Monday, July 19, 2010

"A Self-Taught Man Usually Has a Poor Teacher and a Worse Student." -- Henny Youngman

I am in an odd, uncomfortable place.

No, I don't mean California. I mean, inside. It's been a really crazy last couple days. Buncha inner turmoil stuff. Nothing new under the sun, eh? Been here before, I'll be here again, no doubt. But for some reason, I thought this was different. I was prepared (and still am, really) to make huge changes, ones I've simultaneously dreaded and looked forward to (in a twisted sort of way) for twenty years now. Thought they were inevitable, really. But now they're not, and honestly, I'm more confused now than I was during the ungodly kerfuffle. I'm spent, and really, I don't care anymore. I'm sort of taking it as it comes now, and I'm ok with it. We'll see.

I said some mean things, and I meant them. Never been there before.

For some reason, I feel ok typing that. Like I said, part of me just doesn't care. But to spare you any further discomfort, I will shift gears and post something inane.

Nope, no clue who that is in the picture. Just thought it was pretty cool that someone would pose for a picture in front of a tornado like that. It's not like it's a fountain or a tourist attraction or something. It's a friggin twister.

Actually, it kind of fits my mood, now that I think about it. Looming disaster? What looming disaster!? Cheeeese!

Sorry. I said I was going to change the subject.

Nope, no clue who that is in this picture either. Pretty cool t-shirt, though. It's called "Infini-tee". I like it. Kind of has an introspective vibe to it that seems to fit my current mood...

Dangit, lemme try again.

Speaking of T-shirts, it seems Pat Rothfuss found the t-shirt design I made for him to be worth posting up on his blog, as an example of the good stuff he's getting. Kind of surprising, really. I certainly don't doubt his taste, nor question his prerogatives in posting what he wants to on his blog, but really, I kind of thought the design was lame. If I'd slept on it before emailing it to him, I doubt he would have got it, since I would have trashed it. I mean, for crying out loud, the whole premise was a play on words with the phrase "lyre lyre, Pat's on fire"... and Kvothe played a lute, not a lyre! I'm a huge fan of the book, and I got the instrument wrong! I mean, that's a pretty big detail for a "fan" to screw up! Besides, the layout of the shirt design was gaudy and too big. I was embarrassed that I'd sent it, really. I thought I could do infinitely better, but I flaked out on creating other designs.

In any case, some people seem to like it, flaws and all. Hey, if people got a chuckle out of it, then I'd call it a success.

They finished that lego house I posted pics of last year some time...

Mixed-cool-lame, methinks. That guys long, stringy hair has got to go. I thought it was funny that the art guy said the place was worth half a million pounds, whereas the real estate guy said five thousand, lol. Well, one man's trash, etc etc.

Eldest Daughter saw Inception tonight, and came home spouting superlatives and otherwise gushing about it. Looks like I'll have to give it a watch. Still want to see Knight and Day as well. Maybe I can squeeze in a double feature this week some time. Anyone care to join me, eh?

Come on, you have to laugh at that one.

I have a crazy amount of things to do. It's odd to be overwhelmed with stuff to do when you feel fractured. Well, the show must go on. When my brother Bryan died in 2000 (on a Saturday) we were back to work on Monday. It's not like the shop could close down for a week while we tried to get our heads and hearts together. We had a business to run, bills to pay, needed the dough to keep flowing in. It sucked. Granted, I'm nowhere near as undone now as I was back then, but it's the same on some levels. I just want to go into a dark room, close the door and hide for a week. But nope, gotta suck it up and pretend all is well. Too much to do. Being practical or being a hypocrite? You decide...

Bleh, what do I have to complain about. I know tons of people have things far worse than I, that's not the point. It doesn't matter what you have or where you are in life, we all have problems, and sometimes they swamp us and threaten to upend everything. Then it all blows over and everything's fine. I get that. Sure, I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am thankful. But that doesn't make the crap maelstrom any easier to navigate.

OK, I'm done venting. If this post doesn't drive away my few remaining readers, I'll be amazed. I know I'll look back on this post one day (probably soon) with some measure of embarrassment. So what. It's where I'm at right now. You'll have to forgive me for scurrying up to the crow's nest to look for land. I don't trust the instruments, and visibility is low. And with that last spurt of ridiculously inapt nautical references, I will hit "publish", hit the sack, and regroup.




logankstewart said...

Dang, Dave. I feel genuine sorrow for you. I'll pray for you.

Post like these require a different mind-set. They're quite striking.

Inception was awesome, and I've reviewed it. Knight and Day was okay; not great, but funny enough to make it worth the watch, but serious enough to roll the eyes a few times.

Take care.

David Wagner said...

I'm really torn about posting stuff like this, Logan. I mean, I'm certainly not fishing for sympathy, and I know it can't be all that easy to read, yet it's what I'm in the middle of. I'd feel like a charlatan just pretending all is well. It isn't. I want it to be, but certain things are beyond my control.

But I did get a bit of good news just now... it seems as though next Sunday, at the Borders bookstore in downtown San Diego, there'll be a reading/signing with Pat Rothfuss, Brandon Sanderson and Brent Weeks. How friggin cool is that? I'm there. Expect a full blog update with details/pictures. Apparently, they'll be reading each others' stuff instead of their own. Should be awesome. I wonder if I can get video? Maybe I'll catch one of them cheating...

logankstewart said...

Aye, I understand you're not fishing for sympathy, but posting anything else would be untrue. I'm of the crowd of honesty here, where one's unafraid to voice their woes and troubles. Life is certainly too complex to have to deal with liars and pretenders, and I for one appreciate people that open up, even if it's vague and only hinted at. I, for one, will never have a problem with this.

And dang you Dave, that's exceptional news. Not only do you get to meet Rothfuss, but Sanderson as well?! Wow. I'm insanely jealous now. Video would be nice, too, especially if it can cause as much controversy as your last. ;)

Chantal said...

I think having a place to vent and release some of your inner turmoil is necessary and I for one appreciate your honesty and raw openness! It's not like you're giving up all the details, you're very vague which is good so it doesn't open the door for gossip. Just continue to be real Dave, that's what we all love and admire about you!

By the way, I couldn't stand Knight and Day...not really a huge Tom Cruise fan anyway, but I thought it was just another Mission Impossible sequel with a little chick flick thrown in!

Hope things get better for ya Dave! Do what you need to do!

Anonymous said...

Anybody can hide away in a hole and no body would fault him, but the stuff people admire is when the person with trouble perseveres and carries on - that's not considered hypocritical.

Vye said...

Forgive my being off topic but I saw some pictures today that I think you'd appreciate.

Check out the guys helmet in image 9.

Pretty sweet.