Why Did the Zombie Cross the Road?

We have liftoff! A tiny, tiny liftoff!

Hey, it's almost Valentine's Day! You know what that means! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! (*wiggles eyebrows up and down*) Hubba-hubba! Yep, that's right! A nice, romantic dinner followed by Minecraft alone in my office until I collapse into bed in sheer exhaustion well after 2am! YES! Life is good!

You know, I've never really been the romantic type... I try to be, but I fail miserably. I'm just not very good at it. I'm too socially awkward, even within the safe confines of my own home (so to speak). I can't help it! I've lived my whole life (so far) surrounded by an invisible audience that I need to keep entertained at all times, even (especially?) when I'm alone! And it causes weirdness in the real world...

Last night (for example), I was at my acting class up in Hollywood and before class, I was talking to a handful of classmates about this and that. I told them how I used the time on the drive up from San Diego (3+ hours) to learn yet another monologue (I believe that is #21 at this point), this time another one from Hamlet... I was saying how I tried saying the monologue in my regular voice, but it doesn't sound right to me. I need to do it with the Shakespearean/British lilt, etc. One of my classmates said, "Really? Well, let's hear it. Do some for us." It hadn't occurred to me that the conversation might go there, but hey, why not? I dove in. I butchered the first line and immediately forgot the rest of it. I mean, it was GONE from my brain. On the drive up, I learned it backwards and forward, I knew it fully. At the drop of a hat, it was gone.

Patience, I'm getting to my point...

So instantly, I wasn't just in front of three classmates... I was also in front of my invisible audience, all looking at me, waiting to see how I would respond. Well, I folded like a paper napkin... I ejected from the conversation, saying, "Whoa. Nevermind. I forgot it. (awkward pause) But I knew it on the drive up!" Then I shrugged and looked at the ground. And then, to add weirdness upon weirdness, I could suddenly imagine what I must look like to people outside of me, and I started shaking my head and mumbling reproofments at myself under my breath. And even as I was doing it, I was thinking, "Dude, stop! They're going to think you're insane!" So I forced myself to stop berating myself, put on a fake smile, glanced up and pretended all was well.

Wow.

Ladies and gentlemen, that's what happens when you spend a couple decades around imaginary people instead of real people. I've kept myself locked away, socially, probably out of fear of getting myself into trouble... I probably shouldn't elaborate on that, in case my wife reads this... anyways, yeah, to avoid any potential problems, I've hid in my office. For too long, it seems.

You know how you can be in a roomful of people, and a good friend is also in there, and someone can say something that reminds you of an inside joke you have with that friend? They say it, you sneak a glance at your friend, your eyes meet at the same moment, and you both start laughing. No one else gets the unspoken connection you two just had, but to the two of you, it was hilarious, right? Well, I do that! Only with my invisible audience! Someone says something that reminds me of something funny... I shoot a glance at a member of my invisible audience, and I laugh... I share an inside joke with the people that understand me best, see? And no one else gets it. They see someone who may or may not be someone to keep an eye on, with the speed dial set for the looney bin...

All that to say, I think I've hamstrung myself socially by living such an isolated existence... it might be too late to change... my classmates last night did that slow nod, slightly-furrowed-brow thing, while saying "riiiight" nice and slow. And I wanted to scream, "Don't worry! I'm the 'safe' kind of weird! You don't need to worry about me!"

*sigh*

And I'm not romantic... that's what I'm trying to say...

So I've finally jumped onto the "Walking Dead" bandwagon. I tried watching it once, many moons ago, and didn't get past episode 2 of season 1. But I tried it again recently, and I'm sufficiently hooked. It's interesting to watch, from a sheer entertainment standpoint, but also from a craft standpoint. Not just acting, but from film-making and story-telling perspectives as well.

One thing bugs me... if the "zombie" virus (or whatever the heck it is) is so easily spread by just being bitten, why do none of the "survivors" worry about bashing zombie heads in, which is usually accompanied by a gratuitous splash of gore, which invariably gets on everyone nearby? Shouldn't they be petrified that if any of that gunk got into their eyes or mouths or a scrape or wound of some kind, then they would catch it? Why only bites? Does zombie saliva need to be involved somehow?

Of course, I also wonder why zombies need to eat. They kill and eat, right? But they're dead. A working circulatory system is needed to digest food and move it through the body, right? No circulating blood, no movement of food. Their stomachs would fill and then stop. Why the need to keep eating? If they just killed for killing's sake, out of uncontrollable zombie rage, that's one thing... but they wouldn't need to eat their kill. But if they killed out of rage and not hunger, then they would simply destroy one another, wouldn't they?

And, of course, they all fire guns without ear protection, even young Carl, and act like it ain't no thing. Shotguns, revolvers, handguns and rifles of every kind, fired right by each other... hello, massive hearing loss! And they get headshot after headshot on moving targets, even while they are sprinting away for their lives...

Whoa, I'm making it sound like I don't dig the show -- I do! It's really good! But, hey, this is the way my brain works...

Yes, everything from romance to social retardation to zombies to Hitler cartoons! This blog is a one-stop shop for weirdness!

Speaking of zombies, I've been playing the heck out of Dead Island lately... even more than minecraft, believe it or not. Zombies are such good bad guys! Almost as good as Nazi's! I'd say, when it comes to video game baddies, it goes: Nazis, Zombies, Aliens, and then supernatural beasties. Anyways, great game. Of course, it has aged in my games library for many moons. Its day has finally come... I hope to play it through to the conclusion.

On the BTI front, one more scheduled day of shooting, and the pilot will be done. I have a lot I'd like to say about the web series, and about other San Diego film projects, but I'm going to keep mum on that for now. Let me just say that the premiere is now set in stone for March 14, and the rough cut footage I've recently seen looks and sounds incredibly good. I'm super excited to see it up on the big screen... going to be a big night.

What else?

Well, I could ramble further about topics of varying levels of humiliation and awkwardness, but I think you've had enough for now...

Adios!

Dave the Dave