Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"Rabbit Hole" or "Habit Roll," Which One?

Tuesday evening, a little after 10 pm Pacific. Interior office, night. 

DAVE sits at his computer, as usual, trying desperately to find meaning in what he occupied himself with today. He hasn't left the house at all today. His day has been a typical mix of work and play, with occasional forays out into the kitchen or livingroom, wandering in a daze, trying to extricate himself from the double-edged sword of his daily routine, which at once brings him comfort and depression. Like a vortex, his office sucks him back in, where he sits, alone, staring at a pair of monitors, engaging in a rotating array of activities, never doing one thing for very long. He searches for meaning, for a sense of accomplishment, for a feeling of purpose.

He contemplates writing a poem, and dismisses it, feeling he wouldn't be able to be subtle enough about what weighs heavily upon his heart to avoid making people feel uncomfortable reading it. The title itself - "Alone In A House Full of People" - is enough to drive readers away, and he can't have that. He covets comments, and people won't comment if they aren't coming to the blog anymore! DAVE realizes it's rather pathetic to get his validation from blog comments, but at the moment, pathetic or not, he'll take what he can get.

DAVE sighs and resigns himself to the fact that he'll once again default to blogging about the barely-interesting details of his day, hoping to squeeze in just enough strained humor and forced optimism to make his visitors feel reading the post was worth doing. Inside, he wishes he could just cut loose and unpack his heart in a giant block of uninterrupted literary vomit, screaming from the rooftop of his little corner of the world, but he knows that would be unseemly. So, sitting in his chair, fingers poised on his backlit keyboard, he sighs and begins to type.

Greetings all! Dave here, with another daily dose of drivel! Take a gander at the sky in that pic there... amazing, eh? I wonder where that is?

It's been a good day today, really. I'm taking a "big picture" approach in saying that... I have a lot to be thankful for, so complaining about the "little things" will get me nowhere...

Started a new book last night. Was feeling out of sorts, so I made myself an ice cream Sunday, then sat in the bathtub, reading Gardens of the Moon, by Steven Erikson. It's Book One in his 10-book series called the Malazan Book of the Fallen. The thought of once again diving into a Fantasy World with new weirdly-named people, places and histories was initially daunting, but I made myself focus and dive in. I'm glad I did - the story hits the ground running, and the writing is quite good thus far. I'm pleased, and shall proceed accordingly.

Also, made more progress on my own novel tonight. I've decided to try my hand at working out a gameplan for the week, as far as forcing myself into a different daily/weekly schedule. Instead of just telling myself I want to write every day, I'm setting a specific time slot (in my case 9pm to 10:30 pm each night), and I'll do the same with exercise (pushups/situps each morning at this time, walk the hill on these days at this time, etc.), and diet.

I broke my "no soda" resolution today... what can I say? I was in a funk, I'd made some chili, and the case of Dr. Pepper was right there, taunting me. I gave in. Hopefully it will be a one-time event.

I finally got to see the chiropractor on Monday. He fixed my back and neck, and then scolded me for sleeping on the couch. He said I'd be better off sleeping on the floor. I had planned to be back in my own bed, with my own Wifey as of Jan 1st, but apparently, that ain't gonna happen any time soon. I'm thinking of just buying a futon and setting up in my office. If I get a chamberpot, I'll never have to leave!

Tonight, the girls were in the other room watching American Idol, which I could hear in the background. At one point, some guy was singing a weird rendition of All My Loving, by the Beatles. After a few lines, my 4 year old says, "Hey, that's the Beatles!" Eldest Daughter said, "No, it isn't... wait, is it the Beatles?" Wifey agreed that it was, in fact, a Beatles song, and then they all marveled that a 4 year old could recognize the song, especially how it was being sung.

Ah, that's one of those moments that is much cooler in the occurrence than in the retelling. Sorry, I guess you had to be there...

Funny T-Shirt Time!

Awesome. My mustache, at its longest, was a haphazard mess...

Blackjack humor! Yeah, I know... but double-entendres are all the rage nowadays...

And now, a Cute/Funny Animal Picture, just to lift the post vibe a bit further...


Have a big business meeting planned at the Rug Shop on Wednesday. We're going to try and revamp and reinvigorate our business plan. I hope I'm able to focus and actually contribute something productive to the conversation. I'm such a space cadet sometimes, especially when I'm in an extended blue funk.

At least I have some good Facebook Scrabble games going, which always makes me happy, win or lose. Right now, I have games going with Mike D, Beth A, Cathy O, Abbie J and Rebecca J, with an open invitation to Rebekah M., if she ever wants to join in on the fun... if any of you reading this want to get a game going, let me know! It's very casual - you make a move at your own convenience. We don't have to both be online playing at the same time. Play at your own pace, when you have time. Very cool.

If I haven't expressed my appreciation for all your friendships (both real life and virtual) lately, let me do that now. Sorry to get all mushy about things, but you guys keep me sane. Thanks for your support and friendship.

Guess I'm going to hit the road now. I hope you all are having a great week. Rest well, Havah, wherever you are.



