A.D.D. Has Had Its Way With Me...

OK, fine, I broke tradition. I didn't start a post with a purty landscapey photograph, but I led with a funny animal photo. That just tells me that I'm not afraid of change! Right? A cat delivering a Rock BottomTM on a little lab puppy... near a backyard swingset, no less! You know how dangerous backyard wrestling can be! I mean, pets watch WWE on the TV, then take it to the backyard, and sometimes they can get hurt! Because, gosh ding durn it! WWE guys are professionals! It is not in vain that they say, "Do not try these things at home!"

Reckless pets. Man, I hope that puppy didn't end up paralyzed.

So, yeah, there's that about it.

Hey, remember that one time I was writing a blog post and making it up as I went?

Oh, yeah... it's RIGHT NOW.

So, because no one reads this, I feel safe in revealing my deepest, darkest secrets... so, here goes... *ahem*...

Umm... hmm, lemme think...

Holy crap. I am...

THE MOST BORING PERSON ON THE FACE OF GOD'S GREEN EARTH.

No, no, that can't be true... there must be a deep, dark secret of some kind I can embarrass myself with... hmm...

Well, I tend to take a dump about six times a day... yeah, you probably already figured that one out yourself... Umm... Well, I don't always wear the rubber bands on my teeth, like my orthodontist wants me to... no, that's not even a "shallow, light" secret... umm... Well, I secretly think I'm far better at acting than I'm sure I really am... no, that's just run-of-the-mill narcissism... nothing deep or dark about that. I already confessed that I sometimes sleep in the buff...

Man... no deep, dark secrets to reveal? Sheesh...

Oh well, color me boring, then. If I think of anything, I'll let you know.

So, my acting class in Hollywood is amazing. I really like my coach, probably all out of proportion. And I'm trying to figure out why. I think it's because he's quickly come to "represent" something. You know, symbolism can be powerful in a person's life, yes? He's like a door or something, leading to someplace new and amazing, that I want to go. And it's bigger and more intimidating than I had even begun to expect. Seriously, last night's class, he was working with two sets of actors, on scenes they were working on, and it was riveting. I watched him working with them, leading them to places they hadn't even fathomed before, as far as how to work with their characters and the dialog, and my initial reaction was feeling a wild mix of emotions, such as how glad I was that I wasn't the one up there, and how I empathized with their obvious inability to see what he was trying to lead them into (without just giving them the answers), and mortification on their behalf... and it was all I could do to throw the brakes on that, shake myself, and say, "Hey, Dave, you idiot... pay attention! He's trying to teach us all something here! Don't let the lesson pass you by because you're too busy feeling bad for the actors up on the floor! This is what you're paying him for!"

Does that make sense? Man, I took classes in San Diego for 18 months... I thought I was doing well. I thought I was getting the hang of it all. I got up to this Hollywood class and I realized that I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole could go. I shouldn't feel bad for the actors being stretched to the breaking point before my eyes... I should envy them the experience... take everything I thought I knew, and chuck it... or cling to it and ignore the possibilities of what could be...

By the way, that's his picture up there. His name is Rob Adler, and I'm pretty sure he's a genius.  Here's his IMDB page. The funny thing is, I can tell he's not particularly fond of me. For a number of reasons, I kinda got off on the wrong foot with him. Those of you that know me know how intense and inquisitive I can be. I ask tons of questions, and I feel a compulsion to "figure things out". The term for that in acting parlance is "being stuck in your head", which is counter-productive to any form of higher-level intuitive acting training. Thankfully, Rob knows how to deal with folks like me, but it must be patience-trying for him. I'm one of "those guys"... hopefully, a few months of work will see me free from this mental prison and turned lose on stage and in front of a camera in ways I'd always dreamed were possible. I'm witnessing him do it for others in the class, but no one else is as mired as I am.

I know, Paula... this whole "acting thing" has its' teeth in me. I can't help it... there's something that happens inside me when I see really well-done acting and film-making. It touches me in a powerful way... and I really want to be able to do that to/with others... be a consummate story-teller...convey things to people in a way that impacts them. I know, from experience, what that feels like. I want to be able to do that. Where does that desire come from? Is that desire mutually exclusive from a God-friendly desire? I don't feel like I'm turning my back on Him by wanting to be a world-class actor/story-teller/communicator. I actually feel like it may be a path that leads me closer to Him... but it's new. It's an unknown. I haven't "figured it out" yet... it's a door that has been opened and it reveals a vista I haven't seen before. It's a bit scary... but there's something adventurous about it. Diving into something I haven't thoroughly mulled-over yet...

