Hi Mom! Thanks For Dropping By!

Don't despise me, my friend! I have done nothing wrong! All I did was post a tiger sleeping on a gigantic Buddha head...

So there was this one time when I updated my blog, and I was, like, hey, let's post a photo of Pensive Cat gazing sadly out the window, at what his/her life could have been...

And then I was, like, let's post it bigger! Because Bigger is Better!

And then, yeah, like, you were all, Sah-WEEET!

Wait, what were we talking about?

Heck, I don't know. I just live here.

So, yeah, this blog is a ghost town, but you know what? That's ok, because I didn't like you anyway! So there!

OK, fine, that was a lie. I do love you, but only in *that way*, which is completely appropriate and above board. I mean, I wouldn't want my wife to get jealous of you or anything. Of course, she never reads my blog -- never has. She despises it. Which is fine! I mean, who needs her!!??! Oh, that's right. I do.

So, as usual, I have no idea what I'm talking about. But that should be no surprise to you. You know me better than anyone else on earth. Other than my mother. Actually, my mother is the only one left on earth who reads this blog. So I have that going for me. Which is nice. 

OMG, if I have to listen to the music from Frozen one more time... I will snap.

So I auditioned for another police training video. It was so much fun, I thought I'd tip the heck over. I need to be doing this for a living. It isn't even funny any more. They told me they'd know who had the part by Wednesday... and today is Friday. I didn't hear back -- so I assume I didn't get the part. Which is fine, really. I enjoyed the audition process so much. It made me feel alive (if you'll pardon how corny that sounds). Getting the part would have been icing on the cake. 

So I'm extending my feelers out a bit more. I got some new contacts to try out. Hopefully, it will result in more auditions. Who knows where it will lead, eh? I got put in touch with a local director who is looking for new actors to work with him on the 48 Hour Film Festival which is coming up in June (or July? Who knows...) Hopefully, I'll be able to participate this year. If so, I'll let you know. Mom. I'll let you know, Mom... since you're the only one who still reads this blog!

Say what you want about Jimmy Fallon, I think  he's very cool. I'd like to meet him someday, so he could immediately forget me. In the interim, check this video out.

Come on, that was funny. You gotta gimme that, Mom... 

Here's another one, where he photobombs people, this time with Cameron Diaz...

Yeah, so there's that...

It's Friday Night as I type this. Do you know where your kids are? I have kids! One of them is in this office with me, resting. She has a headache. (That's Maggie, for those of you keeping score at home). The Middle Child is in her room, doing Who Knows What. All I know is that she left Frozen on the TV in the living room, with the menu music endlessly looping "For The First Time In Forever," making me even more of a Mad Man.

Hey, when I become a Famous Actor, will you still be proud of me, Mom? I hope so. My goal is to go onto a live talk show, like Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and fart on live TV, right in the middle of my interview, and play it off like nothing happened. 

Then my life will be complete.

And my Wife will be complete, too. 

Actually, my wife has told me for years that if I ever become a movie actor, she'd divorce me. Ah, there's nothing like having the person who's supposed to be closest to you in your life actively fart upon your dreams! Ahhh!

So I have that going for me, which is nice.

Yes! More cat photos and/or videos! And stuff! Cuz, like, cats are awesome. I wish I could have one as a pet. But, alas, the Little Woman is allergic to cats. 

O_o

Finishing the third book of the Liveship Trilogy by Robin Hobb. I tell you, it's up there with the greatest fantasy stories I've ever read. It is so good, it makes me sad... in that, someday very soon, the third (and final) book will end, and I will be very sad. Such a great authress. If I ever met Robin Hobb, I'd buy her a cup of tea. Cuz she's female, you know. If she was a dude, I'd buy her a beer. Heck, maybe she'd prefer a beer, I don't know. But look at her, mom!

Does she seem to you like a person who would prefer tea, or beer? See? Tea. My point exactly.

I'd be, like, "Hey Mrs. Hobb, your Liveship Trilogy was so amazing, it made me tip over. Can I buy you some tea?" And she'd be, like, "Heck yeah, you tool!" And then she'd be, like, "Hey, buy the rest of my books. Right now."

And life would be cool.

I wonder if she owns any cats?

And now, in an effort to win the award for Most Radical Transition in Blogging History, here is One by Metallica...

One of the greatest songs of all time. Up there with Dare You To Move, by Switchfoot; Coming Down by Five Finger Death Punch, Facedown by Matt Redman, and But Not Tonight, by Depeche Mode. 

Well, fine mom, what's your list?

You know what? I'm done.

Adios for now Mom...

Dave

aka Your Son