad people skills, he supported prohibition, and his first name rhymes with "pervert". But he was big on national parks and children's right, and had a big ol' dam named after him. No surprise; with a name like 'Hoover,' he was bound to suck.

That leaves Ronald Reagan, who I'm sort of leaning toward. 6 Words: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" The actor that stared down the Soviet Union.

So, yeah, of all the presidents that had matching initials, I'm just sort of undecided.


All things considered, that bit was far funnier in my head than in actual execution... in fact, the only funny part (to me) was calling Calvin Coolidge a butthole... oh well, live and learn...

Funny Picture Time:

Guess I could segue into my latest rant...

Dave's Petty Pet Peeve Grab Bag: Household Edition!

1. Pots & Pans Put Away Dirty: I'm certainly not much of a chef. My culinary abilities reach as far as scrambling eggs and heating up cans of chili and/or soup. Pulling a pot or pan out of the cupboard to prepare one of those 'meals' and finding it with gunk on it still, or coated with an unidentifiable layer of something noticeably grimy... it never fails to produce the same one-word reaction. "Why?" asked with pleading eyes lifted up to heaven. And what do the Heavens reply? "So clean it again. At least you have feet." Yeah, the Heavens are unsympathetic like that...

2. The Wagner Family Motto: It can be heard in our house, dozens of times a day, from every female member of the family, including the youngest. And truth be told, it's far more amusing than annoying. "It's baaaaa-aaaack!" will routinely bounce off the walls, signaling the return from commercial of whatever show they are watching. Normally, when a commercial break begins, Wagner women scatter in every direction, to do who-knows-what. Through some process unknown to me, one of them is elected to stay in the room, and when the show returns, the call goes out for all to return. "It's baaaaa-aaack!" It's said in a sing-song, stretching the word "back" into a two-syllable word, like the little blond girl in the movie Poltergeist, announcing, "They're heee-eere."

3. Plug Impaling: My Eldest Daughter has a nice, little collection of hair-primping appliances gathered on the counter in the downstairs bathroom. Hair dryer, hair straightener, and another one I have no clue it's purpose - and I'm afraid to ask. These all have cords that snake down from the appliances and their plugs end up on the floor, out like bait in a fowlers' snare. Invariably, I will come strolling into the bathroom barefooted, to make use of the facilities, and my tender foot finds the plug every time. It's a special kind of pain, but it's a price I must pay... tender foot, tender heart.

4. Random Ants: When ants swarm, they are annoying, but easy to handle. You must stop everything, remove the item being swarmed, spray the trail with whatever liquid at hand, easily following the trail back, along floorboards and window ledges, to it's source. It's straight-forward. But a handful of wandering ants? No order, no discernible source, no object of attack... just a few wanderers, out for a stroll. You can't backtrack to the source. You just squish them with your fingertip and continue what you were doing, knowing in the back of your mind that they are scouts, and as soon as they find an empty soda can in the trash, or a napkin that fell behind the desk with some coffee cake crumbs on it, they will send out the word, and the swarm will arrive. I guess the wandering scouts are annoying because they only serve to make plain my laziness.

5. Chicken Jerky: OK, so a wonderful meal involving chicken has taken place, and to my delight, there are leftovers! Yay! So usually in the next day or two, at the appointed time, I will make my futile attempt at reheating the chicken. I detailed for you earlier the extent of my culinary abilities... with that in mind, I pop the chicken into the microwave. Fearful of overcooking it, I invariably put it in for too short a time. Hot around the edges, cold in the middle. Back in it goes. Again, hot and sizzling around the edges, nauseatingly tepid in the center. I just wanna eat! GRRR!!! So back in a third time... too long... Behold, chicken jerky! NOOOOO!!!!! I know there's a trick to reheating chicken - probably not involving a microwave at all - but I have yet to learn it. You'd think with all the trial and error, I'd have nailed it by now. Nope.

6. Missing Items: The rule is, my stapler, scissors, ruler and sharpee pens stay in my desk drawer, period. If you need one of these items, use your own, please! Or if you absolutely must, use mine but put them right back! Nothing more annoying than needing something, knowing right where it is, going to get it, and it is gone. At this moment, I'm batting .500... my scissors and sharpee are present and accounted for, the stapler and ruler, gone. Gone. Whoever I ask says that someone else used it last and they don't know where it is... a subset of this pet peeve is the perpetually missing mail key. Why not hang it on the hook by the door when you come in from checking the mail, eh? Makes sense, yes? I mean, it's right there! One quick little movement of your hand and presto! The key will be right there when we need it tomorrow! Nope.

I have others, but I think I've whined enough for now. Better save some for another day, before y'all lose what little respect you have left for me....

Started a new book last night: The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub. I read it in high school, lo, these many moons ago, and bought another copy a few months back. I figure, why the heck not, yes? Yes?

