Tuesday, November 26, 2013

That's Certainly Not the Way to Speak to Someone That Can Spell "Tuesday"!

Once upon a time, there was a gump named Dave. It was me.

The end.

Man, I am a consummate story-teller! Did you see the way I wove a spell-binding tale of magic and tragedy, dripping with angst, all presented with mind-boggling brevity? Plus, the word "gump"! Admit it! I am a master craftsman!

Or a tool, you're right. Well, "master craftsman" and "tool" are practically synonyms.

So, yeah.... I bet you're hoping I'll rattle off some awesomeness and entertain the heck out of you with my most recent exploits, eh? One question.... how strong, exactly, is that hope? Because, dangit, all I have to share tonight is a blast of mediocrity so underwhelming, it may cause mild nausea. I can't help it! Life just isn't that exciting lately, as far as what might be of interest to those outside of my inner circle. And when I say "inner circle" in this case, I mean anyone outside of, like, a two foot radius of myself. In other words, just me... and occasionally Wifey when she lets me hug her in passing... and when I say "in passing", you'll know why she only hugs me occasionally... kind of difficult to want to give someone a hug when you know they just might pass wind on you in the middle of the hug...

Where was I?

Oh yeah, mediocrity.

So, since this past two months or so has been loaded with acting-related "firsts" for me, I think I may add another "first" soon. You see, today, I auditioned for what I thought was going to be a commercial. The role called for a character that is sneaking up on people in public, seeing what these people are looking at on their phones and/or iPads, and then using a megaphone to announce to those in earshot what these folks are up to, embarrassing them in the process. Sounds cool, right?

Well, turns out it wasn't for a commercial, but the project involved trying to make a viral video. The audition itself was unique. It was entirely improvisation, and three of us auditioned at once -- two sitting down, looking at iPad, and the third person being the "megaphone man", attempting to "publicly" humiliate them. This is where they kinda lost me. The first guy with the megaphone was quite crude. I'm thinking, "There's no way that would ever be in a commercial..." After getting more info, I realized that this is just for the web, and that they wanted crude humor. Hmm... Sooo when my turn at the megaphone arrived, I kept it innocuous and just simply embarrassing and humorous... nothing crude. They tried (in vain) to get me to be more "blue" with my humor, but I felt it was cheap.  Look at me, second-guessing the people in charge of the project! Cheeky little bugger, am I!

Actually, my energy level was way up there, and I did make everyone laugh a lot, but as I left, I knew that me and this project do not have a future together. A shame, in a way, since the pay is quite tempting. So what was the "first" I was referring to earlier? Well, on the off chance they contact me to give me the part, or to come in for another audition, I'm going to respectfully decline and wish them luck on their project.

Lol, I'm just starting out, and I'm already willing to turn down potential jobs. Man, if my head gets any bigger, I'll never be able to find a hat that fits!

Ah, well. What can I say? I wouldn't want to be associated with that type of needlessly crude effort, nice payday or no...

Here, this is as crude as I'm willing to get....

See what I mean about mediocrity and the "inner circle"? None but I would find that story interesting! Has the nausea kicked in yet?

Watched a great movie with Matthew McConaghey and Reese Witherspoon the other night called Mud. McConaghey has been choosing some interesting roles of late. He's so solid and compelling, as an actor, I really enjoy watching him work. Loved watching the extras, with the behind-the-scenes stuff, showing the making of the film, interviewing the actors and director, etc. Makes my heart ring... I just know I need to be doing that.

Blahblah blah. Sorry.

I've been watching train crash videos on YouTube lately. Plus, music videos from old 1980's artists, like Howard Jones, The Hooters, and Thompson Twins. Man, Eminem wasn't kidding, music really is a time machine. It's amazing to me that I can play a song I haven't listened to in 20 years and instantly it takes me back in time to high school or some such. Kinda creepy, in a way...

Yep, that's an example of what I'm talking about. How thoroughly mid-eighties is that song, lol? That's like, hardcore 1985. And, oddly, it connects with a part of me long dormant. Wild.

What else? I missed jury duty. Was supposed to go in on the 19th, forgot. Had to reschedule for February.

Wow, Dave! So flippin' fascinating!!!!

Ow, my stomach!

Reading a sci-fi tale right now called The Darwin Elevator, by Jason Hough. A solid tale thus far (I'm 6 chapters in). A review may follow, should I feel up to it.

OW, my stomach! Stop Dave! The nausea isn't "mild" anymore!

Scheduled to film that police training film on Dec 3. An evening shoot. Should be fun. I forget if I mentioned it in a previous post, but I get to be a perp, and get arrested, for being in a car with an under-aged prostitute... I get to try to talk my way out of it... "Hey, officer, this isn't what it looks like!" Well, it's experience on a set, which is golden for me right now.

Can you feel it, in the air? Can you? The Steam Holiday Sales are coming! Actually, I was contemplating braving the crowds for the first time ever on Black Friday and going to Target and/or Best Buy to score on some ridiculously cheap BluRay's for my slowly-growing collection. Yeah, I'm super adventurous like that.

What else? Well, four weeks left to get the Christmas play perfected. I'm actually kind of amazed that the three of us have done so well memorizing so much dialog. I really hope it goes off well.

Has this post set a record for The Most Inane, Semi-Coherent String of Vapid Content In the History of the Web? Yeah, I know. I used to dump theology on you at regular intervals, with mixed results. Who knows; perhaps I'll get all theological on you again soon, but for the moment, I seem mired in vapidity.

My apologies.

Dave the Apologetic

1 comment:

Rug Chick said...

Thanks for the laugh! (Um… don't say anything about me reading this at work.) o_O