Polly Wanna Tractor?

Nice colors and vibe in that pic, methinks. I wonder why they made the trail wood planking instead of just leaving it dirt, eh? So horseback riders won't take the trail?

OK, so, there once was this guy named Dave, right? But he was so totally not me, ok? It was, like, another Dave or something... one that just looked a lot like me. Anyway, so he's going through a life lull, and nothing interesting is happening. This is a bummer, in a way, since he blogs a lot, and feels odd not having anything to say. This doesn't happen too often, but when it does, Dave will resort to desperate blogging measures, such as posting the latest Pooter video, like this one...



For some reason, this guy Dave doesn't realize that just because he thinks "fake public farts" are funny doesn't mean everyone else does as well. So he's a bit clueless like that.

But I think his taste in books is pretty good... when he can make up his mind what to read, that is. He's currently reading a YA Fantasy novel called Jaunten by a fantasy author with the oddest pseudonym I've heard of: "Honor Raconteur". Seriously? There's gotta be a story behind the choosing of that name to publish  under. I'm leaning towards "lost a bet"... anyway, this guy Dave is reading the book, even though he says it's pretty shallow, because he claims it has some really cool concepts and ideas underpinning the tale, which makes the light fare worth a quick read. Dave swears he'll have a review of it up soon, but you know how flighty he is. I mean, if he didn't write a review of Slaughterhouse Five, why would he write a YA Fantasy review?

And no, in case you were wondering, this guy Dave did not, in fact, start reading The Dragonbone Chair paperback, like he said he would. For some reason, he just can't seem to pick the paperback up and read the blasted thing - he's gotten as far as picking it up a few times, holding it, flipping through the pages, re-reading the blurb on the back... then tossing it back down on the desktop. He's just too into reading digital now, I guess. What a goob.

See what I mean about a lull? This is why this guy Dave (who is not me, I assure you), is bummed. No one wants to read fluff like that. Shall we pity him? I think not.

Too bad he doesn't have access to some funny pics, like I do. I mean, I'd lend him this one, if he asked...

That's pretty good, right? Or even this one...

I know this guy Dave likes puns, so he'd probably get a kick out of that one...

But, no, he won't ask me. He's too proud. Not like me. I'm humble, and I'm not afraid to admit it! Hey, why can't I be proud of my humility? But you'll never catch this other guy Dave being all humble like me... no, he thinks he's awesome...

Of course, not as awesome as the Black Diamond Jet Team... but not many people are...



Besides, this guy Dave (who is not me) is, like, totally addicted to playing Diablo 3, like he feared he would be. Here's the funny part... Diablo 3 has an auto-updater built into it, so when you go to play it, if there's a patch or a tweak of some kind that Blizzard wants to implement, it automatically patches the game before you can play it again. And today, they released a new patch... which broke his game, lol. Now every time Dave goes to play the game, it says he has corrupted files, and he should reinstall, lol. Ha ha, what a tool. Can't get your D3 fix today, eh Dave? Do you know where the Crimea River is? I think you do, my friend. I think you do...

He still got his daily coffee today though, I heard...

"Who" got his coffee today? I know "who"! Owl bet it was Dave! That's "who"!

So, yeah, this guy Dave is kinda flatlining lately, and his blog is suffering for it. But if I know him, he'll be back soon enough. Hopefully with some cool stuff to share with his audience. Of course, his readers aren't anywhere as cool as mine, but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?

Adios for now,

Dave, friend of this other Dave

A Deeper Shade of Ambivalence...

Occasionally, I need to lead with a picture of Lake Moraine. Not too often, of course... but there's just something about that blue water and those peaks... very nice. Wanna try something fun? Google the phrase "lake moraine alberta canada" and click "images" and get your scroll on. There must be a zillion pics. Very photogenic place.

Wanna try something else fun?



Yeah, probably not that...