Oh, that reminds me. I was at Costco on Sunday and was looking through the books. Steven Pressfield has a book out called The Afghani Campaign. It's a soldier's point of view tale from the Afghani Campaign of Alexander the Great's conquest, that I droned on and on about a couple days ago in the book review of The Virutes of War! Pressfield took my least favorite portion of The Virtues of War and turned it into a stand-alone book! O_o. I think I'll pass on that one. He's pretty enamored with the ancient Greeks and Spartans. He has many novels that fit into that general time period. I have another of his on my shelf called Tides of War, about an ancient Greek general named Alcibiades.

OK, fine, sheesh! I'll put up another cat video! Man, you guys are so demanding!

I think I shall pull the plug on tonight's post. I trust your week has begun well, and shall continue as such. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see if Havah, Abbie or Cathy have made plays in our Facebook Scrabble games.

Until tomorrow, remember, that ditch is Boss Kean's ditch. I told him that dirt in it is your dirt. What's your dirt doin' in his ditch?


havah said...

Woot! I just learned a bunch of presidential stuff! Bet you didn't know your blogs was so educational! :D

*LOL* I love the pet peeves, and share some of them. Especially #1, 3 and 6. Of course, in my house, 3 is usually a dog bone, and 6 usually happens because I've decided to put said item in a "better" place. Ahem. #1 never happens. Seriously.

I will confess to doing the elongated "I'm back" with my mom else do you know to grab your coffee and run back to the TV? As for the chicken...cover it, Dave. You want to sort of steam it, not nuke it. :)

The cat video is the best one yet. I love all the white, and then the black of the cat. It's almost...artsy! And it's funny. I actually laughed out loud. Yes indeed! :D

Anonymous said...

i'm going with RR--no surprise there, ay? brought back country pride. made his mistakes, for sure, but never did anything to deliberately hurt our country.

i'm also a stickler about my office supplies. i like 'em where they belong. when i get in a zone, the last thing i want to do is go hunting for something that i need that isn't where it's supposed to be.

Krista said...

Titles from Cool Hand Luke! Man, I love that Movie!!!! That's the first one I got! What, do I get like a million points or something!

#2 The "It's Back" works wonders!
#3 I've learned to keep my girl stuff under the counter, because I don't want to be stepping on any plugs. I'm sorry it happens to you. I'm sure it's painful.
#4 I hate Ants!
#5 what Havah said...
#6 My little one year old turned my phone off yesterday and then lost it! Do you know how hard it was to find! I couldn't just go around and listen for the ring! You know, "Oh, it's in there" or "Oh wait, it's coming from over there"! Nope, I couldn't find it all day and then finally when I wasn't looking for it anymore it pops up out of no where! Ah, the joy of lost items!

Cute Cat!

Have a good one!

logankstewart said...

Ha, the old and tough chicken jerky problem.

One technique you may try involves taking a paper towel and folding over a few times to where the chicken can sit on it. Gently moisten the towel. GENTLY! I said. Not too much water. Then place the chicken on the towel and put in the microwave for a minute. Flip chicken over and heat for another minute or so.


Nice list of Pet Peeves. It's completely understandable and completely logical.

Abbie said...

dude, i'm sorry but I have to go with Woodrow Wilson. He is my favorite, though I can't really give you a legitimate reason besides the fact that he followed FDR and was a cool dude. oh yeah, well, he did establish the league of nations, i liked that part lol.
sorry dave, but according to google he was born in virginia, but he served in a political office in jersey :P gotta stick up for my boy lol

VOTE for Wilson! :D

Paula Titus said...

I have to give my vote to Reagan also, especially since his was the first election which I was old enough to vote.

I totally empathize with the cord pet-peeve! My daughter does the same thing and it drives me nuts, but not as nuts as when she leaves her long dark hair all over the sink, yuck!

David Wagner said...

Havah: Glad you liked the cat video. I'll look for more... Thanks for the "cover it" tip with the chicken.

Claudette: Chalk one up for Reagan!

Krista: A million points for you! The closer was from Cool Hand Luke also... you would have got 2 million points...

Logan: Thanks for the "paper towel" tip. I'll try it and let you know how it works... we had chicken again tonight, lol...

Abbie: One vote for Wilson. Although you're right about the "Virginia/New Jersey" gaffe, Wilson preceded FDR by three presidents, he didn't come after him... that was Truman. So, we both get docked a point...

Paula: Two votes for Reagan! He leads Wilson by one! It's a tight race! Long hairs... don't remind me... Yanni leaves his long hair all over the place in the upper room at church... good thing no one ever vacuums up there... we have a shag carpet up there now... slowly getting shaggier...

Abbie said...

haha, oh yeah, thats right! DUH abbie :P I wrote that, then went to google to check it out, found out I was wrong, and forgot to change it lol :) but I still think he is cool... i mean, who doesn't like the name woodrow? :D

and I also forgot to mention that the cat video was adorable and I'm glad you put it up there because when I saw it on Today's Big thing anna and I thought it was so cute!! oh, and i agree with all your pet peeves, except for "its baaaa-aaack!" LOL I like that one :D

havah said...

I would love to get into that special elevator today. :-/