Wednesday, August 26, 2009

These Guys Are About as Much Fun as a Tax Audit

Dave could hear the sound of the rescue helicopter long before he saw it. He was too exhausted to wave to it... he barely had the strength to lift his head a bit, to scan the horizon for it. If he hadn't been strapped to the big ice chest, he would have gone under long ago. Thank God for small miracles.

After a pair of eternal minutes, he saw the approaching helicopter, with Vye clearly visible through the open sides, on a bench, pointing in his direction and talking to the pilot. If he had the strength, Dave would have said something to express his joy. But he didn't. He didn't have to.

"Cool, there's Vye," said Abbie, from the raft five feet away. Joseph glanced away from his DS long enough to acknowledge the chopper's approach, then growled a bit. "Already? Dangit, I want to finish this race."

"Gee, you want me to tell him to circle a few more times?" Paula asked. Joe did not respond. Logan was napping peacefully nearby. Abbie nudged him awake.

"We're... we're saved..." Dave whispered.

He still couldn't believe they'd voted to set him adrift like that. True, he was leashed to the raft with a piece of rope, so he couldn't drift far... still, to be kicked off his own life raft... the shame of it! Two hours ago, after discovering a stash of energy drinks in the supplies, Dave had powered down four Red Bulls. The raft quickly became too small a space for the explosion of manic energy that resulted. The decision was easy: mutiny and set him adrift. He then spent the next 90 minutes swimming laps around the raft, pausing now and then to spit a mouthful of seawater on someone in the raft. When the post-caffeine crash came, he elected to be lashed to the cooler and remain adrift rather than get back on the raft with those traitors.

On the raft, Dave's cell phone rang.

"Dave, you want me to answer this for you, or let it go to voice mail?" Havah asked, holding up the phone. "I think it's your mom."

"I think it's your mom," John said, and then chuckled as if he were clever. Joe rolled his eyes and told John, "I think it's your face. Ooooh!" They briefly exchanged a flurry of shoulder punches, and then continued their DS race.

Havah ignored them and asked Dave again, but Dave didn't answer. He'd slipped into a half-conscious delirium, with a smirk on his face. In this dream-like state, he had only one thing on his mind. "I can't wait to get home and blog about this..."


"Wipeout" or "Why pout?" you decide...

Greetings y'all! We all made it past the mid-week mark; now the race to the weekend is in full swing.

Went to the beach with my family today. I was running out of opportunities to get my annual beach trip with the fam taken care of. Today was the day. It wasn't bad, really... I tried to go into it with a positive attitude.

I know what you're all thinking... "Aw, Dave, poor baby... had to go to the beach today - and in San Diego no less! How did you ever survive?"

To that I say, hey, pal, I paid my dues! Check out this sunburn!

That's hardcore, man!

Of course, that's an artists' interpretation. I couldn't post an actual picture of me without my shirt on... there are those with sensitive stomachs among us... I have to be considerate. Anyways, it doesn't matter how much sun screen I use, I always get burned.

I did have fun, though. I dug in the sand with my youngest... This is pre-burn, of course.

She's my sweetie. And here's our... uh... well, not really a sand castle, per se... more an interconnected series of nicely-squared off underground chambers...

Hey, it may not look like much, but it took quite a while to craft that! Like a series of nuclear missile silos or something...

I'd post pics of the whole family, but I don't think the Wagner Women would appreciate me putting pictures of them in their swimwear up on my blog for all the world to see... apparently, being barely covered is perfectly fine at the beach, but not online. A different sort of "public", I suppose.

The highlight of the day at the beach was watching a pair of ridiculous, giggling teens go sauntering into the water, near a couple of young studs that were throwing a football back and forth in the water. The dude lofted the ball in their direction, no doubt to have the ball splash them and make them squeal, like typical ridiculous teens. So, of course, one of the girls got bonked in the head with the football while her back was turned. I have not laughed that hard in a long, long time. I know, it's so cruel to laugh at another person getting pegged in the head by a nice, long, lofted spiral, with the ball bouncing straight up into the air on the rebound, after making that amazing "bonk" sound on impact... well, it's more of a Boing than a bonk, I guess... anyway, yes, if it had happened to me or one of my family, I would have been pissed.... still, it was exactly what I needed to see to take the edge off the afternoon. I wished I had caught it on video.