It's the weekend! Yay! Yes, I realize you know that.... I'm saying it for my benefit. I normally have next to no idea what day it is anymore. Hey, what can I say? I'm old. I mean, look at these shoes I'm wearing! That alone should tell you how addled and behind the times I am...

I found out today that I failed to cancel an automatic payment on a credit card that I had paid off. Have a nice little credit waiting for me! Free money! You know what that means... books and games! Yay! I suppose a more frugal gentleman would request a reimbursement check from the credit card company... but frugality has never been a personality characteristic of mine, unfortunately. I'd rather get a few books off my want list and call us even.

Yeah, like you needed to know all that. Sorry, sometimes free-association blogging yields boring fruit...

But at least you'll get to see a super-cool watercolor painting of Boba Fett...

There, now you can fully enjoy your holiday weekend. You're welcome.

Wanna try something else fun?



Run a hurdles race when you have not the skill! Man, he still finished fourth...

Come on, that's hilarious... admit it.

Ok, fine, at least admit that you speed on the freeway. And that you rarely floss. Admit that. And admit that you love stand-up comedy as much as I do...

Things I Like Most About Stand-Up Comedy:

• Accents: I love watching comedians who do accents well, especially the accents of their parents, or whatever country the performer comes from. I've always been a big fan of accents in the first place - I love to try them myself. They fascinate me. But I also love the comedy based on cultures that I'm not overly familiar with, since it gives me a glimpse into those cultures by way of what they think is funny. I love that. 

• Impressions: I admit it, I'm a sucker for a good impressionist. Probably an off-shoot of the accent thing. It's another thing I enjoy trying myself. In both cases (accents and impressions) I really have no idea how well I do them... and there's nothing worse than someone doing a bad impression or accent. 

• Puns/Wordplay: Intelligent, clever humor is always impressive to me. George Carlin, Dennis Miller, Dimitri Martin, etc. 

• Unique Topics: I really like it when I hear a comedian tread on conversational ground that is rarely traveled. It shows a certain daring and forethought that shows me dedication and respect, for both the art and the audience. If I have to hear one more bit about dating or marriage or raising kids, I may just tip over. 

Things I Hate Most About Stand-Up Comedy: 

• The Gutter: Sex jokes and needlessly profuse profanity are just lame, in my opinion. It just shows zero creativity to me to have to resort to that line of attack for cheap laughs.  

• Bland Observational Humor: I dig Seinfeld as much as the next guy, but man, how many riffs on going to the supermarket or flying on a plane do I need to sit through? OK, I get it... going to the doctor sucks. Whatever. Going home during the holidays sucks, gotcha.  

• Old Material: You make your living doing stand-up comedy! Is it too much to ask for you to come up with some new material every year or two? Do I have to watch the same routine yet again? Frank Caliendo is the worst at this. It was funny the first time, and still good the second time, and even the third time had a few lingering chuckles... move on! 

• Ventriloquists: Good grief, what a trainwreck. I have never seen what I would consider a good, funny ventriloquist. Ironically, it's another skill I have down quite good - I'll entertain my Sunday school class by teaching for a while without moving my mouth, they enjoy it, and I enjoy doing it. But, seriously... in Stand-Up? In front of a paying audience? Really? Just.... no. It's embarrassing.  

• Political Humor: I don't care which side of the political aisle the comedian sits on, political humor is lame. I think it truly is a topic where everything that can or should be said has already been said, and it rarely is funny. More often it's preachy. And the material gets dated very quickly, so watching it a year or more down the road is like watching an old video of the daily news from years ago.

That's some cool artwork there....

Hope your Memorial Day weekend is a good one. Heard some news that bummed me out on Thursday... that there have officially been more suicides among our troops who have returned from duty overseas than have died in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. Breaks my heart. That's what I'll be thinking about on Memorial Day.


So I suppose that's enough bloggin' for now. Gonna go save the world from the demon scourge for a while.

Adios

Dave the Meanderer

Cue the Toy Piano Music...

