Apparently, There's Some Sort of High-Toned and Fancy To-Do Up at the Fort, Eh?

Man, am I spent. The week is done.

You know how you go to a picnic, and there's a ton of people there, and you're sort of uncomfortable because you don't really dig big crowds, but you said yes to the friend that invited you months ago, so you have to attend... you're making the best of it, and sneaking peeks at your watch every few minutes, trying to pull a Joshua and make the sun move forward a few hours... anyway, your cup is empty, and you feel awkward holding an empty cup, so you want to fill it up again with some of that fine Gatorade they have in that big cooler over there... yep, that big trash can-sized one sitting on the picnic table over there with the dripping spigot on it, and the bucket on the ground, catching the drips, since God forbid some Gatorade soaks into the dirt. Anyway, you go to get some, and of course only a trickle comes out... Gatorade must be popular with the classy picnic crowd today. So you have to try and tip the giant cooler forward, push the button and hold the cup all at the same time (since no one offers to help), hoping to get the remaining liquid into your cup...

That's the way I feel... down to the last drops.

Man, that was a long way to go to say something so simple.... sheesh...

A double-portion of church today... the first portion didn't take, so I needed another hit. I roll up on Pastor, standin' out in front of the church, and he go "Yo, D, you back for more? Dog, too much C ain't good for ya, dog, you gots to go slow." And I says, "Yo, P-shizzle, I can't helps it! I has to get me some Church, man. You gotta let me in, man, you gotta open the door!" And he says, "Alright, yo, but don't say I didn't warn your sorry butt... too much Holy Ghos' and you could OD..." "Gotta take my chances, P. Gotta roll those dice..."

OK, that's not how it happened. In fact, that was pretty embarrassing... I can't believe I wrote that. I'd go back and delete it if I didn't need the text as filler tonight. Remember how spent I said I was? I can't end the week with an anemic post. I shall defer to your mercy on that one...

I guess it's time to drop a little Star Wars in here, for blog dweller Logan at least... though there are other sci-fi nerds in here as well... I hate to do this to you, Logan, but I read an article recently called "John Scalzi's Guide to the Most Epic FAILs in Star Wars Design." It's a riot. He covers the ten worst design choices in the Star Wars Universe, including:

• R2-D2: Sure he's cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapstick fashion -- and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: "Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tazers, but we'll never get a 30 cent voice chip past accounting... that's just madness!"

• Lightsabers: Yes, I know, I want one too. But I tell you what: I want one with a hand guard. Otherwise, every lightsaber battle would consist of sabers clashing and then their owners sliding as quickly as possible down the shaft to lop off their opponent's fingers. You say: "Lightsabers can slice through anything but another lightsaber, so what would you make the handguard out of?" I say: "Dude, if you have the technology to make a lightsaber, you have the technology to make a light-handguard!"

• and Stormtrooper Uniforms: They stand out like a sore thumb in every environment but snow, the helmets restrict view ("I can't see a thing in this helmet!" -- Luke Skywalker), and the armor is penetrable by single shots from blasters. Add it all up and you have to wonder why stormtroopers don't just walk around naked, save for blinders and flip-flops.

HERE is the article, if you want to read all 10, plus some of the very amusing comments left by others. Don't get too smug, Star Trek fans... he has an article about that universe also...

Funny Picture Time:

Happy? Frightened? Angry? Getting goosed? I can't tell... it's funny, though...

And just to take the edge off of your nervous hunger (you'll thank me later), I give you Today's Gutbuster from This Is Why You're Fat... Behold!


The Krispy Kreme Jelly Donut Chicken Sandwich: a fried chicken breast in a jelly-filled Krispy Kreme donut with cheese and honey. They need to come up with a real name for that one. Then again, perhaps they only give real names to dishes that have a possibility - even a slight one - of actually being ordered/eaten.

You're welcome. See? You were a little hungry before you saw that pic, weren't you... now you're not! Any thing to help; that's my motto...

Good news! Dave O has begun his countdown to homecoming! His year overseas is almost complete! 2 months to go! Then he can come home and begin his training to hopefully become a fireman. One shade of hero to another. I have no doubt he'll succeed. Dave O is the Man. In fact, here's a couple gratuitous Dave O pics, for all of his fans out there...

Mess with the bull, get the horns...

Dave O and Hummer... Dave's the one on the right...

Well, I think that's it for me tonight. Getting my Sunday headache a bit late. Gonna go pound an ibuprofen and go read. Almost done with the Piranha October newsletters, but I don't think I can focus anymore.

Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

A little Hamlet for ya there.

Until tomorrow, remember, there are a lot of long words in there, Miss; we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?