Saturday, May 21, 2011

Hedges, Unjins, Rocketmen and Elephants.

Hey, remember that time I updated my blog, right in the middle of the weekend? On Saturday night, when no one in their right mind would be around to read a blog post? I mean, you all have things to do, places to go, people to see, all manner of fun and useful and productive activities to partake of. Yep, that's my collection of blog readers for you... hip, beautiful, intelligent, cool, strong, rich, semi-famous... and so I write this, alone, in an empty blog room... the soft sounds of lonely keystrokes, hunting and pecking in time with the click-click of the second hand on my wall clock... in an office that is at once too hot and too cold... a hundred different thoughts slowly whirling around inside my mostly-vacant head...

Only one thing to do.

Run around unclothed, waving my arms like Kermit the Frog!


Aww, yeah, that works!

Wait... oh, no! My webcam was on! And recording! And streaming live to the CNN website! Doh!

OK, so where to start? Today I went over to Pastor Stan's house and helped him trim the giant hedge out in front. Speaking of Kermit arms, my arms felt about as strong as Kermit's look, after about a half-hour. On top of a ladder, arms outstretched holding an electric hedge trimmer out, trying to reach as far over toward the center as possible... gads, I am so weak! Too much time in front of a computer, I guess. Arms all shaky, like a newborn. I felt foolish. Thankfully, Stan was on the other side, so no one saw how weak I am... except the Holy Ghost! And He was taking notes! I think He even shot a video. I hope it doesn't show up on God's blog any time soon! How embarrassing!

I took some "before and after" pictures of the hedge... but honestly, you can't really tell the difference!

I didn't get the angle right. Trust me, we worked on that sucker for about 3 hours!

Ah, well. At least I have a nice neck sunburn to show for it. I didn't even think about sunscreen. Plus, Stan gave me a couple onions from his garden, too! Lemme dart into the kitchen and grab a quick pic, you gotta see these...

Check out those bad boys! Yep, straight from the garden. How many other blogs would post a picture of unjins, like me? None! That's right, just me. Me and my unjins. That's the type of content that you tune in for. Vegetation, both edible and inedible!

So, some of you might recall how I'd like to some day own (or at least drive) a Mini Cooper. Yeah, I know, I've wanted a BMW forever, you're right... but BMW makes the mini Cooper! So it's almost the same thing! Anyway, here's the version I want... it's called the Rocketman. It's just a concept car at this point... but who knows what the future holds!

The doors kind of pop out instead of swinging out, and the trunk space can pop out, like sliding open an ash tray. Impractical, but very cool, eh! Actually, I could say that about the whole car... not practical, but quite cool. You gotta see the interior. I didn't want to post all the pictures here -- go check out this link, and read about it, and see all the pictures. I should photoshop myself inside that pic, so it looks like I'm driving it. Yeah... gee... that would be cool. O_O

It occurred to me recently that I've been doing photoshop tricks since before photoshop existed. In fact, before Windows existed! Let me explain... I was in high school (back in the DOS days), must have been 10th grade. 11th? I don't know. Anyway, I had a boring World History textbook for one of my classes that I thought could use a little spicing up...

I had a gigantic stash of skateboard magazines at home, so in a fit of boredom-inspired creativity, I began cutting pictures out of my magazines, carefully trimming the skateboarders out of the pictures, and then scotch-taping them into the pictures in my textbook. I would trim the scotch tape so that it just barely extended beyond the edge of cut-out shape, and when I taped it into the pictures, I'd smooth the tape down with my thumbnail, to minimize glare and any bubbles/creases in the tape. I would match the color and proportion of the cut-out as closely as possible to the textbook picture, so that at first glance, you wouldn't really notice the skater in there. But if you looked closely, yep, there's Rodney Mullen in the background of the famous black-n-white picture of the 1945 Meeting in Yalta between FDR, Churchill and Stalin! And Tommy Guerrero street-planting in the background of the pic of Richard Nixon's historic 1972 trip to China!

Gads, I spent countless hours doing that. I turned the book back in at the end of the school year. I often wonder what the student thought who got the textbook the next year... I'm sure it's long gone. Wish I had it still.

