Thursday, June 9, 2011
I Was Assaulted By A Snowman!
You see, every now and then, I like to lead a blog post with a nice, cliched seaside picture in "portrait" orientation. You know, just to keep things fresh, and to keep you on your toes. Yeah, I'm clever like that. Although it does look painful for you to read my blog on your toes like that... good thing you're wearing your point shoes... oh, the irony of posting a landscape photo in "portrait" orientation! O, the blessed, chill-inducing irony!!!1!
So, of course, the big, earth-shattering news I have to lead with tonight is this: My big, bushy, beautiful, beastly beard has been ... uh... um, yeah, a synonym for "shaving it off my goofy face" that starts with B. Sorry, forced alliteration has never been my strong suit.
Where was I?
Oh, the beard. Yeah, it's gone. In its place is a sad, furry goatee. So sad, I will not post a picture of it, since it will depress me... and the last time I got depressed, I drank a venti iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks.
Wait... I do that every day... hmm...
Ah, well, depression is all the rage nowadays with hipsters like me. And argyle socks. And chewed-up gum stuck in my armpit hair...
Where was I?
Oh, yeah, the goatee... yeah, it's ridiculous. But the only thing more ridiculous to me than a bushy, unkempt salt-n-pepper goatee is a clean-shaven face. I need facial hair to break up the monotony of my face. Although it really shouldn't matter much, since it's not like I look at my face, other than an occasional wince as I catch a glimpse while washing my hands and/or socks at the sink. And also when I catch my reflection in the mirrored sunglasses of the policeman ticketing me. Usually I cry until they let me off with a warning. And a wedgie.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah... a funny dog picture...
Ah, gets me every time... dogs are awesome. So are hippos. Wish I could get one for the kids. A dog, I mean, not a hippo. It would be a hyperactive terrier and I'd call it Divot. But no! We can't! No pets aloud! Or allowed, for that matter! See, a serious writer would have gone back and deleted "aloud" and merely typed in the correct word... but no, I'm too lazy for that! Sorry, Divot, you'll have to settle for living as a minor character in my fantasy novel.
Yes, I'm still writing it! Sheesh! Quit hounding me about it!
Sorry, that was addressed to the voices in my head, not to you.
See more White Ninja comics by clicking THIS OMINOUS ALL-CAPS LINK!
Yeah, I wouldn't click it either. You know how untrustworthy I am. It's the goatee. Makes me look shifty. That reminds me... my transmission is grinding going into second gear again. I'll have to get that looked at. Any auto mechanics in the house? How about any acrobats? Anyone play a ukulele? Anyone that can teach a beagle to catch a ball?
Yes, you there, in the front row. Go ahead.
Dang. You're good...
So Vye and Rebekah are getting married on Friday. Maybe I can sneak my camera into the ceremony (past security) and grab a picture or two to post in the next blog. Two of my favorite people! Vye is so awesome, one title is not good enough for him... he's the Groom, sure... but, actually, he's also the Best Man, in the strict, literal sense. And Rebekah's amazing as well... I *sincerely* hope they live happily ever after. Heck, someone has to be the first to do so! Might as well be them!
And now, more geeky, comicky humor...
Yeah, I know. It's a reach. Still, it made me smile. So it has that going for it, at least...
Finally, it's almost Youth Camp time! You know what that means! Yep, I'll be gone for a week, filming it and taking pictures, and then will come home, full of enthusiasm, ready to edit this year's camp video together... only to watch the weeks tick by, as it sits, partially finished, as I spend more time in blog posts lamenting the fact that it is undone than I will spend actually working on it... the problem is, it's the same basic group of people, at the same camp site, doing the same activities that we do every year! How am I to make that fresh and interesting!? :O - AAAAA!!!!!
Fine, I'll stop whining... here, we'll have a little cake, and then we'll end this mess...
A tetris cake! You can play it by making the lines disappear... down the hatch!
That's enough nonsense.
Dave the Goof