Sunday, April 7, 2013

And That's the Honest Truth!

There once was a man named dave (lower case d). At least, I think he was a man. Not sure. Anyway, one night he was sitting in front of the big glowing square on his desk, pushing his fingers on those little square things that had letters on them, and watching to see what came out.



Man, what a week! So many amazing things happened, I don't even know where to start!!!1!

Bah, man, you can see right through me! You KNEW nothing amazing happened this week! And initially, you pitied me for it. But now that I tried to fool you, your pity has shifted into anger... and in about 30 seconds, that anger will transition into action. Basically, you will hunt me down and slap me into a coma.

Was it worth it, I ask myself (while hiding under my desk... makes it hard to type)? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.  I fabricated both the answer and the wind. I have hit rock bottom. My life lacks meaning and value... I am adrift, directionless, utterly alone...

OK, fine, I lied again. I'm doing fine. In fact, look how much I enjoy my new job!

So, yeah, I'm awesome like that. You know who else is awesome? My friend Grace. Actually, she's amazing (BUAHAHAH!!! I'm so punny!) She started a new blog. And here's the link! DUCK!!!

Amazing Grace

Give it a click, eh!

And here is a parody video for all my fellow conspiracy theorists out there...

Ah, geek humor at its finest... if you've seen "Loose Change" you'll enjoy it twice as much! See? A double portion! You are awesome/amazing too!!! Man, we should all form a club!

I'm thinking about getting a new car for m'self sooner rather than later... I'm looking at another Sentra, but also looking at Honda Civics. A friend at church works for Honda and has extended a great lease deal in my direction, much like I extend my heart out to you in this blog so routinely... and what do you do? You MOCK and SPIT ON my heart, mercilessly! You do this by enjoying the sweetness of my words, the depth of my dazzling wit, without leaving me a comment! That's like eating a fine meal and skipping out on the bill!!! How could you!? After all we've been through together!!!1!

Speaking of having a fine meal... check out my new inspirational T-Shirt...

Yeah, I've put on a few pounds over the cold, dark winter months...

OK, fine, that's not me. I lied again. Man, how do you put up with me? I'm so false, I don't even know who I am anymore! Heck, I could be anybody! I could be you... wouldn't that be weird? If you and I were the same person? We'd have to share clothing, and toothbrushes and dreams and everything!

OK, got a little weird there.

Well, since things are weird, I might as well post the latest from Kid Snippets...

So, yeah, I pushed my fingers on these little plastic lettered squares and all this nonsense came out. Really, I can't be held responsible. I just haven't been the same since the Beatles broke up... I'm sure you understand...

That's it! I've simply had enough of you of tonight! I am done! I am SOOO done!

Dave the Done


Anonymous said...

Oh! my! dramatic! chipmunk!, I have commented.
And now I shall go to bed. It's 5am, you know.

Grace Sandlin said...

Hondas are good. I like VW as well. Nissan and Toyota are good cars too.
How many books have you read on your to be read list for this year? I have not read any, but will make up for it in the summer once school is out.

David Wagner said...

Havah and Grace win a prize! My undying friendship. The rest of you? You skipped out on the bill again! Sheesh!

Grace, I've read 11 books so far, I'd say 7 of them were on my TBR list, the others were read on whim. Currently reading a book called "The Wretched of Muirwood," which is a whim read, and very good.

Good luck on your blog!