Interior office, night. DAVE hits the "publish post" button on his blog, and lets slip yet another sigh. His confidence is cracked but holding. He feels he should be fine for the short term, but the weeks stretch out ahead of him in an increasingly dark progression. He hopes that it is merely a byproduct of the time of year, and that as Spring approaches, his prospects will improve, both personally and in business.  He tries to take the edge off by reminding himself that it is likely that half the earth's population would gladly change lives with him, given the opportunity, since he has so bloody much going for him, in spite of the "problems" that pound on him. It works to a point, as usual. For now, all he can do is toss up another small prayer, and see to the next task immediately before him.


Krista said...

Oh MY that puppy is the cutest thing I have ever seen!!!! LOVE it.

And it is so very cool, amazing even, when little ones learn things on their own and totally suprise you. awh the joy of parent hood.

logankstewart said...

Dude, the Malazan Book of the Fallen books are supposed to be some top stuff. Like, some of the best series of the decade kind of stuff. I hope you enjoy it. That's a series I've had my eyes on.

And good luck with everything, Dave. Like you, I don't personally know many/most of my blog pals, but I treasure their friendship in a special way. The anonymity of the Internet is great for that. I wish you all the best and I'll throw you up on my prayer list.

Good post today.

Crystal said...

Great post today!

Sometimes when we're in a funk, it's easier to focus on all the negative in our lives. Just focus on what makes you happy and go with that. For me, a change in perspective, like volunteering or going for a walk in the woods usually helps to lift me from depression.

Yay for progress on your novel. Are you going to let any of your faithful followers check it out? I'd love to read it when you're ready for other people to see it.

Sounds like you're raising your daughter right if she knows the Beatles at 4!

Anonymous said...

1. Hilarious that you read in the tub.
2. Reality shows/idol shows annoying, for the most part (apparently there is an occasional gem tucked in). I, too, would be in the other room.
3. If you had a pseudonym for your blog, you could post reality to your heart's content. People join online support groups for just that reason. Maybe you should start another blog?


Joseph said...

Maggie would probably own Beatles Rock Band.

Could not get into Gardens of the Moon, gave it to my sister. I believe she liked it. I bought her some better books for Christmas though. The Obsidian Trilogy, one of my favorites.

Keep blogging and I will keep reading!

Avari said...

Dave if your trying to do no soda you can't have any in the house, that is like a set up for fail. If you can't get everyone to agree to that then just have them hide all of the soda so you don't know where it is. Thats the only way I survive. I can say no at the store, but its hard to say no at home.

Paula Titus said...

What can I say? Brilliant writing.

Rebekah said...

I sadly, did not finish Gardens of the Moon. I think I was too excited about reading it. Hope you fair better.

Some posts back you described a rainbow cloud you had seen while out doing deliveries or somesuch. Well, I saw one! Sunday I believe and it reminded me of you. Otherwise I wouldn't have known what I was looking at.

The mustache t-shirt is SO true. Words to live by.

Ok. Thanks for posting. Always enjoy it.

Kristopher A. Denby said...

I'm a little late to the party, as I only started following a week ago. Whatever's going on with you, I hope it gets better. I've been in some bad places even recently and most of the time I had to decide to pull myself out of them. And honestly, what has helped my outlook on life more than anything else in the world is running. Yep. Running. I started running and now I'm a right chipper old chap.

Whatever works, right? Good luck to you, bro.

Abbie said...

hey dave :)
Good post. Haha, that is so funny about Maggie. She is very smart :)
All the pictures and shirts are awesome! very cool.
See you at the scrabble table later! (I'm trying to use all my letters to catch up, so its taking me a while to be smart :P )

David Wagner said...

Yay! Comments!

Krista: Yup, love that little furball... and the puppy's cute too!

Logan: Erikson seems solid. Thanks for the prayers.

Crystal: I keep going back -n- forth about posting a sample of the novel... I know the final draft is going to need some rather substantial tinkering and smoothing... any samples I post now will just be rough draft stuff...

Ann: Another blog! :O - NOOOO!!!1! I'm trying to ween myself off this one, with little to no success! I do journal offline for the heavy stuff... still, it would be nice to get someone else's feedback on it, since I really don't know if my complaints and/or grievances have any merit, or if I'm just full of hot air and need to grow up. (I know what my vote would be! :X )

Jope: Better go track down the Obsidian trilogy... thanks for the heads up. Although if I get hooked on Erikson, that's a 10-book series!

Shannon: I can't force my fast on the rest of the house... although I suppose I could ask them to hide the soda... good idea...

Paula: Thanks for the encouragement. I'll try not to view it as you benefiting from my turmoil!

Rebekah: Rainbow clouds for the win! Now I know I'm not crazy, thanks... hey, can I photoshop a pic of you with a handlebar mustache on?

Kristopher: I ebb and flow just like everyone else. I wish I could be upbeat all the time, but I don't know how. My wifey's a big runner - it's never done much for me. I prefer sitting on my rear eating beef jerky... it would probably do me some good to get out and run around a bit, while I'm still able.

Abbie: Don't sell yourself short. You are a formidable Scrabble opponent. I'm so glad you like to play it.

Thanks again everyone for the encouragement.