I call this opening photo "When HDR Attacks!". The photographer is Pat Kavanagh. There... proper propers proffered.

If days had soundtracks and/or music playing in the background, then my past few days would be accompanied by the tinkling sounds of a toy piano. Just kinda weird, surreal, off-center, quirky... nothing major, just a bunch of little things... keeping me on my toes, and a bit off-balance...

...not unlike this brave (stupid?) soul.

Of course, part of the problem might be that I put The Dragonbone Chair on hold before even cracking the paperback open, so I could read Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I can honestly say, I've never read a book like it before. I'm not sure a review will be possible, but I may give it a go. I'm tearing through it, it's a wonderful read, equal parts absurd, deep, heart-rending and hilarious, like the semi-coherent thoughts of a man who has endured incredible trauma and is on the edge of sanity. Quite amazing.

And I dove into Diablo 3 as well. A good, solid game, with far more positive attributes than negative. While I will withhold final analysis until I've dumped a couple dozen more hours into it, all things considered, I think I prefer Titan Quest and Torchlight a bit more. We'll see if that holds. I'm only in Act 2.

Here is something you've never heard/seen in your life. It is Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" performed by a full orchestra and a choir of 10,000 trained singers. Yes, 10,000. Put your headphones on, crank the volume, and feast your ears on this for a while...



I really hope this doesn't come across as uncool at all, but it seems incongruous to me for some reason, Japanese faces and trained opera voices. I have never put those two together before. Regardless, that was truly amazing to listen, if you stuck it out all 18 minutes, like I have (several times now).... if not, at least cut to 6:45 and get an earful.

So I've been making great progress on mapping out the storylines and character arcs for the fantasy novel I'm working on. The more I get things down on paper, the more excited I get. Frankly, I think the stories I want to tell are really very good. Of course, why wouldn't I think that? Once I get the notes more and more detailed, I hope to end up with a stack of index cards for each of the four main storylines, with each card containing a summary of a scene in the sequence. It is, if I may be so bold, extremely fun.

While I'm on the topic of writing, I've been contemplating what happens to writers who lose the use of their limbs, either through paralysis or dismemberment, etc. How to write if all I had access to was a speech recognition software? If I had to dictate it all through the spoken word, would the story and style be much different than if I hammer the text out on a keyboard? I'm half-tempted to try and write a short piece that way (or even a blog post or two), just to see if the sentence structure, word choice and presentation would be similar to typing, or radically different.

So, I was playing Battlefield 2 on my PC the other night, with Maggie watching me, and on a whim, I asked her to take over for me so I could run upstairs and talk to wifey about something. Maggie was stunned at the offer and jumped at the chance. I showed her the basic controls, and she put the headphones on and jumped in. Yes, she's six, I realize that! Still, I didn't think it was a big deal. In fact, when I got back, I fired up the iMac and launched BF2 on that system as well, and Maggie and I played together. We drove around in tanks and I let her blow me up a bunch of times. She loves the game. Therein lies the problem. It's all she wants to do now. She's hooked.

Not exactly my best moment, as far as parenting goes. She's always been into cars and transformers and blowing stuff up, so in a sense, it should be no surprise. But man, has she taken to the game. She's even flying the choppers around now, which is not easy...

Ah, well...

So my friend [name withheld] called me tonight to let me know that he won 13 grand on the slots at a local Indian casino. He said he was 800 ahead at the time, so man, did he rake it in tonight. I've been thinking, since he always seems to win at the slots, I should invest in him! Kick him a monthly stipend and let him go play it. I don't have the patience or the desire to do so myself, but hey, if he enjoys it and is good at it, I'll split whatever he wins with him!

Bah, I'd probably just waste the winnings at Starbucks anyway...

OK, I think that's it for now. Thanks for all of the input on the previous post. You are all awesome, every one of you. Say hello to your moms for me...

Dave the Off-Center

There's No Sense Like Nonsense...

