Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Like A Robust Kick to the Manhood!

Greetings, to my legions of faithful readers, from all over the world! Every corner of the globe! Including 4 Frenchmen, a Swede, two Eskimos, and a hobo in an old Raider's jacket living under an overpass in Tulsa! Hello to you all!

Hey, you know what I hate? Well, maybe not hate, but it's a pet peeve for sure. Being ignored. Being made to feel invisible. I hate that. I mean, pet peeve... I text someone? No reply. Email? Facebook message? Voice mail? No reply. When it happens occasionally, ok, I get that. People are busy and such. But when it happens a lot in a short space of time (like a week or less), with several people, then I feel like breaking something.

I mean, is it really that hard to hit "reply" and spend ten or fifteen seconds answering my inquiry? Really? Not too busy to read what I send you, but man, that half-minute needed to reply really cuts into your busy schedule? It's not like I'm a pest. I'm a lousy friend, actually, when it comes down to it. I figure people would rather not be bothered. But when I have a legit reason for contacting someone, and I get nothing but dead air in return, it makes me angry, and then I have to take a quick look in the mirror to make sure that I'm still visible. And then I take a much longer look, while I wonder why it bugs me like it does. And then I check my nose, to make sure nothing offensive is in there... I mean, hey, I'm in front of the mirror, I might as well make sure that the two-car garage on my face is clutter-free!

So, anyway, yeah, it's just me. If I ever drop you a note asking something, or just saying hello, I'm not stalking you. I'm not angling for anything, or trying to manipulate you in any way. I'm either trying to be friendly, or else I really need a bit of info that you have. Hit reply, type a sentence or two, save me some angst, eh? Pretty please?

Sheesh, that was kind of an ugly rant. Sorry about that...

I guess I get a little cranky when I'm sick. Day three of the head cold congestion thingy. This is usually the night that the chills kick in. So I have that to look forward to. The decongestants aren't working too well. The wastebaskets close at hand are full of kleenex. Hey, you know, with a nose this size... well, the best benefit of this experience (as I mentioned in passing in a Facebook status today) is that my voice gets all deep and scratchy and growly. I really should record the Mr. Bingly lines of dialog using this voice and send it off to Glenn as a joke. He might not think it's funny... but you and I would get a laugh or two out of it, eh?

I said in my FB update that my voice sounds like a mix of Barry White and Gilbert Gottfried, which I thought was actually a very funny line... I thought more people would "like" it, but maybe no one knows who those two gentlemen are...  Well, I could have said that my face has been unfavorably compared to that of Steve Buscemi and Marty Feldman (with a hint of Ernest Borgnine), but maybe no one knows who they are either... I guess I should have said my odor brings to mind a septic tank full of roses.... maybe that would have got a laugh.

Yep, that's me... full of self-defecating humor...

"We have to stop meeting like this..."

Anniversary approacheth. I think we're going to grab a burger somewhere and then go see The Hobbit, although I'm a little concerned about the somewhat tepid reviews I've seen/read so far. Apparently, it takes about 40 minutes before it really gets rolling. Plus, "they" say don't waste the money on 3D, and try to see the "less frames per second" version if you can find it. I shall try to heed that advice come the 15th.

Gads, I wish I had a writing buddy. I have so much I'd like to do with the storylines of my fantasy novel, but it could go several different ways. I'd love to have someone familiar with the story to bounce ideas off of, more than just in passing, I mean. I feel like in order to ask even a basic "choice A, B or C" question, I need to lay about 15 minutes of backstory down first every time... kind of a bummer, for both myself and the unfortunate soul whose opinion I am seeking. Ah, well, novel writing is a lonely art, I suppose!

And now, a funny tip jar...

Admit it... you laughed...

OK, well, I suppose I'll bring this post to a close, if only so I can stop coughing all over my keyboard. Guess I should go get the sanitizing wipes and clean this thing, eh?! Yeah, sounds like a grand idea.

Adios for now. Sleep well, hobo, wherever you are...

Dave the Under-the-Weather


Sally said...

I hope you feel better very soon and have a great anniversary.

Drydorysus said...

I'll admit I didn't have anything resourceful to say for a while, so I spared you the blabber.
You have my silent/laconic/lurky presence.
It's what I'm good at.

Hey, the captcha check is up again.

Michelle said...

Love the Jesus tip jar.

So here's what you need:

First, start off with some hot green tea. Then add some honey. Then add some scotch. Or whiskey. Or something else as equally toxic. Repeat as needed. You'll instantly feel better, or you'll be drunk. Either way, it's all good. :)

Hope you feel better soon.

David Wagner said...

Sally: Thanks, you're a gem.

Dry: You never need to say anything of substance. All comments count as love! They do! They really do!!!1!

I had to enable the Captcha for a while, because I was getting flooded with hundreds of spam comments and I didn't realize it! AAA!!!!

Michelle: Now THAT is a great idea! I'll let you know how it works out, lol...

Paula Titus said...

Love the dog-fish photo, so cute.

I must admit, that is too one of my pet peeves,it goes along with my other peeve which is being interrupted when I'm in mid-sentence. HELLO, did you not HEAR ME SPEAKING?

Feel better! :)