Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Sometimes Life Has a Better Idea...




OK, here's a quick impression. Ready?

Here's my impression of every episode of House MD that I've ever seen...

Patient: I'm exhibiting abnormal symptoms!

Doctor: Hmm... sounds like Affliction A. Start him on Treatment A.

Patient: Ow!

Doctor: Whoa, stop the treatment! Looks like it's actually Affliction B. Start him on Treatment B.

Patient: My eyes are bleeding!

Doctor: Whoa, stop the treatment. Test him for Affliction C. Negative? Well, then it must be Affliction D. Start him on Treatment D.

Patient: (coma)

Doctor: Whoa, stop the treatment. Well, all that's left is Affliction E. Start Treatment E, I'm going home.

Patient: (flatlines)

Doctor: (rushing in) Stop the treatment! I know what it is! I had an epiphany while clipping my nails... it's Affliction M!

Patient: I'm alive!

End Episode

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Seriously. I mean, I dig Hugh Laurie's character as much as the next guy, and I certainly haven't watched every episode of every season, but I've watched enough of them through the 5+ seasons to know that this is the rough outline of every episode! What gives! He's an American phenomenon...

I came to another realization tonight, while attempting to watch Mindfreak. Chris Angel is a complete tool. I should have known something was amiss when I couldn't get through the intro to his Halloween show without wanting to punch him repeatedly in the kidneys. Maybe it's a magician thing... I kind of want to slug David Blaine as well...


Chris: Hi, I'm really cool. And your name is? Mike? OK, cool. And we've never met before, right? OK, so can I, like, borrow your watch for a minute?

At that point, I longed to punch his kidneys.

Chris Angel should be a patient in an episode of House....

Doctor: Mr. Angel, you really need to stop eating needles and wearing your shirt collar up... you're really not that cool. You're actually kind of a d-bag.

Patient: (flatlines)

Nurse: Cardiac arrest!

Doctor: It looks like a fatal strain of lameness. Nothing we can do about it... except give him a haircut...

Nurse: Whoa, where did he go? His bed is empty!

Patient: (bursts in through bathroom door, arms wide, cheesy stage grin, collar up) Thank you! Thank you all!

Doctor: Call security...

End Episode.

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My friend Carey (whom I've known since 6th grade) started a blog today, to act as a diary for the weight-loss regimen  he's embarking on. He's lost 22 pounds in 5 days so far! I'm proud of him. Anyway, he put up a test post today, and Krista commented on it! It was so cool, I loved it. Thanks, K. Anyway, I'll be meeting with him on Thursday and we'll get his blog set up proper... on a related note, I decided to make him a character in my upcoming NaNoWriMo novel... he's going to be one of the kings... I warn you, scoundrel, I was trained at the King's Academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard!

I've been outlining, mindmapping and contemplating like a madman, counting down the days to November 1. I'm chomping at the bit to start writing. I really (and I mean *really*) hope I get into a groove and write the thing all the way through by Nov 30. It seems doable - even 2,000 words a day will give me 60K, and the goal is 50K. My hope is to go in with an outline, and just have fun with it.

I went to the Apple Store today at the mall by my house, in hopes of seeing the new 27-inch iMac they announced yesterday... no such luck; they won't ship until later in the week. But I did find out that they are going to be having a sale on their current models! The 20-inch iMac's are going to sell for $999 and the 24's starting at $1200! Too bad I don't need a new mac... I'd snap one up in a heartbeat, just because they are so awesome. Of course, today was the first time I've booted up my current iMac in over a month... working on a interview transcript for Piranha...

Photobomb!

Look at you, rockin' the Foreman at 3 in the morning...

I'm about 3/4 of the way through A Shadow In Summer, by Daniel Abraham - a book lauded as one of the great debut fantasy novels of the past decade, with gushing accolades from the likes of GRMM himself... and it is disturbingly boring... I thought maybe it was just starting slow to set up the grand story... but if it's still slowly setting up a grand epic and the end of the first book is approaching, perhaps there's something amiss... I genuinely do not care about any of the characters yet. And what about the two rather novel concepts I mentioned in a previous post? Well, one (the poses) has been over-used to the point of nausea, and the second (the warrior poets) has been under-developed to the point where I don't give a crap any more. If my guys were doing something, I would know about it, trust me...

It's disappointing, to say the least! I could set it down right now and not pick it up ever again without it bothering me. But I think I'll read it through to the conclusion - I'm close enough to where it wouldn't make sense to abandon it now... ah, well... some people just aren't cut out for life on the road.

I saw this funny Minimalist Nativity Set online today...




Apparently, it's a real product. You can get it from this website - if you speak German, that is... Do I still have to sleep in the cupboard?

Here is a video of some dude using up a lifetime's worth of luck in 30 minutes...having the luckiest day of his life (on his birthday, no less) on an episode of The Price is Right...



I guess I'll end today's post with the Emo T-shirt of the Day...



Classic. Down to earth. Ain't afraid to get a little engine grease under her fingernails...

Well, I guess that's that. Rug Shop Day planned for Wednesday - and that can mean only one thing... yep, yogurt after work! Yay!!!!

Until tomorrow, remember, I can't help thinking that at some point someone is going to produce a piglet and we'll all have to chase it...

24 comments:

Bob said...

Speedround!!! :D

"somebody was boring me; I think it was me" is from The Indian RUnner

Bob said...

Title is from Marley & Me

Bob said...

"I warn you, scoundrel, I was trained at the King's Academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard!" is from Kate & Leopold

Bob said...

and "Look at you, rockin' the Foreman at 3 in the morning" is from Catch & Release

David Wagner said...

20 points for Bob! KA-CHING!!! Just like THAT! S-s-s-s-smokin'!!!