Look at that fog rollin' in... great pic. Not sure what city that is, but it's kinda cool. I suppose I could tie it in somehow with my current mood, if I was feeling particularly clever... but I'll spare you the attempt.

Stats Talk:

OK, so I was looking at the built-in stats page for this here blog, and the data is strangely fascinating. Check this out...

I have 5 posts in this blog's history that are over 1,000 specific page views (#2, #3, #4, #5, #6)... that's where people pull up just the post, not the blog itself... and I have one post that has over 2,000... it has 2193 at this moment... and you'll never guess which one it is...

It's a post I made on Feb 22, 2011, and it was called Present Tense For the Tense Present, and I just riffed a while about hanging out at the mall, and weird people I saw, and different stores I wandered into. It was mostly fiction, obviously, because of the absurd nonsense I liberally injected into it... but there doesn't seem to be any logic behind people ending up there in such numbers. I mean, this week alone it had 42 specific, unique visitors. It's just a nonsense post, really.

Well, I dug a bit deeper into the ways people are coming to the site, and actually, I get most of my traffic from Google Image Search. I used a photo in that post of a Husky making a weird face...

... and another photo of a monorail cat...

... and apparently, these two photos bring a ton of people to that particular post. Isn't that odd? So people looking for funny animal pics are my main source of visitors. In fact, the top all-time search keyword that bring people here is the phrase "funny animal pictures"... the rest of the top five include: "twilight humor", "cat taco costume", "bacon flavored ice cream" and the direct URL to this blog. Lol, yep, the phrase "cat taco costume" has brought 168 people to this blog...

If you look at the sites that refer people here, most are Google sites from various countries, and one is Facebook. Beyond that, the only other interesting referral site is Mattson Tomlin's blog, believe it or not. Also in the top ten is a blog called "Confessions of a Compulsive Liar" by a lady named Meg... Here is her link, just so I can return the love I didn't know I was getting, lol... she hasn't updated in about 6 months... not sure why I'm getting so many referrals from her blog - it doesn't seem to get much activity...

Anyway... the month with the most page views all time is March of 2012, with April 2012 (the A-to-Z Challenge) coming in a very close second (5,866 in March, 5830 in April). And other than the US (easily first), the other countries that send the most eyes here are: UK, Canada, Germany, Australia, Netherlands and Russia.

So that was interesting to me today... I guess it makes sense that most of my traffic comes from image searches, since I use a bunch of them... and Lord knows, people don't come here for my dry wit, lol. 

Video Challenge of the Week:

OK, this week's challenge is... see how many of David Caruso's corny one-liners from the recently-cancelled CSI: Miami you can make it through before pulling your hair out and breaking your mouse... check your score afterwards...

Your Score:

0-1 minutes: Sorry, you're a pansy

1-2 minutes: Weak stomach, loose bowels

2-3 minutes: Not bad, don't be ashamed

3-4 minutes: An honorable breaking point, though you'll still have bad dreams tonight because of this

4-5 minutes: The patience of Job

5-6 minutes: Nerves of steel and a constitution of iron

6 min - end: You're either a die-hard fan or your brain froze. I'll notify the mortician.

Game Playing:

So I know you're dying to know what I've been up to lately, as far as gaming. Check this madness out. I bought Diablo 3, installed it on the 16th and haven't played it yet. I finally installed a game I bought last Thanksgiving called Batman: Arkham City, but haven't played it yet. Instead, I've been playing Battlefield 2 a lot, offline since when I attempt to go online with it, it crashes to desktop. I doubt you realize how odd that is, me playing a 7-year old online game "offline" while the most anticipated game of the past decade is on my computer, ignored, and I went to the trouble of downloading and installing a game I got half a year ago, and then promptly avoided it.

Oh, never mind... I better post some funny animal pictures, since that's what everyone wants anyway!

Would that be considered "specism"? Here, lemme grab another one...

"Pleeeeeaasseeee!!!!!!