So the day was a good one, overall. Came home, got some work done, went to a mini-prayer meeting over at Stan's house (and I mean "mini"... it was just me and Stan!), and then came home, opened my new mouse, and now I'm here, writing this blog post! Wow, now THAT is an up-to-the-moment recap! And now, I am writing this sentence...

OK, here's a funny video of a live newscast in Prague, where they go to a reporter live somewhere, and he has to deal with some drunk fans. It's a hoot, but WARNING: there is one brief spot of someone throwing a middle finger in the background... the rest is gold, though...

Now that was professionalism... over here, the reporter would have been throwing fists after the first set of antlers.

Thursday will be a half-n-half day for me. Wortk at home the first half of the day, then pick Eldest Daughter up from her job, and then head into the Rug Shop the second half of the day. Hopefully, it will be a productive day. No, I didn't say "reproductive"! I said "productive"! Sheesh, get your mind out of the gutter!

Until tomorrow, remember, when you're hanging on by your fingernails, you can't go waiving your arms around.

Current Book: The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub
Current Game: Fallout 3 (with my 2 new expansion packs, woot!)
Current Movie: The Public Enemy (w/James Cagney)
Current Skateboard Graphic Wallpaper In Progress: Classic Tony Hawk


havah said...

Great continuation! You left quite a cliff-hanger last night. *lol*

I choose "wipeout". I prefer not to be questioned about why I pout. :D

Oh, I am so insanely jealous of your trip to the beach. I love the beach. Living without it just about kills me, and I haven't been to the beach in oh...nearly three years. *sigh* I'm glad you had a great time. It's good for the soul! :)

Congrats on opening your mouse. Now...where's the pic of the packaging? Huh? Huh??

Nice reported clip. Of course, we have no idea what he was saying, except something about the atmosphere maybe he understood all their joyous behaviour. Just saying...

Hope your day is highly "productive". Geesh, Dave! You know what I mean! :o

havah said...

Ummm...reporteD = reporteR. Just so you know. :D

Krista said...

You should defenestrate those traitors, I say!

Wipeout!! Nice burn, I love the beach!

logankstewart said...

Yet another fantastic intro, Dave.

Being red headed and freckled, I explode when I go to the beach, despite the fact I'm coated in SPF 1000 and fully clothed in Inuit ware. I can feel your pain, my friend.

Reading that bit about the football bouncing on a girls head actually made my day so far here at the office. I can perfectly visualize it and it was quite difficult to contain my laughing.

Ah, prayer meetings... Isn't prayer great? Being able to converse with the Father personally. Ahh...

Expansion packs...I'm jealous.

Paula Titus said...

Great intro once again, and you captured my smarty-pants nature with surprising precision.

Beach lover here, minus the scores of people, I haven't found one like that yet. Is that a farmer's tan you're sporting?

David Wagner said...

Nerd Pride compels me to sport the farmer tan... I rock the farmer tan hard... only at the moment, it is now the elusive and painful "farmer burn"...

Krista said...

Oh, yeah, I L-O-V-E the top picture! It's gorgeous!

Abbie said...

haha, oh dave, i'm sorry we missed you at the beach! mom and I went today. I love how your fam picks the EXACT same spot every time :) I actually was surprised that I didn't see in your pic the dude who usually also picks the stairs as his "spot" and is there all the time... that story was hysterical! I would have laughed too, once it looked like she was fine, LOL :)

nice conclusion! but does the plane crash now on some lost island?? :) that would be cool... lol

Avari said...

May I suggest going in the sum more often? You probably burn easy because your skin is sensitive to the sun. But if you go out enough, (probably should do it a little at a time at first) it will slowly grow accustomed to the sun. At least, that's how mine is. Parts of my skin that never see the sun burn super easy at first, while my legs almost never get burnt, cause they are used to it.

I love the beach!

ummm, yeah.

Abbie said...

haha, I agree shann! with everything, lol :D

havah said...

Poor Dave. Look at it this way, the longer you stay pale, the less you'll have to go for those annual skin examinations. :-|