Bob said...

Your move, Krista... ;)

Krista said...

"some people just aren't cut out for life on the road."--Dumb & Dumber

"Do I still have to sleep in the cupboard?"Beauty and the Beast

" Ain't afraid to get a little engine grease under her fingernails..."Fast & Furious 4

Theme- They're all Drama movies? *Shrug*

Bob, you crack me up! :D
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Dave, you were right you did have some great header pictures coming! I Love this one, too!

22lbs is insane and definitely somethin' to talk about :)

Good luck with the outline!

logankstewart said...

Woah! Hold on a minute there. House MD is superb. Did you know that Dr House was modeled after Sherlock Holmes? The similarities are staggering. Anyway, the actual medical problem is definitely not the reason to watch the show, it's to see how House's character changes and to hear all the funny things he says. But, your impression is mostly dead on. Add in a brain tumor, a spinal puncture, and an MRI and you've got it. (Plus, I like all the supporting characters, too.)

Wow. I didn't realize how much I like House.

Twenty-two pounds in five days?! Holy cow. I need to do that. I mean, I'm not crazy overweight, but I could definitely lose some... What's his secret? How can I find his blog?

And I love that minimalist nativity set.

Crystal said...

"If my guys were doing something, I would know about it, trust me." - Pride and Glory

"I can't help thinking that at some point someone is going to produce a piglet and we'll all have to chase it" - Pride and Prejudice

"He's an American phenomenon" - Crimes and Misdemeanors


I thought your House/Criss Angel bit was hilarious!! I've never seen an episode of House, but I'll take your word for it.

I'm a minimalist, so that Nativity Set is totally my style.

I loved the Price is Right as a child. I actually wrote Bob Barker a letter when I was 10 telling him I wanted to be on the show when I turned 18. Sadly, I never heard from him.

Oh, enjoy your yogurt!!!!

havah said...

I'm back. In a fashion. Got a lot of catching up to do!

I'm not a House fan... *hides* ... but most shows are formulaic anyway. Once the problem is solved, roll credits.

I can't stand Chris Angel. Just seeing him makes me nauseated.

Great weight loss for your friend. I'll be sure to check out his blog. Maybe I can pick up some tips :D

Good luck with the NaNoWriMo. I entered last year, but did nothing. Sort of like my blog, but worse. I'll give it another go this year. What else do I have to do?

Ahh...the lucky kid. Gave me a good feeling...for a while. Then I realised he's the unluckiest guy in the world. He's going to be paying the taxman until he dies to cover all those winnings.

havah said...

Okay, not sure how everyone else found your friend's blog, but I can't.

Abbie said...

haha, wow, that kid is so lucky!! what an awesome day, but havah is right too, lol. But at least he has a rockin cool car, lol, the yellow one :D

Good luck with the writing contest!! I am so excited for you :D hopefully the hype will get you through any rough writer's blocks you hit, though hopefully you won't hit any!!! :P

David Wagner said...

15 points for Krista! Sorry, the theme guess is wrong... I thought it was pretty obvious, but I guess not! Care to try again?

Logan, don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of House... it's just funny the way each episode is structured... not too flattering to the medical profession, I think... all that guessing and mis-diagnosing... is that what happens in "real life" also? *shudder*

15 points for Crystal! Want to try for the theme? Ah, yogurt... I can't wait...

Havah, you're going to give NaNoWriMo a shot, too? Cool, that's 4 of us so far! Go team go! My friend's blog is not up yet... when it's presentable, I'll link to it... I think Krista found it by checking my "blogs I follow" list... that's the only reason I can think she found it, anyway...

Abbie, true with the taxes... but he did win a lot of cash on the big wheel thingy... perhaps that's enough to cover the taxes ($29K), who knows... thanks for the encouragement on the writing... you're part of the main quest party, by the way...

Krista said...

Oh, is the theme The Writers Guild of America?

I found his blog from your "awesome followers" list.... I clicked on the big dog picture over there- cause he looks awesome- and it has a link right there to Carey's blog....

David Wagner said...

O_o?

Sorry, wrong theme again... if you look at the titles of all the movies, it should quickly be apparent...

Krista said...

LOL! Oh, that went right over my head then. I guess it's "and" which connects them all. Thanks for the hent cause I never would have thought about that.... if I'm right, of course...

Okay if I got it wrong I give up, because I've gotta get going I'm off work now...

Oh, I have a ? too. So the theme would be free for all as well if it goes over into the next day? Even for the leader...?

Abbie said...

yay!! main quest party, I'm so stoked!! I can help proofread it if you want :D :D

Bob said...

Way to complicate things with the theme, Krista :D dave, you should implement minus points ;)

David Wagner said...

lol, I can be cruel... but not that cruel, Bob...

10 Theme points for Krista! And yes, all unclaimed themes are up for grabs...

I just might take you up on the proofreading, Abbie... thanks!

Jayson said...

all i have to say is wow. that kid was so freaking lucky! haha. Im going to show this to everyone in my family, since they enjoy price is right :D Thanks for the video Dave!

Krista said...

You're evil, BOB! ;) Really I was just wild guessing, because I didn't even think to connect the titles like that... Heh, you can just email me the answer next time since you seem to be the "all mighty" theme finder :P :P

John. said...

Posting in support of House. The episodes are structured that way by intent, it makes the change ups that much more effective. Besides House is more about House as a character than the medical aspect of the show. As far as painting doctors in a bad light, his job is to diagnose those that no one else can, it's not like the patients have lupis or something.

Game show kid was kinda annoying, but that was a great run.

Bob said...

Perhaps i will! mwahahahahahaha! :PP

Abbie said...

sweet... No problem! anytime :)