My Boy Says He Can Eat Fifty Eggs, He Can Eat Fifty Eggs.

OK, so I was agonizing again today over my usual conundrum - one that is common to all of us here at this blog, I'm sure. In fact, I really need feedback from all of you to help me (hopefully) come to a final resolution on this issue.

Which US President that has the same first and last initial is my favorite.

Again, I know this is a common philosophical wrestling partner for all of us - I'm no different. I'm human too. But, the standard arguments apply. I mean, Woodrow Wilson was the only Pres with a legitimate PhD, and he oversaw the passing of the Federal Trade Commission Act, the Clayton Antitrust Act and the Federal Farm Loan Act, and gave women the right to vote. But he also began the federal income tax, formed the Federal Reserve and got us into World War 1. And, perhaps worst of all... he was born in New Jersey.

Calvin Coolidge was lauded for reducing the size of the federal government, he lowered taxes, he presided over the economic growth of the Roaring Twenties, and he was literally born on the fourth of July. But he was a lawyer! And we all know that all lawyers can go pack sand. Plus he vetoed the WW1 Veteran's Bonus Bill. What a butthole.

Herbert Hoover got elected President without having any previous elected office experience! And 8 months later, the stock market crashed and the Great Depression began. He had bad people skills, he supported prohibition, and his first name rhymes with "pervert". But he was big on national parks and children's right, and had a big ol' dam named after him. No surprise; with a name like 'Hoover,' he was bound to suck.

That leaves Ronald Reagan, who I'm sort of leaning toward. 6 Words: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" The actor that stared down the Soviet Union.

So, yeah, of all the presidents that had matching initials, I'm just sort of undecided.

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All things considered, that bit was far funnier in my head than in actual execution... in fact, the only funny part (to me) was calling Calvin Coolidge a butthole... oh well, live and learn...

Funny Picture Time:

Guess I could segue into my latest rant...

Dave's Petty Pet Peeve Grab Bag: Household Edition!
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1. Pots & Pans Put Away Dirty: I'm certainly not much of a chef. My culinary abilities reach as far as scrambling eggs and heating up cans of chili and/or soup. Pulling a pot or pan out of the cupboard to prepare one of those 'meals' and finding it with gunk on it still, or coated with an unidentifiable layer of something noticeably grimy... it never fails to produce the same one-word reaction. "Why?" asked with pleading eyes lifted up to heaven. And what do the Heavens reply? "So clean it again. At least you have feet." Yeah, the Heavens are unsympathetic like that...

2. The Wagner Family Motto: It can be heard in our house, dozens of times a day, from every female member of the family, including the youngest. And truth be told, it's far more amusing than annoying. "It's baaaaa-aaaack!" will routinely bounce off the walls, signaling the return from commercial of whatever show they are watching. Normally, when a commercial break begins, Wagner women scatter in every direction, to do who-knows-what. Through some process unknown to me, one of them is elected to stay in the room, and when the show returns, the call goes out for all to return. "It's baaaaa-aaack!" It's said in a sing-song, stretching the word "back" into a two-syllable word, like the little blond girl in the movie Poltergeist, announcing, "They're heee-eere."

3. Plug Impaling: My Eldest Daughter has a nice, little collection of hair-primping appliances gathered on the counter in the downstairs bathroom. Hair dryer, hair straightener, and another one I have no clue it's purpose - and I'm afraid to ask. These all have cords that snake down from the appliances and their plugs end up on the floor, out like bait in a fowlers' snare. Invariably, I will come strolling into the bathroom barefooted, to make use of the facilities, and my tender foot finds the plug every time. It's a special kind of pain, but it's a price I must pay... tender foot, tender heart.

4. Random Ants: When ants swarm, they are annoying, but easy to handle. You must stop everything, remove the item being swarmed, spray the trail with whatever liquid at hand, easily following the trail back, along floorboards and window ledges, to it's source. It's straight-forward. But a handful of wandering ants? No order, no discernible source, no object of attack... just a few wanderers, out for a stroll. You can't backtrack to the source. You just squish them with your fingertip and continue what you were doing, knowing in the back of your mind that they are scouts, and as soon as they find an empty soda can in the trash, or a napkin that fell behind the desk with some coffee cake crumbs on it, they will send out the word, and the swarm will arrive. I guess the wandering scouts are annoying because they only serve to make plain my laziness.

5. Chicken Jerky: OK, so a wonderful meal involving chicken has taken place, and to my delight, there are leftovers! Yay! So usually in the next day or two, at the appointed time, I will make my futile attempt at reheating the chicken. I detailed for you earlier the extent of my culinary abilities... with that in mind, I pop the chicken into the microwave. Fearful of overcooking it, I invariably put it in for too short a time. Hot around the edges, cold in the middle. Back in it goes. Again, hot and sizzling around the edges, nauseatingly tepid in the center. I just wanna eat! GRRR!!! So back in a third time... too long... Behold, chicken jerky! NOOOOO!!!!! I know there's a trick to reheating chicken - probably not involving a microwave at all - but I have yet to learn it. You'd think with all the trial and error, I'd have nailed it by now. Nope.

6. Missing Items: The rule is, my stapler, scissors, ruler and sharpee pens stay in my desk drawer, period. If you need one of these items, use your own, please! Or if you absolutely must, use mine but put them right back! Nothing more annoying than needing something, knowing right where it is, going to get it, and it is gone. At this moment, I'm batting .500... my scissors and sharpee are present and accounted for, the stapler and ruler, gone. Gone. Whoever I ask says that someone else used it last and they don't know where it is... a subset of this pet peeve is the perpetually missing mail key. Why not hang it on the hook by the door when you come in from checking the mail, eh? Makes sense, yes? I mean, it's right there! One quick little movement of your hand and presto! The key will be right there when we need it tomorrow! Nope.

I have others, but I think I've whined enough for now. Better save some for another day, before y'all lose what little respect you have left for me....

Started a new book last night: The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub. I read it in high school, lo, these many moons ago, and bought another copy a few months back. I figure, why the heck not, yes? Yes?

Oh, that reminds me. I was at Costco on Sunday and was looking through the books. Steven Pressfield has a book out called The Afghani Campaign. It's a soldier's point of view tale from the Afghani Campaign of Alexander the Great's conquest, that I droned on and on about a couple days ago in the book review of The Virutes of War! Pressfield took my least favorite portion of The Virtues of War and turned it into a stand-alone book! O_o. I think I'll pass on that one. He's pretty enamored with the ancient Greeks and Spartans. He has many novels that fit into that general time period. I have another of his on my shelf called Tides of War, about an ancient Greek general named Alcibiades.

OK, fine, sheesh! I'll put up another cat video! Man, you guys are so demanding!

I think I shall pull the plug on tonight's post. I trust your week has begun well, and shall continue as such. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see if Havah, Abbie or Cathy have made plays in our Facebook Scrabble games.

Until tomorrow, remember, that ditch is Boss Kean's ditch. I told him that dirt in it is your dirt. What's your dirt doin' in his ditch?