Rob represents that door to me, at this time. It sucks that I've annoyed him already... I'm hoping that a few steady months of keeping my head down, doing the work, learning and experimenting, will create more of a mutual bond, but even if it doesn't, I know I'm in the right place.

Wow, that was a ramble... I shouldn't write when I'm super sleepy... my edit function is apparently easily-disabled when I'm pooped.



All that to say, yeah.

Currently reading a book called Thief's Magic, by fantasy authoress Trudy Canavan. After a shaky start, it has settled into a wonderful read. I'm about 60% through with it at the moment. There could be a book review of it in the near future! Also, I'm pondering a new Wagnervana comic strip... fingers crossed, eh! My plate is full... actually, instead of a plate, it seems a better analogy for the way I work is a bingo ball tumbler... I have all these ideas and thoughts and projects and potential projects bouncing around in my ADD-riddled brainpan... occasionally, one thing will spit out and I'll do it... or it will fall onto the floor and bounce under the couch, never to be seen again. In this way, things do get done, but far more seem to either eternally-tumble about, or get lost and forgotten...

Real or photoshopped? You decide.

OK, I'm done. I've inflicted enough literary meanderings upon you for one evening. I still haven't thought of any juicy, embarrassing secrets to spill.. perhaps if you ask me a specific, potentially-humiliating question in the comments, I'll feel compelled to answer it and reveal my foibles and idiosyncrasies to all!

Ask away!

Thanks all for now.

Dave the Yutz

Don't Waste Your Precious Time Reading This Drivel....

OK, fine, the above photo makes no real sense, granted. But, hey, it is a shot from Frankfurt, Germany, so there's that about it. I hope to go to Germany someday. I always told myself I'd learn to speak German. Because, hey, why not, right? Just think! If I learned German, I could understand what Rammstein was saying! And that would look good on my acting resume!

So, yeah, I updated my bloggy about three days ago, which was not long ago, considering my update schedule for the past year or so. Usually, if I update within two weeks, I'm doing good. Well, I was sitting here, eating blue corn chips and my wife's hummus (won't she be pleased to see it half-gone tomorrow! Muahahahaha!!!), and I thought, "why the heck not"?

See, that "heck" is important. For those of you that pay attention, the blunt insertion of a "heck" into a "why not?" statement like that should be a clear indicator of the type of mood I'm steeping in as I sit here, writing this... it can only mean one thing... fun things are about to happen here!

MUAHAHAHA!!!!

Or are they? Dun dun duunnnnn!

I am, as they say, "making this up as I go".....

An esoteric comic with obscure comedic elements? Yes, please!

So, I'm reading a book called "Thief's Magic" by Trudi Canavan, which has a very interesting -- dare I say "delicious" -- premise, involving a book that is "alive" that one can interact with. But it's a little ham-fisted. Gosh ding dangit, I want to believe there are female fantasy authors out there that can hang with the best of the men, and I *really* want Miss Canavan to be one of them... but there are missteps all over the place, and weak choices aplenty... but I'm persevering, since it is well-written enough to warrant it... but I want to like it so very badly.

As of this point, Robin Hobb is the only female authoress I can comfortably include in the Best of the Best... Her "Mad Ships Trilogy" is incredibly good, and I highly recommend it. I know comparably-good female authors are out there, somewhere. I will keep looking. I will find them.

And now, Jimmy Stewart on Carson...



Yeah, most of you won't truly appreciate that interview... but those few of you who do appreciate it? You're my favorite.

Although I tried watching Mr. Smith Goes To Washington recently... *shudder*... man, it's supposed to be a classic. The script is a mess. The acting subpar. The editing so slipshod, I was borderline amazed. "You're in a deuce of a pickle, aren't ya pop!?" Man, what a pantload. 1939, sure... but, man, I expected better.... "Prattle? You're all wet, pop!"

Seriously... when was the last time you watched that film? Never, you say? Well, good on ya.

So, I don't know....

Yeah, I could ramble about random nonsense, subjecting you to a raft of skim-worthy hot air about barley-interesting tidbits, or I could call this weak attempt at an update finished and spare you the incessant tedium.

Gee, flip a coin...