Theology Corner: 

So we had an interesting discussion at the Wednesday night prayer meeting at Stan's last week... it is Stan's assertion that people are fundamentally driven by one of three things: emotion, intellect or will. Not that we only have one, but that in each of us, one of them will override the other two and dictate our behavior. It was an interesting discussion, because Stan was one type, I was another and my brother John was the third one, so we all kicked it around a while. 

For me, things have to make sense, or I'll drive myself crazy thinking about them (which is odd, for such a fan of absurdism, eh?). I tend to go with the logical choice even if my emotions are screaming for me to do something else... although I have to wonder about my gaming choices, as detailed above (Diablo/Batman/BF2). Nothing logical about that... maybe I'm full of crapola, eh? Maybe a better way to say it is that I prefer to think about stuff rather than actually do stuff... The idea of something being more appealing than the reality, perhaps. 

I suppose the will-driven person would decide what he or she was going to do and do it, whether it made sense or produced a desired emotional result or not. And the emotion-driven person would (I assume) float around almost on whim, based on how things were making him/her feel.

Of course, I may not have thought all three types through fully, which is why I'm mentioning it here... do you think those three types of personalities are right? Is there a fourth I don't know about? Are you one of those types? If so, which one? I suppose it ultimately doesn't matter, since regardless of the type of person we are, if we are a Christian, we need to learn to submit to God in our decision making anyway...

Do you think people *really* want to get to where they go to God with every decision? Or is that just something we say because it sounds good? Is it practical at all? OK, if you're a Christian, think about what you're doing right now... did you ask God if you could come read this? What if you did and He said "no", what would you have done? What about what you'll do after you leave here? Do we *really* want to ask God about everything? And more importantly, does He really want us to ask Him about everything? How on earth could one Entity "control" (for lack of a better word) so many zillions of people's every move... or even want to do such a thing? 

The whole thing makes my head hurt...

What the Heck Am I Reading?

Yay! I finally found a great book! I've been slogging my way through free book samples and false starts, looking for a good-to-great read, and I found it... it's called The Dragonbone Chair by Tad Williams, and it is really well done. He has such a fun style, quirky almost. I find myself smiling as I'm reading, which doesn't happen often. And here's the capper.... I bought the paperback a few years back, when I was just starting to read fantasy novels, and it's been on my bookshelf ever since... so after reading the free sample of it on my Kindle, I decided to grab it off the shelf to read it (instead of spending $10 on a digital copy), and as I held the paperback in my grubby little hands, I tried to remember the last time I actually read a physical book... I've been digital for so long... it must be over a year. I think Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell was the last physical book I read, back when I had jury duty in March of 2010. 

Actually, I just checked my book reviews page... I read The Red Wolf Conspiracy by RVS Reddick in June 2010. That was the last one.

Anyway, I'll review The Dragonbone Chair for sure, once I finish it... if I remember how to read a real book anymore, that is... 

So my sweet Oldest Daughter is getting married sooner that I anticipated. The glitch is that the branch of the Navy that her fiance Paul is going into will require certain security clearances and things, and thus the rules are much stricter than normal. They need to be married before he even signs up to join the Navy in the first place, otherwise he can't join that route... they must marry, and soon, if he's to sign and depart in September for boot camp, as planned. So, they are going to the court house on June 8 and they're gettin' hitched. Then he'll sign and get the ball rollin', and then we'll have a small ceremony in late August for immediate family and a few close friends, where they'll do the tux and dress and "i do" thing, with a pastor and flowers, etc. Extremely minimal. I'm torn about it, of course. She's my sweetie, and I wanted to give them a proper wedding at a big church, etc., but this is what they want to (need to?) do, and they're thrilled about it, so who am I to stand in the way? I wish them every happiness, of course.

I'll end this post with an Inspirational Video for you...

Wow. That's all I can say about that.

Well, another mellow, barely-interesting blog post coasts to a stop. If you made it this far, thank you from somewhere near the bottom of my heart, that sort of thing.

Have a great week.

Dave the Placid