Monday, December 17, 2012

Wow, What An Interesting Navel I Have!

Greetings. Quick hit tonight (at least, that is my intention as I start this post... but I can wax long-winded at the flip of a switch, so who knows, eh?)

I guess the obvious first topic would be my extreme agitation, angst and general state of upset over the Connecticut school shooting. Man, if my heart is this broken being this far removed from the event, I shudder to imagine the white-hot pain and loss that the parents of those kids are being seared with. Man, my Youngest is that age... if I had Maggs ripped from me like that, I don't know how I'd survive... I'm sure each one of those kids meant as much or more to each of those parents... 20 Maggies, gone, and in such a way.

Yes, I realize that sort of tragedy has occurred with depressing regularity since the dawn of time. World War 2 alone is enough to overwhelm the heart of any sane individual. Still, that doesn't make that pain any less devastating. To any mother out there that has lost a child, you have my prayers and sympathy... but what I cannot offer you is an explanation. Sorry. It drives me crazy when things don't make sense to me. Shooting a bunch of kids... makes absolutely no sense to me.

Kind of hard to be silly tonight, I suppose. So I put off a funny pic for now...

Had our 22nd Anniversary on the 15th. 22 years. Officially married for more than half my life. Man, what I could say at this point... and I'm in the right mood to say it, too... but I won't. Hey, not all of it would be bad, there's a lot of accumulated good in those 2+ decades. I have a ton to be thankful for. Besides, once I started on the topic of my marriage, this post would stretch on beyond all reason, and no one in his/her right mind would want to read it... except, perhaps, the historian writing my life story, who is researching this archive 30 years from now...

Hmm... that joke fell flat. Well, it's that sort of night.

Guess I'll save the Pooter videos for another night. Here's a fun, "cute" video...

That toddler was all business when it came to that puddle. That's a well-behaved dog, too...

So we saw The Hobbit on the 14th (opening day), and I have to admit, I was pretty underwhelmed. I think the movie was hamstrung a bit by the structure of the source material. It was a very linear tale, and so it felt kind of claustrophobic to me. There was a bit too much eye-rolling silliness for my tastes, and a couple lines of dialog that really jarred me out of the setting. This will seem rich, coming from me, but there was too much juvenile humor in it. Plus, if I have to hear Gandalf shout "RUUNNNN!!!!" one more time, I'll run for the door, all right... on the plus side, I loved the game of riddles scene between Bilbo and Gollem. Very well done. Gollem was really creepy. The rest of the tale was rather forgettable, sad to say. I gave it 6 out of 10. Then again, perhaps I couldn't really get into it, with the school shooting thing weighing heavily on me.

There, a bit of humor, to take the edge off. I have to admit, I laughed rather uproariously the first time I saw that. Of course, if you aren't uber-familiar with the Lord of the Rings trilogy like I am, it might not hit the same chord with you. If so, sorry.

So, 'tis almost Christmas. I've done exactly zero shopping yet. Usually, I turn the kids loose on Amazon and let them drop a certain amount of items into the cart, and it's shipped to us, no fuss, no hassle. For some reason, I've dropped the ball on it, and now it's almost too late. May have to buckle down and actually go shopping this year!

Been playing Minecraft and Borderlands 2 lately. Been slowly reading Black God's War. Been strolling through my NetFlix Watch Instantly queue. Been writing. Planning a LAN party for the Saturday before New Year's. Been storyboarding a short film that Todd and I are going to shoot before year's end. Lots of little stuff, in other words. It's a mellow close to the year. Not having the Christmas Play in the works has really taken the edge off of the holiday, making it far less stressful.

I know I promised some theology last time, but I'm not sure I want to get too deep into it tonight. Basically, it revolves around the idea of me finding it hard to feel special (or even visible) to the Lord when there are so many millions of other people seeking the same kind of special one-on-one relationship with him. I guess it's another case where things that don't make sense to me drive me crazy. How am I suppose to have that focused, deep, moment-by-moment relationship with Him when He promises that sort of thing with untold jillions of others, at the same time? It isn't even a case of dividing His attention, really... how can He give undivided, full-time attention to more than one person at a time, much less masses of them? How can you and I both have His full attention at the same time? Makes me feel lost in the crowd. At the same time, it bothers me that He is to be my sole focus, while I am but one of many... seems almost polygamist to me...