And now, from the blog archives, the Three Stooges pie fight scene!

OMG, I'm sorry. Call me a simpleton, but I laugh like a fool every time I watch that. Of all the great moments in that clip, I think the "triple slap" near the end was the most sublime... for some reason, that really does it for me...

And now, a Lord of the Rings - Fifth Element fantasy/sci-fi mashup comic...

Come on... that's funny... if you didn't get it, you're not dorky enough...

If you get a chance, go check out Shellie's new blog banner, at her blog Layers of Thought. Wow, it's amazing! Makes me think I should modify mine soon... I am nothing if not lemming-like...

And now, finally, Tim Conway's "Elephant Story" blooper from a taping of the Carol Burnett Show, back in the day...

Of course, I have a truck-load of other stuff to post, but I'll get to it soon, fear not. I'll wait for a weekday, so there's more people around here. It's kind of quiet. Peaceful.

Maybe everyone got raptured after all! O_O

Dave the Goof


Cori Smelker said...

Leeloo Dallas: mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: Yeah.
Leeloo: Mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: Yeah, multipass, she knows it's a multipass. Leeloo Dallas. This is my wife.
Leeloo: Mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: We're newlyweds. Just met. You know how it is. We bumped into each other, sparks happen...
Leeloo: Mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: Yes, she knows it's a multipass. Anyway, we're in love.

One my fave movies!!

AND I WANT THAT MINI!! A mini is my next car purchase, even Terry agrees I can get one. Can't wait!

Anonymous said...

I loved the Carol Burnett clip! I watched that show when I was a girl (very young girl :) and Tim Conway was a hoot. I think half the fun was watching them trying not to break character.

The mini coopers look fun, but are they safe?

Looking at that hedge makes me grateful that landscaping is included in my rent - whew!

Lastly, that "out of place" feeling you mentioned in your last post - I had that until my early forties. For me (not saying that this is your deal), it wasn't until I developed a very close relationship with the Lord that it went away. Once I realized I was "not of this world," I didn't feel out of place anymore. My son was electrocuted and died for a short time before being revived. Later he said, "It's like a dream." I said, "You mean when you died?" He said, "No, when I woke up, it was like waking into a dream. The other world is the real world, this world is like a dream." So maybe living in the "Shadowland" makes you uncomfortable.

Anyway, I definitely will keep playing Scrabble when I move - as long as you don't mind how long the games take!

Beth A.

logankstewart said...

I've got around 50 onion plants in my garden, and while they're not that big, they're on their way. I hope they turn out huge!

Are you one of those people? Un-jins. I know plenty others that say it as "ung-yuns," which is even worse. O'course, they also say "pen-ja-lem" instead of "pen-da-lum." Oh well. Let's call the whole thing off!

Paula Titus said...

I can tell a big difference in the before and after hedges, good job! Onions are delish, btw. Especially on a good burger with mustard and pickles.

The car is very cool looking although it would never work for me. I have stuff, ya know?

You were copying and pasting before it was a household word(s)... Yay for Dave!

David Wagner said...

Cori: Ah, a fellow Fifth Element fan! Glad you stopped by. You win a new Mini!

Beth: Glad you liked the Carol Burnett clip. Not sure the safety rating on the Mini; guess I should look into it! That's a fascinating thing your son said, about life being the "other" life being more real than this. Honestly, I've been thinking about that since I first read your comment yesterday. There's a lot in that to think about.

As for Scrabble, take your time. I'm not going anywhere...

Logan: I don't think I'm one of "those" people... I was just saying it that way to be annoying. I also say it that way to my 5 year old, since it makes her giggle. My brother used to say "am-blee-ance" instead of "ambulance" back when we were lads...

Paula: Thanks for the props on the hedge work! It was good, hard work, for sure. Get a mini anyway! Your stuff? That's what your van is for!

You win a burger with mustard and pickles!

Rug Warrior said...

Think how much fun we would have if EVERY car was made of NERF.

No need for safety ratings!

LOVE the photo and the Burnett clip. =)


Abbie Josephsen said...

WE noticed a difference with our hedges :) thanks for helping my dad out with those! he really appreciated it :)