Monday, March 29, 2010
He Who Shared My Bread Has Lifted Up His Heel Against Me. (Psalm 41:9)
Greetings! It is I, Dave the Lame, here to help transition you through the week by singing the Happy Monday Song!
OK, everyone, we need to work together to make this song awesome. Abbie and Krista, you join in with harmonies on the refrain. Logan, you play your mandolin Jimmy Henrix-style behind your head. Havah, I want you to make that tuba come alive! Mom, I'm going to need you to take up smoking again real quick, because when I signal you, you'll come in to sing the baritone section, especially during the bridge. Joseph, improvise something on that xylophone, but don't get carried away. I'm trusting you here. Paula, the bagpipes are important in the intro. It sets the mood for the whole song, so don't choke! Vye, get on the mike and pass wind as you see fit. And Rebecca, you can do an interpretive dance, if you keep it tasteful... remember, this is a family-friendly blog.
The rest of you, clap along on the off-beat. But no tambourines!
OK, The Happy Monday Song, by the My Little Corner of the World Blog Choir and Barber Shop Quartet, in A minor.
Wait, where's my top hat? Darn it, I can't sing without my top hat!
You know what, forget it. The moment has passed.... I better post a cute dog picture, and then get on with tonight's post...
So I decided I was going to try a new hobby: Binge Swearing! The idea is to just randomly cut loose with an unrelenting barrage of foul language so harsh and uncalled-for that everyone within earshot is left aghast and mildly nauseous. And then, while everyone is standing there, stunned, you rifle through their purses and wallets for any loose change and/or small bills. Oh, it's all the rage with Christian youth these days. It's sort of a post-modern thing.
OK, so I decided to practice here on the blog tonight, to see if it carries the same effect in text form. OK, ready? Ahem...
Wait, where's my top hat? Darn it, I can't use a tub-full of four-letter words if I'm not wearing my top hat!
You know what, forget it. The moment has passed.
Man, I'm 0-for-2 tonight so far! Better post another cute dog picture...
Hmm... that's the best I've got left. I better troll the funny pic sites again and replenish my archive...
So I was at Target tonight, and was walking around the place, looking for Wifey, holding a Smoothie from Jamba Juice in my hand, which I bought for her, so she would love me again. I was weaving through the human flotsam that was clogging up the aisles, and I maneuvered to the far right side of the aisle, making my move. A large wicker basket was sticking off of one of the shelves, and it clipped the drink out of my hand as I passed, and I dropped it on the floor, by way of my foot, by way of my pantleg. So just like that, I was wearing Wifey's smoothie. Needless to say, the ploy to get her to love me again failed. I shall regroup and try again tomorrow.
I've been working on my novel, for those of you that were wondering. What? You weren't wondering!? What kind of friends are you!? I mean, I've known you my whole life! The fun times we used to have, playing around the neighborhood, riding bikes and skateboards, selling drugs, running from the cops... all those good times, for nothing! You don't even care about my novel! I've poured my heart and soul into this book, and all I get from you is apathy and indifference!
That does it... where's my top hat?
I'm forced to use the very last funny dog picture on you. When you see it, you'll understand why it's the last one...
A pug with two butts. This is what I've been reduced to. It is a sad day, indeed. And to make matters worse, I didn't win the autographed copy of The Name of the Wind from Logan. Krista won it. I'm happy for her, and sad for me. So very sad.
By the way, Kris posted a review of Pixar's movie Up over on his blog, and it initiated a lively discussion in the comments section about which Pixar movie is the best. I voted for Monster's Inc. Everyone has a different answer. Which Pixar film do you all like the best?
Don't just think your answer, silly! Write it in a comment! Sheesh!
Dave the Odd, signing off....