Yeah, petty, selfish, indicative of immaturity, and hopefully will pass as quickly as it appeared... I'm waiting for my "ah ha" moment with this topic, after which time I look forward to re-reading this concept with a certain amount of shame and self-disappointment... but for now, I feel really insignificant when it comes to He and I. Like a grain of sand on a beach.

OK, enough theology, if it even qualifies as such.

Time to hit the road. Sorry for the relative lack of updates of late. The year is limping to a close, and dragging me down a bit along with it.

Adios for now,

Dave the Navel Contemplator


Drydoryssus said...

Come on, aren't we talking about God?
One can't divide infinity, that's when things get off the grid of standard rational math.

Theoretically, God's ubiquitous nature would allow for infinite simultaneous spiritual one-on-one connections, right?

logankstewart said...

1. I've yet to see The Hobbit, but I'm very much looking forward to it. The book, if you recall (and assuming you've read it), is a children's story that's light-hearted and filled with humor. From my understanding, Jackson made it more serious than it should have been. Can't say whether I'll like it as much as the LOTR trilogy, but we'll see.

2. As crass as it sounds, you're right about it being "petty" and "selfish." I'm convinced that our whole lives are to be lived constantly denying (and crucifying) ourselves so that we become less self and more Christ.

We'll never understand the depths of God's love for us, and definitely not how He thinks. (Romans 11:33-36 comes to mind.) I am sure of this, though, that Jesus knew the exact person that I was whenever He took it upon Himself to die for my sins. He was thinking of me, of you, and of every other person that would live. I'm the one lost sheep that the Shepherd leaves the 99 for. I'm the one that God loves enough to save me from hell, and then to give me the gift of His Spirit to live inside me. That's how special I am to God. That's how special you are to God. God has adopted us as His children (John 1:12), He has rescued us from an eternity of suffering to an eternity of peace.

How can God give undivided, full attention to more than one person at a time? That sounds like you're looking at it from a rather large, egotistical (selfish?) view. What is man? How big are we in a universal view of things? This is God we're talking about, the God that created a universe so large that my mind can't fathom. I am not even a speck of dust on the horizon of God's infinite, unlimited view. And yet, He loves us so much.

How am I supposed to have that focused, deep, moment-by-moment relationship with Him? By living intentionally, by making each step an arrival, by pursuing it with an active faith. Jesus didn't call us to be passive and apathetic; He called us to follow Him and live as He did.

(Check out Louie Giglio's sermon, "Indescribable", here. Or read Francis Chan's Crazy Love. Those are both excellent resources.)

David Wagner said...

Dry: I don't know... that was my initial go-to answer (God is God! Of course He can do that!), but it doesn't quite cut it for me... in theory, sure, but I'm trying to get it into the reality of my current situation, into something substantial I can grab onto. The disconnect between my head and heart, between ideas about God and the reality of who He actually is... I'm trying to bridge that gap. Trying to bring to mind the times in the past when I felt close to Him and knew there was a strong bond there... I don't really know whose version of God is legit anymore, everyone seems to have his/her own variation... is He really able to have that sort of deep interaction with myriads at once? Or is it just for those that push the hardest, search with the most diligence? A select few, while everyone else pretty much fends for themselves, His eye passing over them now and then with a sort of detached passing interest?

Logan: I guess I'm losing my ability to know certain concepts for certain anymore. Was every individual (myself included) on His mind when He was on the cross? Am I in the 99 or the 1? Does it matter? That's the thing... can anyone really know that, or are they just things that sound good when saying them?

As for the insignificance of man, that's how I feel, and it prompted this topic to begin with. I don't feel I'm too big, quite the opposite... I'm feeling that "speck" vibe quite strongly. It's the "He loves us so much" thing I'm having difficulty connecting with at the moment.

I'll check out the sermons, thanks for the links. I like the line about making each step an arrival.

Thanks for your thoughts, both of you.