Tightropes, Autographs and Incompetence

Look, all I'm saying is that some people are crazy, ok? And, yes, that guy on the tightrope is one of them. Yes, he's tethered to the line, but still... nutso. Obviously done for the photo-op, and to impress onlookers... I can't imagine that dude could take even a split second to enjoy the view from up/out there... hyper-focus time, eh? Would I ever have the balls to try such a thing? Absolutely not. I can barely even post it up here without feeling a trifle queasy!

Other than that, I'm all man, baybay! Woohoo!

Like this guy...



Except, of course, I likely couldn't do that either...

Well, what *can* I do, you may ask?

I... um... well, I can write blog posts, the content of which tends to skew heavily toward the juvenile and/or flatulent... this Brit decided to build a giant butt, put it on the shores of Dover, point it towards France and pass wind on France...





That very well may be... the most impressive thing I've ever seen... the rumble was heard over 20 miles of water, in France! Mission accomplished...

Speaking of windy Brits...

I went to that Joe Abercrombie book signing I was threatening to regale you with! Let the regalation begin!

Believe it or not, I have almost no photos to show you. I intended to document the entire event, beginning with a photo of the store front before the legions of Abercrombie fans descended upon the place... but I was inside the store before I knew it... here, let me ruthlessly rip a photo off Google Images and shameless pass it off as my own!

There, that's what the storefront looked like! Pretend I took that, ok? In fact, that shot was take July 12, so the posters in the windows are exactly the same as when I was there, eh! The magic is complete!

I arrived an hour early, to be assured I got a decent seat before the Abercrombie Nation arrived. There was a little corner set up with a podium and about 20 chairs... I thought, "lol, no way... that's WAAYYY too few chairs..." so I grabbed one quick, in the back row. Of course, most of the seats were empty still, but there was still an hour to go. The only other people there were about a half-dozen older people... and when I say older, I mean the youngest might have been mid-sixties. I thought perhaps I was in the wrong place, but no, up by the podium was a huge display of Joe's latest book "Half a King".

So I sat and listened to the older folks chat. Turns out, their hobby is going to Fantasy/Sci-Fi signings and getting lots of books autographed, so they can sell them online. They travel city to city, event to event, throwing out names of authors and books, like a bunch of kids with baseball cards. It was surreal. You really need to experience sitting behind people nearing eighty as they discuss their plans to attend "Bubonicon" next month in Arizona (or wherever)... they were talking like old pros... listing off the books they'd had signed, how long they'd waited in line for certain authors, etc.

It was weird.

More old folks trickled in. They all greeted one another like old friends. Each carried at least a half-dozen different Abercrombie titles to get signed. It just felt.... wrong... like a business instead of a passion. Thankfully, a few younger loners (like me) also gathered, taking seats. I breathed a small sigh of relief.

About 5 minutes before the start time, Joe himself arrived, all smiles. By then all but 2 of the chairs had filled up, and another dozen folks were standing. Yes, the crowd leveled out at about 40 people. Total. The Abercrombie Nation had appeared, and it was shockingly meager. But if it bothered Joe, he never let on. He was all smiles and jokes.

Again, no pictures... apparently, I was worried what all these random strangers would think of me if I inconspicuously snapped off an occasional photo while Joe talked. I'm lame. Here, let me swipe another pic and pass it off as my own...

That's from a different signing... same store. Man, I think I recognize some of the same old autograph hounds though! Lol!... picture me in the back there. That's actually about the size of the crowd, including the standers.

So Joe read a passage from his latest book (very cool, by the way), then took questions for about 30 minutes. I asked him a question - are you proud of me? I asked him if he regularly re-read his older work, or once a book was finished, did he just close the covers and move on. He said he does re-read his stuff, and he enjoys it. He said whatever he is currently writing sucks, and whatever is finished is good. He said other stuff, but I can't recall it all - I was so stoked that I actually got my question out and that he took time to answer it...

After the Q&A, we all lined up to get things signed. I brought a trade paperback copy of The Heroes. I was near the back of the line, so I had a bit of a wait, but not bad. To pass the time, I asked the guy in line behind me what he thought of Brent Weeks, lol... after briefly telling me how much he enjoyed Weeks, and that "if you like Abercrombie, you'll love Brent Weeks", I politely but firmly took him to task... I was actually trying to engage him in a discussion, but once he realized that I begged to differ about Weeks, he shut down like a true introvert and the discussion was over... oh well...

It seemed like everyone in line was having the person behind them take a picture of that person and Joe once the time came. They'd all turn, hand their phones to the person behind him, and that person would take the photo. Well, it seemed I burned that bridge by offending the Weeks fan behind me, so I had to settle for a selfie...

That's it, the only photo I actually took, lol...

When I handed him my book, thanking him for coming, I told him how cool it was that I was now in possession of my three favorite books, all signed by their authors. So he said, "Really? What are the other two books?" A simple question, yes? Well, hey, let's see you answer a simple question when you're laboring under the nerves associated with meeting someone you admire! I looked at him for a few excruciatingly long moments while I tried to get my head to work... I finally said, "Well, Gates of... uh.. Fire..." and Joe said, "Ah, Pressfield! Good company! And the other?" lol.... I said. "Ummm..... "

Inside, during these painful two seconds, I kid you not, what I was thinking was "OMG, this is going to be a funny story to write about on my blog"....

"I'm drawing a blank... oh! Rothfuss! Name of the Wind! That's it."

Wow. I'm 99% sure Joe thought I was a total tool. I never thought I'd ever freeze up like that in front of a "celebrity". It was embarrassing and hilarious (to me) at the same time. So I regrouped, told him how much I loved The Heroes, asked him for a quick pic, which was "for my blog, which you actually left a comment on back in '09, thank you for that..." I snapped the pic, shook his hand, and let him get on with the business of immediately forgetting me, lol...

I went to Starbucks and drove home.

I forgot to mention that he asked me if I wanted him to write anything in particular as he signed it. In my state of brain fart, I said, "Oh, just "to Dave" is fine." Which is what he wrote, lol...

Dangit. I wish I'd had him write, "You have to be practical" or "Those are the times" or "Bremer for President" or something from one of his books. Oh well...

Overall, Joe Ab was very engaging, funny and thoughtful in person. He answered every question, took time to meet everyone, signed everything people put before him, and was a Class Act of the Highest Order. I only wish I'd carried myself with a little more competence. Never thought I was the star-struck type...  I was shocked at the low turnout... 40 people? Really? There should have been an overflow crowd for that guy...

There it is, the Shelf of Honor... I could list off my Top Three in a heartbeat to anyone, anytime... except, apparently, in front of the author of one of them... lol...

Ah well, next time, I'll handle myself better...