Yeah, let me find one more Funny Photo and call this one finished....

Yeah, that's fitting... a fizzle to end on... no one will get it, which is fine...

Adios for now,

Dave the Bleh

Fine! Be That Way! See If I Care! [Dave Cares]

"OK, here's how it usually goes," Dave said, as he addressed the crowd that had spontaneously gathered in his Blog Lobby. "I usually wait until I'm working on something that absolutely needs to get done. Then I think to myself, 'Hey, I should stop and update my blog!' That is the reason you are all here tonight."

Dave paced the stage -- yes, he had a stage installed in the Blog Lobby. Because, hey, you never know, right? There may come a night, Dave supposed, where a spontaneous group assembled in the lobby that may need to be addressed. Call him paranoid, if you must, but Dave fancied himself a man of thoroughness and preparedness. Both!

He adjusted his neck tie, straightened his sharp-looking sport coat, and continued.

"In case you were wondering, yes, this is an Armani suit. And the mustache, while fake, is made from the finest camel hair. Imported from, like France or something."

Dave quickly consulted with one of his assistants (the cute one), and found out that there are no camels in France. He shrugged his shoulders and moved on, since, knowing the caliber of the people that frequented his blog, he doubted any of them would catch on to the France/camel thing.

"So, without further ado, allow me to wallow in my procrastination for a bit, and present you with a quick trip through My Little Corner of the World, as it exists tonight... in this very moment!"

Dave waited for the gasps of awe to come washing over him from the crowd, due to the obvious philosophical implications of such a statement, delivered with such verve and showmanship, but it didn't happen.  Instead, he stifled a small burp, smiled, and continued.

"There was this one time, long ago, when I would simply finish something I needed to get done -- like, for example, the script for this year's Christmas play -- without feeling the overwhelming need to write a diversionary new blog post... Alas, those heady days of my youth have long since passed, like the winds of Summer, and now, in these new and exciting days, I find myself taking opportunities like this to simply throw caution into the wind, and spend my creative energy here, in this very blog, instead of funneling it into what I need to be doing!"

Dave ended his vacuous monologue on a high emotional note, both arms uplifted, anticipating the thunderous applause and appreciation.  It didn't happen.

"Buncha friggin' Luddites."

Dave kicked his dress shoes off, dropped his slacks, and stood before the crowd in his boxers... you know... the red ones with the "baked potato" pattern on them.

The crowd applauded.

In sheer depression-inducing disgust, Dave collected his shoes and pants, looked down his nose at the crowd, and waved them on to explore his blog, while he retreated to his basement lair, to reevaluate life for a while. Plus, play Minecraft.

So, I found it. I finally found an author more pretentious and self-absorbed than "He Who Shall Not Be Named"... (you know... the one that wrote The Darkness That Comes Before)... his name is John Brunner, a British liberal SFF author who garnered some accolades during his career... and the book in question is the amusingly-misspelled "The Compleat Traveller in Black" collection... here is what I posted in my Goodreads feed...

This is, without question, the most pungent, steaming pile of dreck I've ever tried to read. I haven't seen self-impressed tripe like this since I waded through "The Darkness that Comes Before". I'm tempted to keep reading it, just to marvel at the sheer jarring spectacle of it all. This might be the worst thing I've read from a major author - and I've read Terry Goodkind! Normally I would suggest avoiding this like the plague... but I may simply recommend it if you're intrigued by literary shipwrecks... try to make it through the first chapter... I dare you...

That sums it up. It is a jaw-slackening pantload of near-Biblical proportions. I made it two chapters in before frantically jumping ship, giggling hysterically. I waited that long for a number of reasons... but mostly because I couldn't believe he was seriously presenting this as marketable fiction. But he was. As I scan the other comments, I am shocked to see many people posting comments indicating that they not only somehow managed to finish reading the collection, but also found some positive things to say about it.

Wow.

I won't post an excerpt here -- though I'm tempted -- in case he has an addled hoard of rabid fans out there somewhere who would try to say I posted excerpts without permission, and thus sue me into oblivion. Never risk the wrath of a demented hoard, I always say. In fact, it's on my t-shirt....

There. That's a leather-covered BMW, for your amusement.

In fact, I have a couple other car-related photos clogging up my blog fodder folder... here...

