Ten Minutes to Wapner. We're Definitely Locked in this Box with No TV...

[We now join tonight's blog post, already in progress...]

--because it tickled, and I mean badly. I giggled like a school boy the whole time; it was embarrassing. And so, as you can imagine, I never ate the Jalapeno hummus again.

Moving right along... what? [pause] Ok, I'm just being notified that there are several readers who are joining us a little late, because of blog scheduling conflicts in their local markets. Understandable - it does happen from time to time. So to those of you who were just watching the 22nd Annual Oyster Slurping Contest, which apparently went into overtime, welcome. And to those of you who were watching the National Debt scoreboard as it ticked past 20 trillion, welcome to you as well. It's always cool to see all those zeroes. And apparently we have one reader that was playing sudoku and lost track of time.

Here's what you missed: My admittedly fascinating opening monologue, astutely titled "A few Quick Thoughts on Methane Self-Propulsion Systems." After that I sang a song medley about my excitement over the upcoming Season 6 of Project Runway, which included a mix of old and new material, such as "Straight Men Need Not Apply", "Tears on the Runway", "Auf We Go" and my #1 hit "Make It Work Time."

After that, I practiced my moonwalk. Then I played a disturbing video clip of a man training for the Olympic luge wearing nothing but his helmet and a strategically placed argyle sock. I then segued into my heartwarming tale of my encounter with a plate of jalapeno hummus.

And now, here we are!

I watched a movie preview today for Terry Gilliam's upcoming film, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, which has an ensemble cast that includes the late Heath Ledger (his last film, obviously), Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Colin Ferrell and Christopher Plummer. Here's the trailer, in case you were interested...



Be sure to click the little HD button and then watch full screen. Looks like an awesome movie. I may have to check it out come October. Seems like a long ways away, but it'll be here before we know it.

Saturday's almost here, woot! Scrabble tourney, eh! I can't wait, should be awesome. I've been playing more Scrabble than usual lately, mostly offline against Maven on my desktop. I've been playing some games on Facebook Scrabble as well... anyone else out there want to fire up a game on Facebook, let me know. I'm always up for it. That reminds me - I scored 295 points on Scramble. *ahem* ROOOOAAARRRR!!!!!! I am a Scramble Legend! If you can beat that score, I'll buy you a prize and hand deliver it. MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Funny T-Shirt of the Day

OK, that's as far as I'll push the envelope of good taste today - my apologies. I did think it was pretty hilarious though...

While I'm thinking of it, here's that modified Neil Blender wallpaper I mentioned last night. If you want it, click to enlarge, then right-click on the image and hit "Save image as..." and grab it for yourself. It's 1920x1200.


Love that texture in the background. Looks awesome on my big monitor, as well. Ah, its the little things in life that make me happy sometimes... Anyway, I plan on making similar wallpapers from the graphics of old boards by Mark Gonzales, Steve Caballero, Lance Mountain and Christian Hosoi. You know, the classics.

Well, while I'm posting pictures, I might as well add this one. My eFriend Patrick from Indiana has this picture in his Facebook gallery...

Patrick is the one on the left. And the one behind the couch. And both of the guys on the couch as well. I thought that was cool. Don't know why I didn't try this myself eons ago. He set the camera on a tripod, on a timer, then took four pics of himself in different clothes and photoshopped them all together. Flat out awesome.

I had a similar idea a couple years ago, when my youngest was born. I'd take a picture of her every year on her birthday, then slowly start assembling a group picture, adding her new pic to the group every year. So there would slowly be more people in the pic, but they would all be Maggie at different ages. I would even have her holding a baby when she's old enough, and then photoshop herself as a newborn into the pic, so it looked like she was holding herself. I just thought it would be cool.

Of course, that got my mind working on an idea for a mystery novel, the idea being that the main character would every year attend a birthday party where the only people attending were all him at different ages, and they couldn't leave the ballroom that they were in, or meet again until the next year. One night only, per year. And no one else could be there.

What if you could sit down with 70 or 80 of yourself at different ages and have a conversation? Every year, there would be a different number of himself there... the idea being that based on decisions he was currently making, it would have an impact on the rest of his life, altering the date of his death. He could modify his plans for the upcoming year based on conversations he had with older versions of himself. He'd learn from his own mistakes ahead of time, and alter them to avoid them, and it would affect the older versions of himself that he would meet the next year.

I thought I could add a mystery element somehow, whereby he would need to enlist the help of various versions of himself to piece together something and solve a mystery of some sort. It would require information that a younger version of himself could provide, that the current him couldn't remember anymore, and maybe skills that a future version of himself had learned that the current him hadn't learned yet. Something like that.

It seems less confusing in my head, sorry. Wish I could explain it better...

Todayve In History: August 13
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- August 13, 1889: German inventor Ferdinand von Zeppelin patents his "navigable balloon." (Those crazy Germans...)

- August 13, 1913: Stainless Steel is invented. (Stainless carpet wouldn't be invented until much later...)

- August 13, 1918: Women enlist in the Marines for the first time. (Well, sure... I mean, someone had to do the cooking and mend the uniforms...)

- August 13, 1940: The Battle of Britain begins. (Those crazy Germans...)

- August 13, 2004: Hurricane Charley drops the hammer on Florida. (Those crazy Germans...)

Among those celebrating birthdays today are: Annie Oakley (1860), Alfred Hitchcock (1899), Ben Hogan (1912), and Don Ho (1930). Dying on August 13 were Florence Nightingale (1910), HG Wells (1946), Mickey Mantle (1995) and Julia Child (2004).

Whew! That's a lot of birthing and dying! Well, it happens to all of us. I was lying (or is it laying?) awake on the couch last night at 4am or so, contemplating death. What better thing to contemplate in the dark stillness of the night, eh? I had to fight back the powerful sense of futility that such contemplation brings on. Feeling insignificant; a mere speck, a puff of smoke that appears and vanishes. Everyone dies. Untold billions of mostly nameless, faceless people cycling through life, leaving barely a ripple. Death must not be a big deal, if everyone does it. I tell you, though, it sure helps to have an idea of the big(ger) picture to use as a tool to fight off that wash of futility and hopelessness.

Then I farted and it cheered me up. When the house is still, they sound that much louder. Ah, the simple things...

I have nothing else to add tonight. I am done. Done, I say! Until tomorrow, are you sure you want to have a fight? Because I'm only gonna use my thumb. My right thumb. The left one's much too powerful for you...