Thursday, August 6, 2009

In His Eagerness to Save You, Your God Also Saved the Roman Fleet.


"What day is it today? Where's my head at?" Dave tried to focus. He hadn't been the same since he decided to consume both a Macchiato and an energy drink within a few hours of each other. It was a poor move, and was greatly hindering both his ability to think in a coherent manner and his ability to type. Even in his addled state, he knew that to write an effective blog post, he would need to be able to do both...

"Well," he thought, "the Desert & Springbok picture at the top was awesome enough, if only because it had a Springbok in it." Not many people would even know what a springbok was; Dave thought that lent him a hint of smoldering mystery, which he assumed was always a good thing. And he had a couple cool video clips archived that he could post... nothing of substance, of course, but hey, that never stopped him before.

If he could only get his head to work properly... he knew that if he didn't rein himself in here at the beginning, he would quickly devolve into scatalogical jokes and recycled spoonerisms... and that was likely to drive half his audience crazy with anger (with the resulting gathering of weapons and laying seige to his Ancient Egypt-inspired limestone-and-marble faux-military compound) and the other half of his audience to an extreme boredom-induced three-day nap. Naps longer than 36 hours normally produced crankiness, so no doubt that half of the audience would also grab weapons and join in on the seige.

He stopped writing and went off to check the current state of his pantries and supply rooms. After 15 minutes, he verified that he had at least 30 days worth of food, coal and ammunition... plenty of time to wait out the initial stages of the seige, while he sent word for help. He had a large group of carrier pigeons to send messages out to his nearby neighbors. And if that didn't work, he could always try email...

His only means of escape from the compound was the Garfield-shaped hot air balloon, which was stored in the large central courtyard... but it likely wouldn't lift fast enough to avoid being shot down by the archers that would no doubt be patrolling outside the perimeter. Being alone, he couldn't expect to fight his way out... Dave kicked himself for not keeping the mercenary security force... money was tight lately, so he let them go. Hopefully they wouldn't be hired by the angry blog readers, and used to supplement their numbers. They were familiar with the compound layout, including the two secret entrances...

Dave sighed. It didn't look good. Dark days lay ahead, unless he can somehow rally himself and produce something worth reading for tonight's post. Something of substance, that had nothing to do with the baser humor that he defaulted to so frequently. Classy. Informative. Interesting. High-brow. Most of all, substantive.

His resolve firm, Dave began...


All is lost.

-------------------

Well, since I've already blown it for the night, I might as well stop caring...

OK, here's the latest Simon's Cat video...


Not quite Maru, but good for some light-hearted chuckles.

And of course, there's always the classic "Animator vs Animation"...


Always good for a few chuckles. It has a sequel too, if you're into that sort of thing...

As you can tell, I am scraping the bottom of the barrel tonight, as far as content. It's embarrassing. Unlike answering the front door with boxer shorts on my head... that's not embarrassing at all...

Nothing happened today worth mentioning. I did get my car fixed (the grinding transmission, if you recall), but who on earth would want to know the details of that? A paycheck I've been waiting for in the mail still hasn't arrived... rent would have bounced had I not been able to move some money around (with a little help from a certian mother of mine, who shall remain nameless), but no one wants to read about that nonsense either. I'll finish Best Served Cold tonight (probably), but you already know my recent opinion of that... and besides, what use is a review of a book that hasn't been read through to the end yet? I'll "review" it after I finish it!

So I am at a loss.

Which means, I am done.

Until tomorrow, remember, you can hop, but you can't hide!

7 comments:

havah said...

Loved the pic at the top. Of course. Duh! :)

Ahh...ever inventive and creative, Dave. *lol* Who would be bored? I WILL however sleep for 36 hours if given the chance. Alas, that shall not happen.

Where did the first clip come from? The guy on the right was in a British show called "Chef", unless I'm mistaken. Which I may be, given my current state of asleepness.

The two animated clips are awesome. Now I miss my cat. :(

Night now...

Bobinho said...

title is from Ben-Hur

last sentence is from Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit :P

David Wagner said...

10 points for Bob! Jumps out to an early, commanding lead...

Havah, just found the clip lurking... not sure what it is or where it came from, sorry...

Rebekah said...

Loved the intro. Sheesh Dave, I would have been knocked out with so much caffeine. You should be proud.

Paula Titus said...

Oh my gosh, the Simon's Cat video is so adorable!

Abbie said...

dave, i love the videos! the animation one was very clever!

cmartin8 said...

Ah gotta love the old school epic Ben Hur!