There's something insanely intriguing about that photo, for some reason... I'm not a car guy, but this one speaks to me. I don't speak "car", but I think it's saying, "Drive me swiftly and wrap me around a telephone pole, Dave, you twerp"....

Wow. That's all there is to say about that Lambo. Wow. I just got a speeding ticket and all I was doing was looking at the photo!

OK, cool, now I can delete those car pics, and make room for other nonsense...

Like this...

See? See what a service you provide me? I collect goofy photos and videos, and they would just gather dust and clutter up my hard drive if you weren't here demanding to be entertained!

Speaking of videos, here's a collection of video clips of Randy Orton dropping RKOs on a bunch of random folks...



OK, fine, I agree... the odds that you'll find that video as endlessly-amusing as I do are pretty slim... I wish I knew how to make video clips like that... I would, as they say, "go to town"...

So, yeah, there's that about it.

Going to end this here post with a video... but you have to promise me something first... you have to promise me that you'll watch it, full screen, high resolution. Plus, promise me that you'll leave a comment. Plus, promise me that you'll remember me kindly once I've kicked the friggin' bucket -- which, hopefully, won't be any time soon, but, hey, you never know, right?



Hey! You promised!

That's all for now.

Dave the Lackadaisiac

Remember How the Swivel War Kept Going Back and Forth....?

Greetings, one and all! Well, "one" is probably closer to reality. Hello one! Whomever you are!

How's things, eh? Good, good... hey, you have something in your teeth there... yeah, right there, caught in your braces... hey, you look familiar! Aw, nuts... it's a mirror...

Hello, none!

So, how much "more of the same" will you be able to endure tonight?

Reading, acting, taking classes up in LA, working on the web series, writing, browsing the web, listening to music, working, churching, sleeping...

Such is my life! Excitement! Verve! Vim and vinegar! And other 'V' words! like, victory and verisimilitude and... um....

My latest hobby seems to be finding monologues for my monologue folder... I have dozens. And, last time I numbered the Israelites, I was up to 16 monologues that I could perform at a moments' notice, without any prep time. Another half-dozen I could trot out if I had a few minutes to review.

I realize it's pointless... but hey, you know me by now... I'm a collector. Books, movies, games, music... I even have my old baseball card collection from my youth... and now, I collect monologues.

I may have talked about this here before - if so, I apologize. Humor me, will ya?

The latest facet of this strange hobby is collecting famous monologues. This is normally frowned upon, as far as picking monologues to perform at auditions, since they're usually so well known, it's hard to present something that isn't instinctively compared to the original. The reason I'm picking famous ones is twofold -- first, to mimic them as close as possible to the way the original monologue was done, sort of like an impressionist might... and second, to then perform it as wildly different as possible, while still trying to accomplish what the original text itself is trying to accomplish. So one half is for pure entertainment, impersonating the actor, followed by a wildly different (and hopefully successful) take. A study in contrasts, see? Plus, I find it fun as heck!

An example would be the "I drink your milkshake" monologue from the end of There Will Be Blood... or the "I know what healthy is" monologue from the Nutty Professor... though I have pulled many more...

Yeah, I know... I'm an oddball. Living isolated for so long has had weird effects on me. But my invisible audience loves it, so is there anything else that matters? MUAHAHAHA!!!

Plus, performing monologues gives me something to do while I drive. Plus, it's fun to explore different emotions.

Heck, many of the monologues in my collection I wrote myself, just for that purpose (exploring emotions, I mean).

OK, enough boring nonsense...

Here's some entertaining nonsense! With Ellen DeGeneres and Matthew McConaughey...



That... was really funny...

So, what else interesting has happened of late?

Absolutely nothing. No humorous anecdotes, no embarrassing moments, no new games, nothing fun and exciting to share...

Wow, everything feels so awesome lately, but I don't have anything specific to mention. I guess I'm just lovin' life, if you'll pardon how corny that sounds...

We're filming again this weekend. Jeff P. (the creator/director) has been on a creative tear the last couple weeks. The man is an idea machine, and it's a marvel not just to see him work, but to participate in bringing these ideas to life. Can't share any specifics with you, but soon enough, the world will see... MUAHAHAHA!!!

Man, that triggered about a dozen things I'd like to tell you, but can't (yet)... grrr...

I better find a last funny picture to post, and call it a night....

Hmm... how about a comic, too?

OK, that's gonna do it for tonight.

Talk to you again soon, eh!

Dave the Army of One