"Marriage is a Wonderful Invention. Then Again, So is a Bicycle Repair Kit." -- Billy Connelly

"Chapped lips" or "lapped chips", which one?

OK so, you know how if it's written on the internet -- especially in a blog -- it has to be true, right? OK, let's test that theory...

*ahem*

Hey, I can bench press 250 pounds now!

Oh, and I finished the rough draft of my novel, woot!

And I made a video of myself streaking through the Escondido library! And it went viral!

And I ate an entire bag of in-the-shell peanuts between yesterday and today!

O_o

Do you believe me? Yeah, didn't think so. Well, one of those statements is true, in any case... I'll let you decide which one...

And now, some rants...

RANT #1: The Oil Spill

Are you kidding me? It's been over a month since that oil spill in the gulf, and they still haven't fixed it yet? Good grief, that must be the engineering nightmare to end all nightmares, if our best minds still haven't come up with a solution yet. For crying out loud, I saw the movie Apollo 13... I know what great minds can do to fix unexpected problems. What, may I ask, the heck? Millions of gallons of oil just pumping away into the ocean, like it had good sense. The impact on the fishing trade is going to prove thoroughly devastating. We get a third of our seafood, as a country, from the gulf. Why isn't this 24/7 front-page news? I have a theory. Because gas prices haven't risen, that's why. Under normal circumstances, something like this would cause the price to jump WAY up. That's what has me worried. If it had been a quick fix, they would have jacked gas prices and blamed it on the spill. But they are keeping the price as it is (actually, it's dropped a bit since), which makes me think they are petrified of us finding out that they don't know how to fix it. They're artificially keeping the price down, so we stay mostly asleep about it. Because if gas was $5/gallon right now, we would be raising so much hell it wouldn't be funny. "Well, it must not be too bad, or too big a deal... gas prices are the same. Let's see what's on TV tonight!"

That segue's into...

RANT #2: LOST Finale

I'm sorry, Logan, I know you thought this show was the cat's meow - you might want to skip this rant... Even though I gave up on LOST partway into Season 5, I've had the Wagner Women (and Logan's episode updates) to keep me informed of any attempts the show has made to answer some of the innumerable "mysteries" that had inundated viewers with in the first 4 seasons. I have to say, from all that I've seen mentioned since I stopped watching, there is nothing that convinces me that the creators of the show had ANY IDEA what they were doing. It reminds me of (the recently cancelled) show HEROES. Terrific first season, becomes a huge hit... the writers sit around a big table looking at each other, going "Umm... now what?" Seriously. With all of the time traveling, and alternate realty storylines, and people dying and coming back and dying and coming back... and then dying and coming back as a completely different person inside their body, and disappearing islands, and people that are really smoke monsters, and people leaving the island and coming back -- just to try and escape again. Sayid's a bad guy. Sayid's a good guy. He's a bad guy again. He's a good guy again. Locke getting shot, healing, getting stabbed, healing, getting beat up, healing, getting his legs crushed, healing... I tell ya, it's enough to make a man swear off TV altogether. One gigantic steaming pantload of doom!

RANT #3: Glee

OMG, don't even go there...

RANT #4: Immigration and the Arizona Law

OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but there's a proper, legal way to become American citizens, check? If you sneak in here, then by definition you're not here legally, check? Yes, I know everyone has a sob story. I know, some people have been here illegally for years and years - sometimes basically growing up here. To send someone like that "home" to Mexico when they never really were there to begin with (except as a child) is pretty lame. Not to mention if a kid is born here in the states, with illegal parents, and the kid is a citizen and the folks are told to go home... split up the family? Ungood. STILL, that having been said, something needs to be done to stem the tide of illegal immigration. I mean, to hear the whiners in the press talking, it seems Arizona is one step away from becoming Nazi Germany - for trying to enforce Federal rules that are already on the books, but are not being enforced!

OK, I want to take this rant in about 6 different directions. Lemme pause...

If what you're doing is illegal, you shouldn't be allowed to continue doing it, or get away with it indefinitely. I'm sure sometimes people rob stores/banks because they desperately need money. Again, everyone has a story, I get it. But not everyone robs out of desperate need! Some rob for the thrill of it, or so they can hurt people purposely, or because they feel somehow that they are entitled to the money. So do we absolve all robbers because a handful have a story of woe? If you're here illegally, and you want to protest something, don't protest the laws that are trying to send you back to get in line and do it right... protest the system that is in desperate need of streamlining, so people can become legal faster. Don't gather by the tens-of-thousands and scream about your violated rights... other than basic human rights, I'm not sure how long your list of rights as an illegal immigrant is to begin with.

I'm of the opinion that there needs to be a drastic solution, but neither of my ideas will ever happen. We need to either lock down the border, and station troops all along it, so that absolutely no one gets through, period, combined with massive nation-wide dragnet sweeps to round up those who shouldn't be here...  or we need to throw the border wide open, roll in, and annex Mexico. Dissolve their government, absorb Mexico, divide it up into a few more states, and make it a part of our country. Heck, if they want to be here so bad, now they can stay home and be here at the same time! We'll dump money into building their infrastructure up, and of course help ourselves to their natural resources. They'll all become citizens, and get a bump up in standards of living, and we'll add 750,000 square miles of real estate and 100 million new tax payers.

Yeah, like either of those will ever happen... the alternative is to have things keep as they are. Which is exactly what will happen.

So I got the quintessential mixed blessing in the email today. Piranha Marketing sent me a transcript to edit and format, like they do every month. It's a great gig - steady money, and something I'm good at. But this transcript is different. It came in eight separate MSWord files instead of one (as usual). I usually get one file each month - a transcript of a one hour interview. Anyway, I thought that was a bit odd, having the interview divided up into 8 parts like that. Until I realized that each part was an hour-long transcript! So instead of one, I have the equivalent of 8 hours worth to edit and format! 225 pages worth! And they want it by next Thursday! :O AAAA!!!!! 8 times the work (and 8 times the pay, I presume), in about the same time I'm usually given to do one...

Wish me luck...

So I started David Gemmell's book Legend. I am very impressed so far. Just wanted you to know it's starting off really well. It's a short book; expect a review soon. Then I think I'll move on to Brent Weeks' Night Angel Trilogy, which Laythe read and said was outstanding. Good reads ahead!

OK, I'm done typing for now. When I come up with something worth saying, why, I'll hit New Post and blast you again!

Sorry about the rants tonight. Just had to (try and) get it all off my chest. You should consider yourselves lucky! I was going to rant about abortion again...

Until whenever,

Dave