Monday, May 17, 2010

"I Owe It All To Little Chocolate Donuts." - John Belushi

Monday drips to a slow ending, leaving behind a rather uneventful day. 

I wish I could start today's post with "Hey, a funny thing happened today on the way to work; you're not going to believe it!" But, really, nothing funny happened today. But, boy, if it had, you'd sure be entertained right about now! Like that time last year when I pulled off the packed freeway to stop at a busy Starbucks that was on route, bought myself a frap and decided to relax in one of their comfy chairs for a while before heading back out into traffic... and as I sat down, my pants ripped completely along the crack. RRRRRIP! I thought at first that the chair cushion had ripped, so of course, I stood right up to check, and saw that it was fine. And suddenly it was very breezy as well. So, putting 2 and 2 together, I quickly sat back down, and laughed so hard I could barely breathe. 

Yeah, it's the little things like that that make me happeh. And it's a sad indicator of the type of uneventful day that I had today, that I had to spend time recalling something embarrassing from last year... ah, well. Good thing I wasn't going commando that day... like I did today...

Hippo Photobomb!

Watched a great movie tonight, called State of Play. I'm sorry, all due respect to the Jason Statham fans out there, but Russell Crowe is THE MAN. It's so funny that he can carry such incredible screen presence and yet be playing a pudgy, dumpy reporter with questionable hair. But he was so great, you can't help but watch him when he's on screen. The movie is sort of a political thriller type of thing, with a lefty message about military contracting and the death of the newspaper, but it had a really good supporting cast. Jason Bateman, Jeff Daniels, Helen Mirren, Robin Wright Penn, Rachel McAdams... *sigh*... ok, fine, and Ben Affleck. All due respect to Ben Stiller Haters out there, but Ben Affleck is THE ANTI-MAN. What a tool-box. Take everything I said about Crowe's screen presence, and reverse it for Affleck. Every time Ben is on the screen, you want to smirk and shake your head a little bit.

In any case, I do recommend watching the film, in spite of Affleck and the relatively-whiny liberal message. Still have no clue why they titled the film the way they did. 

Here's a video I saw recently that stunned me -- and it has nothing to do with gas! Go figure! It's from a landslide in Italy somewhere...

If you can understand Italian, let me know what the guy is yelling. Probably something like "What the heck! The mountain is relocating! Let's drink some wine! Quick, bring the wine!"

In all seriousness, that is a remarkable video. What a MASSIVE amount of dirt on the move. And so slow. Killer.

Yay! Logan is back! Logan, I don't know about your experiment of post-dating new posts to go up at intervals while you were gone. It seems good on paper, but I found in theory that I felt little compulsion to leave a comment. I read the posts, don't get me wrong... but something about knowing you were gone had a strange psychological effect that had me shrugging my shoulders and browsing away before leaving a comment. Something like, "Well, he's out of town, so why comment?"

Now if I can figure out why more people aren't commenting here, I'll be in business! What, not enough fart videos for you all?

Fine, here's a fart video for you! Sheesh! Such low-brow humor... well, anything to get you to start commenting again...

Well, I'm ashamed to admit that on Sunday, I watched that clip while eating my lunch and almost choked on my food laughing so hard. Man, what a way to go that would have been! "Local man chokes to death while watching a fart video on YouTube!" Yeah, I can't imagine a worse obit....

Especially with the Wagner Women out of town for a week! Well, at least Wifey would cry over my passing...


Get it? "Passing"? See, it's a fart pun, see! See?! BUAHAHAHA!!!!!

Now that I mention it....

Yeah, that looks about right...

In case you're wondering how I'm holding up in an empty house, well, let me tell you... I am LOVING IT. I know, I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's actually nice. It's so quiet and peaceful, I don't have to keep running around shutting off lights, I can leave the toilet seat up, I get to stretch out in my own bed and sleep the sleep of the tired, I eat leftovers, so my daily spending has dropped to near-zero... and I can run giggling throughout the house completely bare-butt nekkid without worry! Well, except for the open blinds... and when I have to answer the door... or go check the mail... or run to the mall or something... then I worry a little...

OK, fine, I stay clothed, you caught me in a lie. I know you're fully aware that people aren't nekkid in real life. It's a movie myth.

Well, what do you know! I'm fresh out of stuff to talk about! Hey, do me a favor... click that little "comment" link and leave a comment, so I know you still love me. KTHXBYE



Chantal said...

It never fails, you always make me laugh! Thanks for that...humor is a gift and I think the world needs more if it! We stress out too much and fail to appreciate the simple things in life, like a random fart video or ripping our pants in a public place! lol

havah said...

Oh, how I would love to sit out on that rock and watch the sun rise/set!

I'm so glad you could laugh at your ripped pants. I'm sure I would have turned every shade of red imaginable, and beaten a hasty retreat. (No pun intended.)

Is it just me, or is that hippo actually grinning? :D (Random fact: A hippo's mouth is about two feet wide. Just thought you aught to know.)

State of Play, huh? I'll have to look it up. I've loved Helen Mirren since the Prime Suspect series. She's a phenomenal actress, and I hope I look that good when I reach her age!

Good grief! It looks like an ocean of sand. Incredible! [That's one of the words from the video, btw. :) ]

For shame, Dave! You should have left comments for when Logan came back. Sort of like welcome home messages you'd leave on an answering machine. Or am I the only one who does that sort of thing? o_O

Ha! I didn't know Walmart allowed filming in their stores. I guess this was a special occasion though. So tell me, you subscribe?

I was going to comment on the nekkid myth, but I didn't want to spoil the mystery. :D

PS: Does my comment meet your high standard of commentage?

logankstewart said...

I thought State of Play was an exceptional movie as well. However, I got a bit confused for a moment reading through that paragraph. Did you realize you referred to both Ben Stiller and Ben Affleck? ???

Interesting psychological effects. Hmm. I was going with the "I've-got-so-much-crap-to-write-and-I-wanna-try-to-keep-my-writing-up-and-I-missed-a-lot-of-days-recently-and-I-don't-wanna-miss-anymore-so-Imma-gonna-post-'em-anyway" thing. :)

Your post tags/labels make me laugh.

Rebekah said...

I agree with you on Russell Crowe. Have you seen Robin Hood?

Good ripped pants story. Made me smile.
And your women crying graph made me laugh.

Drydoryssus said...

Serves ya right for eating in front of your computer.

Abbie said...

yep, that's women for ya :P
beautiful heading picture by the way!

enjoy your solitude :)

Drydoryssus said...

I nosed around more in that Graph site, and some particular posts kept me cackling through the night.

Math Humour rules !

David Wagner said...

Chantal: Glad I could make you laugh. It's a side effect of being manic... O_O

Havah: Dang, now THAT's a comment! Thanks for the hippo fact. Will there be a pop quiz? :D I know, I should have left comments for Logan anyway... now he'll think I'm not a fan anymore! Also, they filmed secretly in Walmart. Shhh! Don't tell! They have a camera disguised and hidden in a shopping cart, pointing out of one of the holes in the side, with the zoom engaged. Wireless mike as well.

Logan: I was trying to contrast Stiller and Affleck the way I contrasted Statham and Crowe. People think Statham is The Man, but I think Crowe edges him out. And people say Stiller is the worst, but I think Affleck might edge him out. Sorry for the confusion.

Rebekah: Haven't seen Robin Hood yet, but I may go this week, before the Wagner Women return...

Dry: No one deserves to die alone, choking to death on a sandwich while laughing uproariously at a fart video! No one! BTW glad you liked the graph site.

Abbie: I am enjoying the solitude... it's perfect! Except for maybe a lack of enough Scrabble! O_O