Sunday, February 21, 2010

Just the Facts, Ma'am...

Fact: The week is over. It is, yet again, Monday.

Fact: Sunday afternoon, after church, there was a gathering at the Diaz family house, to celebrate the dedication of baby Keilah. Fact: Though I brought my camera to the event, I took no pictures, so unless you were there, you have to take my word for it. Fact: I saw Joseph and his wife. And Matt. And many, many other characters from my fantasy novel. It was like a book cast reunion, but the book isn't out yet.

Fact: I solved several problem plot holes in my novel, and excitement level is riding high. Fact: If I can pull it off, the novel will be wicked cool.

Fact: Saying "wicked cool" is about 10 years past it's cultural prime, and should be ridiculed.

Fact: On Netflix, 2 out of 3 people so far have voted the following review I wrote of Jurassic Park III as "helpful".

Jurassic Park III: This movie is pure weak sauce. I've derived more entertainment out of giving my crack a good scratching than I did watching this movie. This movie makes me sad. So does an itchy crack. The cast of this film should all be gathered together and given individual swift kicks to the pills. I mean, right to the coin purse! Except, of course, the females, who obviously lack the necessary pills to kick. But the women each should get a Dutch Oven. Or two. Oh, what the heck... Dutch Oven them until their perms all get unfrizzy. That'll teach them not to be involved in festering turds like this film. I bet Spielberg is rolling over in his grave because of what they did to his franchise... and he aint even dead yet! If they make another Jurassic Park, Im going to soil myself in protest.

Fact: Even though I did think the movie was a turd, I wrote this absurd review to see how many "unhelpful" ratings I could get. Fact: I am surprised by the results.

Fact: the following picture is simultaneously funny and in poor taste:

Fact: I got a paycheck in the mail on Saturday. Fact: Woohoo!

Fact: I borrowed the Beatles Remastered Collection from Melissa D. on Sunday. Fact: All the songs are now on my iPod. Fact: Her dad told me to keep the set as long as I wanted, because he "didn't want that trash in his house." Fact: He said it was demonic. Fact: Apparently he's cool with me having it in my house!

Fact: I'm reading The Name of the Wind again. Fact: It is still awesome.

Fact: I tied my record high score (495) in a Facebook Scrabble game against Mike D. Fact: It still falls short of Abbie's high score (507). Fact: Someday, Abbie! Someday!

Fact: I've been playing Defense Grid: The Awakening and Borderlands a lot lately. Fact: You are immensely proud of me because of this.

Fact: I am done.


Drydoryssus said...

Observation : [ uncontrollable laughter ]
Fact : Dave's a born comedian.
Fact : A good laugh is always helpful, hence the review ratings.
Fact : [ wipes out tear ] Brilliant post. Thanks.

logankstewart said...

I need to find somebody to let me borrow the entire remastered catalog, even if it's sending me to hell.

An excellent post, friend.

Abbie said...

Fact: This was very informative and funny.
Fact: Dave, you will always be the King of Scrabble :)

lol dave, you are awesome! And your Netflix review was very helpful :D

Rebecca said...

Oh Dave, you are too funny.

Fact: "Wicked cool" is still used in the Northeast part of America. They certainly wouldn't ridicule you.

Fact: I did indeed see you at the dedication party so I can vouch for you. Excellent filipino food!

Fact: I smiled and laughed outloud at this post. I needed a good morning chuckle. Thanks.

Paula Titus said...

Fact: You're awesome! :)

Krista said...

man, this was too funny! I died laughing at that photo!! awesome post